Throughout history, white people have a pretty poor record when it comes to promises (see Americans, Native for examples). Thankfully, modern white people are trying to erase the shame of the past by making promises to themselves that they will never keep.
Writing a novel, going vegan, or sending their future kid to public school are just a few of these great breakable promises. But by far the most common self improvement promise is to learn a new language.
This plan is first formulated when white people realize that two years of college Italian does not confer fluency. For the most part, these classes will only teach a white person how to order food in a restaurant, ask for a train schedule, and over pronounce words when they are mixed into English. Amazingly this small amount of proficiency is more than enough to warrant inclusion on a resume under “spoken languages.”
For many white people the lack of a second language is their greatest secret shame. It fills them with so much shame that they will literally spend the rest of their lives promising to learn a new language, but not so much shame that they will actually do it.
When it comes to learning a new language, white people can follow a few paths, the most common of which is to try to learn a language that is popular in their current city.
For example, white people in places like Los Angeles or Austin, TX will often promise to learn Spanish in hopes of being able to ask local taco stands about whether or not their carne asada is grass fed (”¿Ha leído usted Michael Pollan?”).
In order to reach this level of fluency and obnoxiousness, white people believe they must put themselves into a local immersion. This means a promise to watch only Spanish language TV, listen only to Spanish language radio, read Marquez in his native tongue, and watch foreign films with the subtitles turned off. There are some instances of white people doing this for almost a week!
When this technique is unavailable or fails, white people will immediately turn to books and computer software as a last ditch effort to make good on their promise. After about a week, most white people will give up and blame someone for their failure (”this software is terrible,” “there aren’t enough people in Portland who speak Farsi!”). But rather than discarding the books and software packaging, white people will simply put them in the most visible part of their book shelf. This allows white people to believe that they have not failed since they can resume their studies at any time until their death.
Since learning a new language is something that most white people fail at, it should be approached with extreme caution. When you hear a white person say that they speak your native language, you will probably think it’s a good idea to start talking to them in said language. WRONG! Instead you should say something like “you speak (insert language)?” to which they will reply “a little” in your native tongue. If you just leave it here, the white person will feel fantastic for the rest of the day. If you push it any further and speak quickly, the white person will just look at you with a blank stare. Within a minute you will notice that blank stare has shifted from confusion to contempt. You have shamed them and your chance for friendship is ruined forever.
Finally, though they won’t admit it, white people do not believe that learning English is difficult. This is because if it were true, then that would mean that their housekeeper, gardener, mother-in-law (if they are an elite white person) are smarter than them. Needless to say, this realization would destroy their entire universe.
The best technique is to just tell white people what they really want to hear: “You should move to (insert country) so you can really learn the language.” They will agree instantly and lament their employer’s lack of an office there. Share this lament and you can enjoy a gigantic increase in trust and friendship from that white person.
Stuff White People Like 
Romantic Style in da world
No matter how much I tell the wife I’m watching Telemundo “for the Spanish”, she’s not buying it.
Stuff this white author doesn’t like doing: proofreading.
Seriously, Mr. Lander, edit this quick. And feel free to delete my comment after doing so.
Haha, nice post. Something should have been included about running into white people who actually speak the language and the awkwardness that arises when the unskilled person is completely inept at forming sentences with any real meaning. I like the inclusion of Italian in the article. It’s one of the languages white people would love to learn as it’s beautiful sounding and white people would never be pressured to speak it outside of going on vacation to Italy. Good work, keep it up!
Oh dear; this is the perhaps the truest and most applicable post I’ve seen here. Everything is excellent — there is literally no hyperbole involved, yet it somehow remains utterly hilarious. Well done.
I’ve been trying to learn French, but my attorney husband won’t speak it with me. Also, the public schools here don’t offer it.
Angie (from over at http://www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)
Brilliant.
I must confess falling into this compulsive need. For a year now (and with little to show for it) I have been shamed into spending two hours a week with a German tutor to get my high school German back up to speed.
I can almost bullshit my way through half a conversation – provided we keep it all in the present tense, and the sentences are simple. Nominative & Dative Case… Yipes!
I guess I have to commit to another year of $10 a week lessons.
yeah for rillz… you of all people should know that white people hate typos.
yeah for rillz… you of all people should know that white people hate typos.
I swear I have had the following conversation sooo many times:
“So, you speak Spanish?” I ask.
“Un poquito” they say with a cute accent.
“You know, if you really want to learn the language, you should go to any Spanish-speaking country and live there for at least six months. It has to work.”
“Is that how you learned English?” They ask, encouraged.
“No, I taught myself using a Berlitz course, and complimented that with whatever they taught me in the English class I took at school in my native country.”
“Oh…”
Very nice post : )
But I can speak French, well Quebecois, plan on learning German, and being vegan.
