Before you begin hanging around with white people, you should know that all white humor comes from three sources: The Simpsons, Monty Python, and The Onion. If you are not presently familiar with The Onion, you should visit TheOnion.com immediately as it is essential in your development and cultivation of white friendships. If you are not familiar with The Onion, your conversations with white people will be boring, humorless, and unlikely to lead anywhere productive.
Before moving on, it’s important to know exactly what The Onion is and where it came from. The Onion is a satirical newspaper and website that was founded in Madison, Wisconsin – a very popular location for white people. When the publication got more popular it moved to New York. Since then it has produced a body of work that includes audio, video, and thousands of articles that entertain white people every single day of the year.
It is so popular, that every white person home contains at least one book from The Onion. If that home is occupied exclusively by white men then said book will be located in the bathroom. There are no exceptions.
At any given time a white person has 100-200 Onion headlines memorized and ready for deployment into a conversation. In fact it is impossible to talk to a white person for more than one hour without hearing “that reminds me of the Onion article….” In order to remain a viable part of that conversation it is essential that you are able to quickly suggest a related, but different, Onion article on a similar subject. Doing so will show the white person that you are smart and have a good sense of humor.
As an institution, the Onion is beyond reproach for white people. You should not imply that you don’t get it or that it’s not funny. In fact, the only acceptable criticism for the Onion is that you are unable to work for them. This is because every white male under 35 is convinced that they could and should be working for The Onion.
Stuff White People Like 
“Area Man Waits for Response to his Onion Resume’ Submission.”
“Area Dog has best day of his life”
“This American Life” (another White Person source of comedy) did a segment on what it is like to work at the Onion.
It was a meta-humored bleached-white rice experience.
Duuuude, so unfair man! 🙂 Who can forget the “Syria is harboring more than 15 million Arabs” headline? That is some funny shit. But I guess that makes a whitey white punk. What-ever… as the new teenagers say.
Now you’re kinda soundling like a jealous little bitch.
White people like “The Daily Show” more than The Onion (that is, if they own a TV)
i love the onion! and i live in madison!
PNC Park Threatens to Leave Pittsburgh Unless Better Team is Built
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/50814
A The Onion Classic.
My favorite Onion headline was on Barak Obama:
Black Man Asks Country for Change
“This is because every white male under 35 is convinced that they could and should be working for The Onion.”
This is so true.
http://stuffwhiteparentslike.com
I think that whities love National Lampoons movies more than Monty Python. At least US born Caucasians do.
Caddyshack as a stand alone movie is more popular than both combined.
I think this one really misses the mark. The Onion is nowhere near as popular as the author seems to think it is… by far.
(Case in point… the one copy of The Onion straight-to-video movie at the local Blockbuster which is on the bottom shelf and never checked out.)
you went into a “brick and mortar” video store looking for DVDs? how very 1990s. come back when you have Netflix checkout rates.
When I was looking at the onion just meow, I then clicked on my “stuff white people like” on the bookmarks bar, and got a blog entry on the website I was just looking at. How quaint.
“white humor comes from three sources: The Simpsons, Monty Python, and The Onion.”
I’m with those who said earlier that this list is slim. Clear omissions are Caddyshack, Fletch, National Lampoon and Daily Show.
Monty Python is off the list, the Daily Show is in. Please correct.
Thanks,
Onion Worker Ted
I am one of the few, I believe, who bought the Onion book before I heard about the website. In fact, I doubt the website even existed at the time (1998 or so).
what about SNL, and Jon Stewart (ok, the Daily Show was suggested already), Steven Colbert, and George Carlin??
I love the onion — so true!
Monty Python off the list? Well,it is a bit dtaed–but who among us can forget the Minister of Silly Walks? John Stewart is a sawed off asshole. Steven Colbert is funny making fun of Bush et al,but he wont look at the fcat that the Neo-Cons are JEWS! I guess he wouldnt get much work if he did. As for the Onion,I think its stupid,but the hesadline “Black man Asks America For Change” is pretty good!!
you missed it with this one…
monty python?
Eff that, Family guy… what generation are you? I am feeling depraved… I miss the ole blog.. BEFORE the book
SWPL: Blogs that dont get published and then sold at borders…
filth.
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU AND WHY DO YOU KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT ME
EVERY SINGLE TIME I READ THIS I BECOME LESS UNIQUE
GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Just because a lot of people find it funny doesn’t mean, it’s suddenly not funny. I admit not everything they do is funny, but you’re first time picking up an onion, it’s pretty hillarious. I agree there’s a conformity to everyone liking the onion, but whatever, it doesn’t change that it’s pretty good most of the time
You should add “RSS Readers” to the list, where I have STWPL alphabetized just before the The Onion on my daily reading list. Also provokes endless discussion of whether The Onion should be alphabetized under T or O.
Much like most of the items on this site, the only reason white people go nuts for the Onion is because they hear about other people going nuts for it. If you’ve ever spent time reading it, it’s horrible.
Hall Monitor
http://detentionslip.org
Area Man Finds Web Humor Hitting To Close To Home
White Internet User Realizes Stuff White People Like Is No Longer Funny
Interesting… I took a poll of 3 white people in my office – all male, all under 35 – and while all 3 CAN quote a minimum of 100 headlines from The Onion, only 1 owns a book and it is not in his bathroom (although it may have been moved at some point over the weekend.) I must say, this is not much of an epiphany for me as it is confirmation that SWPL is not some wacky misrepresentation of white people and the things they like. Carry on.
I’m originally from Madison, WI. It really is popular with very white people. This site always reminds me how glad I am that I now spend most of the year elsewhere.
I am white…and I have an Onion book in my bathroom…and before reading this blog my white roommate was telling me how he has tried to apply for the work at the Onion and has been denied over and over again. Amazing.
Oh, Corby. Blockbuster? Really?
White people prefer to purchase their DVDs as an investment to showcase their taste if one of their friends happens to be browsing their Ikea entertainment units. They also like to supplement their collections with Netflix subscriptions, allowing them to peruse films they don’t deem important or tasteful enough to have permanency in their lives, but giving them enough edge to understand pop culture references when they are satirized.
It’s really very straight forward.
To peel back the onion all anyone really has to do is read The Onion once from cover to cover. Thereafter you only need to read the headlines, as the content is as predictable and repetitious as an MSNBC pundant. Like Monty Python and Family Guy they start with a funny idea and then beat it to death until a blind man in Jersey can see the punch lines comming. It’s like the old joke;
Sean: Tony, have you seen the papers today?
Tony: Oh, I saw them years ago!
I disagree, and would place Family Guy on the “sole sources of white people humor” list in place of the Simpsons, and at the top.
The Onion is excellent.
It is not afraid to take on the Left’s idiocy, the Neocon’s idiocy, and call out the Jew with biting satire.
Do you know why the Onion is so good?
They are a bunch of Midwestern American Whites from Wisconsin, not a bunch of jew-inspired anti-White dupes that live in coastal jewified multi-cult PC metropolises. Does anyone think White-hating “SNL” is even funny?
Totally disagree. I think The Daily Show (which jacked most of the writers from The Onion when it was popular) should be the third source for entertainment. I can’t honestly think of many people who ever really mention, reference, or talk about The Onion offline.
PS the Family Guy is the most anti-White jewified crap out there, even topping the pathetically anti-White show “The Simpsons”.
As long as the Onion can keep its jewish writers to a minimum, it will be funny and unique. Like anything interesting and good, you can expect eventually to see more jew writers and the original attraction of the medium will diminish immediately.
I don’t see the Onion as overtly anti-White as are SNL, Family Guy, and Simpsons.
Are you an idiot??????
Did you ever investigate who the writers are?
Dude, you seriously, very seriously, lack White instinct if you think that show is White.
The wrong kinds of Whites watch and like the Daily Show. Come on.
The Onion is funny precisely because it is White. midwestern White, uncorrupted by the types of homosexuals and jews that hate Whites and write our sitcom scripts.
Caddyshack bashes Whites, basically.
It reminds me of the TV show, jew inspired, MASH. Gee, let’s take an American institution, the US military, that is basically traditional and White, and mock it.
Every jew in LA that hits it big, what do they do? They join a private country-club and are proud of it.
how stupid so many whites are.
the Simpson is NOT WHITE at all. Look at who created the show and who writes it. Not many Whites work on it, and if they do, they are duped Whites that have their work go through a jew filter.
Just like “conan” that works for jeff zucker, and who tailors his humor through that filter.
Is clander still this clueless?
It appears so.
SNL is openly hostile to Whites. No sane White would even think it was funny.
When Whites like Belushi and overtly blacks like Murphy were on the show, that was when it reached its apogee.
The biggest joke on SNL has to be Will Farrell, who stars in any and all anti-White movies the LA heebs write for him to make a fool of himself with.
Blades of Glory had to be an all time low. Farrell will act in anything a homo or jew writes. It’s sad.
Neocons are Jews. Thank God there is one person on this blog that reads.
josh, despite your wimpy non-White name, you are the right kind of White person for pointing that out.
Cheers!
it’s far more funny than SNL.
The Onion will never have a TV show unless it goes through a full kosher conversion, and that my friends you can take to the bank.
While I woulden’t defend The Onion I must point out that while it has it’s roots are in the mid west it is now writen and published in Brooklyn N.Y.
And while your bigotry is your own biz Family Guy was created by a guy named Seth McFarland who might be jewish (or some fraction there of) but who sounds about as jewish as guinness and blood sausage. Just sayin’.
I’m as white as they come but only about a quarter of these posts apply to me (maybe because I’m Canadian ergo not the right sort of white person).
What I do know is that this site is meant to be a satire and NOT a forum for racist ideology. At some point someone was checking these comments for offensive statements but that is clearly no longer the case…too bad, I was really enjoying this site before all the bigotry.
What about The Daily Show?? White People LOVE The Daily Show.
Angie (from over at http://www.AllAdither.com)
The Onion is great, but it feels very 2003 for me. Is The Onion really still relevant? I mean, I still enjoy reading it, but I’m not sure if it’s as big as it once was. Heck, I think that SWPL is probably more significant at this point. Either way, The Onion (and yes, The Daily Show) are both things that white people like, but that’s just because white people like making light of serious issues…it’s like the sweet sugar that makes the medicine go down.
http://twowhiteboys.com/2008/
Its sad that people actually read that stuff and think its true…
See also: http://detentionslip.org … it’s like the Onion, only real stories.. Especially popular among white teachers / education majors.
Hey clander, anyone else’s ass crack you’d like to lick? Perhaps The Daily Show? Stephen Colbert? Let’s all join in in the circle jerk of how clever we are. It means nothing. Does nothing.
McCain is going to win, and you know why?
Uppity black VS. white POW.
In this country? Psh. No contest.
Seriously. No Animal House? No Fast Time At Ridgemont High?
“Fat Drunk and Stupid is no way to go through life, son.”
now written in Brooklyn, NY
See there?
As predicted, it’s happening already. The Onion will have to go through a kosher filter and slowly become yet another anti-white instrument to hit “big-time” and get a TV/movie deal. Mark my words.
And also, idiot, Seth McFarlane is the shabbat goy, the goy front, the entire rest of the writing staff of that anti-White hate is jewish, Look it up idiot.
Do i ever post anything that isn’t true or cannot be vetted? I think not.
Look it up yourself.
Here’s Seth with 2 jews: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Sethmilaalex.jpg
Seth MacFarlane, Alex Borstein (jew), and Mila Kunis (jew) at Family Guy Live in Los Angeles.
I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.
“The main cast and their main parts are as follows: Seth MacFarlane, who voices Peter Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Brian Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, and Tom Tucker; Alex Borstein as Lois Griffin, Loretta Brown (until the character was retired in season four), and Trisha Takanawa; Seth Green as Chris Griffin; and Mila Kunis as Meg Griffin. The main cast do voices for several recurring characters other than those listed, as well as impersonate celebrities and pop-culture icons.”
Seth and 3 Jews.
And you wonder why the show is anti-White and ridicules Whites? That what the purpose of a “profressive” jew’ life is. Duh!!!
It’s located in New York? It use to be right on The Hill in Boulder, arguably THE WHITEST town in North America. SO white in fact that when “Stuff White People Like” started publishing we were convinced that it was someone in Boulder.
clander did pretty good on the Carson Daly show, he was really good actually, didn’t embarras Whites, that is until he said the most White person there is, is the marxist mulatto who attended an anti-White church for 20 years: Barack Obama.
clander said that there is nothing White people like more than Obama, which of course is false.
Why would White people like a Black racist and black race organizer?
Hi, I’d seen your blog before I saw you on that show that comes on after Conan which comes on after Jay which means it’s two shows after the show that most people watch; and anyway I was surprised.
You look more white than, oh, I don’t know, a white person.
Your emo plastic black glasses pinned you as a white college professor, or a student, which was assisted by your silly beard-thing and free-flowing blond hair.
I listened to you talk about cheese and I was like “OMG WTF is he serious?” Cuz I know white people, at least I know white people who live in Indianapolis, IN, and they’re concerned only with either NASCAR or their kids.
The only people I’ve encountered who are concerned with cheese or the kinds of things your “white people” are concerned with are my GAY FRIENDS.
That’s right; out here in the Midwest the only people you’re making fun of are teh gays. As a gay myself, I’m using my minority powers of awesome and labeling you a homophobic cock-juggler. GAY. (Speaking of which, call me some time.)
Personally, I wanted to slap your bearded face with my palms-o-obvious and let you know that you just look like an ass that’s making fun of your annoying university, or maybe just the rich, white friends who actually do exemplify the Dave Chapelle-inspired vision of white people. These people don’t represent most of us, or even the worst of us–those much more deserving of ridicule–who don’t give a shit about cheeses but who are blatantly racist and who love Larry the Cable Guy.
Nice miss, you fucking douche. FAIL.. Ur writin’ boks abut teh wrng ppl!
Gosh, I hate you. (But still call me because we’re both gay and ur HOT!!1!)
Sincerely,
Pissed off on the Internet,
Dave
The authors of this blog/book are succeeding in the same way palm readers do: observing closely, generalizing broadly and entertaining lightly.
I didn’t read it all, but in case it has not been mentioned, here are a couple:
White people start companies to make themselves look bigger than themselves. Sometimes they invent employees and create e-mail addresses to represent the employees, then answer the e-mail themselves pretending they are someone they hired. It sounds very dishonest but in fact it is quite genuine, because white people have very many different personalities and talents. Just ask them.
Among their many talents, white people are also very good writers and are especially gifted at writing about themselves. Ironically, they are most adept at defacing themselves in brilliant, creative, and sometimes rambling diatribe. But on further examination it is not ironic; this method is the how they make up for their professed faults – displaying their unabashed and brutal honesty in highly entertaining autobiographicals.
Shut up.
No they don’t!
Change the name of your blog to “Stuff White American People Like”. Here in Ireland we have never heard of The Onion and basketball is very much a minority sport. If you want to deal in generalizations, heres’ one “Americans barely realise the rest of the world exists”
I think some of the Unfunny got stuck to this article. That will happen with onions.
