#83 Bad Memories of High School
March 6, 2008 by clander
The most time and cost efficient way of gaining a white person’s trust and friendship is to talk to them about their time in high school.
Virtually every white person you meet was a nerd in a high school-it it is how they were able to get into a good arts program and law school. As such, their memories of high school are painful, but not tragic since they were able to eventually find success in the real world. Exploiting this information is your one way to ticket into the heart of a white person.
Your first priority must be to steer the conversation to the topic of high school, which is not very difficult. If you are talking about music, mention the music you think they would have liked in high school and how you were taunted for liking those bands. If you cannot properly gauge the type of music a white person liked in high school, you should always say that you were really into The Cure. All white people know that liking The Cure in high school is an invitation to be tortured by the cool kids. This will bring about instant sympathy and respect.
It is also acceptable to discuss how you were in love with a cool kid who never loved you back. For added effect, you can mention how said cool kid is now doing very poorly and that you are excited for the upcoming reunion.
If these first two points were not enough to gain an adequate level of trust, you can close the deal by saying: “I was the only <insert ethnicity> kid in Improv/on the paper/on student council.” Wait for a sympathetic look and then you will know that you have forged an unbreakable and easily exploited bond.
For maximum effectiveness, this technique should be used in a social group setting where everyone can share their stories. By guiding the conversation, you will be seen as a natural and sympathetic leader. This can be easily exploited for professional and social gain.
Note: In the rare encounter that you meet a white person who was “cool” in high school, do not panic. There is a 100% chance that one of their other cool friends sold them out in a coup for control of their social circle. Failing that, you can exploit the inherent guilt they feel about their treatment of nerds.
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LOL! High school trauma is ubiquitous. Why I bet persons of color can tell a tale or two of being terrorized in the locker room, beat up on the bus ride home &/or the awesome food fight they started in the cafeteria.
I am guilty of hating the years I spent as an awkward adolescent surrounded by insecure assholes with something to prove :p.
I heard that the hottest guy in my grad class went bald and paunchy. He is also a doctor- rather impressive for a guy that majored in standing around & flexing for 3 solid years.
I was sorry to hear that he is not as pretty as he used to be, but then I am not either.
I don’t plan to ever attend a reunion, they are pointless. The experience makes up part of who we are- no matter what the tone of your skin
BTW this site is the whitest!
God I love this site. I can’t stop laughing.
White people: Stop fighting these quick and easy labels!
I’ve never tried to fight them because, as I look around me it is all I have ever known as far as the eye can see. pea coats, hummus in every fridge, and disc golf. bad memories of high school included. Why fight it?
This whole site is stupid. It’s like it wants me to be embarassed for being educated and looking respectable and being kind to people.
I know, some of you will make fun of me, but anyone who does that wouldn’t be the kind of person I give a shit about anyway.
I learned one important thing growing up: to be myself.
Wow. Way to put up that self-defense immediately: “I know, some of you will make fun of me, but anyone who does that wouldn’t be the kind of person I give a shit about anyway.”
I guess if I make fun of you then you wouldn’t give a shit about me and if I don’t then I guess we are best friends. You claim that you are being yourself but “don’t forget being obsessively individualistic is part of being white.”
So either way, apologize for it and move on.
chill out. its funny.
Actually, speaking from experience, the “popular kids” LOVE to regale tales of their glory days. I suppose it works all the same. I just highly doubt they think anyone (nerds) disliked them or that they treated anyone badly.
Yeah. I never treated nerds badly. They just couldn’t come along. They would have loved to come along, though. And I was always admired by nerds who didn’t even know me but called me by my first name in the halls. They even kept telling me that my girlfriend – the head cheerleader – and I were a “cute couple.” The envy just dripped off the walls, but they still always voted for me (or my girlfriend) for any honor or office. Just like real life.
are you a loser now in real life? just interested
Ashra-
By Frederick’s need to “provoke” I think your question is answered yes? He came into this ‘virtual reality” to provoke and he has done well for himself. It’s his therapy poor dear because he’s apparently friendless in “real life”…
Nah. That’s another myth. I ended up upper-middle-class after I got out of Stanford. Sorry.
Frederick, the Provocateur,
By your statement and tone on this page, it’s kind of evident and quite clear that you have major issues of insecurity on a deep level, otherwise you wouldn’t have to write what you wrote. You sound somewhat angry and bitter at yourself and others. You could also have a nasty case of Megalomania. Hard to say without seeing you in person. You have a need to provoke out of your own anger and discontentment. Upper Middle Class my arse. Who on earth cares? What makes you a true loser is your tone and how you write. Money and how you got there does not deem you to be an intelligent, good, honest or popular. person. In fact, you sound pretty unlikeable to me.
You write like the typical”American” overly concerned by what others think, status, money and ego but you fail to have a clue about the important things in life. Perhaps you’ll enlighten yourself at some point and learn as you get older what really counts.
People with any kind of depth of vision, rarely write the way you do. To me, you’re the square.
Good luck in therapy or perhaps this blog is therapy for you. Let it all out then but be careful about saying what you do “in person”. You may rub many people the wrong way. You don’t sound all that popular to me. You sound like a swine (apologies to cute piglets out there).
S
this whole page is bunch of shit… racist cunts….
Almost everyone i meet claims they were a nerd in high school, but I feel like that too has become a trend and a lot of those people are lying.
Besides, to say “i was prom queen” and revel in your past of worship is downright pathetic. Its easier to say your a nerd. Because if you were/are still a nerd, people won’t believe you if you say otherwise. If your hot and successful or whatever the stereotype of a non-nerd is, people will still think your the shit regardless.
Keep in mind almost every celebrity says that they were nerds/made fun of/hated back then. Whether or not this is true, it still proves my point.
your = possessive adjective
you’re = you are = contraction of pronoun and verb
proofreading is next to godliness.
white people love grammar, #99.
Nice catch.
Cool people feel guilty about their treatment of nerds?! When did this happen?
ok for anyone who things this is racist, you need to check out this sight, the whole point is to offend you, read 2 posts and if you haven’t been goatsyed you’ll be offended in another way http://encyclopediadramatica.com/
Am I the only person, white/black/etc, who actually enjoyed high school? What’s with the perennial high school bashing? 15+ years later I still have nothing but good memories from my times in HS. Maybe that’ll end up as a future SWPL topic, “only good memories of high school”.
I LOVED HIGH SCHOOL, IF I COULD GO BACK I WOULD, HOT BITCHES EVERYWHERE, NO RENT, AND NO WORRIES
…..classy.
At least most white kids are staying in school.
cue Bill Cosby
You read this blog on the toilet, swiggin’ Immodium, dontcha? Save yourself, man! I’m serious. The last racist f*** in American has to go with some dignity! Do you wanna be portrayed in a diorama at the Smithsonian riding the porcelain Honda?
queue
You were actually right the first time. “Queue” is a line or to stand in line. I’m assuming you meant “bring in Bill Cosby”…
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