#83 Bad Memories of High School
March 6, 2008 by clander
The most time and cost efficient way of gaining a white person’s trust and friendship is to talk to them about their time in high school.
Virtually every white person you meet was a nerd in a high school-it it is how they were able to get into a good arts program and law school. As such, their memories of high school are painful, but not tragic since they were able to eventually find success in the real world. Exploiting this information is your one way to ticket into the heart of a white person.
Your first priority must be to steer the conversation to the topic of high school, which is not very difficult. If you are talking about music, mention the music you think they would have liked in high school and how you were taunted for liking those bands. If you cannot properly gauge the type of music a white person liked in high school, you should always say that you were really into The Cure. All white people know that liking The Cure in high school is an invitation to be tortured by the cool kids. This will bring about instant sympathy and respect.
It is also acceptable to discuss how you were in love with a cool kid who never loved you back. For added effect, you can mention how said cool kid is now doing very poorly and that you are excited for the upcoming reunion.
If these first two points were not enough to gain an adequate level of trust, you can close the deal by saying: “I was the only <insert ethnicity> kid in Improv/on the paper/on student council.” Wait for a sympathetic look and then you will know that you have forged an unbreakable and easily exploited bond.
For maximum effectiveness, this technique should be used in a social group setting where everyone can share their stories. By guiding the conversation, you will be seen as a natural and sympathetic leader. This can be easily exploited for professional and social gain.
Note: In the rare encounter that you meet a white person who was “cool” in high school, do not panic. There is a 100% chance that one of their other cool friends sold them out in a coup for control of their social circle. Failing that, you can exploit the inherent guilt they feel about their treatment of nerds.
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I’m half-white, and I have some bad memories of high school, but some very good ones as well. Maybe I’m not white enough.
Why are you so interested in figuring what we like and how you can make fun of us for it? Im almost positive that black people like alot of these too. Why cant we look at what we like that is the same? My black friend loves jags and rims, so I embrace it and tell her how neat they are. At the same time she tries to embrace the fact that my dog is a person and that zepplin isnt all that bad. I think our generation…”Y” wont have these lists, I dont think we will care enough to…people are people
White folks really don’t like rims. They’re just afraid of not looking cool in some demographics.
To Stevie: What does this have to do with white people and black people? The author of this blog, as far as I know, is not in any way trying to distinguish between the two. Rather, he is trying to make fun of educated, liberal white people, a social category he belongs to himself.
I poop my pants
This is officially turning into a meme.
So every white person was a nerd in band, drama, or on student council in high school? Wow, I didn’t realize that. So all of the kids on the swim, track, etc. teams were actually light-skinned blacks? Thanks for clearing that up!
i am homeschooled and i have none of these problems.
me and my friend go to musums, play pranks, and living on a collage campus, hang with collage kids.
(no, we are not dowdy christians, who think a prank is baking a cake with misspelled wordsand wear long jean skirts with sneakers.)
we are not average kids (well, teenagers, but being a minor, i am still a “kid”) and we are smarter than the average person by 40 or 50 points. we don’t drink coffie, don’t intend on going to high school, we write blogs by the like of yours, have together (between a group of 4 people) 473 books, write skits and plays that are to be saved for a later date, look like we came from teen vouge,love simpsons, i have 3 boyfriends, are in a band, go to the opera, know three langages, think south park is stupid, and so what if we want to see the world, your going to make fun of us?!?!
i could go on for hours about how stupid other culters are, and some white people are very inept and putting poison in their faces to look younger, quote new yorker, and payin 78,000 dollers for a dress, 1,000 on a golden sunday, 9.69 dollors for a cup of coffie that tastes the same as the 80 cent stuff at the gas n’ go down the street, but canvas toats when they go grocrey shopping, but drink thousands of bottled water’s every month!
don’t even get me started about the kids who are my age, it makes me sick! just look at myspace abunch of washed up losers, faking to be emo or rich and populour!
there are two sides of a story, look at both.
and what is so great, about canada anyways?
I think you’re cocky for no reason
& quite icky.
If you’re “smarter than the average person by 40 to 50 points” why do you refuse to learn how to spell? Or take a joke? People such as yourself add to the humor of this website. I LOVE IT!
You should remember to capitalize your complaints and rants if you are to be taken seriously.
i need to clear this up, i am assuming that by “white people” you mean yuppies.
the said yuppies loved high school, why? becase it gives them
1.) funny (and by that i mean stupid) ancedotes,
2.) becase as you, said they can brag in the “cool crowd”‘s little over-makeuped faces.
3.) becase they had a significant other (and by that i mean a fellow band geek) whom supported them (and by that i maen mubbled “yup, yup, sure.” )
4.)they have to be optimistic towards everthing in life, so they are not going to SAY how horriable it was, unless they can shrilly giggle about.
I like cheese
Does the kind of Stuff White People Like include things like
Truth, Equality, and Justice?
http://www.survival-international.org
lol the darkies are probably more prone to schizophrenia than i was also I have no idea what the actual post means im just going with the title
I’m white and I hated high school when I was there. Now that I look back though, ……… I hate it even more.
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