I hope to follow through so I can become an advanced white person.
i can’t tell you how many times i’ve heard that “move to another country…” line in austin. i can basically predict the ends of every sentence said here.
clones disguised as so called individuals.
Heh. Guilty.
From my experience in learning a second language language through public education… there should be two types of Spanish… real Spanish and then white people Spanish where the pacing of the words goes at about 10% of normal speed. Otherwise the vast majority of white people will never be able to claim that they truly have learned a second language (except on resumes, and to the opposite sex)… and will go throughout their lives thinking of themselves as lesser global citizens.
But I speak 5 languages, and I’m learning a sixth one 🙂
I’m not white, though.
But the Census thinks so…
I used to be this kind of white person, then I actually did move to another country.
I recently changed the default language on my cell phone to Spanish, to keep me sharp.
I just joined the Peace Corps to learn a new language.
Yep.
Last week, while playing tennis outdoors in my shorts and sweatshirt, I talked about moving to another country if Obama were to lose, because I could learn a new language, too!
Goddamn you….white people truth hitler!
I can’t help but feel this blog has moved from fun ribbing to outright hostile attacks
If there aren’t enough people speaking Farsi in Portland, then you need to move to LA. There are so many persians living there, it’s also come to be known as Tehrangeles.
this one is by far the cringiest of all cringe-worthy “Stuff White People Like”s. kudos.
Ha Ha, yes, I would say that is what this type of white person tend to do. I used to do that too. And now I actually live in that language country, since 10 years. So I am not this kind of white person anymore?
So true, although you should be careful saying “You should move to (insert country) so you can really learn the language.” Some people can get offended by the insinuation that they speak the language less than absolutely perfectly 😛
I love the picture of you at the Taco truck by the way! 🙂
This post made me laugh out loud. I am what’s referred to on the census as “White Hispanic/Mexican,” because they care so much what skin color you are, but that you are still of Hispanic origin. Anyways, I get mistaken a lot for a “Black Irish” (a person of Irish descent that has had a lot of Spanish blood mixed in.) I have pale skin, black hair and green eyes. I’m whiter than most white people.
So when I start speaking Spanish, as I’m functionally fluent, white people act like their accent is as good as mine, or they don’t see how flawed their Spanish actually sounds. Oh, and my favorite has to come from other Mexicans who assume I’m white. If English is not their first language, and they have a hard time expressing themselves, I’ll tell them to speak to me in Spanish- they then stare at me, say how awesome my accent is, and then ask me again if I speak Spanish while I am talking to them in Spanish! Hahahahaha. People are still so fixated on skin color – that you can be white but not be white.
Yeah, I’m white, and this is incredibly true for me. I have attempted Spanish, French, Italian, Swahili (for extra credit on a project in school, and continued just because I was bored), Dutch, and Gaelic. I’ll never be good enough at any of them to move to whatever country–in fact, I don’t think I’ll ever be good enough to carry on a real conversation.
He’s back! Yay, I was about to remove this blog from my bookmarks toolbar, but I won’t now.
And I find this quite funny as a white person who took three years of Italian and orders in Italian and overpronounces Italian words in English. But hey I took three years, so obviously I’m superior to you!
That comment about ordering carne asada was priceless. Oh, and being a native Chinese speaker, I can attest to the fact that 99% of people who tell me they speak Chinese will respond with “a little” every time!! It’s so true.
“Throughout history, white people have a pretty poor record when it comes to promises (see Americans, Native for examples). ”
No, we have a better record than other people when it comes to keeping our promises, you’ve just been brainwashed by the teevee to believe that white people are bad. Leading off a post with this unrelated PC nugget; wow, what an innovative technique!
The Natives were brutal toward white settlers; they gave whitey no quarter and you shouldn’t be going all emo on their behalf. The current Native-on-white crime rate in Canada is so high that they have a “two tiered” justice system in Canada, legal apartheid, where Natives get healing circles instead of jail time, otherwise our jails would be full of Natives. Natives commit terrorism every day in Canada and are currently occupying private property under the threat of violence as we speak.
And you are pulling your readers heart strings with historical inaccuracies about the bad old white man. Okay.
Back on topic, I know a white person who has “Learn Welsh!” in their email sig, it simply does not get whiter than that. And outside of Toronto, it is not uncommon for Canadians for the white man to learn a second language such as French to a level of proficiency. The fluoride added to Toronto water inhibits frontal lobal activity linked to learning of French.
“This is because if it were true, then that would mean that their housekeeper, gardener, mother-in-law (if they are an elite white person) are smarter than them. ”
Ah, yes, the Jared Diamond schtick, “studies show that the Papuan has a marginally higher IQ than a typical first year college student”, pure Marxism.
TOO FUNNY!
In white person overseriousness, may I now interject that it is nearly impossible to become completely, native-level fluent in a language unless one begins studying it before puberty, when there is more neuroplasticity in the brain.