That is not how we spell ‘realizes’ here in America
What is an “Ireland”?
I think that “The Onion” could be replaced with “Reader’s Digest” in this post.
Do you feel better about yourself after saying crap like that or are you the type to call NBC and tell them that you’re NOT watching The Office anymore? DICK!
Jasona,
First, you’ll want to look under #101 – Being Offended.
Then, after doing so, unbutton the tie, take a deep breath, and get over yourself. This is a comedy blog. Haha, laugh, laugh, har, har, LOL and all that. You know? Funny!
People have said it before on these comments, but I think it’s important to say it again: this blog isn’t *really* racist, it’s making fun of a small and specific population of the US, mainly white northeastern/northwestern men between college age and 35, who generally believe themselves to be beyond stereotyping because of how enlightened and original their lifestyles are. Calling it “Stuff White Northeastern/Northwestern Men Between College Age and 35” like wouldn’t be funny, so we are stuck with the shorthand, whose bluntness is also part of the joke.
Sorry you feel that way about Americans, but perhaps you are also to blame for being too willing to jump on us because of the actions that our evil leaders have taken in the recent past… might I remind you that they weren’t really elected anyway. Maybe that will make you feel better about us. (Actually it just scares me.)
Don’t forget “The Daily Show.” Another source of white humour.
Wow! I just found out I’m not (quite) as white as I thought I was. Would rather die than watch Monty Python, find the Simpsons just mildly amusing and have only casually glanced at the Onion.
Catherine: Isn’t Ireland one of our 57 states? Slainte
For the rest of the country out there, the midwest still has plenty of the right kind of white people (not that I’m proud of it, but you should at least know we’re not all NASCAR rednecks). Chicago is obvious, and in Michigan there are some very “white” cities: Detroit suburbs, Grand Rapids, and college towns.
Hey Jew Boy,
Isn’t using the word, “apogee”, out of your league? You must have been to an all white party to pick up on “apogee”. Those whites better tighten their perimeter security.
Yeah, that article on Dick Chenney’s 9/11 anniversary gift buying spree was very interesting.
It’s popular with the type of white people that this site is about
Yawn.
Hey Jew Boy,
The sooner we raise the level of the blacks the less worry and money will have to be used to support them. Leave Obama alone, I will have more money when he is done, McCain dead, and Sarah rides out of town on a moose.
fudge packer
here’s another …the irish apparently don’t know how to spell realize
Ireland, white, what the hell are you talking about? Where did you get that notion? Oh, that’s right, you Irish drink a little too much.
Yawn, and good night.
You drunks have no sense of humor.
I seriously need to get in touch with my white-ness. I have never heard of The Onion until this website.
Nothing’s funny.
iLike “FAQ News” too!
http://FAQnews.net
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/historic_blockbuster_store_offers
Guilty as charged! I am a white Northeastern US non-Jewish woman who loves Monty Python, The Simpsons and the Onion. HATE Family Guy and am getting a little tired of Stuff White People Like. Too predictable and a little dated.
And sorry, DaHoffa, I have never seen Monty Python beat a joke to death. SNL on the other hand…
Tracy, I would agree with your movie additions to the list and possibly add Sixteen Candles.
Yes, well don’t get me started on American spellings of English words, the original spelling is in fact “realise” – look it up the the Oxford ENGLISH dictionary, where you will also find the proper spelling of words such as “colour”, “generalisation” (yes, I changed it in my post so you would understand it but forgot about “realise”) “tyre”, “plough” and “cheque”. The last time I was in the States I met an American woman who was amazed that I could speak “American”. Says it all really…….
And to all you posters who said I must be drunk because I’m Irish, well done on wheeling out the oldest racial sterotype in the book. Can’t you be a little more original?
Hey loser, nothing is out of my league since I’m White and English is a White Indo-European language.
Why should it surprise you that a White person knows his own language?????
“Kitten thinks of nothing but murder all day.” I’m going to have this Onion headline inscribed on my tombstone.
raise the blacks?
Let’s see we brought them the wheel in Africa about 200 years ago, and they’ve made no progress, prefering a life of nudity, sex, and indolence.
South Africa was turned over to them in 1994, and now it’s a crime infested, HIV infested hellhole, where a White female live s in danger of gang rape.
Detroit? Enough said.
1964 Civil Rights act? Since then, 50,000+ black on white murders, over 2 million White females raped blacks, currently at a clip of 37,000 per annum, and countless assaults and robberies.
The black illegitimacy rate is at 70% in the USA today.
How many more trillions of White dollars is it going to take?
Money is not the answer.
that’s 2 million black-on-white rapes since 1964. Current avg. is 37,000 per year.
Chicago?
Where the congresspeople are Rahm Emmanuel, Jesse Jackson, Jr., Bobby Rush, Obama, Jan Schakowsky, and Durbin?
I beg to differ. Chicago is only about 30% White, 1/3 of them are fags, the other 1/3 are “wrong kinds of whites” (aka SWPL type anti-white liberals, and the last 1/3 are normal Whites that support the tax base.
Why does the IRA stand for “British out, Nigerians and Chinese in”?
Ireland needs to fix its bad immigration policies fast before it becomes another dysfuctional multi-cult hell hole.
Can’t you Irish see what’s happening in the UK?????
Say no to a black Rose of Tralee already.
you mean Hebrew humor.
lol, google ads gets it right again.
Monty Python is overrated.
Benny Hill was funnier and more talented than the whole Cleese crew x 10.
I despise Anglophilia in all its forms. British humor is not funny, and I detest Americans who think that by displaying an interest in British pop culture, literature, it makes them appear high-brow. Generally I find that people who identify with Britain without having actual British roots just get off on the snobbish implications associated with English accents.
England is a strange entity, an obvious racist behemoth to build its Empire, now reduced to being bastion of jewish-inspired liberalism that’s destroying what’s left of “England” and British culture and history.
Do you mean to tell me that minorities don’t consider Monty Python, The Simpsons, and The Onion to be the holy trinity of comedy? What do they find funny then? Bernie Bloody Mac? Well I got NOOZE FOR YA!
Guilty as charged….
Keep up the good work!
Stuff Mentioned in above comments;
1. Hating republican leaders
2. Clinging to silly notions (Not elected)
3. Earnest pendantic overexamination
4. Preachiness
Rapidly Swelling Man May Contain Traces of Peanuts
Transformer Refuses to Turn Back into Volkswagen
New Galaxy Discovered 4000 Light Years from Public’s Interest
What about Bill Braskey? He invented the onion! BILL BRASKEY!
actually their offices are in Chicago.
AREA ANGLOPHILE CAN’T SEE PUNCHLINE COMMING FROM A MILE AWAY
How sad is it that I saw this article in Google Reader sandwiched between posts from The Onion…?
Ha, ha, a plug for a plug! (not that either of you need it!) Just read your interview in this week’s edition, Mr. Lander–great job addressing some questions I’ve often had!
unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.
I must be black.
Or the wrong type of white person.
One other source of white humor: This is Spinal Tap.
the onion is hilarious
spinal tap is the best
I don’t think you’re really irish. where’s your accent?
how about Arrested Development?!
what is it with you and the Jews? Did one hurt you personally?
You have got to stop fondling yourself when you post a reply. save it for red tube.
STOP MENTIONING JON STEWART
what? what? what? what? what? what? what? what? what? what? what? what? what? what? what? what?
The Office, Dane Cook and Dimitri whatever..
I have a headline: “America Spells Words Differently, Europe Angry”
You are annoying and not funny.
Amanda,
The Daily Show sucks and Jon Stewart is a D-Bag.
Love,
Your Mom
All in favor of banning Dave’s annoying long winded comments say “I”…
you are racist. and stupid. i hope a black person kills you.
but i hope they rape you first. and then kill you.
i mentioend the onion weeks ago on this blog – i am freaking brilliant!
i think Seinfeld is quite more persuasive white refernece point…like my favorite quote of mylsef…
“remmeber that time on seinfeld that was just like this?”
i do repsect the onion. it is funnier than this site.
about the one advantage of this site is that it lets people waste time at work, and comment anonlymously.
and sprew racist, anit-semitic, and infantile rants ad infinitum.
and that has some value.
soon the amount of aforementioned racist, anit-semitic, homophobic commentary will force the adveristers of the site to back away.
i predict a NYT story about it soon – SWPL promotes racism, or the like.
i wonder what ADFL thinks?
so you dont like the rolling stones and the who? or led zepplin? waht kind of white perospn are yuou?
I queefed. Smell the butterscotch
Dang. We have the book. Dang!
Wow! Matt Groening is a Jew? I had no idea. This is BIG NEWS to me! If Groening is a Jew, everyone is! I’m a Jew! Mennonites are Jews!Obama is a Jew! Sarah Palin is a Jew!!!! McCain is a Jew!
The onion also sometimes gives you free beer
The Wrong Kind of White People don’t like Jews or Gays writing their news (well, does The Onion count as news?)
Only the Wrong Kind of White People like family guy…
lol, white people are so touchy.
HA i have an onion rss feed right next to my stuff white people like feed.
i’m getting whiter by the minute.
me too!! i am so white people..
hahaha… hahaha.. oh……
dang, this entry was really tired.
Have you actually been to South Africa? I spent several months there and as a young, white female was treated with more respect and courtesy by black men than by white men. Most of South Africa is not a hellhole. Cape Town is one of the most beautiful cities in the world, in my opinion.
Wow. SWPL’s RSS feed is definitely right next to The Onion on my toolbar. And I’m not even white. Fuck– maybe I am, after all….
Are you a Person On The Internet, by any chance? I take it from your post that you are. This means that you like Arrested Development; accordingly your opinion on all matters, and particularly comedy, should be immediately disregarded.
This is one reason why you are an appalling person. Many others are evident. Please consider self-harm.
OMG, clander. I just saw the review of your book in my new issue of The Atlantic. Is that ironic or what?
I was literally on theonion.com just before I checked in on your website today.
That is coincidental and not all that unexpected. Maybe if you read the review in Vibe your experience could be a little bit ironic.
Just like white people to think they’re original.
The Onion. I gotta check it out. Please check ME out here:
So You Want To Be a Banquet Manager
I’m so bummed… I thought I was white. I can’t stand the Onion.
so there’s this ad on your site with the text that says:
LOOKING FOR A BEAUTIFUL ASIAN BRIDE?
CLICK HERE
and it’s a picture of a white dude macking on a cutey asian girl.
AHAHAHAHAHHAAHA
That’s funny, the same thing literally happened to me.
Poor children. No Google. And you’ve obviously never read the Onion (or just started), or you’d get the reference.
The Simpsons is dead.
The only thing I ever used to read on the Onion were the horoscopes because they were uncannily accurate for me.
It’s funny, white people love to hate America until a foreigner criticizes it. It’s kind of like one’s own mother. I can bitch about her all I want but the minute someone else says something bad about her I get on the defensive. I think it’s pretty normal.
Catherine, yes, it’s meant to be ridiculously over-generalized. White people who don’t fall into this category are deemed (by this site) “the wrong kind of white people” — which is probably about 90% of white people. It’s the joke.
I like Irish folk. I’m part Irish myself and I love your accents. 🙂
God, couldn’t be closer to the truth.
“This is because every white male under 35 is convinced that they could and should be working for The Onion.”
Pathetic. And I say this, because I’ve applied to work for – and was rejected by – The Onion. Twice.
Marty: If you could not play rock’n roll, what would you do?
David: Be a full time dreamer!
Viv: I’d probably get a bit stupid and start to make a fool of myself in
public, ’cause there wouldn’t be a stage to go on.
Derek: Probably work with children.
Mick: As long as there is, you know, sex and drugs, I can do
without the rock’n’roll.
Nigel: Well, I suppose I could, uh, work in a shop of some kind or…
or do uh… freelance… selling of some sort of…uh…
product, you know…
Marty: A salesman, you think you ….
Nigel: A salesman, like, mabye in a haberdasher, or maybye like a…uh
a chapeau shop, or something…you know, like: “Would you…what size
do you wear, sir?” and then you answer me.
Marty: Uh…seven and a quarter.
Nigel: “I think we have that…”, you see, something like that I could do.
Marty: Yeah…you think you be happy doing something like-
Nigel: “No! We’re all out, do you wear black?”, see, that sort of thing,
I think I could probably muster up.
Marty: Yeah, do you think you’d be happy doing that?
Nigel: Well, I don’t know, wh-wh-what are the hours?
The end
OLYMPIA, WA—Less than 12 hours after devoting his entire Saturday to masturbating in a dimly lit room, local resident Ian Schiller, 25, advised a friend with whom he was eating brunch to “seize the day.”
“Carpe diem, that’s my motto,” Schiller said in response to his companion’s quandary over whether he should ask out a woman from his office, despite Schiller’s decision just one day earlier to bring himself to orgasm five times rather than enrich his own life in any way. “Why shut yourself off from the world, man? You only live once.”
Schiller then paused briefly to put on sunglasses, his eyes not yet fully readjusted to normal daytime light levels.
Schiller
Though he refrained from both showering and changing his underwear and socks during his near-marathon self-pleasuring, Schiller went on to extol the importance of living life to its fullest and never squandering a minute of one’s precious time on this planet.
“You gotta make your move, man!” said Schiller, apparently not recalling the many hours he spent avoiding not only women, but all human contact and natural sunlight in favor of manually stimulating himself and intermittently dozing off in his computer chair. “What, do you think she’s just going to walk right up to you and ask you out? Go for it. There’s nothing worse than regret.”
Despite having ignored three phone messages from friends the previous day—urging Schiller to go to the beach, attend an outdoor concert, and go for a hike in nearby Olympic National Park, respectively—so that he could open several Internet browser tabs to various pornographic video clips and allow them to load simultaneously to prevent interruption while he masturbated, Schiller stressed the importance of experiencing everything life has to offer.
“Read a book, write a letter, go to a museum,” Schiller said through a yawn, still visibly fatigued from his onanistic excess. “Trust me, you have to take in as many of life’s finer things as you can before your time’s up. What’s the point in living if you don’t nourish your mind and soul?”
“You have to strive to improve yourself every day,” Schiller added, his stained, rumpled T-shirt a testament to his failure to complete even the simple task of doing laundry, a chore that would have taken precious time away from carefully spreading out a towel on a chair to catch the sweat from his nude exertions, tilting his laptop screen to just the right angle on his desk, and delicately folding a three-foot length of toilet paper over his erect penis in lieu of two tissues, since his Kleenex supply had been exhausted during an earlier masturbation session.
Schiller then took pause from lecturing his brunch partner on the benefits of getting outside your comfort zone in order to hastily consume a ham and cheese omelet, his body depleted of proteins and nutrients from the previous day, when he was forced to eat two small meals of peanut butter and stale crackers in order to avoid running into his roommate in the kitchen.
“Variety is the spice of life,” he added.
According to Schiller, much of the advice he offered is common sense, and can be tied to a greater life philosophy in which the day-to-day tribulations of human existence are tempered by sampling life’s myriad pleasures and fulfilling one’s potential as a well-rounded person.
