#105 Unpaid Internships
July 20, 2008 by clander
In most of the world when a person works long hours without pay, it is referred to as “slavery” or “forced labor.” For white people this process is referred to as an internship and is considered an essential stage in white development.
The concept of working for little or no money underneath a superior has been around for centuries in the form of apprenticeship programs. Young people eager to learn a trade would spend time working under a master craftsman to learn a skill that would eventually lead to an increase in material wealth.
Using this logic you would assume that the most sought after internships would be in areas that lead to the greatest financial reward. Young White people, however, prefer internships that put them on the path for careers that will generally result in a DECREASE of the material wealth accumulated by their parents.
For example, if you were to present a white 19 year old with the choice of spending the summer earning $15 an hour as a plumber’s apprentice or making $0 answering phones at Production Company, they will always choose the latter. In fact, the only way to get the white person to choose the plumbing option would be to convince them that it was leading towards an end-of-summer pipe art installation.
White people view the internship as their foot into the door to such high-profile low-paying career fields as journalism, film, politics, art, non-profits, and anything associated with a museum. Any white person who takes an internship outside of these industries is either the wrong type of white person or a law student. There are no exceptions.
If all goes according to plan, an internship will end with an offer of a job that pays $24,000 per year and will consist entirely of the same tasks they were recently doing for free. In fact, the transition to full time status results in the addition of only one new responsibility: feeling superior to the new interns.
When all is said and done, the internship process serves the white community in many ways. First, it helps to train the next generation of freelance writers, museum curators, and director’s assistants. But more importantly, internships teach white children how to complain about being poor.
So when a white person tells you about their unpaid internship at the New Yorker, it’s not a good idea to point out how the cost of rent and food will essentially mean that they are PAYING their employer for the right to make photocopies. Instead it’s best to say: “you earned it.” They will not get the joke.
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Hah, guilty of wanting to be a journalist, and I usually write for free.
I’m guilty of this one, as I am an ex-Congressional Intern
Um, this is kind of fun, but…
I checked the List carefully and couldn’t find any of the following items. Without these addenda, the list looks suspicously like “Stuff White Liberals Like That Make White Conservatives Feel Uncool.”
Here’s “Stuff the Other Half of White America Likes”:
1. Camo.
2. Furtively giving the IHOP a quick “demographic scan” before telling that joke.
3. Neighborhoods with no sidewalks.
4. A left-turn light in front of the SuperCentre.
5. Bumper stickers
…(oh, that’s already on the list, but the entry doesn’t include “Poor = Lazy” or “Drill Here, Drill Now” or “America Bless God”)
6. 50-mile commutes
7. Home-schooling in a good school district.
8. Israel (but not the actual Jews there!)
9. Hot sauce collections
10. Stockpiling canned food, in case the pre-millinnealists are right, not the post-millinnealists….wait, let me go check my Hal Lindsey library.
11. Pregnant white teenagers (not the other kind of pregnant teenager)
12. African immigrants (if they follow the right religion) as examples of industriousness and modesty.
13. Federal funding—from another region’s tax base.
14. Shopping centers that are less than 3 years old.
15. One-piece underwear (in Utah, mostly)
16. Gear that requires custom trailers
17. Trampolines
18. Race (not that kind, I’m talking about the Kentucky Derby, Daytona 500, etc)
19. Rude staring.
20. Pronouncing “One nation under God” as “One nationunder God”
21. Hockey
22. Softball
23. The Celtics (the team and borrowed Scottish pride)
24. Cherry-picking MLK quotes about hard work
Dude, have you even looked at Comedy Central? Or anyplace else? You’ll find plenty of comedy targeting that particular group of people.
Besides, boughouis (sp) bohemians of all colors are a neglected group, comedy-wise.
BTW, I’m not white…LMFAO!!!
I’m lovin’ this $#!%. I can’t stop laughing!!!
i am not ‘white’ and i have an unpaid internship.
and i don’t really like this blog either, but here i am.
i guess I’m too tired from my unpaid internship to actually complain about this.
good night.
I’m offering an internship as my personal chef. There is also an internship open for a maid, and someone to pay the bills. I will not supply the money for said bills, but the payer can take out a student loan to cover it put the experience on his/her resume. I will give college credit for all of the internships listed above, but they are only good towards a degree at Starcasm University.
P.S.
“you earned it.” Haha! That’s gold ^__^
I’d take an unpaid job… if they have unpaid stores on hand as well, and unpaid appartments. Of course that’s Comminism which is, as we all know, impossible…
These are ridiculous… it’s not like it’s community service… thank god I majored in a science.
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