<3,
ESL teacher married to a brain scientist
I recommend Norwegian. It’s comically easy, and all Norwegians speak English anyway.
I dont want to learn another language at all, frig that crap! I am white as snow……
Ok, I get it and it is tounge-in-cheek funny but this whole beat-up-on-ourselves-because-we’re-the-nasty-white-people schtik is so stinking sad. It makes me think of fat people who constantly make jokes about being fat BEFORE other people do just so they cushion the pain of the blow. If we as white folk appear contrite and self-depricating minorities who have been abused by people from our race might say ‘there, there poor little white person, it’s not so bad’.
I say loose the self loathing and find some real common ground.
“Since learning a new language is something that most white people fail it, it should be approached with extreme caution.”
I believe that’s a typo at the first “it” before the comma and it should be “at”. *grins*
I was at first hesitant to mention this as I am not a white person and didn’t want to bring any shame. Just thought I’d help though.
Apologize if someone already spotted it and posted the correction.
It seems true to me. In the year I spent in the US, I didn’t find one single person who spoke Portuguese, but I found several who thought that we speak Spanish in Brazil. Oh well. If you want to practice some Portuguese and read about stuff this white Brazilian woman likes, visit my blog: http://www.escrevalolaescreva.blogspot.com
I hate it when I tell a white person that I speak Spanish, and they reply in a total gringo accent with, “Tengo un gato en mis pantalones” or “Donde estan mis pantalones”.
Good luck getting anywhere in a Spanish-speaking country with that.
This is particularly true if you specify “Stuff American White People Like” Although I suppose that’s implied already…
Anyways, I get mistaken a lot for a “Black Irish” (a person of Irish descent that has had a lot of Spanish blood mixed in.)
Let’s put the silly “Black Irish” myth of to bed. Little Irish babies that pop out with dark hair are likely NOT descendents of any Spanish forebearers.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Irish
Sorry, but the American school system doesn’t consider Portuguese worthy of learning. The languages available in high school are usually Spanish, French, German, Latin, and sometimes Chinese or Italian. Unless you’re planning to move to Brazil or Portugal, it’s not remotely to our advantage to learn Portugese.
I have unused Welsh, Estonian, Finnish and Latin-language tapes on my shelves. Excuse: They’re all on cassette.
Jag kan tala ett annat språk, och jag är vit!
I think you meant, loosen the self loathing…
I’m pretty sure she meant “lose the self-loathing.” I more or less agree, although I think it’s healthy for us to be able to laugh at ourselves, which is how I take this site to be intended; not so much as serious commentary or condemnation.
Get a life
What a buzz-kill. Why is my ability to laugh at myself such a problem for you?
Uh, I think she meant “lose the self-loathing.”
Lander, this post was seriously under-edited. I’ve never known you to have such an errant amount of grammatical errors. For shame, whitey!! 😀
(White people totally love being grammar police, ref. “Chris 11/10 at 4:54 am” post below!)
Erik is still my bitch.
You have a couple of errors in your Spanish.
1. It’s “Márquez”, not “Marquez”
2. It’s “¿Ha leído Usted a Michael Pollan?”
James
Eu sou americana e falo portugûes…talvez não estivesse procurando no lugar correto? O programa de português na minha universidade está crescendo muito!
I think clander is using his new foreign language.
Damn, I almost was first. Well, that leaves me one thing to do.
I pooped my pants.
I speak fluent French. Nyah nyah. Although I do have unfinished German language tapes in my room and I dropped an Arabic class two weeks into college. Dammit.
I’m guessing the white people clander speaks of must be American white people. I know, or so it seems, that European and other white people know a least one foreign language, and English is usually one of them. I’m a little confused. Plus, what is the foreign language clander uses?
That is kind of true…but it is a big area to say that it goes for all the people. x___x
This is kind of humorous in a offensive way.
This chart indicates a relevance heyday for me starting with Sushi and ending around Co-Ed sports, with a revival from Being the Only White Person Around through Graduate School. Outside that the strength of the connection is weak or the accuracy is hit-and-miss. White people like statistics and charts.
