#98 The Ivy League
May 6, 2008 by clander
The Ivy League is expensive, exclusive, located in the North East, and features beautiful old buildings. All of these things are beloved by white people so logically it would seem that they all love the Ivy League. But this is not true!
White people have a tortured relationship with the Ivy Leagues, and if you broach the subject in the wrong way you can offend and even anger a white person.
But before getting into the more nuanced aspects of the subject, it’s important to know that all white people believe they have the intelligence and work ethic required to attend an Ivy League school. The only reason they did not actually go to one is that they chose not to participate in the “dog and pony show” required to gain acceptance. White people also like to believe that they were not born into a privileged (enough) family to get legacy admission. This should always be at the back of your mind as you talk to a white person about the Ivy League.
Once you have determined that a white person did not attend an Ivy League School, you should try to give them the opportunity to explain why their school was actually a superior educational experience. Some easy ways to do this are to mention grade inflation, professors who value research over teaching, or high tuition costs. Any one of these will set a white person off on a multi-minute rant.
When they have finally run out of arguments about why they chose the right school, you should say “I knew a whole bunch of people who went to Harvard and none of them work as hard or are as smart as you.” This is a very effective technique for gaining acceptance since white people need constant reassurance that they are smart and that they made the right choice with their life.
If you actually went to an Ivy League school, you will been seen as a threat so prepare for a lot of questions from white people. They will constantly ask questions about how much work you had, the type of students at the school, the professors, your dorm room, your reading lists, and they will try so hard to figure out your SAT score. They desperately need a source of comparison so that they need to figure out if you are actually smarter than them. In fact, the only way to stop this line of questioning is to imply that you only got in because of your minority status. Once you say that, white people will stop feeling threatened since they can now believe they too would have been accepted to an Ivy League school if they were a minority. It also gives them a personal story about the effectiveness of Affirmative Action.
White people also like to call their school “The Harvard of the <insert region or conference>”. Do not challenge this, it will ruin their confidence.
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OMG….I literally just came back from visiting my younger cousin who goes to Princeton (he got in on a football scholarship)….The campus/dorms/dininghalls/ etc. are all pretty amazing….I spent the WHOLE weekend trying to figure out “why” the kids there were so much more special, why should they get to go to an IVY league school and I had to settle for a community college/state school education (which I have come to conclude really was a good education =p).
All college kids are the same…all looking for the next party and the underage ones are just looking for someone to buy tehm more beer…..$45k a year is a friggin expensive party budget..
basically I left feeling jealous and superior all at the same time.
LOVE THE BLOG…keep it up
Well I don’t know how to put this nicely but… I think before you say that “all college kids are the same”, you should look at the level of difficulty associated with your cousin’s schoolwork. Princeton students have a tendency to play down their talents because they’ve spent most of their lives being showered with praise and are afraid of looking arrogant. If you could break into the admissions office and read the files of 10 random Princeton students, you would know exactly why the “kids there were so much more special”.
I just want to see what color blocks appear with this post.
Interesting … like a kaleidoscope.
wildlunch, you are easily entertained. Can you name the primary colores? Can you count to ten on your fingers? Perhaps you are just easily bored and smarter than the rest of us combined!
Ha-ha, Stalin Grad student. You’re just jealous because you have a pink-colored box, while mine has the blue-ish tint of a sharp, shiny blade and is in the shape of the Iron Cross.
Your name should be Mr. Pink, like Steve Buscemi in Reservoir Dogs was Mr. Pink. How does that sound, Mr. Pink? Ha-ha, ha!!!
You win. (No harm no foul)
Central State University in Wilberforce, Ohio is the Harvard of the black schools in rural Ohio.
For more information on the culture of black people:
shizzleblackpeopledig.blogspot.com
I went to the Harvard of Partying:
UC Santa Barbara
Viva Isla Vista! Go Gauchos!
X
B.A. Debauchery
You guys gave the world Jim Rome. Well done.
So close but… The REAL Harvard of Partying is Camp Arizona State U.
I have to say…as much as I loathe Helvetica (it’s a cop-out), it’s totally appropriate for that book cover. White people who think they know about graphic design are all about some Helvetica.
