I think that the George Michael concert last night in San Jose deserves some sort of honorable mention. Not only was everyone in the arena from San Francisco (and dancing like only white people can), but everyone was using their iPhones, for texting, surfing, photo-taking, AND holding them up lit and waving them, as a substitute for cigarette lighters.
Oh man, I just came on to the site to submit my entry, but the contest is now closed! Is there somewhere we can post them regardless, I’d like to put it out there since I’ve worked on it all day (at work… see comment above about white people liking procrastination!).
Sorry, but none of you beat my entry on white people who love to read books at the bar. Me and my buddies will be watching the Phillies, shooting pool, and drinking a Bud, and we’ll look over and see a piece of work w/ an ironic beard and ’60’s style thick-rimmed retro glasses drinking Chimay and reading some kind of wierd, useless English Lit. He thinks this impresses us b/c it’s much more intellectual than watching baseball and drinking domestic beer, but they don’t realize we learned to read when we were 5 years old.
Then he’ll go out and roll his own ciggarrettes. He does this b/c he’s is a huge tool.
Other things white people like: diagnosing all healthy-looking girls as anorexic, and assuming people w/ more money than them are corporate sell outs.
There’s nothing My People like more than a solid Hig-Five. For instance, when playing rugby, there is no finer expression of a
job well done then a high five. Or, upon receiving your arts degree,
slapping the palm of the individuals with whom you met while traveling
abroad and spent the last four years chumming, slumming, sipping
coffee and listening to indie rock while wearing scarves at your
favourite breakfast place in a gentrified neighbourhood with is just
the celebratory measure to take before shedding the cap and gown and
downing a few microbrews and/or Pabst Blue Ribbons (2 more possible
topics) and one last vegan burrito before packing up the Prius and
heading to your parents summer home in Cape Cod.
With a simple slap of the hand, one can communicate a reciprocal love
of Stuff White People Like with their People. And what could be bad
about that? Absolutely nothing.
White people lovvvvvvve to use themselves as the standard. And by “themselves” I don’t meant white people love to use *white people* as the standard. I mean white people love to use them*selves* as the standard.
“In kindergarten I grew a lima bean. You mean to tell me the people of Darfur can’t grow their own lima beans? What’s wrong with those poeple?”
“I learned sign language. My mom’s deaf. It makes no sense that those refs at the World Series don’t communicate in sign language for deaf viewers.”
But then let something happen to white people that they’re not ready for and all those standards fly out the window.
LOL I ran over a waitress on a Philly sidewalk cafe. There were tables on both sides of the sidewalk, creating a narrow path for pedestrians to walk through, so even though I tried to slow down and avoid her, I still wrecked into her. She did a header right into a table and dropped the food she was carrying hahaha. It was fucking funny. I feel bad for the waitress b/c she just works there and doesn’t make the decision to crowd the sidewalks w/ tables, but still…
I don’t get what it is w/ white people and eating outside. People will eat outside here in on the dirty-ass Philly sidewalks w/ busses and SUV’s blowing exhaust in their faces, dogs shitting all over the sidewalk (although this is often blamed on white people, who, for some reason, have to take their dogs w/ them to these sidewalk cafes), bums harassing them for change, and dumpsters ruining the aroma of their meals.
I will tell you why white people hate police. They hate them because when they moved into the “up and coming” neighborhood, they would often call the cops because they heard gunshots a floor below them, or they see a bunch of drug dealers on a corner, etc and the cops would never show up or at the very best would show up 3 hours late. Thats why white people hate cops, because unless someone is confirmed as dead, or with a bomb, they wont show up because they are lazy. White people hate, absolutely hate tardiness. Cops are tardy and retarded.
white gold and platinum is such a good entry, i would have totally picked that. White people love white gold and platinum and they hate yellow gold! I just dont get it! White gold looks like silver, at least yellow gold is classic. What are all these white girls going to do when they inherit their moms gold jewelry? jesus people need to start wearing yellow gold again, i see it coming back into fashion so hopefully white people will get over the fascination of white gold that eventually rubs off to yellow gold.
Gosh, I just read this whole list on my MacBook, with the episode selection menu for Arrested Development on my TV screen, my substitute-child-dog by my side. I have a degree in English Lit with a minor in French, and my husband has a degree in English Lit with a minor in Theatre. I lived in France for a year. We have a station wagon. I am in the process of researching graduate schools. I have a subscription to Adbusters and own a copy of No Logo. I laughed my ass off in The Darjeeling Limited and cried in Juno. Is my life really that much of a cliche? Did I mention my MacBook is sitting on my Ikea coffee table? ***sigh***
My Entry was on how psychotically passionate white people are about disproving My Existence. Atheist whites who would rather believe in nothing than Me! But even worse than them are the ones who call themselves agnostics. COWARDS!
I can’t believe how much I have come to despise all those smug, self-righteous, too-cool-for-anything, indie-music-listening, starbucks-obsessed, 50’s-robot-camp-loving, lettuce-wrap-eating, potsmoking hippie-beatnick white people.
Thankyou Christian. You have crystallized My inner hatred for all the people who used to make Me feel so ‘uncool.’
A great web site, slyly funny and remarkably candid about life in white America. But the name is all wrong. I’ve lived in various parts of the north-east and worked with all sorts of white people, across every income level, educational level, and occupation. This site is really about liberal, college educated whites, on the coast or in major cities. I realize this is a parody site, but the authors nail their demographic completely. So there needs to be a search for a better site name – “Stuff Self-Centered Progressive White People Like”. We can play with “self-centered”; “self- adsorbed”, “self-indulgent”, “ultimately hypocritical”. The real laugh is that these people who triumph diversity pretty much march in lock step with the approved patterns of social acceptance with their demographic. I’m sure “South Park” will mine this site for some rich material.
How Hilarious is this Comment. You must be a “Whiter Shade of Pale”…..’Member the group “Cream”? How fitting is the Band Name Even! Arrested Development was one of the truly best “White People” loved show around…..now Larry David and “Curb Your Enthusiasm” turned that ALL around with having the displaced Black Family from Hurricane Katrina (Black People and their last name Black as well) move into his all White Neighborhood!
Leon a family member of The Blacks moved in as well and he was from LA…Side Hurting Laugh Out Loud Humor!!!
Stainless Steel Appliances!!
Talking about youtube
Dropping 90’s ganster lingo “dope” “fresh” “too hype”
Color coordinated rooms
Playing retro video games like tetris and pac-man
Craigslist missed connections
Books and comedy wherein people bitch about their parents (ie David Sedaris)
Telling racist jokes then claiming not to be racist
Don’t forget how much white people love dissecting advertising: what is this ad’s Demographics? Are they still trying to generate Brand Awareness? Google Ad Report Card Slate. Because nothing reassures you that you are above the reach of advertising like taking it apart in an Intellectual Exercise.
White people also like capitalizing Things in the style of Winnie The Pooh.
Stuff White People Like: Being Financially Independent, Community Oriented, Socially Conscious, Law Abiding, Well Mannered, and Not Being a Burden on Society. In others, generally things needed to have a productive society.
Unlike most minorities.
Censor me and I will become offended! On behalf of a minority, of course.
This post was spelled checked and has proper grammar. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, whitey.