“It’s important to find an element of wonder in everything you do,” said Schiller, once more failing to mention the many hours of repetitive and joyless tugging at his genitals he very recently engaged in while wrapped in a filthy robe, his face illuminated only by the flat, cold light of a computer monitor. “We’re not on this earth for very long, so you have to make the most of it.”
“Life’s too short to spend sitting around with your dick in your hand,” Schiller added
KINGSPORT, TN—Just six months after claiming she was ecstatic about moving in with her boyfriend, and a mere eight weeks after announcing that she “couldn’t be happier” with their decision to take a brief time apart, administrative assistant Ann Castlen, 26, told friends Monday that she was absolutely thrilled to be single.
“Free at last!” Castlen said, nearly a year to the day after she informed several coworkers that she was emotionally ready to settle down and have children. “It’s like this giant weight has been lifted off me and I can finally breathe. I’m just going to enjoy this time alone and do all those things I was dying to do when I was bogged down with [ex-boyfriend] Brandon [Weiter].”
According to friends, Castlen has expressed nearly identical feelings of elation upon returning to the dating scene, entering the initial phase of monogamous courtship, getting back together with an ex-boyfriend, developing a crush on a coworker, going on a series of blind dates, trying an open relationship, trying a long- distance relationship, and meeting a guy in a bar and having a passionate fling that she doesn’t expect to go anywhere.
“When Ann was dating Brandon, she would never stop gushing about how sweet he is, and how he ‘might be the one,'” said Castlen’s friend and former college roommate Bridget Mauresco. “I thought she’d be crushed when they broke up. But the next day, she’s going on and on about how ‘amazing’ it is to be able to stay out late without having to call somebody to check in.”
“I haven’t seen Ann this happy since she and Brandon promised to give their relationship one more shot two weeks ago,” Mauresco added.
The newly single Castlen said she is delighted to finally have the chance to achieve several personal goals that she had no time to concentrate on while in a relationship, such as painting her apartment, catching up on the past three seasons of Project Runway, and training to run a marathon. According to Castlen, she plans to embrace the “me time” offered by singledom until she is ready to date again, at which point she will become overjoyed by the exhilarating feeling of a blossoming romance and repeatedly claim that she “deserves to be spoiled” by a nice guy for a while.
“I’m so happy right now!” said Castlen, who uttered these same exact words after Weiter first said ‘I love you’ to her, during the period in which she and Weiter underwent a brief split and were seeing other people, and when she had to choose between two boys who had crushes on her at sixth-grade summer camp.
Despite reporting no significant changes in living situation, availability of free time, job security, financial independence, or self-confidence since last Wednesday—when she told friends she was relieved to have finally escaped the bar scene—Castlen said she is now at the “best point in [her] life” to be single, and has already called her friend Mara Delung to arrange a night out to meet available men at Snooker’s Pub.
“Last time I talked to Ann, she tried to set me up with one of her boyfriend’s friends so I could ‘have some stability in my life,'” Delung said. “Then she calls me yesterday and asks if speed dating is still a thing. Apparently, she’s always wanted to try it but just couldn’t when she was stuck with Brandon.”
Added Delung, “Weren’t they buying a house together?”
Having such an optimistic outlook on her love life is not uncommon for Castlen, who since reaching dating age has undergone more than 23 changes in relationship status, ranging from long-term abstinence to a brief but intense affair with a married man. The 26-year-old has also celebrated three serious relationships that lasted the perfect length of time, five just-what-she-needed dumpings, two hookups with ex-boyfriends that “gave her closure,” and an abruptly canceled engagement that Castlen said she couldn’t have planned better herself.
“I’m glad Ann’s finally doing what makes her happy,” ex-boyfriend Sam Lorz said. “She’s a great girl, and she deserves to be single, or dating, or taking time off from dating, or getting married—if that’s what she wants.”
Lorz went on to say that, in the coming months, he may try to once again begin a relationship with Castlen, as their on-again, off-again casual flings “always seem to cheer her up
People who watch Monty Python more than once (or think it’s funny, for that matter) should get their head checked. I have found at least one strange (white) person who felt the need to bring it to EVERY party he attend because, well, HE thought it was funny. A few years later, he went to Harvard and turned into a girl. Hmmm….
So how much did The Onion pay for this advertisement?
I’m so white…..
I think the fact that it was founded in Madison, Wisconsin is alone enough reason for white people to love it.
Hall Monitor
http://detentionslip.org
I only like it when it’s funny – like this blog.
When Obama was making his convention greek columns stage, a mccain spokes person responded (i’m not making this up), “Is this from the Onion?”
That’s proof right there.
I don’t know if I agree with this post; I lived in Seattle (a white person mecca) for 8 years and only heard The Onion referred to a handful of times–and 99% of my friends were white.
When I have glanced at The Onion, I’ve found it boring. I wonder, “what’s the point of reading fake news?” Guess I’ve never really liked spoofs (re: the Airplane movies, etc.).
Also, I am only half white. Maybe that explains it.
The Onion doesn’t get near the coverage of Simpsons and Monty Python, imho.
Also, if we’re talking white people humor, let’s not forget:
The Colbert Report, Jay Leno, Conan (and a bunch of other guys) Futurama, Mitch Hedberg, Eddie Izzard, That 70’s show, Family Guy, South Park, SNL, Seinfeld…
…and, of course, Chris Rock.
I’m sorry sir, but I’m going to have to ask you to leave.
when The Onion becomes jewish, and mostly jewish writers, it will lose ALL of its originality.
That you can take to the bank.
Look at the pro sports world today, mind-numbing conformity, crass jewish commercialism, etc.
James L. Brooks (born May 9, 1940) is an American producer, screenwriter and director. He is known for producing television programs such as The Mary Tyler Moore Show, The Simpsons (in which he created miscellaneous characters, including the Bouvier family), Rhoda and Taxi.
HE IS A JEW.
The Simpsons wouldn’t exist without being anti-White.
You really are clueless.
No, I just don’t like the talmudvision.
notice the negro the jews stuck into 90210 this time around?
No negro lead characters on israeli TV.
They are just the most despised hypocrites in world history, and they could never begin to scapegoat the disparate peoples over centuries that thought they were poisonous to the host culture.
you need to read some history.
jesse jackson is a racist and so was Malcolm X.
I love La Raza, mecha, and David Ben Gurion.
I love all non-White racist assholes.
tell us……did your host have security at their home?
panic button?
dogs?
a gate on their driveway?
You are a full blown liar.
Cunas a ta tu…….fool.
good point.
cheers!!
which is it?
Brooklyn or Chicago?
If the Onion goes to NYC, and gets jewified, its originality will diminish very quickly.
these go to eleven.
seinfeld?
that’s as jew as it gets.
That lame-ass show even cast a full-blown ashkenazi subhuman (Jason Alexander, born Jay Scott Greenspan) as an Italian — who totally cannot act Italian.
His father on the show, another jew, what’s his name, the other jew……oh yeah, Stiller’s dad also was so JEW as to be totally unbelievable as an Italian.
As bad a Ray Romano show, where his brother and mother were also played by jews and not Italians.
One Day at a Time — Ms. Romano? played by Bonnie Franklin another uninspiring and non-Italian jewess.
It all sucks.
I cannot see how a smart White person can even waste his/her time with it.
I see.
As long as the commentary is anti-White racist, then it’s OK. Gotta love all those office-supply commercials with the dumb-white guy and the “smart” black boss, or the “hip” black co-worker.
Who cares about total falsehoods and alternate reality?
Douche-bag.
You do represent everything wrong with White people today.
who wrote the Atlantic article?
HA HA….all you stupid Whites….”Benjamin Schwarz” a non-White.
Soooooo…..predictable.
Please tell us, what is homosexual Andrew Sullivan telling Whites now?
What a total joke.
exactly why this site represent the “wrong kinds of white people” because you cannot be a right kind of white person if you produce non-White kids.
It boggles the mind, such a simple thing.
agreed.
It has a true White pedigree.
As mentioned before, it if cease to be White, and becomes….say jewified, the original attraction of the medium will diminish immediately. it’s proven throughout history, ask F. Scott Fitzgerald.
moron, the vast majority of that list is non-White and most of their content is anti-white.
Are you stupid or something???
you’re a very intelligent and tolerant person!
LOL!!!
Ireland would be better off rejecting US multiculturalism.
Today there are more people in Ireland that speak Chinese than do Gaelic. nigerians? what possibly could they add to Ireland?
Ireland better wake up fast.
The women and hipsters may be white, but they’re not white—they’re members of the cool-looking pan-ethnic tribe, a tribe defined by economic and social status and by cultural and aesthetic preferences rather than by ethnicity. When I interviewed Lander on the telephone in July, he acknowledged that White People are in fact “desperate to define themselves as other than white.”
the non-white’s wetdream, and no wonder they promote these “wrong kind of whites” so much.
How aad that Whites have fallen like this…..
White People “like feeling smart without doing work—two hours in a theater is easier than ten hours with a book.”
nonsense, as if non-Whites actually read?
At the top of this list is anything that has to do with Christianity”—an aversion, Lander discerns, rooted not in religious enmity but in taste (Christianity is “a little trashy”), formed largely by class and education.
typical comment of the hebrew journalist that has no problem supporting israel and the torah. clander is a fool to even deal with these anti-White idiots.
More important, for those whose “politics” are almost entirely gestural, not only do the personal and the political insidiously entwine, so do the aesthetic and the political. The logic, born in college dining halls and now embraced by people well into adulthood, that holds that donning a colored plastic bracelet or a kaffiyeh is an act of personal and political self-definition can and does attach the same significance to snowboarding and to selecting one’s iPod playlist. When everything is “political,” of course, nothing is.
what is this jew saying here? typical non-White, nonsensical prose. Only a jew thinks this is clever English writing,
But those who strive for truly radical—that is, class-based—political change must long for the days of a crude and relatively undifferentiated popular and consumer culture, when stuff was just … stuff.
gotta love that last paragraph where the little weasel jew reveals his egocentric movtivations: anti-White marxism
what a joke.
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200810/editors-choice
am a whitey from england never hear of a onion until now that is…ars is known as collyflower…
“This is because every white male under 35 is convinced that they could and should be working for The Onion.”
Single greatest observation on this site ever.
You forgot Seinfeld…
Now you’re getting personal, but I will still help you out to prove your lack of knowledge.
Where did the English language begin? If are talking of only the language spoke from the beginning of civilized people on what is now the English Islands, it is nothing like what is in usage today. Matter of fact there was no English language pure and original. English is a derivative of a number of languages because of the many tribes, cultures, and conquering hordes who inhabited “England” over the ages. Your worst fears are now realized; you are not pure in language or color, since color in England got there the same way.
To help you out even a little more, there is a large amount of evidence that the first people who fit the definition of white were probably the Jews.
Hey, dumb ass, how about that?
Josh and you belong together. Justin is another. The three of you don’t have the brain power to blow your nose.
Wow! Now, there is a statement. Yid, you’re a full fledged idiot.
I have. You need to read the future. You’re not in it.
Hey, dumb ass. Let me try four words on you and see if you can associate them to draw a conclusion. They are: Africa, Egypt, chariot, wheel. Oh, by the way, dumb ass, that was more than 200 years ago.
It is an arguable point that the Egyptians were the first whites. Arguable, because none of this shit is definitely provable. Matter of fact your highly touted whiteness isn’t provable. There is no doubt some bastard child fathered an off spring who is somewhere in your family tree (right along with a couple of monkeys). It appears your families’ tree has lately picked up on the monkey strain again.
Yid, you have the corner on stupid.
WASHINGTON – Nebraska Republican Sen. Chuck Hagel said his party’s vice presidential nominee, Sarah Palin, lacks foreign policy experience and called it a “stretch” to say she’s qualified to be president.
ADVERTISEMENT
“She doesn’t have any foreign policy credentials,” Hagel said in an interview published Thursday by the Omaha World-Herald. “You get a passport for the first time in your life last year? I mean, I don’t know what you can say. You can’t say anything.”
Could Palin lead the country if GOP presidential nominee John McCain could not?
“I think it’s a stretch to, in any way, to say that she’s got the experience to be president of the United States,” Hagel said.
McCain and other Republicans have defended Palin’s qualifications, citing Alaska’s proximity to Russia. Palin told ABC News, “They’re our next-door neighbors and you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska, from an island in Alaska.”
Hagel took issue with that argument. “I think they ought to be just honest about it and stop the nonsense about, ‘I look out my window and I see Russia and so therefore I know something about Russia,'” he said. “That kind of thing is insulting to the American people.”
Hagel, a senior member of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, has been a vocal critic of the Bush administration since the 2003 invasion of Iraq.
In July, Hagel traveled to Iraq and Afghanistan with Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama. Though he didn’t expect to be asked, Hagel had said he would have considered serving as Obama’s running mate.
Palin was mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, population 6,500, before becoming Alaska’s governor in December 2006.
Palin visited soldiers in Kuwait and Germany last year and said in an interview with ABC News that her only other foreign travel had been to Mexico and Canada. She also said she had never met a foreign head of state.
Hagel told the newspaper that other governors have been elected to serve in the White House without experience in Washington. He said judgment and character were also important for the job.
“But I do think in a world that is so complicated, so interconnected and so combustible, you really got to have some people in charge that have some sense of the bigger scope of the world,” Hagel said. “I think that’s just a requirement.”
Boring, snooze. I’m going to go and take a poop.
50% of the writers at the Onion are Jewish.
The Onion?! Well, maybe it’s because I’m from Brazil, but here it’s very hard to find a white person who’s even heard of the onion. If you want to read stuff this white Brazilian woman likes, look here: http://www.escrevalolaescreva.blogspot
If you associate Brazilian women with nudity, you’re bound to be disappointed…
PAY ATTENTION TO ME!
*does a racist troll dance*
TA-DA!
*pants, does another dance*
TA-DA!
*pause*
PAY ATTENTION TO ME!
PAY ATTENTION TO ME!
JEWS EAT POOP! BLACKS DRINK PEE!
*does a racist troll dance*
TA-DA!
*pants, does another dance*
TA-DA!
*pause*
PAY ATTENTION TO ME!
Agreed. Can I blow you?
SEINFELD IS A JEWJEW BEAN!
*does a racist troll dance*
TA-DA!
*pants, does another dance*
TA-DA!
*pause*
PAY ATTENTION TO ME!
May I add:
KARL MARX WAS A JEW!
I LOVE MILTON FRIEDMAN!
HE IS MY JEWJEW SWEETHEART! I WANT TO COVER HIS BELLY WITH LEMON DROPS AND EAT THEM ALL OFF HIS BELLY.
Yeah, JEW corner.
That is my favorite Onion headline too- I think I saved the issue. That week I made sure to bring up that Onion article in every conversation I had.