Does my always picking Times New Roman in MS Word mean that I’m a failed White Person, then?
Yes you are.
And if they’d kerned the Helvetica more tightly it would be sooooo white.
I go to Harvard and routinely win the trust of white people with the comment that “I wish there were more people here like you.” Free drinks all night.
I suspect that the subliminal reason that Harvard and Yale, followed closely by Princeton, strike fear and loathing in so many of us who graduated from “other” colleges has less to do with invidious comparisons of academic excellence, social privilege, and prohibitive tuition than with the intuitive recognition that these institutions have contributed disproportionately to the political and cultural elites who have and still govern our country and thereby exercise resented power, control and influence over our lives.
Have you been alive since 1988? Starting at the top before you review many other fields, take a look at the Ivy League credentials of our presidents over this 20 year period and at the Democratic candidates likely to occupy the White House for another 8 years.
George H.W. Bush – YALE
Bill Clinton – YALE (law degree)
George W. Bush – YALE
Hillary Clinton – YALE (law degree)
Barak Obama – HARVARD (law degree)
Going to YLS (’89) isn’t the same thing as going to Yale. It’s something, but it ain’t the same thing.
I wonder if the Skull and Bones still have the skull of that blanket-ass Geronimo. I suppose that’s one way for an Indian to attend Yale other than through affirmative action.
Yeah, and all of these geniuses are leading this country into the dumpster. Some recommendation for the Ivy League.
i ment csu longbeach…..its a party school
I think we should just elect brangilina as our king and queen, i mean come on, its not like they could do worse, plus they are both hot, and we know she has the kids, so we wont have a lack of fun royalty offsprings.
Im also in support of lordships, and barrons, and counts.
then society would have a goal to marry up and be social, to up their social class. instead we strive to be celebrities with sex tapes…….
I could see Her Royal Majesty Shiloh Jolie-Pitt of The Great United States of America and New Canada…..
im also assuming we take full control over canada..come on it would be sooooo easy….
I’m for it, where do I sign?
hrhkat, we are closer to this system than you imagine. Hillary Clinton’s campaign for the white house all but voices the shrill claim that she is the rightful heir to her husband’s throne.
well, she probably wouldnt have done a bad job, god knows anything is better then bush. and women leaders are usually very good looking back at history.
but come on brangelina in white house, actually, lets scrap the white house all together, its kind of outdated and not very palace like, im thinking we should make the new royal house at Builtmore, its very large and has tons of carvings and gilt work. I could just see little maddox and pax playing in the grand hall…
I could totally get into throwing huge parties that would help with achieving a title…
i thought obama went to yale as well….hm o well, seems like his “tough childhood” wasnt all that bed, private schools in hawaii, coke binges, what a terrible life, but im thinking he is just saying “being black in hawaii” was the hard part, oh poor barrack obama, i feel so bad for him……….not
obama did NOT go to Yale.
his standards are much higher than Ironpantsuit.
Nobody ever gives enough play to the Harvard of Luxembourg (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/University_of_Luxembourg).
Uncultured American swine! Our first-ever university is only five years old and isn’t being eated away by ivy.
I went to KU. It’s funny, but all my friends and I knew the school wasn’t that great. We considered doing a recruiting video:
“KU: Where the lazy just sorta end up.”
These would be our testimonials:
“I’m incredibly lazy. KU was really close to my parent’s house so I don’t have to do my own laundry.”
“Well, I don’t like writing too much, but I needed to apply for college. My parents pointed out that the KU application was only two pages long, so I decided to apply there!”
“I avoid talking to people whenever I can. KU didn’t require an interview and they gave me scholarship money for just showing up. They aren’t requiring me to participate in anything.”
And yes, we were all VERY white. Maybe if you go to a state college in the Midwest, this doesn’t apply. Or maybe my friends are all just incredibly lazy, and proud of it.
sounds alot like uc longbeach in california…very lazy school for retards….but everyone is incredibly white, and hot…
I’ve never heard of UC Longbeach.
I visited Harvard. They wouldn’t let me into the library, but I did use the bathroom there. It was really old!
Number one or number two?
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