Stuff White People Like

Photo by Jeff Deck

Men banned from national parks after vandalism.

From The Boston Globe, August 22, 2008.

Summary:

Two white people from the Somerville, MA created an organization called “TEAL: Typo Eradication Advancement League,” and vowed to travel across the country fixing typos.  This is especially interesting since every other time two late 20s white males have traveled across the country it has been to visit all 30 Major League Baseball stadiums.

All was well until the two men defaced a hand painted sign in Grand Canyon National Park.  They were caught, arrested, fined, and banned from National Parks for one year.

While white people have little trouble paying fines of $3,000, the ban from public parks for one full year is considered especially harsh considering white people’s need for camping and other outdoor activities.

Questions for discussion:

1. When there is a typo on a vintage sign, what is more important: Grammar or character?
2. Once all typos have been corrected, what will be the next cause for white people to solve? (side note: do not say Africa, white people are already fast at work making t-shirts)

Related Links

Original Article about TEAL

Thank you to Maureen Bensily who sent this in first, and thank you to every else who sent it in slighty after her.

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Stuff White People Like has entered its seventh week on the New York Times Best Seller List!

In related news, the book will be released on September 1st in Australia through Hardie Grant Publishing. It will be available in all fine book shops in throughout Australia.

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Among the wrong kind of white people, there are few more hated than the wigger or whitethug. Though it is very acceptable and common for the right kind of white people to dress and act as though they were Japanese, Chinese, or European, it is completely unacceptable for them to act like rappers.

This distaste caused a dilemma for white people who had to show both that they loved hip hop but also that they were aware they were white. The brilliant solution they came up with was to appropriate hip hop words and mannerisms and filter them through a white appropriateness system.

For example, white people find it particularly hilarious to take slang and enunciate every word perfectly.

“Homey, that bernaise sauce you made is wack. Do you know what I am saying? For Real.”

“Well, I used a different type of butter. I switched the style up, so let the haters hate and I’ll watch the deliciousness pile up.”

Since the above exchange involves people who are very aware of their whiteness it is hilarious, but if it were to be said by wiggers, it would be tragic. The difference is subtle but essential.

This is also an excellent way to make white people like you. If you can recite rap lyrics with perfect enunciation, they will always find it funny. As a rule of thumb, the more popular the rapper, the funnier it gets. Best options: 50 Cent, Tupac, Biggie Smalls, or Jay Z. Note: avoid Kanye West as the irony of reciting his lyrics with perfect English is not as great.

In terms of physical actions, there are few things white people enjoy more than throwing up fake gang signs in photos. Again, the same rules apply: if it is done by wiggers it is tragic, if it’s done by the right kind of white people, it’s hilarious. It’s not a good idea to mention how these signs have often resulted in awful, senseless deaths– that will ruin the joke.

In both cases, the actions are done in hopes that a white person will be recognized as “one of the good ones,” who love hip hop, but don’t try to appropriate it in any non-hilarious ways.

In both cases, your best response is to say “did you go to the last Dead Prez/Roots/Mos Def/Twaleb Kwali/Michael Franti concert? It was incredible. I smoked weed and kept this one finger up for almost an hour!”

Though this information has very little use in and of itself, it could be the final piece in the puzzle of cementing your white friendship. At the very least, it is a guaranteed way to help your progress.

photo: goldberg (via flickr)

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