How can you not associate Brazilian women with nudity? They have such nice round juicy asses, and suck dick like it has the antidote in it.
i did ask FScottF. – and he says your mom gives great head
I’ll ask her tonite, when I’m banging your mom
The Gats’
This is just an advertisement for the onion.
Plus, I really don’t know many people who actually read it or own books.
=
SWPL has sold out.
Do your own killing boy. Why need a black to do it for you? Grow some balls you fucking slime jew cock sucker.
rofl almost as funny as this classic: http://tinyurl.com/5l5srb
The only thing that white people like more than the Onion is this blog.
whale watching , dude. I can’t believe clander missed that one. As I type this I am watching whites watch whales. They are all just standing there for like 20-30 minutes + , looking out there, hoping to catch a glimpse. Some have brought their children. Most have coffees in their hand. Still others take pictures with their tech gadgets. They come back to the establishment where I sit, beaming with whalian ecstacy.
WTF? Take your meds dude…
Stuff white people like: Overusing the word “literally”.
“look it up the the Oxford ENGLISH dictionary”
Since when do the Irish defend the English? We financed your war of independence, and you fought in ours. Chill out luv.
I
You know, I’ve been ignoring this idiot on the principle that responding to morons just encourages them; but the Egypt thing was pretty damn funny.
Ok, I’ll play. My favorites from the Madison-only Onion days….
UW STUDENTS ARE BUTT DUMB
DRUNKEN CAROUSERS OVERTURN VILAS HALL
JEREMY R MEHNKES IS COOL
ONION SPACE FLEET GROUNDED (mentioned that it’s parked in Fitchburg accruing “outrageous parking fees”)
and, without question, the best ever…
OUR SOCIETY IS IN THE GRIP OF PENIS FEAR (the entirety of the front page was a huge penis diagram)
this blog has to stop… if it ever really started in the first place.
from what vantage or critical distance are these anti-urban habitus, anti-superstructural (culture industry) and anti-bureaucratic (federal fluff jobs) observations made?
–North Korea?
–Heidegger’s cabin retreat in Bavaria?
–Someone’s romantic conception of the high-industrial american youth in his boot-strapping provinciality (that had a job by 10, alcohol problem by 12, wife at 14, owned a butcher shop by 19, 10 kids by 26, and dead at 29)?
if there is an “outside” to the hipster blogosphere, it will never be able to make itself intelligible to it; this entire string of observations is a false outside, that is actually an intra-alienation both constituting and expressing (and ultimately reinforcing) the overanalytic sensibility of all hipsterality.
this blog really needs to stop.
to be White a language at a minimum must be Indo-European, which English most definitely is.
Hebrew is a Semitic language totally removed from Indo-European and European root, hence it’s non-White.
see here: http://www.danshort.com/ie/iecentum.htm
How so?
I’ve reproduced, have you? My White genes will continue on.
Most SWPL type Whites won’t reproduce, or they will not marry Whites and have non-white kids, so they aren’t in the future. I don’t know why they are so proud to be here discussing whiteness. What are they doing to see our contribution to diversity moves into the future?
Ira Glass has the worst voice in radio.
That will inevitably increase, and the originality of the Onion will diminish rapidly. This is a known cycle. jews never start these kinds of things, they just ruin them.
good one!!
Right. here we go with the Egyptian were black nonsense.
OK, let’s forget the Mare Nostrum part of Africa.
In “sub-saharan” Africa they didn’t have the wheel when the British showed up.
What is it with liberal anti-White racists? Do you guys all have low IQs? A bunch of dimwits who parrot everything and cannot reason for themselves. No wonder you guys like sitcoms.
suck dick like it has the antidote in it.
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!
That’s not the anti-yid, it’s a real Yid.
Marx was indeed a jew, and that’s why Marxism is anti-White and it hates the very idea of Whites even existing as a distinct group.
Very typical, you’re one smart Yid!
jews ruined Palm Beach, FL, it used to have class.
you really shouldn’t masturbate so furiously. it can’t be good for you.
Im a white dude, 22 years old, and i fuckin hate this site, stalest shit ever. Eeeeeee well just take some real news and type some sarcastic bullshiz and pass it off for some insight and talent. I got a 12 year old cousin who could write that shit.
The one thing white people like more than reading the Onion is learning sex secrets 😉
http://sexed.wordpress.com
Come see what everyone’s talking about!
I believe that Scrubs is #1
http://www.culturallycool.com
though as an american,hjmor is quite a natrual thing ,yet i think its nonsense to look through all the garbage in the onion just to have some gossipijng.one cannot lice on talking about news and its departing from free will.
Oh my goodness!!! Your response to rauccitron is the best thing I have read in months on this blog. The tears are running down my face, I am lauging that hard.
hahahaha!! I was just on the onion before I came to see the latest entry here! awesome!
haha!
The Onion, Monty Python, and The Simpsons?
Whoever writes this blog must be sitting in a wooden rocking chair wearing Depends and spending their down time yelling at squirrels to get off their lawn, or perhaps showing pictures of their grandkids to a fire hydrant.
“Bring me my teeth, Mable!”
Your parents didn’t produce white children; that is, if you even know who your father is.
“Dog Experiences Best Day of His Life for 400th Consecutive Day” Get your headlines right. What kind of white person are you?
haha – I am 33, live in Madison and one of my neighbors, who is also white and in his mid thirties, does work for the Onion at their Madison office.
He loves it there and I would would love it too.
What’s the onion? I always thought that was another name for “a booty so round that it makes you want to cry”….
you should mastabate more
you’re too young for the humor in this site – 26-36 yrs is target. sure it tail soff to some older pathetic hipsters, but misses the LiLo crowd.
word.
talleeb kwaalial
so should i. whree’s my towel?
Bill Hicks
or
This blog
Guns!!!
You have to ignore Fat Mikey D(ouche). He’s a typical open minded liberal who likes to shout people down who don’t agree with his tolerant views. He likes to act like a tough guy on blogs but in reality he’s a limp wristed lardass. Fatso works in admissions at a community college in Chicago so he thinks that makes him smarter than everyone else. Note that he types like a 5 year old.
however self-aggrandizing you think the indictment was, you are still stuck to deal with the bottom-line prescriptive:
this blog (its nouveaux riche witticisms) needs to stop.
Don’t forget classic Firesign Theatre (pre-1972).
e.g.:
This chinchilla is entirely synthetic.
Why look there, it’s still smoldering!
Oh look, he’s trying to get away!
No no. No no. There we go, back into the cage.
They do try to get away. But that’s part of the fun, of raisin’ ’em!
…
The Future is Fun! The Future is Fair!
…
“Offer not good after dark in Sectors R or M. ” They never come up into the hills any more!
…
As Anti-yid would say, “I think we’re all Bozos on this bus. (My mother was a Bozo-ette in high school.)”
man i was confused when i first hit the page. I was just at the onion, so seeing that familiar logo made me question the tool bar bookmark that i just clicked. That’s right, my bookmarks for the onion and stuff white people like are side by side.
as a side note: if you want to have fun, go to a book store and ask: “do you have stuff white people like?” It’s funnier with a person that is not white though.
http://www.websketchz.com 🙂
get yours
Wow, you are probably the whitest person to ever comment here. Congratulations!
This blog doesn’t NEED to stop. You simply WANT it to stop because it offends your precious white, urban, politically correct sensibilities. However, there is a much easier, more sensible solution to this problem: If you don’t want to read this blog, then don’t. It’s that simple.
Now, run along and read an Obama book or something. I’m sure he’s released his third and fourth memoirs by now.
I enjoy the Onion for some things- it does make for good humor some of the time- but on the whole, I really don’t find it that funny.
forgive me but judging my these comments, it seems white people really like to try to promote their blogs on other people’s successful one trick pony land me on conan blogs.
having said that, why not disover your true self.
ask me http://www.howtolosegirls.com
Gentile Groening was married to a Jew (Caplan) and produced two yidlits per Halakha. No idea if that qualifies ‘The Simpsons’ as being ‘Jewish’.
dammit. i meant discover. discover. not “disover”. totally not a spammer. just a dude who wants to help all of you.
please by all means
liberate yourself
ask me http://howtolosegirls.com
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhaha.. Wait wait wait. Europeans brought THE WHEEL to africa 200 YEARS AGO!?!?!?! What the flying fuck are you smoking. How off your ass insane/retarded are you. Please please please just read a little about history will you. Even Wikipedia will give you an infinitely better education than you seem to have received so far.
hahahahahaha.. oh man. real rich.
Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.
Mother Teresa
Nope. Definitely a spammer.
Thanks. I’ll be sure to add that to my boycott list.
The onion did a fine story on the most ineffective member of the U.S. senate John Kerry. My friends Bush is the worst little troll on the planet, worst, stupid president, and I am the guy who lost to him. Its a real downer, something only a wealthy old widow can bring you out of. I am going wind surfing and troll for some young babes.
Sounds like someone from the Onion who was trying to drum up business wrote that article. The Onion is *not* even close to that popular.
I thought I was white, but I don’t read the Onion so now I’m not sure! I’d better check with my therapist to see what’s wrong with me!
Lol…every white male under 35 is convinced they could or should be working for The Onion…
I can name at least 10 who have uttered the exact same shit…
http://andthisismyamerica.com/2008/09/20/a-round-of-applause-for-those-under-appreciated-women/
i’ve been reading your comments, anti-yid, and i have to say, aren’t most jewish people white? i’ve noticed you commenting on jewish this and jewish that, but religion has no colour. are there white jews? yes. black jews? yes. jewish is not a race, it’s a religion.
and no, i am not jewish, but i have always thought it odd how unlike any other religion, the term jew is used to define more than one’s religious beleifs, and i don’t get it!
i am sure there are italian jews! jews is a religion, not an ethnic background. i am white and i never noticed those actors were jewish or italian or whatever. they looked similar (in the case of everyone loves; raymond) so who cares? when casting shows or movies, it is more about a look, not so much if you are croatian or south african or whatever.
This is a good reminder that I need to renew my online subscription to The Onion, otherwise I will lose all my friends and have nothing to contribute at dinner parties.
Dude, or dudette, this is a site about WHITE people. If you want to see real bigotry, go to jewcy.com or some other semite blog or dating website — no other group is as proud of their race or as race-exclusive as Jews. They hide behind being a religion when it suits them while they pursue their racialist exclusiveness and anti-white, anti-Christian, anti-American agenda.
Go to Israel and try to marrry a jew — even if you’ve converted to Judiasm, if your pedigree does not show a direct jewis racial descendancy through your mother, the state will not marry you. Jewishness is both a race and a religion, and Jews use the religion card when it suits them and the race one to exclude other races.
This is so true. I have a friend who wants to get a job working for The Onion “right out of college”. Nice job, Stuff White People Like.
Please let me help you. That would be spelled masturbate, not mastabate. That would be rule # what on SWPL?
So, I’ve heard of The Onion before, but I’ve never cared to see what it was. So, after seeing this article i decided to check it out, and guess what? I LOVE IT. Seriously… these people here at Stuff White People Like really know their stuff. How funny is that?
If I may, a few suggestions for future postings. As a white person who likes both of the following and knows a lot of white people who also like the following, I think you’ll find good fodder in:
1) Charlie Rose
2) Therapy
Stop bashing the ‘Onion” and calling for its demise. This is all about censorship. After all, censorship is becoming America’s favorite past-time. The US gov’t (and their corporate friends), already place protesters in fenced-in cages, ban books like “America Deceived” from Wikipedia, Amazon and Facebook, and shut down Ron Paul. Free Speech forever, even for the Onion.
Last link (before Google Books caves to pressure and drops the title):
http://www.iuniverse.com/Bookstore/BookDetail.aspx?BookId=SKU-000083883
Apparently, I’m not white at all… I hate dinner parties, I hate going for walks, I hate wine, I don’t like “The Onion”, never been snow boarding–have no desire to go… I DETEST the Colbert Report, can’t stand coffee, I haven’t traveled more than 10 miles away from my home in months, and I love watching television…
Future Onion Headline: ‘Stuff White People Like’ #1 Post on ‘Stuff White People Like’
Too bad we own everything.
My friend Swish the fairy put a hamster in my asshole, and once in there, Swishie start to lick my balls! I was in white boy heaven.
Passerby Were Amazed at the Unusually Large Amounts of Blood…Passerby Were Amazed at the Unusually Large Amounts of Blood…Passerby Were Amazed at the Unusually Large Amounts of Blood…Passerby Were Amazed at the Unusually Large Amounts of Blood…Passerby Were Amazed at the Unusually Large Amounts of Blood…Passerby Were Amazed at the Unusually Large Amounts of Blood…Passerby Were Amazed at the Unusually Large Amounts of Blood…Passerby Were Amazed at the Unusually Large Amounts of Blood…Passerby Were Amazed at the Unusually Large Amounts of Blood…Passerby Were Amazed at the Unusually Large Amounts of Blood…Passerby Were Amazed at the Unusually Large Amounts of Blood…Passerby Were Amazed at the Unusually Large Amounts of Blood…
Does “white people”=”geeky single white male 20 somethings that work in information technology in silicon valley?” Then you’re incredibly insightful.
i think you need to read what i wrote a few more times.
i get the feeling that this “clander” has blog monitors/administrators to stifle potentially destructive memes.
what i wrote above should not have provoked such rabid attacks, unless there is a bottom line and market niche at stake.
this fella has already written his book.
he really can stop now.
Look K!ke, don’t come to a White site pushing that jewbag pseudo-science. Whites should avoid all jew therapy and NEVER, EVER let a jew psychologist put a White child on meds.
Butter!
Sandra Bernhard is a jew, a lesbian and all-around most hideous woman on the planet. She is soooooooo jealous of Palin.
All people should see the Sandra Bernhard video rant and see what jews really think of all Whites, Christians, and goyim.
this should be required viewing for any White person in America. Great comments that skewer this jealous butt-ugly jewess filled with hate. And you wonder why everyone can’t stand jews.
I have enjoyed your blog for a while now. It’s so funny!!!
My husband (Justin) and I crack up about the different things you publish and how accurate some of it is.
Justin and I leave on September 30th to backpack to various countries around the world for a year or so. As we have been planning for our adventure we have been updating a blog. http://www.nomadbackpackers.com
Apparently, white people like to backpack too!
Thanks,
Natalie
hahahahahahahahahahahaha love it. except it’s not halloween just yet, better save your rabid schizophrenic redneck trash outfit for the real thing!
Let me correct the lede for your: white humor comes from FOUR sources: The Simpsons, Monty Python, The Onion, and Stuffwhitepeoplelike.com (or you could probably add a generic satrical blogs such as overheardinnewyork.com)
White people like making fun of the fact that they are white.
The Simpsons is anti-White jewish crap, along with the Family Guy is makes fun of Whites, it’s basically anti-Christian and anti-White hate gussied up by hebrew writers.
MP and the Onion are White.
SWPL is self-hating white liberals trained to think through jewish liberal and post 1965 filters. They represent weak-minded Whites, as only a fool would make fun of being white since everyone else in the world is so jealous of us.
Whites also like to stay in clean hotels.