x #115 Promising to Learn a New Language
x #114 America
x #113 Halloween
x #112 Hummus
#111 Pea Coats
#110 Frisbee Sports
x #109 The Onion
x #108 Appearing to Enjoy Classical Music
#107 Self Aware Hip Hop References
#106 Facebook
#105 Unpaid Internships
x #104 Girls with Bangs
x #103 Sweaters
x #102 Children’s Games as Adults
#101 Being Offended
#100 Bumper Stickers
x #99 Grammar
#98 The Ivy League
x #97 Scarves
x #96 New Balance Shoes
#95 Rugby
#94 Free Healthcare
#93 Music Piracy
x #92 Book Deals
x #91 San Francisco
x #90 Dinner Parties
#89 St. Patrick’s Day
#88 Having Gay Friends
#87 Outdoor Performance Clothes
x #86 Shorts
#85 The Wire
x #84 T-Shirts
x #83 Bad Memories of High School
#82 Hating Corporations
x #81 Graduate School
x #80 The Idea of Soccer
x #79 Modern Furniture
x #78 Multilingual Children
x #77 Musical Comedy
x #76 Bottles of Water
x #75 Threatening to Move to Canada
#74 Oscar Parties
x #73 Gentrification
x #72 Study Abroad
x #71 Being the only white person around
#70 Difficult Breakups
#69 Mos Def
#68 Michel Gondry
x #67 Standing Still at Concerts
#66 Divorce
x #65 Co-Ed Sports
x #64 Recycling
x #63 Expensive Sandwiches
x #62 Knowing What’s Best for Poor People
x #61 Bicycles
#60 Toyota Prius
x #59 Natural Medicine
x #58 Japan
#57 Juno
#56 Lawyers
x #55 Apologies
x #54 Kitchen Gadgets
x #53 Dogs
#52 Sarah Silverman
x #51 Living by the Water
x #50 Irony
x #49 Vintage
x #48 Whole Foods and Grocery Co-ops
x #47 Arts Degrees
x #46 The Sunday New York Times
x #45 Asian Fusion Food
x #44 Public Radio
x #43 Plays
x #42 Sushi
#41 Indie Music
x #40 Apple Products
#39 Netflix
#38 Arrested Development
x #37 Renovations
x #36 Breakfast Places
#35 The Daily Show/Colbert Report
x #34 Architecture
#33 Marijuana
x #32 Vegan/Vegetarianism
#31 Snowboarding
#30 Wrigley Field
x #29 80s Night
x #28 Not having a TV
x #27 Marathons
x #26 Manhattan (now Brooklyn too!)
#25 David Sedaris
#24 Wine
#23 Microbreweries
#22 Having Two Last Names
x #21 Writers Workshops
x #20 Being an expert on YOUR culture
x #19 Traveling
x #18 Awareness
#17 Hating their Parents
x #16 Gifted Children
x #15 Yoga
#14 Having Black Friends
x #13 Tea
x #12 Non-Profit Organizations
#11 Asian Girls
#10 Wes Anderson Movies
x #9 Making you feel bad about not going outside
#8 Barack Obama
x #7 Diversity
x #6 Organic Food
x #5 Farmer’s Markets
#4 Assists
#3 Film Festivals
#2 Religions their parents don’t belong to
#1 Coffee
Hrmph. Formatting.
Too much trouble to immerse myself in any other culture. I’ll simply start speaking in tongues.
If I’m speaking the mysterious language of God, no one can dispute my syntax or pronounciation.
Also, many Christians won’t call bullshit on me either, because they’ll feel left out and start making up their own gibberish.
Total win-win…at least until someone carts me off to a psych ward for observation.
sonofabitch! I just completed my first unit of Rosetta Stone Spanish. I was flying so high, and it would have lasted too. Now I really do need to stick with it.
Well played sir.
It’s Spanish. He’s ordering tacos at the taco stand!
I teach Spanish at a university and I will vouch for every fact of this post. But there are white people who learn Spanish and even become fluent even though they only started taking classes in high school.
Okay, first of all you missed the point of Diamond. His attempt at explaining why whitey is at the top of the heap is completely rascist. He may claim otherwise, and he does a good job at attemepting to interpret archeological data, but c’mon, the guy is a geographer and self-styled orinthologist. And he thinks he can explain human history in a 500 page book? Riiiiiiggggghhhhhhttttttt.
Second of all, I am no expert on race relations between Natives and whites up there in the “Great White North” (isn’t there a reason for that nickname?), but we should remember that it was European people who brought the diseases that wiped out 90% of an entire’s continent population. I’d be a little pissed if that were my history. And if your territory were being invaded by a group of people who think that because they practice a different religion they should be able to lay claim to your land, you would probably fight back too.
Gosh, those white folks are so nice. Teaching us about Jesus and helping us learn their language and customs!
Well played, but not particularly white. What self-respecting white person wants to admit to belief in (and praise of) God?
Well seconded, sir.
Not to nitpick, but is your French really “fluent”? Or is it like mine – pretty darn good after a year abroad but rusty after years of non-use?
It’s hard to keep it up when there’s no one around to converse with (as clander so perceptively points out).
And that’s bad because…? Besides, if white people feel hostilely attacked here, they can just get offended.
Pronunciation, not the abomination that’s ‘pronounciation’. This is common in Australia where most white people pronounce ‘H’ ‘Haich’- which could be written ‘hH’, which I’m sure is the shortest tautology I’ve encountered. Australian white people also love to respond to the question “How are you?” only with ‘Well’, often commenting on how incorrect any alternative response is in an attempt to make their English sound refined, instead of merely sound, and achieve neither.
