#97 Scarves
April 30, 2008 by clander
White People’s body temperatures do not operate on logical or consistent levels, and because of this white people are often forced to wear clothing combinations that might seem strange or illogical. One popular example is the performance vest which solves the age old problem of cold chest hot arms. Another common combination is wearing shorts with a sweatshirt which helps bring about comfort when your upper body is chilly but your lower half is sweltering. But without a doubt, the one piece of clothing that helps to regulate white body temperature in all situations is the scarf.
During winter months, it’s no surprise to find white people all bundled up with scarves around their neck – it just makes sense. But even as the weather warms up and the other layers start to fall off, the scarf remains.
It is not uncommon to see a white person in jeans, a sweater and a scarf. In fact, it’s not a rare occurance to see a white person in a t-shirt, jeans, and a scarf. Thats right. A thin cotton t-shirt paired with a scarf to enable maximum temperature control in bars and places with air conditioning
But not all white people wear the scarves for temperature reasons. A well made scarf can be an essential part of a white ensemble, allowing for all-important differentiation from other white people wearing the exact same clothes as them. Thus allowing them to be picked out of the crowd for dating or mocking purposes
“I like the guy in the white American Apparel shirt with the glasses.”
“Which one? there are eight.”
“The guy with the keffiyeh.”
“Oh yeah, you’re right. He does look smarter and more political than the other guys. He’s clearly more sensitive to wind, so he’s probably more sensitive in general. You should totally date him.”
Along with making up a key part of the white wardrobe, scarves also function as a vital pillar of the white gift economy. Due to their relative ease of creation, many white people (especially women) like to knit scarves for friends and lovers. For this reason alone, if you find yourself needing a new scarf but not a long term relationship, dating a white woman might be the easiest and most cost effective solution.
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My wife has a short sleeve, heavy knit summer sweater. I think it may have had a turtleneck too.
I think that covers everything in this article in one piece of clothing.
Last weekend in Maine, there was a woman on the beach wearing a bathing suit and a scarf.
so true.
in fact, probably the 7/8 american apparel tshirt and glasses attired boys were wearing keffiyehs…see them everywhere.
but are they to be worn like that? just hang and droop around your neck?
oh religion as a fad
lookout for the newest fashion: rosaries…i spotted at least 3 today
I pretty much never wear a sacrf, but then I’m a guy. As for the shorts and hoodie thing, I do that like all the time, well from about 55-70, which in Southern England translates to a lot of the time, as it is 55+ from late March-early November, summers are normally 70-75, and we’re having the 2nd crappy summer in a row.
It is a comfortable combination, which I started wearing a lot because I bought my first hoodie in the summer. I think I have spread the fashion trend around college, as in the spring, early summer and early autumn a lot of guys tend to wear their hoodies with shorts.
I also walk a mile into lectures, and get hot walking, so I can take the hoodie off (trousers are harder to undo), then put back on again 20 mins or so later when I’m cold from sitting still.
I like a fresh air supply round my legs, but can’t work properly if my arms/ upper body are cold.
Thank you, so much, for explaining why White people wear a performance vest with their arms left uncovered; or shorts with a sweater. I have wondered about this for years but was too embarrassed to ask.
I’m white as anything and I love scarves. We just have temp.control issues.
Seems like NYT, the bastion of whiteness, has picked up on this too: http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2008/08/01/fashion/20080803_street/index.html#
The Puerto Rican that I am, this also describes me tooo!!!
Great! Is it not?
Regards,
Frank
Okay, Frank, every post you write cracks me up. I love you! But I know that you could never have love for me because I’m a black girl. LOL!
P.S. – This is so true. The white girls that I work with all wear scarves!
Unfortunately this trend has fallen off into the general populus, not just whites. Didn’t you see that even “gangsta” Lil Wayne wears one?
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