Have fun sleeping on the beach and picking sand out of your ear.
Google “americans kidnapped” and at least read some of those links as you plan your trip.
Remember the women held for 6 years “Ingrid Betancourt” who was released last month? She was a “Leftist” and that crap didn’t help her one bit. She was last seen thanking the Pope for helping her, quite a turnabout.
What about the 4 Dutch females raped in kenya despite being volunteer aid workers?
http://www.dutchnews.nl/news/archives/2008/08/kenyan_police_release_three_ra.php
Don’t be stupid.
are you kidding? Every year I go as an inbred askenazi jew, with the hasidic outfit, hat, wig with weird-ass curl and all.
You should see the compliments and laughs it gets.
I wish I could figure out how to get the hook-nose to really complete the”inbred jew” look down pat!
Whoever writes this stuff is simply reciting generalities about a particular demographic of 20 or 30 somethings (say “yuppy”) and pointing out their hypocrisies. *yawn*
It’s my first time here and whether relevant or not, this site both makes me laugh and feel a bit embarrassed simultaneously. Congrats:)
I love the Onion and I love this site! Even though I’m white and so much of it applies to me (and is meant to make fun of white people), I love it. Absolutely hysterical. Thanks for putting some much-needed laughs into my day 🙂
Anti-yid: you don’t really bother to educate yourself on what goes on beyond your exclusively white world, do you?
Are they the right kind of white people?
That should be psychiatrist, not psychologist. Psychologists are not MDs and cannot prescribe medicines.
in reality, the anti-yid likes to stay at clean hotels and have sex with hairy jewish men.
actually, i’m a jew. you blow jews.
There is no right kind of white person.
True That.
Yid, you need help. Serious, I feel you’ll do something grave to yourself if you don’t get help immediately.
He can’t afford a clean hotel, but the rest is true.
I didn’t even realsie I was white until I read this. Serious re thinking needed, and a shrink. Do they have British equivalent of The Onion?
Ingrid was hardly a leftist, at least in the south american political spectrum, she was very supportive of the influence of the USA in her country as seen in her book where she has nothing but compliments for colombian polititians who graduated in the states. This would classify her as at least center.
She was also against the agreements made with the communist guerrilla that later kidnaped her. She made several political agreements with conservative polititians and her party(Oxygen) was not supported by the international left wing(at least by communist parties).
The kidnapers in kenya didn’t want to know about their hostages ideals, they just wanted money.
that just got me off even more – you corrected me! sweetei! thnaks!
In my country there is a problem, and that problem is the jew!
i like daily show better, onion is just too weird. i like the china pollution story. but those like robot enslaving human one is just werid.
That would be the UK, USA, Ukraine, Russia, and Palestine primarily.
Jews also cause lots of problems in France and Sarkozy is a hideous looking jew. Canada also has some activist White-hating jews too.
Dude I own the hotels.
Do you know what Revpar is?
Buckaroo, you really have a low IQ. A typical liberal ill-informed meathead, you are.
Roger, they must be bald and fat too!!! LOL!!
Ever notice that Whites go to resorts to relax and restore after working hard and being diligent, but the slovenly jew exploiter only goes on vacation to lose fat.
Jews are part of an ethnic group, not just practitioners of Judaism.
Congrats on reaching uber-doucheness.
it’s called ‘Private Eye’
Damned! Hitler missed your grandparents; where were they hiding?
Two lawyers walk into a bar and other treaded over observations
coleslawblog.com
I, white person find this pretty hilarious. I white person who moved from suburban midwest to citified NW would have to say that “white people” in the context of this blog = urban 20-35 year olds, which in my experience there are a few other flavors of white people. Maybe the title should read “Stuff White People Who Are Likely to Read a Blog Titled Stuff White People Like, Like” a little wordy, I know, but between polishing my Apple hardware, and enjoying my espresso, I don’t have tons of time to be clever!
Revpar, well, let’s see. The revpar of your hotels is on the order of zero. Anything you have and the price you get for it is zero, naugta, absolutely fucking nothing. Okay, dumb ass, back to riding the short bus.
he he. i love the onion.
i haven’t read it since the 90’s though. i fear that i am losing my whiteness…
I checked out The Onion. It’s hilarious! I love the Our Dumb World link.
I’m just now checking it out, I think, because I’m an African-American female.
Love your blog,
Beige Rage
they love midrifts blacks, whites, and especially gays:
http://journalofthieves.wordpress.com/2008/08/15/a-mid-rift-honey-seriously/
they love midrifts blacks, whites, and especially the gays:
http://journalofthieves.wordpress.com/2008/08/15/a-mid-rift-honey-seriously/
Of course that’s the short bus.
Holy shit, Yid, not only take your meds, but stay inside before someone shoots you. Oops, I screwed up. Go for a walk, please.
I used to enjoy The Onion a lot (went to school at the UW), but in the years since either it’s gotten worse or I’ve gotten tired of it. There’s a wide streak of mean-spirited hipster cynicism running through it, and I’m already probably more cynical than I should be without getting daily transfusions.
How dare you. One of my ancestors died in the Holohoax.
He fell out of a guard tower!!!
They used to teach that 4 million died and Auschwitz, but it’s been revised down below 1.5 million, and the jews never revised their “6 million” number.
Old plaque: http://www.biblestudysite.com/Auschwitz%20plaque%204mil.jpg
New plaque: http://lh6.ggpht.com/_qhOgQ7QmIUM/Rl-HWf-p60I/AAAAAAAAA1Y/dXYTmiaXQcA/IMGP4183.JPG
My husband (Justin) and I crack up about the different things you publish and how accurate some of it is.
Justin and I leave on September 30th to backpack to various countries around the world for a year or so. As we have been planning for our adventure we have been updating a blog. http://www.nomadbackpackers.com
Apparently, white people like to backpack too!
Thanks,
Natalie
Europeans abducted on desert safari taken to Libya
By MAGGIE MICHAEL – 4 hours ago
CAIRO, Egypt (AP) — A group of kidnappers who abducted a 19-member European tour group during a desert safari moved their captives from Sudan to Libya on Thursday in a new complication to the week-old hostage ordeal, the Sudanese government said.
Sudanese troops “monitored” the kidnappers as they drove in three 4×4 vehicles from the Oweinat Mountain area in northwest Sudan and crossed the border into Libya, Sudanese Foreign Ministry spokesman Ali Youssef told The Associated Press.
The kidnappers, believed to be desert tribesmen, are demanding a ransom, reportedly of up to $15 million, and Germany has been negotiating with them, but there has been no word on the progress of these contacts.
I like So You Want To Be a Banquet Manager
“Syria is harboring more than 15 million Arabs”
Only white people would find this hilarious.
In your case that is true.
I think you mean infusions. Transfusions suggests that they would take out your old cynicism and replace it with new cynicism, still leaving you with the same amount.
Maybe that’s the root of the word but a blood transfusion in modern medicine rarely involves the removal of the old blood… this is referred to as an exchange transfusion. Having said that, I’m tired of my old cynicism and would welcome some new stuff in it’s place.
Being so tired of cynicism you’ve abandoned the Onion, you must be really glad of the cheerful cynicism-free fun of StuffWhitePeopleLike.
its place
I think The Onion is so late 1990s – it does not nearly have the popularity (or hilarity) that it used to have. I think it truly hit its peak back then before it became so commercial.
I won’t lie, every time I go into New York, I pick up a copy of The Onion. I don’t have it very often as I don’t live in NY, but I still find it pretty funny.
I hear trekking the hills and mountains of Iran is a fun thing. Keep us posted on how it goes. Yemen has a nice Jewish community you might also enjoy. Have fun.
You have a nice command of the language. Which one is it?
That’s a lie,
how do you know all this stuff, lander?
I’m white, and 19. I have never heard of The Onion before now.
*See number 101*
Chinaman here. Who the fuck doesn’t get The Onion? And I fucking hope this isn’t a criticism of a fine satirical publication like that.
The poster only wishes he could work for them.
I blame Bush. They’ve been far too focused on the presidency.
this is a funny post i like it very much i have read almost every post on this site so far i suggest you do to. and when your done with this site visit OShit.Net The Worlds Wildest Videos
i live in a house with all white men and my copy of the Onion Big Dumb World Almanac is NOT in my bathroom. HAHAHA!
Has Stuff White People Like listed itself yet?
Classic!
Srsly. You should ad Lolspeak to the list, as well. And friggin smileys. 🙂 Oh yeah, and making funny lists.
I’m white and i hate the onion.
I have only seen white nerds, who spend all there time playing video games like the onion. because the hate anything thats real so they read fake news.
example my roomate is majoring in video game design. reads the onion everyday.
#111 – Somalian Pirates!!!!
http://andthisismyamerica.com/2008/10/01/somalian-pirates-huh/
The other day sitting in a buffet, I was amazed watching the white people eat! Pile the food high on a plate, and the women, my God, the white women are so big their are like two people. And I watched the fat white pigs get up and waddle away, no tip! This was in Las Vegas, its fun to go there and just watch white people. All of you fat and in debt, losing your money in a casino! Night time is the best, all fucked up on drugs, beers, women act like whores, keep it up, the other races enjoy laughing at you, thank you! You’re done and you know it. I had so much fun in Las Vegas just watching white people, I may have to post some more observations. What happens in Vegas may not stay there gringo.
You forgot Steve Martin.
the onion people are mean, I wrote a niece piece on the joy a man gets when he shoves a hamster in his asshole and it was rejected, I say fuck them. I put it to the white boys out there, how great is it to have a fucking hamster in your asshole.
Oh shut up you self important ass. For once you obnoxious, uneducated moron shut the hell up.
too bad the onion has ads and such sponsored by master card.
m.c and similar credit card companies are guilty of tricking people into getting into thousands of dollars of debt by lying and deceit!
May I suggest Dave Chappelle be added to the things white people like?
What the hell is the onion? I have never even heard of it. They must do a shitty job marketing. They should check out this site: http://tinyurl.com/4kxjpl
Great stuff if you wanna make money marketing shit online. It does cost some money to join it though, but its well worth it. I would recommend it to anyone. It helped me make over $5000.
I’m from Madison. I remember this thing from way back, but haven’t paid attention to it since it became popular. (in case you can’t tell from that sentence, I’m WHITE!)
They are guilty of one thing- taking advantage of stupid people.
good article thank you
the daily show is a much whiter humor source.
OMG… I think Im white!
I LOVE the Simpsons!
Spam!
Hey Weener – get a life.
..but what about FAMILY GUY? That’s totally replaced the Simpsons as the #1 cartoon among younger white people.
I love this site and love to laugh.
Check out thenationalchampions.com
it is a site the ranks all the funniest articles for you so you don’t have to sift through the rank.
White people like that right?
Must be something wrong with my skincolor. I don’t know The Onion, don’t care much for the Simpsons and Monty Python is ok. But not all the time.
🙂
I had no idea everyone was on to the Onion. You have me pegged, as I have Onions “Our Dumb World” Atlas in my living room (because their is a girl in the house so it cant be in the bano)
Love the onion, love this site. Maybe add “The Peoples Cube” next.
the Onion is beyond reproach for white people. You should not imply that you don’t get it or that it’s not funny. In fact, the only acceptable criticism for the Onion is that you are unable to work for them. This is because every white male under 35 is convinced that they could and should be working for The Onion.
Sour grapes?
But remember, white people do not own TVs. They have large DVD collections (much of it pirated) of Monty Python and older (vintage) Simpsons seasons that were actually funny. They often watch the DVDs on a Mac. It is acceptable for a white person to use a TV if used in conjunction with Apple TV.
The wrong kind of white people like family guy.
Someone has to do the work.
The Onion is boring. One article a day, maybe, any more is numbing. Even SWPL comes up short in ten minutes.
I think the Daily show should be included in the sources of white humor.
I must say I agree with the buckaroo guy. There’s nothing we can do about history now….and all kidding aside I sincerely hope the future doesn’t hold self loathing, hatred spewing anti-semites who obviously mask such deep psychological pain from having been a dorky troll all through childhood and undoubtedly an even more miserable adulthood filled with posers he thinks are his friends and an unending string of nights NEVER GETTING A PIECE OF ASS because he’s hideous, mean, and has a tiny dick. I have a fantastic idea you little neo nazi anti-humanist punk with the oh-so-brilliant moniker “Anti-Yid”: move to Germany. We already have enough problems in modern America. No one has the time to deal with antiquated, unenlightened energy vampires like you. PLEASE GO AWAY. ANd as for you already having spread your seeds, take them with so as not to poison the well here further.
Danke!
And P.S. Dipwad… Are you not aware that this site and all related sites are purely satirical? No one is literally attempting to be an elitist asshole in earnest. I think you need to surf your way to a Klan party instead. These people here are just being funny. Get it? haha like comedy.
spoke too soon son
I still recall the first Onion headline I read.
Danish white people like fedd
the movie sucked
This white girl gets her humor from the Young Turks :p
I can’t stand the Onion. My brother-in-law used to send me articles from it all the time. He was spamming me with his nefarious white humor. (Okay, sometimes it’s funny.)
The Onion?
Was this article taken from an archive of 2005?
I guess i did not know that it was in any way still relavant.
Kind of like THIS site.
I guess the mentions of actually relavant things like the Daily Show and Colbert Report are going into the book instead of being given away here for free.
However to the Onion’s credit I am sure THIS website will NOT be remembered 4 years from now.
It was hit a jew day and I missed out, fuck never again.
Though it’s been off the air for a few years, the Frasier sitcom was a pretty good look into white humor (especially elitist white humor). 😉
Check out http://www.DanielDickey.com
It’s A Virtual Handjob, It’s Where Midgets Are Made, It’s Sex With Dinosuars, It’s Where Gay Monsters Go To Relax, It’s A Vagina Cafe.
Daniel Dickey
I wrote this back in May:
Area Jew attempts to explain Onion humor to black man
Carroll Gardens: A local Jew made a valiant effort to explain the nuanced irony of weekly parody paper, The Onion, to a black man seated next to her at a popular area bar. Stacy Feldman, 35, a suburban-bred Jew raised on a steady diet of ironic commentary and social criticism spent approximately six minutes speaking to Tyrese Hill, a 35 year old MTA employee from Crown Heights about the many layers of hilarity in an article entitled, “Roommate Apologizes to Roommate for five hour fuckfest,” before giving up and
checking her cell phone for messages. Ms. Feldman tried to give Mr. Hill ample background on the Onion’s point for existing, but ceased when Mr. Hill conveyed his understanding by comparing the paper to News of the Weird.
“I knew it was getting kind of hopeless,” Ms. Feldman said, “when Tyrese just started staying ‘I gotcha over’ and over again, and then brought up a story about a robber who went back to get to his wallet from the convenient store he’d robbed the night before.”
And yet, here is Saltpeter on THIS irrelevant site.
very funny
What color do I have to be to find this site funny?
Yes I live the onion.
It cracks me up.
The first time I happened upon the onion it was in my college ages son’s room. I though it was possibly a serious newspaper at first and tried too hide my amusement as I was reading for the first two articles! By the third I was laughing out loud.