Of course all this guilt of not keeping your promise can be avoided if we just start teaching foreign language in elementary school and get kids during the “critical period” that some language experts feel is the best time to learn a different language.
While most people encounter foreign language in high school and some in junior high, there are some schools that start younger.
I know I was a lot more interested in learning different languages as a kid versus being in college with 20 million other things to work on.
And I did try Italian when I was very young. I got pass “Bon giorno,” “Tutto bene,” and the word for train-then took the cassette tapes back to the library with the promise I’d check them out a later time! Ha.!
My best friend is Mexican. When we go out and dine at our favourite Mexican restaurant, we often see white people try to order in Spanish. It is an absolute comical scence to witness as most of the waiters/waitresses are Hispanics and speak very little English if any at all. While the waiter/waitress is trying miserably to understanding others ordering in English, in comes a brave soul that tries to order in Spanish. This goes back and forth as one tries to understand the other. This ultimately results in the patron pointing to the desire dish.
One word white people do know very well though is Margarita. As good or as bad as you can say it, the waiter/waitress will understand you. Because nothing makes a Fajita dinner goes from being a 10 dollar ticket to a 30 like 2 or 3 cheaply made Margaritas made with the “best” Tequila. In turn this will result in a higher tip because a 10% tip is a lot better on a 30 dollars ticket versus a 10 dollar ticket.
LOL!
I know this is me not getting the assignment. I must say that I live in Germany and am completely surrounded by white people who know both German and English. Some of them additionally know Italian and Spanish to boot! I know, I know! I just don’t “get it”.
OMG , Man this is hilarious.
I say:pull stick from ass.
The Question is, Do white people like bacon?
I am white and blog about it everyday. Am I normal?
Please help.
Enjoy Bacon!
Dead on–I have blown about 3.5k on Spanish and am afraid to cut the cord and just throw away the materials.
Hey, white europeans speak four languages most of the time. Except for British white folks, I guess…
Yeah. I live in Austin too. Lot’s of clones. I went to a party and had to leave due to me predicting the lines people were going to say. How boring it all was. Just about all these entries apply to 90% of Austinites.
That reminds me, I need to learn Latin!
racist bigotry this whole blog. why is this tolerated when racially aggressive blogs about everyone else is taboo? isnt racism RACIST against any race?
It’s funny because it’s true. I tried to learn Japanese and while learning it I met a Japanese girl at a bar. I was able to tell her that the weather outside was lovely and that I could speak Japanese a little. Felt wonderful about myself.
You are correct that racism can concern any race at all (white, black, Hispanic, Jewish, etc.) but this site is more comedic than anything else. If the blog actually was “aggressive” towards whites, there would be a problem–but it’s not.
because racism is funny, silly faggot
Hey,
Here’s a large collection of podcasts that will teach you Spanish and 36 other languages for free.
http://www.oculture.com/2006/10/foreign_languag.html
Lander has a lot of insight.
I speak fluent German and proficient Spanish, and while I no longer feel guilty, I *do* bring it up ALL THE TIME.
This makes me “insufferable”.
Also, note that there’s not necessarily an either/or between “European” and “insufferable”. In fact, I would argue that the opposite is true.
Yes, but only because it’s required to graduate from public school…
And “speak” is pretty subjective when the best they can do is “Hola. ¿Comó estás?” with a heavy Swedish accent.
The Critical Period hypothesis is hotly disputed among linguists. There is no agreement when it starts, when it ends, what it covers, how important it is, or if it even exists.
Think of the joke like this: how many people do you know who claim they want to “spend a year in the States to improve their English”, and then never do it? That’s what it’s like for us learning new languages.
the reality of this situation is that if a white author penning funny observations about blacks there would be story in the national news within a week calling the story and the author a racist biggot. the ACLU would be suing the author and the website. Jesse Jackson would do what he does best bitch and moan. there is an obvious double standard in the world view of racism.
Your first clause is a sentence fragment. An independent clause should always come before a colon, particularly when serving an introductory function.
Likewise, your second sentence requires some syntactic attention: it should read, “edit this quickly.”
“Quick” is an adjective; “quickly” is an adverb. In this sentence, “quickly” should modify the imperative verb “edit.” On a distantly-related note, “hypocrisy,” “irony,” and “jackass” are all nouns.
Note that many white people assume that being able to speak several languages is the equivalent of having great intelligence. A white person who only speaks English is average, but each additional language raises the white person up the intelligence scale from “average” to “smart” to “really smart” to “may be a genius” to “definitely a genius.”
Spanish, however, only counts for one-half point on this scale. The first Asian language counts for one and one half points. Thus, by learning Mandarin and Spanish, one rises from “average” to “really smart.” Throw in a little French left over from high school, and you might be a genius.
In case you hadn’t figured it out, Lander is writing about a particular kind of white person — relatively affluent urban hipsters in their late 20’s and early 30’s, mainly, the great majority of whom happen to be white. It’s perfectly okay to make fun of people based on their income and habits.
