#83 Bad Memories of High School
March 6, 2008 by clander
The most time and cost efficient way of gaining a white person’s trust and friendship is to talk to them about their time in high school.
Virtually every white person you meet was a nerd in a high school-it it is how they were able to get into a good arts program and law school. As such, their memories of high school are painful, but not tragic since they were able to eventually find success in the real world. Exploiting this information is your one way to ticket into the heart of a white person.
Your first priority must be to steer the conversation to the topic of high school, which is not very difficult. If you are talking about music, mention the music you think they would have liked in high school and how you were taunted for liking those bands. If you cannot properly gauge the type of music a white person liked in high school, you should always say that you were really into The Cure. All white people know that liking The Cure in high school is an invitation to be tortured by the cool kids. This will bring about instant sympathy and respect.
It is also acceptable to discuss how you were in love with a cool kid who never loved you back. For added effect, you can mention how said cool kid is now doing very poorly and that you are excited for the upcoming reunion.
If these first two points were not enough to gain an adequate level of trust, you can close the deal by saying: “I was the only <insert ethnicity> kid in Improv/on the paper/on student council.” Wait for a sympathetic look and then you will know that you have forged an unbreakable and easily exploited bond.
For maximum effectiveness, this technique should be used in a social group setting where everyone can share their stories. By guiding the conversation, you will be seen as a natural and sympathetic leader. This can be easily exploited for professional and social gain.
Note: In the rare encounter that you meet a white person who was “cool” in high school, do not panic. There is a 100% chance that one of their other cool friends sold them out in a coup for control of their social circle. Failing that, you can exploit the inherent guilt they feel about their treatment of nerds.
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im brown does that mean anything?¿
It’s true…the only people who openly liked the Cure at my high school wear combat boots, long black jackets and eyeliner (guys too) and they were not cool. Even the smart kids who had AP classes and were on the newspaper and yearbook staff made fun of those guys.
http://twowhiteboys.com/2008/
This is my first time reading this blog and I like it’s vibe, but I don’t really get it this one little part.
I thought this was stuff white people like. How am i supposed to “insert (an) ethnicity” if I’m white. I suppose it’s more like stuff liberal college students like.
In reality, I’m actually not a whitey, but a lot of these entries do encompass me, as far as sweeping generalizations go. The name seems a little inaccurate, but overall I can I dig it? Sure, like an archaeologist.
Go Bears!
I hated high school- but for totally different reasons!
The majority of kids at my first high school were drug addicts and I ran with a small crowd, which wasn’t too bad, and my school was too small for the whole “popular/ geek” cliche. Then, in my second high school, the majority of kids were stupid. Like, really really dumb. Read “Omigad! We should TOTALLY go to Le Chateau and pick up some SEXY outfits for the party on Saturday cause Ben’s gunnu be there and he’s SOO hot” or “Did you hear about 9/11? Yeah, India’s getting pretty dangerous with all those terrorizers”.
So I wasn’t a geek, but I wasn’t popular. I guess I ain’t the stereotypical white person?
I was home-schooled, rendering me totally invulnerable to this method of white-people ingratiation (both dashes used correctly…). What would someone do in that situation? Generally, when people bring up the subject of high school, I smile awkwardly and try to push right into college binge-drinking: a subject of which I am quite well-versed.
Just a little correction:
In the first sentence of the second paragraph, you used a hyphen where you should have used a em-dash.
(And yes, I am white).
Equally white…I can’t believe no one said anything about the double it following said dash…
school-it it
I noticed the first time I read through it. Now I have read that same portion so many times seeing if it makes sense that it is almost sounding right…yikes.
ha ha ha! no one uses an em-dash on purpose. the only reason you ever see them is because ms office puts them in for you.
Not true! We’re pretty obsessed with the proper dashes around these parts (and we don’t use MS Word). Read “The Mac/PC is Not a Typewriter” by Robin Williams. Disclaimer: I am white.
but i really was a huge geek in high school. i went to a school where the ethnic majority was african-american and it was not cool to be white, puerto rican or asian. but especially white and asian.
Fantastic site…I will be adding my two cents in from time to time about each topic. Cool, a new wasting-time project!
I have a 20 year reunion coming up next week and I have been using this “bad memories of high school” technique for a few months now. I works like a charm. Excellent for getting in good with the women who have become attractive. I am White but I have great high school memories, I believe I am one of the “different” kinds of white peopl. haha
I was able to float around from clique to clique with a fair amount of ease. A lot of people knew me and I was friendly with just about everybody. I was into breakdancing and d.j. ing house parties with my friend Hector. It’s was a good multi-cultural vibe. But most of the White people are as you describe. You are generally right on target.
You can even implant false memories in many White people because of this obession with fostering an alleged negative high school experience.
Yes, I suffered. Why do I have to relive it by talking about it?
I was a nerd…but nerds ran my school. Therefore, my memories of high school ain’t so bad. HELP!
uh oh. I think you went to school with my wife. was it a small public school in NYC?
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