I do not own any Onion books. Maybe I am not white after all….
this web site needs to be modified to ‘stuff cool smart middle class white people like’
unfortunately, there are many many white people who have been “negro-fied” and are oblivious to the way of life documented here.
This website describes the behaviours (extra U intentional) and tasts of an amazing subset of the white race. to suggest that all white people have been privileged enough to have been raised in the enviornment necessary for one to sufficiently evolve to a level that appreciates irony, non-rhyming music, etc, is to ignor harsh socio-economic realities.
lol, i know! i keep checking back with this site in case something written here actually makes me laugh but to no avail…
Spam – This really is not anything you want to be bothered with even though I fell for the above paragraph being as I am liberal leaning and was interested by some story of political sensorship. It links to a book that has been reviewed as childish idiocy and not anything worth sensoring .
On another note, what is up with antiyid ? I’m not Jewish but talk about over simplification and outraight hatred right here up these comments ?
Cheers .
Dan.
Our Dumb Century
Wedding Ring Lost in Prostitute
Eight-pound Man Removed From Woman’s Vagina – http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28437
Oh come on…it IS funny.
extra ‘u’ ? – nope you just spelt it correctly (that would be -stuff white people not from North America like – spelling correctly)
you forgot billy madison!!!
You keep coming back to a site you don’t find funny? What the crap is wrong with you?
You forgot “Office Space.”
The Onion passes for comedy among kidults who are ignorant of Bierce, Twain, Wodehouse, Moliere, etc. I’m not surprised that the generation that thinks Starbucks makes coffee and that Ben and Jerry’s is an example of high-end gastronomy thinks that The Onion is comedy. People once laughed at Abbot and Costello, but history proved them wrong!
Thats so true!
Dude no way i don’t think the onion is ever that funny.
you are obviously not white, “Zach”
I suppose that’s a top humorous article? Can’t see what’s THAT funny about it…
If you are going to stereotype whites,
you should at least get your facts right …
There are FOUR sources of humor:
The Simpsons, Monty Python, The Onion, and SEINFELD.
Ha ha I write for the Onion!
I didn’t even know what the Onion was until I read this…and so I clicked on the link…it’s really not that funny. But then again, I’m only half white. Maybe that’s why I like Monty Python and the Simpsons, but not The Onion and Seinfeld. Very strange.
Oh those philistines. How pedantic and shallow of them, guffaw!
The Onion is hilarious, something this site lacks.
Your condition may be far worse than you realise. I think that you might be suffering from what pretentious-pseuds call, “terminal normality”.
and coming soon to your stereotypical caucasian foundation of all that is comedy, Family Guy. I would say that this has cemented its way into the hearts of white men everywhere.
yeah your racism is completely uncalled for and has no place here…even on a page which stereotypes it, there is such a thing as racism and you are a prime example.
We can laugh at stereotypical white aspects of this page and laugh at them because it affects so many of us, but that doesn’t give anyone the license to act like a complete asshole and treat people like shit over something like race that they cannot even control.
There is always a line drawn at aryan pride and you are dangerously approaching it. There is beauty in every race, culture and ethnicity and because you cannot see past the end of your nose, doesn’t mean that it isn’t there…
truth does not change because you are unwilling to accept it.
bottom line: as we go through the pages and the comments here, let’s remember that there is no need to make racist comments that show any type of racial pride against another. It is flat out wrong and as you say ” the WRONG kind of white people do it.” So either respect people for who they are, or take your anti -semetic crap elsewhere…I am not even Jewish and I am deeply offended by this crap…because now it reflects on the rest of us white people that people like you insist on creating the stereotype that we’re all racist and we aren’t, nor should we be!
Christopher Guest movies in general ought to be mentioned within white comedy.
Are you Jeanne or The Accountant?
What about Dilbert?
or the wrong type of white person
I was just reading over this when I realized that a copy of “Our Dumb Century” is sitting in the bathroom of the apartment I share with a male roommate.
Onion articles are absolutely hilarious the first few paragraphs, but after that I get bored. Too many words and no flashing pictures.
Fuck!
http://andthisismyamerica.com/2008/12/09/in-this-economy-sometimes-you-just-need-a-bargainmalt-liquor-anyone/
blah blah blah, blab on. You are so stereotypical, and slightly prejudiced.
I am sorry you have had unpleasant experiences with the white race. However, your articles reflect many polls that are taken- extremely inaccurate and assuming.
Not very intelligent.
I suppose I could create a website about asians and blacks with no problem- its not like there are not some pretty annoying things about other races.
But I do have an Asian boyfriend, so I’ll refrain.
see #101, getting offended.
Don’t forget Benny Hill. It’s cool to appreciate Benny Hill in the ‘right’ way.
MMMM I love onions, especially french onion soup. Wait, what?
This is another post I fail to meet the criteria. The Onion sucks. Maybe that makes me super white, because I reject the Onion on the grounds that its too popular with the wrong kind of white people.
these posts are heaps funny… but i can’t really relate them to real life situations seeing as im not in america.
The Onion is not funny at all.
I’ve only seen one thing from Onion, and that was the Ninja parade. Priceless
Also white non-males over 35.
I HATE the Onion. allow me to repeat myself, I HATE the Onion. If you need a reason for this hatred of mine just read one article of one issue.
You forgot the Daily Show!!
that’s okay…the Onion hates you.
swap out “the simpsons” for “south park” and throw in a daily show/colbert and you’ve got me and my white friends to a t.
I have never heard of the onion until now, love monty python, but not that into it anymore, and dont care much for the simpsons. So….?
I think instead of the simpsons is family guy now.
you know what, the onion is still funnier than this website. not that that’s difficult.
As a white person I do see where most of this is coming from. Most of these posts are decently accurate, and generally funny. But over all I didn’t care for this one. Not that many white people like the Onion, and half of the fans never knew about it till the movie came out.
So, you’re all disagreeing with what was said here? I know a lot of white people under the age of 30….
god this website is stupid, shocks is right: the onion is still funnier than this crap.
It is to people who have a sense of humor.
Yes, it sure does lack hilarious.
http://www.handheldstory.com
Are you unable to work for them?
am I the only one who finds it funny that the other tab in this picture is for cold sore products??
Kyle I think I love you, that was awesome.
I have repeated that story to others. One of their better videos:
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/ninja_parade_slips_through_town
There was a movie?
the Onion ceased be funny about 2 weeks after it first came out. C’mon anyone who has ever picked up a copy of the onion more than twice is a dildobrain
im not white but the website is f ucking funny
many people pretend to like the Onion just to act cool and act smart.
You are obviously not white.
No – the Onion’s been around for a long time, and the movie is much newer. Almost everyone I talked to knew of the Onion before the movie. Then again, I’m from a place near coined Madison Wisconsin, so that could be why.
Stop preaching your racist, mindless, conservative dribble on this blog. Sounds like someone has some deep seeded jealousy for the success of jewish individuals 🙂
Yeah it’s in every self-respecting “hipster’s” pop culture reference utility belt…too bad The Onion stopped being funny a long time ago
I’ve never heard of the Onion till this article…and I’m white and 33.
SWPL has so jumped the shark.
Sorry anti-Yid. The one who has lost ALL of his originality is you. You have taken a fun, lighthearted blog and are doing your best to make it unpleasant to read. Most of the other people commenting are funny and smart. You are neither. I’m sorry that you are trying to convince or recruit members to your cause, but by reading most of the responses, you really don’t seem to be finding people who agree with any of your ideas. Maybe this is not the place to spew them. Jews have been chased around the world; they still have a vibrant, holy and living society. Your hatred is not original, only annoying.
Why do so many people not get the SWPL joke? It’s not truly about stuff the average WP likes, duh… it’s about a specific slice of the Whole Foods crowd, and it’s funny to shine a light on them for once.
Otherwise “Wal-Mart” and “Olive Garden” would be in the list.
No way, dude “McCain Speechwriters Trying to Craft Lines that Don’t End in Creepy Smile”!
From the mental quiver of course.
Everyone knows The Onion in Madison, where I’m from.
A. We’re all white.
B. We’re proud of our city.
Therefore, The Onion is more readily available than any other newspaper. Every coffee shop or public location has a stockpile. I figured it was this way everywhere, but I guess Madison is just ultra-white.
This website is the most perfect description of liberal white people that I have ever seen. The author must have been surrounded by white liberals his entire life to have such insight. Some things apply to rich white conservatives, but everything here applies to white liberals.
The onion kicks ass. I love how they make fun of Obamahhroids. Anyway its a million times better than those black power newsletters at the liquor store or those fag rags like the Observer, or those “hispanicated” newspapers like Dallas Moaning Jews.
They have a book? I guess that can go on the coffee table with 4×4 and Guns & Ammo.
I was in a house in Ely, Minnesota, and 1/3 of the bathroom walls were covered in printouts of The Onion articles, along with a spattering of some Monty Python- or Renaissance Fair-esque printouts.
BTW, is adding “-esque” to the end of words a White Person thing, too?
When I go to my parents house I pick up a copy of the Onion and leave it with the rest of the Newspapers.
I do think, Cheney injured moving sounds like an Onion article.
i got my dick stuck in a onion once
The Onion offers some insight into the warped minds of allegedly white liberals. It also often shows amusing views by Blacks, Chinese, Peruvians, and agnostics. With reverse racism being one of white people’s favorite cliche’s, the Onion does a polite job of pointing this out. Unfortunately, as it is published by males, it tries to pass off various illnesses as cultural sickness rather than sexist malaise.
I should be working for The Onion. How did you know?
I’m really white and I really hate the Onion. Hm…
I’m white, and live in a completely white family… and I have never heard of “The Onion.” 0_o
There is an exception.. If the house is populated by White, Gay men, the book is on the bookshelf in a prominent place.
wow. got hate?
I love the onion but don’t have any books yet, I better get on that.
I love them in tuna and hamburgers….. but they make my burp……
This blog is funny but it is so totally untrue. Mr. Show is the basis for our collective sense of humor.
What about Seinfeld?! 99% of my jokes come from there… love the one about about George not having any black friends, so he asks the janitor in his buulding to be his friend so he can show him off to his black boss… Cosssstanza!
Welcome to the Internet
Funny i just checked the site and #11 asian girl is in the front page…
I saw someone on autotrader advertising jon voights car. Seriously. The listing is still up, pontiac solstice within 25 miles of 75252.
I’m guilty of dropping an Onion headline into a conversation and pretending it was my joke, but only once!
“Bush sends troops to West Nile”
“Clinton Deploys Vowels to Bosnia”
“Supreme Court Overturns Bush v Gore”
“Black Guy Asks Nation For Change”
The best one, in my opinion, is the Onion’s atlas
The Onion should be rated further on the list. I should visit the site StuffWhitePeopleLikeOnTheLeft.com.
somehow the onion peaked in amazingness like a month ago, since then their videos and article’s are half as funny. still hilarious, though.
The Onion has it reversed. Asian Girls into White, Middle aged, fat guys. F-ing hillarious with the backwards infatuation.
SWPL has got it right. My wife is Black from Trinidad and she doesn’t get the joke to any of the headlines. I now feel too white.
I thought I was an Onion fan, but I do not live up to the standard decsribed here. I am feeling a little like Joe Lieberman right now and pledge to (probably will not keep, see #115) taking the Onion daily. And yes, despite my relative lack zeal, I too believe I could work for the Onion.
# 121. . . .stuffwhitepeoplelike.com
Onion… Good with Chili and Hot dogs…
The Onion was once funny … but, not any more. I think maybe sites like stuff white people like has replaced it.
The Onion is no longer very fucking funny. Not like when one time i was reading it and actually fell off a wall.
lol.
id rather some white kid tell me an onion headline rather than shout out chappelle show slogans like they used to
SO TRUE. Seems to go along with that type of white person’s taste for all that is “ironic” and “deadpan.” All people that have proselytized the Onion to me have been white.
The Onion is like a whoopie cushion full of real farts.
Been awhile, I know. Anyway, I spent the rest of the night sucking an incredible amount of cock from all races.
My mouth still waters thinking about that night in Vegas!
Clarification – The Onion book will NOT be in the bathroom if the men in the house are gay
True…very, very true…good taste, really.
Though your breath stinks really bad afterwards.
Not true. All my gay friends (including myself) are fans of the Onion.
Why would anyone want to work for the Onion? A job isn’t funny.
Yeah, but do they keep their Onion books somewhere besides the bathroom?
For the life of me, I cannot understand why anyone would bring reading materials into the bathroom with them. It’s just such an irredeemably foul thing to do, to me. So gross!
(To clarify, I am white, male and also not gay.)
Stuff white people like new #1: stuffwhitepeoplelike.com. With Townhouses cutting a close second.
you want funny Onion type humor? Check out http://www.bakerfour.com..
It is so they can read while taking a dump.
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haha, also to add to the list of where white humor comes from, homestarrunner should be added
…in case the TP runs out!
bahaha reminds me of the southpark with the hippies..
i think that is definitely an alternate source of *white* comedy right up there with simpsons and the onion
lol hes trolling let him be and ignore him
The Onion and http://www.ikeepsitral.com, institutions for the modern white male.
I use The Onion as packing material for stuff I send out on eBay when it is going to somewhere in flyover country as I know wackiness will ensue.
Plus you also forgot the fourth source of white humour – Animaniacs.
It adds to someone’s aura of coolness that they are working for the Onion. One of my bff’s worked at the Onion and her stories about working there were obnoxious. If you’re a white person and you can put that you’ve worked at The Onion on your resume that’s 2 cool pts for you for any employer who loves it.
I’m not white enough to have experienced The Onion yet 😦 I actually haven’t even heard of it till now. Most likely because I grew up in the south. I’ll be okay though. I always have the Simpsons. Oh yeah and Married With Children. LOL
bought this book for my little brother’s birthday last year, but read off the ‘chapter’ list to my white, npr listening, prius buying, simpsons watching co-workers. Let’s just say that if there was a companion book of stuff white people don’t like, “being made fun of by one of their own” would be at the top of the list.
i know A LOT of white people who don’t know about monty python. i like the onion but the simpsons…it’s just there being funny. i think most geeky types like monty python humor.
Quoting the Onion is a great way to appear smarter than everyone else and above it all without really having anything productive to say on an issue.
Animaniacs? You gotta be kidding, right? It might have been the source of white teens’ (ages 12-16) humor back in ’93, but no one else’s since then.
Where’s the post on Colbert or John Stewart? White people who don’t have time to research issues love to get their biased news spoon fed to them with a little bit of dry humor.
That would be #35
i dont know about the onion and IM white! Help!
oh another one white people like… What White People Like.
yeah you’re so right. I was told about this by a white guy and every white person I know who’s read any of this blog loves it. I know lot’s of white people that don’t like the Onion but who’d love this blog. but I do know a lot of white people who wouldn’t like this blog. I think this blog is about white people from a particular socioeconomic background. I don’t think white guys from the hood would get it.
White guys don’t live in the hood.