I got through the end of highschool French… Yey!
But, the author is white. A white guy with a sense of humor. Is he still a racist?
Dang…there goes my excuse.
I know you’ve said it…”I’ve tried, but unfortunately I’ve passed the critical language acquisition period.”
Especially when the guy next to you catches you looking at Rosetta Stone software in Sky Mall.
This author is white. What do you say now?
Yes there would be an outcry if a white author was writing funny observations about blacks, but not if a black person wrote funny observations about blacks. Plenty of black comedians, like Chris Rock, joke about the habits of blacks. Carlos Mencia jokes about Mexicans. Lander is white, writing about whites. You are typically allowed to make observations about your own race. How is that “an obvious double standard in the world view of racism.”
Anyway what ever happened in the past that should make white people sensitive to racial prejudice? There is an obvious difference here.
Its more about American white people. You know the fat lazy humorless kind. But I have a plan to keep them occupied for a couple hours at least, so they won’t clutter up the comments section.
Americans: read the sentence below.
Americans: read the sentence above.
Maybe they’re just trying to be funny. And maybe they’re not in a Spanish-speaking country, so they’re not worried about “getting anywhere.”
Just a thought.
Ohhh ok. the post was very confusing before you pointed that out. thanks.
I just like to laugh at myself, because I’m ridiculous and white.
People like me just piss me off. I mean, where do I get off mocking myself? I absolutely hate that I absolutely hate that I absolutely hate myself and everyone like me. Aren’t you offended? That’s what I love about this site.
Lol! That is so true. I’m English and I can speak Icelandic. I get ‘strange’ looks right up until another white person needs some Sigur Ros translating :).
myles went to the bar alone this afternoon to get muy barracho!
that is all the spanish i ever want or need. plus it is a true story…
i dont trust anything from a man named dirk. unless its dirk nowitzki. for a seven footer, that fucker can shoot…
which brings me to the more serious topic of heightism, and prejudice resulting from it. just cause he is huge and gangly why do we assume nowitzki can’t drop threes? why do we hurt him like that? when they finally let him in the three point contest boundaries were broken, hearts were mended, and the world was healed throughout…
um, what the hell was i talking about before. oh yeah, dirk. haha. dirk…
So you speak German?
Mia,
Why don’t you try turning your cell phone language to English so you can learn that language?
I am an American living in Germany (read: totally cool Europe) and am 64% white accordingly.
I am here to tell you the greatest disappointment of all: All European do not speak four languages.
Lucky if you can get two out of them! I know, the scandal.
I speak German y un pocito spanish. I use my “I live in Europe” card often when talking to less-white people than myself. They are very impressed.
I consider this site to be cultural anthropology. Nothing offends white people more than to be told they have beliefs and customs. They believe they do what they do because what they do is the best thing to do.
You really have to spend time in the country where the language is spoken. I tell you this as a white person.
“Finally, though they won’t admit it, white people do not believe that learning English is difficult. This is because if it were true, then that would mean that their housekeeper, gardener, mother-in-law (if they are an elite white person) are smarter than them.” Hmmmm…you mean the white people who already learned English?
Hmmm. Humanities majors are bad at logic.
“White people in places like Los Angeles or Austin, TX will often promise to learn Spanish in hopes of being able to ask local tacos stands about whether or not their carne asada is grass fed.”
Being half-Mexican half-white, I burst out laughing on that one…Reminds me that I’ll bring my own bag to Whole Foods, but would never dare bring one to a Mexican supermarket.
The one thing I hate about white people learning Spanish is that when they speak with native speakers (esp Mexicans, esp working class Mexicans) they come off as patronizing. I’ve seen many cases where white people think they’re cool in inserting Spanish words into conversation when speaking with a native Spanish speaker, despite the fact that the Spanish speaker is perfectly able to converse in English.
I think the author meant immigrant housekeepers, gardeners, and mother-in-laws that had to learn English before coming to north america
This is so true. Beginner Japanese classes are full of white people wanting to “go to Japan.” 99% of them give up after the 2nd semester and can only say “kore wa ikura desu ka.”
Guilty again. I have weekly French lessons sent to my Ipod. I do not listen to them.
I start by saying that, in spite of being 100% brown, I have helped white people in their quest to learn Spanish. I have become a Spanish instructor for professionals and college students. I don’t even do it for money. I volunteer. Invariably these students will greet me with “hola profesora” on Day 1, tell me about how they lived in Peru/Ecuador/Bolivia/some other very poor Spanish-speaking country and want to practice the Spanish they learned there. Then, at the end of class I will tell them in English that the next class meets at such-and-such a place. They will reply in Spanish and (in 50% of the cases) never come back. Just because I’m brown and a Spanish instructor doesn’t mean I don’t speak English! In fact, I am better than you because I speak both. Fluently. I would never, ever, ever tell them that, much in the same way that I would never bring my own bag to the Latin market or ride a bike to the Venezuelan restaurant.
i’ll save this page first… thanks for the info..
