#97 Scarves
April 30, 2008 by clander
White People’s body temperatures do not operate on logical or consistent levels, and because of this white people are often forced to wear clothing combinations that might seem strange or illogical. One popular example is the performance vest which solves the age old problem of cold chest hot arms. Another common combination is wearing shorts with a sweatshirt which helps bring about comfort when your upper body is chilly but your lower half is sweltering. But without a doubt, the one piece of clothing that helps to regulate white body temperature in all situations is the scarf.
During winter months, it’s no surprise to find white people all bundled up with scarves around their neck – it just makes sense. But even as the weather warms up and the other layers start to fall off, the scarf remains.
It is not uncommon to see a white person in jeans, a sweater and a scarf. In fact, it’s not a rare occurance to see a white person in a t-shirt, jeans, and a scarf. Thats right. A thin cotton t-shirt paired with a scarf to enable maximum temperature control in bars and places with air conditioning
But not all white people wear the scarves for temperature reasons. A well made scarf can be an essential part of a white ensemble, allowing for all-important differentiation from other white people wearing the exact same clothes as them. Thus allowing them to be picked out of the crowd for dating or mocking purposes
“I like the guy in the white American Apparel shirt with the glasses.”
“Which one? there are eight.”
“The guy with the keffiyeh.”
“Oh yeah, you’re right. He does look smarter and more political than the other guys. He’s clearly more sensitive to wind, so he’s probably more sensitive in general. You should totally date him.”
Along with making up a key part of the white wardrobe, scarves also function as a vital pillar of the white gift economy. Due to their relative ease of creation, many white people (especially women) like to knit scarves for friends and lovers. For this reason alone, if you find yourself needing a new scarf but not a long term relationship, dating a white woman might be the easiest and most cost effective solution.
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I am white and I wear scarves in the winter time when it’s freezing outdoors. Sometimes I’ll even wear scarves when it’s cold indoors. I have been known to wear my hat, coat, scarf, and gloves in the work place. If they’d jack up the heat, I wouldn’t have to dress like that.
I do have to admit though, that it’s a silly fashion statement unless people wear those light fabric, decorative scarves that I’ve seen all kinds of folk wearing or unless you live somewhere where the weather warrants wearing a scarf.
I wear sweaters with shorts all the time. That’s what happens when you have plenty of muscle on your legs to keep them warm but less on your arms and torso to keep them warm. It’s no stranger than heavy sweatpants or jeans paired with a barely-there wife-beater. Just a matter of where people have extra insulation and where they get cold.
*I would like to note, however, that I can’t remember any time where I wore a scarf without a coat. I also can’t think of a time where I’d want a scarf but not a coat.
Wearing a scarf in LA is retarded unless you actually are gay, then whatevers.
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What about black people wearing jeans to the beach in the summer? That seems illogical to me. Just as ridiculous of a stereotype? Of course! All in good fun, right?
No, they wear scarves because bboys and other cool people do. The reason cool people started wearing scarves was because they elongate necks and help puff up a stylish bob on the days you can’t be bothered to tease up the crown of your head. I wear hoodies for the same reason.
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