I own two Onion books…and they both have spent a lot of time in the bathroom. Shit. I’m white.
i didn’t even do it consciously. i just wanted something to read while i was having a poo. i have been justly pigeonholed.
I love the Onion. Funny stuff. Most of the white people I know have never heard of it, and I certainly don’t know anyone who has 100-200 headlines memorized like you say. I’m sure you have a haughty contempt for people who like the Onion, Bob Marley, coffee, etc. or the 100 plus things on your list. This “I’m smarter than everyone else and know what is cool and what is not” phase is usually evident in the teen through early 20’s age. It passes, believe me.
ha ha so true, except I think now the simpsons may have been replaced by family guy.
Every white male under the age of 35… Yes but how true. & the robots. & Stephen Colvert’s bears. We love you, white people.
This website is great…
Here’s another hilarious website you should take a look at: http://www.somethingyoushouldread.com
Whoa. Living in my Chicago bubble, I failed to realize that The Onion got such fanfare from (white) people elsewhere. I mean, this rings painfully true for any Chicagoan, but can I really whip out Onion quotes elsewhere and have conversations with “white person x”? If so, then that is awesome. Although, I have a hard time believing people outside Chicago know what title “The Onion” refers to without having to google it…
Just saw another hilarious parody of Stuff White People Like on freedomhaters.org.
This time they add to the list, muskets and the Boston Tea Party.
I highly recommend checking it out here:
http://www.freedomhaters.org/content/another-freedom-haters-salute-stuff-white-people
This rings painfully true.
Dan Tindall, you’re just a loser. Still.
And this is just one big hammer hitting the head of a very large nail.
The Simpsons? No, not at all. I don’t know a single person who still watches that show and laughs. Christ, usually you guys are right, but not this time.
In Australia we have an equivilant to The Onion – The Chaser. They’re the ones who faked a cavalcade during APEC… or OPEC according to George W Bush… The fake Osama and others got frog marched by the cops and there was loads of carry on. Not surprisingly, the Australian Government dropped all charges when it got to court, but it was a ratings bonanza.
Hey, have you done something on the other thing that white people hate – cops? Sorry if you have, haven’t got through your back catalogue.
yea im white the onion is extremely funny and it really shows a true side of stupid people
“If you are not familiar with The Onion, your conversations with white people will be boring, humorless, and unlikely to lead anywhere productive.”
LE GASP! I didn’t realize that my conversations with my fellow white people were so dull! Everything I have known is a lie.
The Onion is barely funny and I have nothing from it either memorized or in print. And I am very white (Irish, German and English descent) and raised in the suburbs of the 1950’s and 60’s.
This is out of date. Stuffwhitepeoplelike website and book now claim the cultural place formerly occupied by The Onion. Satire upon satire, as long as it avoids any engagement with real problems and makes the creator lots of money.
I like this site, but it’s also smug and a little dull.
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Are you kidding?? I live in Australia and we have been all oveer the Onion for years. I reckon I first read it in about ’98. Why would it be Chicago-centric? It’s not like that humour doesn’t translate.
The Onion? If it’s white, it must be very American. As a European the conclusion is always: “This is too soft to be funny. To the Americans have to bee spoon fed all their jokes?” — The second conclusion is: “Be very careful when speaking with Americans. …” – And the thoughts come around to all the stories about American girls that suddenly everybody thought was European, when she had hung around long enough. …until she started crying when people started talking and bantering with her (to her?) as she was one of them. …Well, But then I’m an impudent European White One.
That is funny.
http://messedupparentingtips.wordpress.com/
yeah, agreed.
White people also like jib-jab. While it isn’t a source for their news they are very entertained by it.
You left out Seinfeld. Although if The Office was more quotable it would have replaced Seinfeld by now.
Too bad nobody quotes Heathers anymore.
I am white and never herd of The Onion until today… eh who cares..
Is crap like this allowed?
wtf is this, im white and ive never heard of this onion, and anyways i hate onions, they taste like crap.
I love The Onion!
http://www.theonion.com/content/index?utm_source=nav
I WANT A MILLION DOLLARS!!! Can one million RICH WHITE PEOPLE send me one dollar apiece, puh-lease????
I don’t want money from any Asians, or Blacks or Hispanics. You guys NEED your money. I only want one dollar apiece from RICH WHITE PEOPLE, who only WASTE their money on things like subscriptions to The Onion.
Waste it on me instead. Thanks so much! (First person who comments “You ARE a waste.” is a rotten egg. You thought it. I know you did. Stop lying. See? I knew it.)
http://thepighasacurlytail.wordpress.com/million-dollar-fund/
Freedomhaters.org has another really hilarious parody of Stuff White People Like.
Their entrees include, Madame Curie, Blackface, and The Music of Easter Island. I highly recommend checking it out here:
http://www.freedomhaters.org/content/yet-another-salute-stuff-white-people
hmm… clueless on this one. onion?
White people certainly do not like Carlos Mencia, and Abraham Lincoln calls him out on it…
http://lincolnsaysuncool.wordpress.com/2009/07/25/lincoln-says-uncool-carlos-mencia/
Not funny.
The Onion, alike 1000000 other newspapers & magazines are fighting extinction, and may the Onion survive natural paper rot, into immortality: The Onion News Network on Youtube (check it out). The Onion, fun to read but it stinks.
HOLY SH*T! WE THE PEOPLE ELECTED A BLACK MAN TO BE OUR NEXT PRESIDENT. BARA(C)K HUSSEIN OBAMA NO. 44.
I…AM…INTER-NET! FAST! SPEED! RIGHT…TO…YOU!
And the funniest parodical articles: “Don’t worry, I’m in heaven with the angels” by JonBenet Ramsey circa 1998.
The Onion makes all the other papers (N.Y. times) cry by the strong aroma being cooked, it gets in your eyes.+
After the 126th time, it really, really, REALLY gets old like an unwated classified ad in a real newspaper: the reason why one bundle from the news vendor costs $1.50: the news is only worth 2 cents, the $1.47 goes to the advertisers and maybe a cent to the vendor per newspaper (lousy job). +
Because white people eat trendy garlic or leeks, but before 1980 only non-white/ethnics ate them daily. Yuppies pick up the next trend because they find themselves surrounded by immigrants, minorities or those from the countryside moved to the city. Since when Watercress costed $100 a leaf on a high-end fancy restaurant plate? Good for Arkansas farmers who ate watercress 3-square meals a day for 4 centuries. +
Was there a French parody paper Le Canard Champaigne or something known for its’ style of reporting poke fun of politicians? They were nearly shut down in the 1960’s by comments regarding Charles de Gaulle is a hothead general who shouldn’t been president…and the fact he deserted France during the Nazi occupation for England. I guess the US news media needs to be told stop badmouthing celebs the same way, lawsuits don’t work nor camera men being sucker-punched on the beach. +
Don’t let the sludge from Pullman spills it’s way up north to pop your North Lake Shore bubble in your hot tub (or spa). From what I heard from the reliable Chicago Sun Tribune: the west side is now the “white-st” side, the poor Blacks, Latinos and Asian-Americans are leaving the Pilsen area, oddly named for the Germans, Poles and Czechs/Slovaks who lived there the first 100 years before the 1950’s. +
Steven Spielberg presents Warner Bros. licensed cartoons: unoriginal, like Tiny Toon Adventures. You know what your political standings are if you’re favorite adult cartoon is:
1. King of the Hill – 1960’s era/blue-collar/red-state/Baptist (Texas, Southern or Midwest) conservative Republican.
2. Family Guy – 1970s era/college-educated/suburban white (New Yorker, New Jersey or New England) liberal Democrat.
3. South Park – 1980’s era/small town/rural white (Western, esp. up in Colorado, Arizona or Oregon) high-IQ libertarian.
and 4. The Simpsons – 1990’s/suburban/pessimist/fatalist (West coast-ish, be it N.W. or S.W.) radical yet centrist. +
The restroom is the most restrictive place for people outside church. You can’t read the Onion there, as much you can’t read it at work or in public. I might well read Mag Magazine, the original parodical satire about our lives in America. “What, me worry?” – Alfred E. Neuman +
To draw 14 year olds normally not into newspaper articles, and not every reader of the Onion are “white-gay-males”. I know plenty of straight females who read the Onion, MAD mags. and other periodicals worth more as extra T.P. You noticed women’s restrooms have long lines, but don’t run out of T.P. like the men’s. +
Hahahahahaha I sent this to my friend, who is a staff writer there, a white male, and 26.
He just wondered if brown people like the onion he said “some right?” he was kidding but this is true there is a layer to whiteness I didn’t know existed. Cause I don’t like the Simpson , the grainy quality of month python trumps it’s humor, and the articles I like in the onion are from smove b loveman
What garden centers in Chicago are having the best clearance sales? 1
Fave headline, “Police Search For Poorly Drawn Man”. So insightful CL. You totally inspired me to write http://StuffRichPeopleLove.com and it is really taking off. Thanks again for being so effin’ funny. There’s one! White people love replacing swear words.
You should make note (and I didn’t read any of the comments so this may have been mentioned) that The Onion is GenX’s Mad Magazine.
and stupid video sites or links to stupid stuff http://tastym.blogspot.com/ the onion is brilliant! It is a result of us kids that grew up on mad magazine
fave headline ” GOD DIAGNOSED BIPOLAR” or on 9/11 “HOLY FUCKING SHIT” http://tastym.blogspot.com/ easily my favorite
i like to drink cat urine!
THE ONION IS NOT FUNNY AT ALL…..WHO THE HELL ACTUALLY ENJOYS READING FAKE NEWS STORYS? IF I WANTED FAKE NEWS, I WOULD WATCH CNN,FOX, OR READ ANY GIVEN NEWSPAPER….THEY ARE ALL LOADED WITH PROPAGANDA,LIES, AND NEWSPEAK.
BACK TO THE ONION, ITS LAME…….MAYBE A BUNCH OF NERDS LIKE IT….I DONT KNOW. THIS ONE DOESNT BELONG.
humor for whites comes from america- home of the sorta free and stupid. stupid until proven otherwise.
read any american newspaper–that’s fake stories, watch the bogus network and cable “NEWS” programs all fake, contrived, and sensually bullshit, that;s funny for the white folk who are dumb as they come.
Hello everybody, I am the asshole using enigmas name to type ignorant nonsense. I know I am a dumbass, but I can’t help myself. If you happen to see enigmas name talking garbage, just disregard it. I am a dumbass, needle dick bitch with no life using other peoples name in vain. I apologize to all.
i really don’t get the Onion. just like mythology class. it wasn’t right to present myths like fairy tales. those were people’s real existential journeys…they were searching for God. why would they sit around and just make up fake stories? with the onion, we have to sit around and think about what reality they are referring to. why not just start with the real facts to begin with? why make a person google the fake to figure out the real?
“sensually” bullshit?
that’s my great unionized pubic school edukation. thos teachers are grate, they have lotsa benies,, and raises, and time off, 1/2 days for lots in cervix days.
You forgot National Lampoon in the 70’s. This may be the one phenomenon of recent years that white people should and can be proud of, at least, even if 70% don’t get it. White people can make a genuine, suorum generis contribution to society when they calm down.
gooooooooood
hey, I drink cat urine too! with a straw…
Actually, I think only about 50% of this kind of white person who like the Onion. It seems to have become cliche to like The Onion, and therefore, some white people can’t tolerate it.
Just read another riotous parody of Stuff White People Like at FreedomHaters.org.
Their SWL entries include: Sickle Cell Anemia, A Thesaurus, and the IFC sketch group The Whitest Kids U Know. Had me in stitches!
I recommend checking it here:
http://www.freedomhaters.org/content/once-again-yet-another-salute-stuff-white-people
I too, just dont find the Onion funny. I dont get the humor.
It just seems stupid and funny to a 5 year old kind of funny.
I love lots of kind of humor. I really do.
but I just dont get it at all………….just my op.
The Onion is terrible. The only way the stories would ever be funny is if they were actually true. Thankfully for the Onion, 50 percent of the population has below average intelligence so they shouldn’t have any problems staying popular.
I love the onion and I am white.
The onion is the best thing since sliced bread (sliced bread having been invented the previous winter)
If you don’t get a certain sense of humor, you might not want to call it “funny to a 5 year old”. That suggests that you are admitting that a five-year-old has a more sophisticated sense of humor than you do. If you are trying to call it immature, that still works fine, but those two sentences in immediate succession looks kind of like you calling yourself an idiot. Or, hell, maybe you’re a four-year-old; I suppose I shouldn’t jump to conclusions…
I am white and hate the Onion
Even onions are white, well except for the yellow ones and the red ones. Then there are shallots which aren’t really funny at all. Anyway, best post at the onion ever was “Police Search For Poorly Drawn Man” BIG inspiration for my own posts at StuffRichPeopleLove.com
Of course you do.
I think the UK equivalent of the The Onion is http://www.thedailymash.co.uk. Love it.
me too!
Awesome, Chuckie!!!
I’m white and I’ve never heard of the onion until this article.
Hmmm, you’re white….how come I never heard of you?
A lot of the stories ARE actually true. This country WAS being run by an idiot in the White House, etc. etc. When that happens, though, I find it more sad than anything else.
Why ever have laughter when you can have the truth, you mean? Did you pay to have someone stand in front of you in class with the Onion and pretend the stories are real?
The Onion makes mythologies real. That’s a fact.
I think they meant essentially. Bad grammar, but I agree with his basic conclusions, most so-called “real” newspapers are full of bullshit and lies.
Been enjoying the Onion from the very beginning, right here in Madison, Wisconsin — one of the whitest cities around. [Quite a culture shock from my hometown of Detroit!]
The Onion might be the stupidest publication I’ve ever encountered! And I even find Monty Python mildly amusing.
I’m white and I love the Onion. I didn’t know they had books but I would love to get one for my house.
And there are 4 sources, not 3. You forgot Chris Rock routines making fun of black people.
Preferring or mentioning that you like a foreign equivalent of something is a perfect example of whiteness.
He’s the wrong kind of white.
Reading the Onion is a damn pastime
hahaha you just made my day, this is too funny
People, for christ sake, this is a satire-based blog. I feel ashamed of myself for spending more than 6 seconds reading your posts and writing this one. Why do you care what other people think about this blog? Read it. Laugh. Then go check your facebook page. Not a big deal, I promise.
Big fan, love this site!
Another great site to check out is http://www.SomethingYouShouldRead.com
Living abroad and trumping other white people on being the first to mention something multi-cultural in a conversation are also wonderfully white. Clare is clearly an advanced white person.
You touch on a point that I made commenting on the snowboarding page but which pertains to all of these posts…
Stuffwhitepeoplelike is dated.
Yes. It’s a temporal phenomena. We’re not talking about the stuff that all white people like, but mostly stuff that just hipster yuppy assholes like. As such, I think that it should addressed that there are some things that all hipster yuppy assholes have enjoyed – the Classics, so to speak…and there are some already listed:
“Taking a year off” “Japan” “sushi” “marathons” & “studying abroad” are all great examples of classics, and although sushi and marathons are relatively recent appropriations by the yuppy class, they were adopted as instant classics.