Spot on!
When I was 49, I said I should speak French. I bought a cd that promised to listen to me speak and show on my puter screen the vocal waves I was producing compared to a “native speaker.”
I am not 63 and the cd is still in the shrink wrap. AND, I now live in Down East Maine…all the way and I see New Brunswick, Canada from my window. Half my radio stations are in French. But finally I can admit that I will never break the seal on the cd.
However, I tell people about the cd. Its quite obvious to me now that that’s why I bought it in the first place. I have been busted again.
Warm personal regards,
Digby
I Am 63.
Maybe they have a cat in their pants or maybe they can’t locate their pants.
White people also like editing.
I keep threatening my in-laws that I will learn Tagalog so they can’t talk about me when I am present. So far that hasn’t happened.
i’m learning english… please support me… but how? i dont know…
hey that’s what i did! even though i got an A- i switched to Italian in College. now i will probably have to school a year or semester more. 😦
no move to North Atlanta, my school was like 5% Persian, and then like 20% Korean.
stuff white people like- pretending that wikipedia is a reliable source for information
Oh, this one was right on~
Sounds just like my very white husband. And he has the bright yellow software package to match, sitting there, for the day the shame overtakes him.
Good one!
yeah, that sucks, it also sucks that the Innu of Quebec are on Survival international list of indigenous tribes, while the Indian tribes of America are not, for some reason. here’s what they had to say…
What problems do they face? During the
1950s and 1960s, the nomadic Innu were pressured into settling in fixed communities by the
Canadian government and Catholic church. The transition was difficult and
traumatic. Life in the communities is marked by extremely high
levels of alcoholism, petrol-sniffing amongst children, violence, and record
levels of suicides. Many of the Innu are still fighting to retain much of their
traditional lifestyle, increasingly difficult as the government hands out their
land in mining concessions, floods the heart of their territory for hydro power
schemes, and builds roads which cut up the remainder. In April 1999, the UN
Human Rights Committee described the situation of tribal peoples as ‘the most
pressing issue facing Canadians’, and condemned Canada for ‘extinguishing’
aboriginal peoples’ rights.
http://www.survival-international.org/tribes/innu
no, white people hate bacon, for the following reasons:
1. they are strict vegetarians/vegans
2. they think the pig is a dirty animal, but a cute pet
3. they have a pet pig
4. their cholesterol is too high
5. they are going on a diet
6. They are Buddhist, Hindu, or Seventh Day Adventists
7. they don’t trust organic bacon
8. this is rare, they are strict Jews
They do love fake soy bacon and even some eat turkey bacon.
just go into a flying biscuit cafe in Atlanta, you’ll see what I’m talking about.
Dammit – I know of one person in Portland who speaks good Farsi! Seriously. 🙂
Not me. But there’s at least one person.
thank you Catsandbeer. My stomach hurts from laughing.
I like to say I’m “good” just to spite those people.
The wrong kind of white person.
Too funny.
Then there’s white Marines. We only learned enough at each foreign stop on a deployment to either have a very low-brow kind of fun, or really get in trouble.
Then they spend the rest of their lives using these little tidbits of often ribald foreign words whenever they find themselves in a Philippine or Thai restaurant or bar.
Had to throw a Marine anecdote in there; it’s our birthday.
Semper Fi,
233 years
I am the jacka$$ that says “un pocito” every single time. Again I find that I am part of the problem.
I must be part of an odd subset of White. I am a White person who has taken the desire to know languages and turned it inward, thus becoming insufferable about English. Please assist me in understanding myself, even as I correct your grammar.
I’m white…and speak more than one language. I’m not european but I do fall into the insufferable category! Awesome, I am totally vindicated by your note 🙂
You’re not getting the joke… an advanced white person will marry someone from another race, because multicultural families are important to white people. It’s the ultimate way of being diverse and you can lord it over other whites forever.
Ja. Ich nehme an, dass Sie auch Deutsch können, oder sonst hätten Sie mir nicht gefragt.
Ich bin ein großer Deutschland-fan!
Yeah, it’s like, “Gosh, I wish I had been lucky enough to learn Japanese as a kid like you did.”
“You still have the same ability to learn Japanese that I did when I was a baby.”
“Crap!”
It was an expedience… If Fuckface likes revealing in the ridiculous myth that dark skinned folk with Irish surname must be descended from members of a wind-swept Armada who landed in Ireland… Be my guest.
Slightly inverted here. I’m so baffled by the fact that English is popular, pretty much being the international lingua franca, namely because it is so irregular in so many unfathomable and dumb ways (like the pronunciation of cough, though, through, etc.).
U must be very popular with the white girls, u know “let’s go to my place and listen to some Sigur Ros, I’ll translate the lyrics for ya”
Nice job, mate!
