#101 Being Offended
May 28, 2008 by clander
To be offended is usually a rather unpleasant experience, one that can expose a person to intolerance, cultural misunderstandings, and even evoke the scars of the past. This is such an unpleasant experience that many people develop a thick skin and try to only be offended in the most egregious and awful situations. In many circumstances, they can allow smaller offenses to slip by as fighting them is a waste of time and energy. But white people, blessed with both time and energy, are not these kind of people. In fact there are few things white people love more than being offended.
Naturally, white people do not get offended by statements directed at white people. In fact, they don’t even have a problem making offensive statements about other white people (ask a white person about “flyover states”). As a rule, white people strongly prefer to get offended on behalf of other people.
It is also valuable to know that white people spend a significant portion of their time preparing for the moment when they will be offended. They read magazines, books, and watch documentaries all in hopes that one day they will encounter a person who will say something offensive. When this happens, they can leap into action with quotes, statistics, and historical examples. Once they have finished lecturing another white person about how it’s wrong to use the term “black” instead of “African-American,” they can sit back and relax in the knowledge that they have made a difference.
White people also get excited at the opportunity to be offended at things that are sexist and/or homophobic. Both cases offering ample opportunities for lectures, complaints, graduate classes, lengthy discussions and workshops. All of which do an excellent job of raising awareness among white people who hope to change their status from “not racist” to “super not racist.”
Another thing worth noting is that the threshold for being offended is a very important tool for judging and ranking white people. Missing an opportunity to be outraged is like missing a reference to Derrida-it’s social death.
If you ever need to make a white person feel indebted to you, wait for them to mention a book, film, or television show that features a character who is the same race as you, then say “the representation of <insert race> was offensive and if you can’t see that, well, you need to do some soul searching.” After they return from their hastily booked trip to land of your ancestors, they will be desperate to make it up to you. At this point, it is acceptable to ask them to help you paint your house.
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first of all, just ignore flamers. second of all, one of the better ones i’ve read so far. everything i’ve heard says that american indians don’t care about team names like the redskins or indians, but there are all kinds of lawsuits about that and william and mary can’t use the feathers on anything anymore
I LOVE YOU HECKLER! BRAVO!
This is so true.
We get our house painted every year, and haven’t so much as rinse a brush ourselves since 1987!
why are they called african american? people should only call you that if you came from africa, and as far as i know the majority of blacks were born in america… things to keep you up at night.
also some of you take this WAY too seriously–just found this site and think it’s high-larious.
im always so saddened when I see the comments on these posts… because the actual articles are always so on point and hilarious, AND GODDAM True, but a bunch of fuckin suburban or rural inhabitants always comment saying shit like this isn’t accurate. IF YOU DONT GET THE JOKE, IT MEANS IT DOESN’T APPLY TO YOU… this is about white liberal urbanites… if you are not them or are not friends with them… this will go right over your head… in canada, if you don’t go to McGill, UofT, or UBC, chances are u need to increase ur exposure…. or if in high school somewhere downtown where faux-hipsters are constantly in ur face.
I’m about as rural as you can get, but this one is spot on. We have liberals in fly over states to fucker. See, I’m offended.
The “fly over” states is a land in need to be pillaged, but don’t tell that to the folks of Oklahoma, Tennessee, Idaho or wherever it is landlocked. Californians moved to the mountain west so much, any car caught with a California license plate may get defaced. What’s offensive is the idea of “small town” life is yuppies from Cal. move to Utah or Colorado in belief everything is “all white” when in fact the locals don’t want the “urban blight” taken with them get in a way of their lifes. +
calm down man, i dont really think its that funny, its just ironic because white people get offended less than any other race. everyone doesnt hate this or love this or hahahahahaha, everyone has their own opinion, but you must be one of the ones that like to get offended so u start arguments on the internet….hahaha please get a life man
you’re reading it, therefore cant tell him to get a life when you dont have one of your own. loser. there
I’d like to comment on this but my white liberal guilt prevents me from it. Some black folk….uh…African American citizens, may take offense. Please don’t be offended. HA!
dont be a pussy.
since when does white liberal guilt prevented white people from saying anything? what, you want some brownie points for keeping your comments to yourself?
pleeeeeeze.