Then there are the more current trendy things white people like, which are exhaustively listed here.
I think the website is brilliant and spot on where it concerns current yuppies…it could just be expanded a bit to include the classics.
For instance:
1. Cocaine. All yuppies have always loved it and still do. Today, it leads white people to think that fixed gear bikes and irony are brilliant.
2. Having a hot tub.
3. Owning records by obscure bands that sound like popular bands.
4. Very expensive accessories. Belt, watch, glasses…it doesn’t matter. If it performs a simple function and should only cost a little, white people want to pay a ton for it. Every white person, even those who ‘only wear secondhand’ has a very expensive accessory somewhere.
and so on…
National Lampoon, which Leslie mentioned, is a fine example of stuff white people like at yet another temporal node. With National Lampoon, one might include captain’s chairs, chablis, piano key ties/curtains (these two, though, would now fall under exceptionally ironic items and are therefore once again highly desirable), and Van Halen (also ironic. Enjoying it would make you ‘the wrong kind of white person’ but listening to it and pretending to like it would be great).
the point of the onion is that the articles are fake, or they satire stories that are real
Love it!
I’d also suggest taking a look at http://www.SomethingYouShouldRead.com
Get outta my head!
You mean the country IS being run by an idiot in the White House.
What i love about the Onion is when people quote it as the truth, if you are looking for this rare bread they can offten be found at either wal-mart or Micky D’s, and if you can find a wal-mart worker that offten eats at Micky D’s then you have found gold
Haha, this website is funny. Also it’s funny they mention The Onion because this website’s humor is much like that of The Onion. Good job.
i’m old enough to be your mother [all of you] and read The Onion and laugh my ass off every time. i passed along some of it to my religious fantatic mother and she said and I quote ‘This is just not funny, why are you laughing?’ – and I noted that religion sucks the irony right out of a person and therefore, she was no judge of what’s funny or ironical at all – she was duly offended, and I realized that at 49 yrs of age, I still enjoy pissing off my old 72 yr old mom. If that’s not White, damn it, I don’t know what is………….
This site is killer diller.
Here’s another good one: http://www.SomethingYouShouldRead.com
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SPAMMER
I hate THE ONION. But I guess this is pretty much true. As a white person, I totally get THE SIMPSONS and MONTY PYTHON. As a matter of fact, M.P. is virtually the only British humor that I like.
I wish to install a virus on it, so beano will be eaten and pooped/farted/vomited out.
As someone who has worked for the Onion, this brings me joy.
Here’s another laugh: http://www.SomethingYouShouldRead.com
Isn’t the creator of the onion black? Anyway, it doesn’t matter, because this article is true. The Onion is horribly unfunny, though.
Ha ha. Well, I’m 30 now, and didn’t find out about the Onion til about 2 years ago. I think it’s hilarious though, and I’m white, so good on ya for this one! ha ha. After obama won last year, the headline in the Onion was “Black man gets America’s worst job” or something similar…. = hilarious.
Also definitely true – lots of my friends would love to work for the Onion or for the Daily Show!!!
I’m white, I do technically own an onion book, but it was a gift (from a Jew) and I’ve only flipped through it – never read it.
I do know several fellow white people that don’t own it, many of whom don’t even know what it is.
facebook link please
I glanced at The Onion for the first time and found a good source for your humour
I have no idea what the Onion is and had not heard of it before reading this.
-.-
The Onion sucks. It’s humor basically consists of taking a pop-culture reference and utilizing it in a serious fashion, whilst having educated writers elaborate on it. For instance, and I just made this up, “President uses Pokemon comparison to the war on Iraq” or “Renowned Philosopher claims that M.C. Hammer, in fact CAN’T touch this”.
Dry yet uninspired wit and boring pop-culture references. This crap is funny to people who still think it’s hilarious to hear straight-laced white people acting like they’re black. (ie, the film “Bringing Down the House)
“from a jew”. . .?
THINGS REPUBLICANS HATE: No. 39 Grey Poupon
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OK. These are mostly funny. But stop using the “There are no exceptions” quote! It is way overused.
White people do this and that. There are no exceptions. Ha ha.
Be more original dude.
Americans don’t get Monty Python. Just saying.
I love this site. I am white and I can’t stop laughing. It feels good to make fun of myself as so many of the comments hit close to home. Comical and not the least bit offensive. Keep up the good work…
The Onion gots to be the funniest paper around, couldn’t be funnier. On occassion, the Onion does a front page extra entitled: “HOLY SH*T!” on an impossible feat. One of them was “Black Man elected president of the United States.”
The Onion is hilarious. The other races should get into like us White People. 🙂 Satirical genius. The articles on spoof products such as the ‘No Ones Pleasure Condoms’ make me LMAO. I love the morning show parody Today Now. ‘We cross now to our very own chef live from the warzone in Afghanastan”
As well as being funny it’s hard hitting at times. They did an article based on research that showed that it’s harder than ever for the poor to escape poverty. It was called “Poor People are more f#cked than ever” and they had a picture of a miserable young girl sitting on the front door of trailer park rundown house saying “She’s fucked”.
if you like this blog, check out http://justsomepetpeeves.wordpress.com!!
The Onion is kinda funny, sometimes very funny but sometimes the humor is too white for my frame of reference.
Hilarious. I’m a white guy living alone, and I currently have an onion book sitting in my bathroom. Jesus, I’m easy to peg.
This post reminds me of a funny article I saw on The Onion about how the Pittsburgh Pirates last lost disqualified them from the MLB.
wow!! this so cool ,makes me feel white again.
I just found out through the university I have IQ whey over
75 or so this is good stuff that normal people don’t get .
like right over there heads.
Love the Onion – though I am Black not White. I like humor in general and don’t care for overly sensitive people of all races.
I associate with people based on character and interest rather than racial background. Keep up the great work.
Funny that a lot of the stuff white people like I also like!
I JUST WANT TO SAY I AM AN AFRO-AMERICAN WOMAN WHO GREW UP IN A PREDOMINANTLY WHITE NEIGHBORHOOD AND WAS RAISED BY MY MOM AND MY VERY WHITE STEP FATHER.
THROUGH THAT EXPERIENCE (SOME GOOD, SOME NOT SO GOOD) I LEARNED THAT, UNDERNEATH WE ARE ALL THE SAME. JUST AS I LOVE LISTENING TO R.KELLY, JAY-Z AND T.I. I ALSO LOVE THE STORIES (YOU KNOW “BROTHER LOUIE”?) STYXX “BABE” – THE ROLLING STONES AND OF COURSE JOHN “COUGAR” MELLENCAMPS “JACK & DIANE”.
I THINK THIS SITE IS HILARIOUS AND I AM SO GRATEFUL THAT I WAS EXPOSED TO WHITE CULTURE AS WELL AS MY OWN. I AM SO MUCH MORE WELL ROUNDED AS AN INDIVIDUAL BECAUSE OF MY UPBRINGING.
WE ALL SHOULD TAKE THE TIME TO LEARN SOMETHING ELSE ABOUT OTHER CULTURES – YOU WOULD BE SURPRISED AT WHAT YOU MAY LIKE AND THE REALLY COOL PEOPLE THAT CAN ADD A LITTLE FLAVOR TO YOUR EXSISTENCE AND POSSIBLY EVEN ADD A GREAT INDIVIDUAL TO YOUR LIFE.
Stop yelling, we can hear you just fine.
You forgot family guy we white folk quote family guy like nobodys buisness
I don’t think my husband is the right kind of white people. He doesn’t appreciate The Onion at all. He does like Family Guy though.
No offence,
But your husband is probably an Uneducated moron.
I bet those people are predominantly white.
@ Alex
Ha, on character and interest?
I bet those people are predominantly white.
Best. Quotable show. Ever!
I thought of one white person I’ve ever known who enjoyed The Onion or even spoke of it and it was some dude I went to school with 11 years ago.
I used to think this site was hillarious and a great idea and applicable but the more I read, the more I realize the entries usually apply to some energy-drink guzzling Ivy Leaguer, who in their few minutes of spare time, enjoy listening to jazz, looking at The Onion and using as many words as they can in a sentence that end in “-ist” or “-ism”.
Either way,
I can tell you that while my Uncle Randy is driving around town in his Ford and a case of beer in the back and a pack of smokes in his sleeve, he aint thinking about “where the wild things are” and awful sweater parties.
Im just saying,
I dont know any white person aside from that one who likes the Onion
“Stuff white city yuppies like”
your friends and uncle are clearly the “wrong kind of white person.”
LOL I saw this blog on http://www.DanielDickey.com (The MTV VJ) and must admit it’s just as funny!!!
White people, well all people, also enjoy http://www.NakedHipster.com. Mainly because the girls are hot and don’t have clothes on. Usually those two things go well together. You know, the hotness and the nakedness.
I will slap that onion off your grocery list with merely the might of my uncircumcised penis. Whaapp!
I love The Onion!! Best newspaper ever!!!!!
God will shed light on America soon. The light could be good or bad. I am not going to point fingers. We must help each other soon. We must see the signs that we are given. We must change our ways of thinking and not worship the dollar. We mustn’t or it could spell the end of America as we know it. Our foundation is falling apart. Our debt is skyrocketing. Our middle class is decomposing. Does the hair on your neck stand up? It is not the government’s fault. It is the way of life of all Americans combined that leads to a faulty foundation. It is us who will ultimately allow for the collapse of America. We must get rid of Greed and materialistic ways. We must lend helping hands to those in need of help. And when I say lend a hand, I don’t mean to tell congress to, I mean to tell you to. Spread love throughout mankind in America and our country will be saved. Spread the word of the lord which has been around far before this country even existed. Go tell your friends and family, do not be ashamed for the lord is with you.
Those who introduced me to the Onion were Indian, Vietnamese-Chinese, and Thai.
Sounds delicious. Where do I find this restaurant?
I work for the Onion. I am also white!
I like The Onion.
get out
Congratulations. You are now an honorary White Person.
I’m white and I fucking hate the simpson, monty python and the onion and so do all my white friends, not sure what kind of white people you guys are meeting. Nerds and people who think they are clever with low self-esteem like the onion, simpsons and monty python, regardless of skin color. Come try talk to me about the onion and get ready for a roundhouse kick to the face.
You being offended is hilarious and unnecessary. This blog makes fun of hipsters, accurately. And the onion is fantastic.
That makes you and your friends the wrong kind of white people. Are you a big fan of Ed Hardy?
Also, I hear internet tough guys have really high self-esteem.
Lmao, look st this butthurt douchebag.
How are any of these shows anti-white?
I hear you pissing and moaning all over this entire comment section, and I haven’t heard you give one single example to support your claims.
Please, just one tiny example of anti-white sentiment in Family Guy?
If anything, I hear anti-jewish jokes all the time on that show.
Until you are able to provide a valid example, I must assume you are an idiot.
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Why are all the white women raping blacks?
Why are all those white women raping blacks? Will no one do anything to stop it?
Dear Bill: Thank you. Without guys like you threatening the rest of us online with “round house kicks to the head”, I’d have no one to feel morally and intellectually superior to. As a 44 year old educated white guy with white guilt in my DNA (which negates my being allowed to feel superior to blacks, hispanics, jews, muslims, bedouins, etc.) feeling superior to you lessens my generational gap to the young hipster crowd who have every right to feel superior to you. Unable to fit into skinny jeans and abhorring PBR, I thought mine was a destiny of detachment to these of my own European bloodline. In spite of that, I’ve never had to talk tough online despite my displaced alienation. Big fuzzy smile, Billo – you make me feel all warm, young, self-righteous inside and condescending inside. Bless you fellow whitey.
Sincerely,
Warm Fuzzy Honky
any liberals on this thread I can offend?
Reblogged this on Cats In Your Pants and commented:
Looks like I’m not tapping into Monty Python nearly enough.
Actually Howard stern is more relevant than monty python as an influence
this website is irrelevent and is need less then the Onion!
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Once again so white you can see through me on a sunny day, but I thought the onion was a food. Like yellow or red. And half the crap on the list is garbage! Like .. someone hardly. .. and America. Who the hell made this list? Black music black people don’t even listen to? Like… Bob Marley? Or… niki manaja?
Well.all people like traveling infact.
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I interned for The Onion for three months and was paid with most of a bottle of half-decent Scotch whisky.
The onion is not bad
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As a nearly translucent white person I can say with assuredness that probably only 30% of white people consider Monty Python, The Simpson’s and The Onion as the holy Trinity of comedy and that number is likely high. This is truly unfortunate. If you have found white people all around you quoting these sources please understand this is the *best* it gets with us. Most white people think Adam Sandler, Two and A Half Men and FRIENDS are all a laugh riot. I truly wish you were right and all white people had a great sense of humor. The reason a truly good sense of humor is important is because the best humor comes from individuals who look honestly at themselves and recognize how absurd and flawed they are and accept it. That is why people like George Carlin, Bill Cosby, Robin Williams, Bill Burr, Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, Lewis Black and Dave Chappelle are so funny. They are not threatened by these shortcomings and in fact rob them if their destructive capacity by making fun of them which resonates with others who are honest with all aspects of themselves.
So, yeah, I can certainly get why people could be annoyed by geeky white people quoting the Simpsons and The Onion but trust me when I say these are the good ones, despite their flaws. 🤓
As a nearly translucent white person I can say with assuredness that probably only 20-25% of white people consider Monty Python, The Simpson’s and The Onion as the holy Trinity of comedy and that number is likely high. This is truly unfortunate. So I would guess about 75% to 80% not only don’t think those things are funny they often actively dislike them and don’t have a clue why anyone would think they are funny. If you have found white people all around you quoting these sources please understand this is the *best* it gets with us. Most white people think Adam Sandler, Two and A Half Men and FRIENDS are all a laugh riot. I am talking the lowest hanging fruit. I truly wish you were right. I think the reason a truly good sense of humor is vitally important is because the very best humor has always come from individuals who are very bright, look honestly at themselves and recognize how absurd, imperfect and flawed they are, and then fully accept and own it. This is also what gives them that confidence to get up on stage and deal with hecklers. It’s tough for hecklers to get through their skin because these comedians own their shit already so you can’t really get to them. That is why people like George Carlin, Bill Cosby, Robin Williams, Bill Burr, Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, Lewis Black and Dave Chappelle are so funny. They are not threatened by these shortcomings and in fact rob them I most of their destructive capacity by making light of them which resonates with others who are honest with these aspects of themselves. And so too that majority of white America whose idea of funny is Charlie Sheen thinking his girlfriend of the week might be psycho (WAH WAHHH) actually get uncomfortable with comedians who talk about their fears and insecurities honestly because they themselves have no real interior world and spend most of their energy denying these things because and repressing them.
So, yeah, I can certainly get why people could be annoyed by geeky white people quoting the Simpsons and The Onion but trust me when I say these are the good ones, despite, or perhaps because, of their flaws. 🤓
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