#83 Bad Memories of High School
March 6, 2008 by clander
The most time and cost efficient way of gaining a white person’s trust and friendship is to talk to them about their time in high school.
Virtually every white person you meet was a nerd in a high school-it it is how they were able to get into a good arts program and law school. As such, their memories of high school are painful, but not tragic since they were able to eventually find success in the real world. Exploiting this information is your one way to ticket into the heart of a white person.
Your first priority must be to steer the conversation to the topic of high school, which is not very difficult. If you are talking about music, mention the music you think they would have liked in high school and how you were taunted for liking those bands. If you cannot properly gauge the type of music a white person liked in high school, you should always say that you were really into The Cure. All white people know that liking The Cure in high school is an invitation to be tortured by the cool kids. This will bring about instant sympathy and respect.
It is also acceptable to discuss how you were in love with a cool kid who never loved you back. For added effect, you can mention how said cool kid is now doing very poorly and that you are excited for the upcoming reunion.
If these first two points were not enough to gain an adequate level of trust, you can close the deal by saying: “I was the only <insert ethnicity> kid in Improv/on the paper/on student council.” Wait for a sympathetic look and then you will know that you have forged an unbreakable and easily exploited bond.
For maximum effectiveness, this technique should be used in a social group setting where everyone can share their stories. By guiding the conversation, you will be seen as a natural and sympathetic leader. This can be easily exploited for professional and social gain.
Note: In the rare encounter that you meet a white person who was “cool” in high school, do not panic. There is a 100% chance that one of their other cool friends sold them out in a coup for control of their social circle. Failing that, you can exploit the inherent guilt they feel about their treatment of nerds.
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Oh my god this is hilarious!! You po[eople clearly have way too much time on your hands… as I do today!!
Thanks for the entertainment!!
you people huh? don’t you think you sound pretty stupid thinking all of these “people” are the same? only one person wrote this post, not a race genius.. lol, idiot.
Way to over-complicate buddy
I dunno. High School wasn’t the time of my life. College was.
I will admit I was a nerd, geek, outcast, whatever you want to call it. I didn’t have cheerleaders wanting to be with me and didn’t get invited to the big parties. I didn’t easily get a prom date, nor saw it as the amazing night many did. I studied hard, worked hard, and mostly focused on getting into a good college. I asked questions in class, did my homwork, and never ditched class.
I got picked on at times, etc…but I don’t carry the grudge that some of my peers might still carry now. (I graduated 18 years ago)
I think for me, I simply grew apart from my classmates. I went to college and was instantly brought into a different realm. While most of the “cool kids” skipped on college to work in their family’s businesses or “figure themselves out”, I was exploring the world, nightclubs, raves, art events, etc. I stayed in Chicago as opposed to looking for some party town college where I could pretend it’s still high school, only with more alcohol and sex.
I’ve seen recent “reunions” of sorts where I’ll see the now older “in crowd” get together at a bar, but my reasons for not going aren’t any grudges. I simply don’t have much in common with those people…even now. They got out of school, did some college or waited a while, married, had kids, and work their “whatever jobs” and travel to Vegas or DisneyWorld for vacations.
I’m not married, I’m more a Bohemian in my life, a traveler, intellectual of sorts, artistic, interactive media designer, and living a totally different lifestyle. I can’t talk about big frat parties but I can talk about some insane rave I went to back in 1992. I can’t talk about High School much because it’s been a distant memory that was a big “eh” to me compared to my life after High School.
I have a feeling the situation for many of my “kind” is similar. We are not sitting here remembering when the school quarterback picked on us, or when a cheerleader laughed in our faces when we asked them out…hoping to show up now and be better looking and successful with a “look what I am now compared to you” mentality.
I think it’s just more that many move on from those years, while others cling to them forever. We all have our “golden years”, and if High School wasn’t your “golden years” (mine certainly were not), then I’d more think people will talk about their actual “golden years” rather than relish in some bad times of being a teen.
wow. u guys r mean. i actually liked the fact that he spoke from the heart. he was just being honest.
love it, so white.
ya D-jam you really still seem like a little punk bitch. haha bohemian. i would say if you were a true intellectual you wouldn’t be on this blog sharing your lame little life story of self fulfillment. i read these things for entertainment, not to satisfy some deep seated need to agree or disagree and subsequently offer my opinions about something of very little consequence. maybe its time for you to go cry.
Oh my GOD. “More Bohemian in my life”? “intellectual of sorts”? You’re so white it hurts.
no one cares, you are a lonely faggot
Bruce Springsteen summed up alot of white people’s high school memories in one song:
Glory Days.
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Got a couple of words for you…..
Camaro Mullet…
That is all….
White people like long winded comment-wars about high school.
I enjoyed high school, all in all it wasn’t that bad, and I’m white. I guess for some people this might apply.
InTheClique – it’s also nice to know that the cool kids really weren’t all that smart – and aren’t getting any smarter. You spelled Canadian wrong.
We all know you don’t regret how you treated people in high school, and we all know (even without your insightful post) that you’re still a douche.
P.S. – how’s your wife’s tennis/squash/yoga instructor/life coach/spiritual adviser working out? He seems really fit…I’m just saying…
Yeah, being dumb and rich is pretty awesome isn’t it? That’s so much better than being smart and rich like the rest of us . . . Warren Buffett – not playing on your team bro. And I did get my moment of glory – thank you – you’re pretty funny! High five douche – you really are the greatest!
Please see:
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/05/28/101-being-offended/
You’re taking me to task for a typo, dumbass and pretty much illustrating my point. Thanks for playing.
Haha Рtouch̩ InTheClique
! Well played. You do know your white people list much better than I. I thought we were just having a little fun based on your original post and it seems that is indeed the case. And hey, reading all the entries on this list — kind of nerdy… I’ll wait to hear them on NPR or something 
Heh, I’ll see you on the forums over at WorldHaveYourSay.com!
Yeah, like I paid attention to geography or English. I was having fun back then – something your bitter response and excellent spelling skills illustrate you were missing out on. You had to focus on something to bury the pain, right?
Like the Clintons, the right white people don’t really worry about what their significant other is doing with their Pilates instructor (Heh. Yoga, life coach… your perceptions of our excesses are SO 1990s…). They’re too busy being filthy rich, popular, desired and in demand to worry about insignificant things like marital fidelity.
God… it is like I just tripped you in the quad and you landed in the mud puddle during lunch-break in front of EVERYONE all over again, but this time in cyberspace. It just never ends for you poor people, does it? There goes that imagined moment of glory you thought you were going to have.
Hey.
I replied on the next page. Its written especally for you darlin’.
As several others have noted…
Some of us never come to regret the way we treated you in school. The stereotype that we grew up to become a frustrated, meth-addicted auto mechanic, janitor, or convict are just myths that losers like you create to make yourself feel better. Well, some of us do end up in prison, usually for embezzling your pension funds into our offshore accounts in the Caymans. It is our adult version of stuffing you in the locker.
Life isn’t fair, we know it, and we like it that way. But it is nice to see a nice, Candian white kid with a red Jewfro climb out of his nerdiness to make a bundle by turning a personal blog into a book. If you want some assistance investing the money you make off this, let me know – I’ve got some “can’t lose” investments you should consider… *wink wink*.
You, my friend, are an asshole.
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