Ummm. I don’t know what that comment was supposed to mean. Don’t bring African Americans into this. Show some respect! pleease.
oh stop! black or white, we’re all the same!
but you know what I think is that we shouldn’t be against the blacks or whites or ANYbody…except, we should ALL unite against the ELDERLY! together!
they’re OLD! they’re using up OUR oxygen, and using up OUR trees to make toilet paper to wipe THEIR old ASSES! I say, down with the old!
who’s with me!!
More people were born between 1946 and 1964 than after, and most Americans are over age 40, we had a baby bust until the late 1980s. The life expectancy is 80 thus the age or generation gaps we have in America will get votalite in the years ahead. Social security is drying up, the life span for our children is shortening and the majority of Americans are “white” are dying/aging/graying. Demographers are not the kind of people we want to associate with by bringing up controversial issues on there are less white-Caucasians and we must have 2.4 kids to keep the USA going. +
Maybe me. But, uh — how old?
WE CAN TRAP THEM INSIDE MOUNT DOOM!
we are NOT the same, northeast asians are more evolved than anyother group of humans
http://www.harbornet.com/folks/theedrich/JP_Rushton/Race.htm
blacks are on the bottom, go figure.
I can see your brain’s superior evolution has not helped you to be able to put a proper sentence together.
Hey, superior assholes don’t have time to bother with bourgeois sentence structure.
“WE hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal…”
Ah, but that wasn’t written by northeast Asians, was it? Personally, I’ll take Thomas Jefferson over any “more evolved” equivalent. Hm, so, you allege that northeast Asians are more evolved than Africans and Europeans, right? If so, this further evolution has not garnered superiority, not in the least. If the fundamental philosophy of equality isn’t enough for you, let us look to the world stage. I present, on the one hand, the half-black, half-white President of the United States, Barack Obama. Who is his opponent in this comparison? His “more evolved” adversary? Why, it is, of course, famed northeast Asian leader, Kim Jong Il. Yes, these men may not be the norm, but if we look to Northeast Asia, and see communism in some areas, and totalitarian dictatorships in others. What countries come to mind for Northeast Asia? China, North Korea, South Korea, and Japan. China – Communist, and Oppressive. North Korea – Totalitarian Megalomaniac Dictatorship. South Korea – a relatively decent country, relied on the US to maintain independence, and as good as most passable countries. Japan – Technologically advanced, especially due to lack of military funding, as per the lack of military as existed before Japan’s unconditional surrender to the US in WWII, a fight which IT picked with the bombing of Pearl Harbor. This is not a very impressive array. This comment is NOT intended as a degradation of northeast Asians, but as pointing out the accomplishments of this region’s countries. There are worse (Britain), and more influential (US) tyrants. Most of Africa is in turmoil (thanks in large part to European meddling), and the general state of Humanity is pretty bad. Northeast Asia is not worse then the rest of Earth, as far as inhabitants go, but it is NOT better, either. Then again, evolution is just the change of life, so perhaps they did change a bit more, but not in a superior fashion. “There is only one race, the Human race.” HAHA!! I suppose that I must now be counted among the offended white people. Though it wasn’t anger at being offended that caused this reply, but laughter at the comment, boredom, and the slight challenge of throwing together an impromptu argument. A funny website, and certainly something to do while bored and unoccupied. I may have just proven this particular page’s point.
northeast asians may have become more ‘evolved’ but not certain Koreans….especially dumbassed bigoted koreans who buy into racial superiority theories…
hey mimi, I’m talking about you……beeeeotch.
hell yeah! fuck those seniors!
I can defenitely relate to this one! You should see the emails I received when I posted about escort services at http://StuffRichPeopleLove.com…ouch!
http://soundcinema.wordpress.com/
White people love live cinema!
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