#93 Music Piracy
March 30, 2008 by clander
White people have always been renowned for having ridiculously large music collections. So when file sharing gave white people a chance to acquire all the music they ever wanted, it felt as though it was an earned right and not a privilege.
When (not if) you see a white male with a full iPod, ask him if all of his music is legal. If he does not immediately launch into a diatribe about his right to pirate music, you might have to nudge him a bit by saying “do you think that’s right?” The response will be immediate and uniform.
He will likely rattle off statistics about how most musicians don’t make any money from albums, it all comes from touring and merchandise. So by attending shows, he is able to support the musicians while simultaneously striking a blow against multinational corporations. He will proceed to walk you through the process of how record labels are set up to reward the corporation and fundamentally rob the artist of their rights, royalties and creativity. Prepare to hear the name Steve Albini a lot.
Advanced white people will also talk about how their constant downloading of music makes them an expert who can properly recommend bands to friends and co-workers, thus increasing revenues and exposure. So in fact, their “illegal” activities are the new lifeblood of the industry.
When they have finished talking, you must choose your next words wisely. It is considered rude to point out the simple fact that they are still getting music for free. Instead you should say: “Wow, I never thought of it like that. You know a lot about the music industry. What bands are you listening to right now? Who is good?”
This sentence serves two functions: it helps to reassure the white person that they are your local “music expert,” something they prize. Also, it lets them feel as though they have convinced you that their activities are part of a greater social cause and not simple piracy.
If you bring up this issue with white person who says “nah bro, I don’t give a shit, Dave Matthews has enough money as it is.” You are likely dealing with wrong kind of white person.
In the even more rare situation where someone says “it’s all paid for, and it’s all transferred from vinyl.” You have found an expert level white person and must treat the situation carefully. 
Because of the availability of music online, a very strict social hierarchy has been created within white culture whereby someone with a large MP3 collection is considered “normal,” a large CD collection is considered to be “better,” and a person with a large vinyl collection is recognized as “elite.”
These elite white people abhor the fact that music piracy has made their B-sides, live performances, and bootlegs available to the masses. Their entire life’s work has been stripped of its rarity in terms of both object and sound on the record. The best thing you can say to them is: “vinyl still sounds better.”
However, it is recommended that you do not let this conversation drag much longer. If you let them continue talking to you they are likely to spend hours talking to you about bands you’ve never heard of and providing you with a weekly mix CD of rarities that you do not want.
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wow!!!
of all the things you can say to try and make minorities feel better about themselves in relation to our white status, trying to come across with a message that white people like stealing?
use some logic…
here is what you are saying:
white people love piracy,
piracy = stealing,
white people approve of stealing.
but here is the problem:
IF
white people love piracy, and
piracy = stealing
wouldn’t that make white people like black people more?
and if the quantity makes any difference i would think white people love blacks and mexicans more than their own children.
well historically white’s are known for stealing. Haven’t you heard of imperialism?
Well not to sound too southern but you never see “white” people at the flea market selling boot leg CD’s like you do see “black” people.
You’ve obviously never met the Russians before.
I buy my music exclusively from Russian bootleggers. They do mighty fine work.
I have to totally disagree on this one. Music piracy is wrong. Just like pirated movies are wrong. Just likes taking a pair of jeans from the Gap is wrong.
That being said, I’ve been known to “borrow” music from LimeWire on occasion, but only for music I normally wouldn’t purchase or typically listen to. For Kanye or 50 Cent, I’ll go to LimeWire, but for The Killers or Coldplay, I’ll buy it on iTunes.
http://twowhiteboys.com/2008/
I’ve been known to “borrow” jeans from the GAP that I would normally never buy.
I also like to go to the library and copy entire books on the xerox machine but it’s never as easy as just stealing the book. Grins.
As Heidi Klum would say… “White on.”
For the Puerto Rican that I am…. I had a collection of records more than the picture of the young man with his collection…
I had more that 1,500 records. I was into the Rock Music Scene. The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Led Zepplien, The Who, The list just goes on and on. No Salsa, or any Spanish Music listed.
WOW!!! That makes White, Right???
much regards,
Frank
Piracy, this new favorite subject to western society mankind. This has been goin on in asia for ages, and the have not only been spreading music, they also charged people for it.
Get your act together, there’s legal download services available now and you can frakkin afford to pay for a $9,99 album!!!
Grumpy Man
vinyl collectors also give opporotunities for jobs, woohoo $100 an hour to sort albums!
Hahahahaha!!! Okay, so I’m the “wrong kind” of white person. Actually, that label pretty much fits me on most of your other articles too. I think I’m actually proud of that. (I’m a Libertarian/Constitutionalist – yeah, I like politics – hate liberals and eveything they stand for. And for the record my kids don’t know what race is. They refer to everybody by their shirt color. You’ll have to tell me whether that’s “white” or not.)
On the flip side, my oldest brother is the vinyl guy. Do NOT get him started talking about albums or music. It’s true, you will be sucked in for literally hours talking about musicians you’ve never heard of.
Just like anything, it’s got pros and cons.
A Headz comp CD will run you about $50 or you can download it from somewhere free. Kind of a no brainer there folks.
Discovering an artist from somewhere in the middle of Scandinavia isn’t going to happen at your local Best Buy.
You can pick up a lot of CDs used for a few bucks on ebay. Downloading it for free doesn’t hurt the artist, just the ebay seller and the ebay pocketbook.
Some downloads have led me to actually purchase the music, often seeking it on limited edition vinyl. Other downloads have made me realize I’m glad I didn’t spend any money on it.
Bootlegs, rarities, out of print CDs, music never issued on CD, it’s all out there being shared. How do you resist?
You can’t really blame the one downloading for free.
Someone is out there offering it all up for free.
i feel there is a flipside to this – white people who feel that they should follow the law when it comes to music and movies and say that piracy is what’s wrong with the music or movie industry. then *these* white people feel they have something up on other white people.
to be fair, most vinyl users offset their not buying cd’s by spending ridiculous amount of money on rareish records.
case in point: hardcore kids.
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