😉
HA HA i live in malawi, and ALL the white people here have been learning the local language for years… they talk about the classes they are planning to attend and which book is better than which… but tno progress is in evidence. this post is SO true.
The last part cracks me up. My father is fluent (the actual kind) in four languages, and yet considers it a failing that he didn’t learn to speak ALL of the five official UN languages.
Don’t worry! There’s nothing wrong with being “white” (in this blog’s very special sense of that word), as long as we are aware that we are sometimes goofy, weird, and annoying in our own characteristically predictable little ways… just like everybody else who’s ever been stereotyped.
“something that most white people fail it, it should be approached with extreme caution.”
typo!
Did you mean “un poquito”? “Un pocito” is a little well (hole in the ground).
more typos:
“how to order food in a restaurant, ask for a train schedule, and over pronounced words”
“When you hear that a white person say that they speak your native language,”
“white people will immediately to turn to books and computer software”
loved the article!
Yeah, well, what if you’re dodging the bullet completely and learning a REALLY WHITE language like Welsh? Does that make one a racist of extreme proportion?
that’s a really good way of putting it!
Welsh language must be very exciting, actually I am planning to learn at least a few words. Cymru am byth! Twll dîn pob Sais!
I also have plans to learn some Old-Norse (that’s truly amazing) and Gaelic as well.
Am I white?
Hail
B-Frost
B-Frost-
I just got started and I’m doing it the hard way – using text/grammar guides and phonetic guides. (No Rosetta Stone, thanks.) It’s a pretty difficult language actually, I’m sure it will take quite some time to even be remedial.
I’m pretty sure I’ll never even be able to string a sentence together in written form, but when I finally have a chance to visit I’ll be able to say hello, order food, find lodging and (possibly) get arrested for unintentional profanity. For example – I have no idea whatsoever what you just said!
And FYI – most of my forebears came from Wales.
😛
I’m white, bilingual (in English and Spanish, for real!) and I teach English as a Second Language, advanced…….so this post is spot on……
Nice one!
Who’s got time for that. I’ve got to go to work.
So You Want To Be a Banquet Manager
Just pray that when you do get to Wales and start speaking Welsh, the person you’re talking to isn’t one of the EIGHTY PERCENT of Welsh people that don’t speak any Welsh at all.
My wife is from Mexico and has been living in the US for only about a year. She spoke no English before she came here although she learns more and more as each day goes by.
She has light brown eyes and olive skin and dark brown hair and is about 5’8″.
She went in to a taqueria to get some food and came back with quite a grin. The Mexican girl who prepared her food asked her where she was studying Spanish and how long she had been studying it and commented that her accent is really good. You’re right about the skin color/features thing when it comes to language.
I see your “promising to learn a new language” and raise you “actually taking classes with native speaker teachers”. Not only that, but since it’s Japanese, it covers a number of other Stuff White People Like! Not sushi, though, I don’t like that at all – I can’t stand wasabi or vinegar. >_< Other stuff is good, though.
Hm, I wonder how much of an exception I am to this (and others), since I’m not “culturally” white. I mean, yeah, I’m a mutt of epic Western European proportions (largest chunk is 1/4 Welsh), but my parents traveled around Southeast Asia before having me, and they lived in Hong Kong for two years – heck, I ate more rice than bread, since my mom cooked a lot of non-European/American dishes. Also, I was a minority in a school of second- and third-generation Chinese kids.
Before anyone tries to claim I’m a white person trying to brag about being worldly or some bullshit like that, I’m not; I’m just explaining how I’m probably an exception. =P
Also: goddamn, English is hard. The grammar is all over the damn place! Japanese is much easier: only two irregular verbs in the entire language – two! I’m glad I don’t have to learn English.
Nothing odd about you, Greho. See post #99 on this blog.
White people also hate bacon because while they believe they *shouldn’t* eat bacon (for all the reasons TWP listed above), they also secretly *love* bacon because of its yummy goodness.
Ditto.
吃了吗？
[quote]Hm, I wonder how much of an exception I am to this (and others), since I’m not “culturally” white…my parents traveled around Southeast Asia before having me, and they lived in Hong Kong for two years – heck, I ate more rice than bread, since my mom cooked a lot of non-European/American dishes. Also, I was a minority in a school of second- and third-generation Chinese kids. [/quote]
That just makes you all the whiter. Using that kind of reasoning is basically the same as saying that Vampire Weekend aren’t the whitest band ever because their music is influenced by African Rock and Pop, something we all know to be false. Every time I see a picture or video of those guys I have to wear sun glasses to keep from being blinded by their whiteness. Contrary to intuition, love of (and especially identification with) all things from other cultures is basically as white as you can possibly get. :p
64%? Care to share how you came to that number?
Any chance you have half human in your family?
???
“It’s perfectly okay to make fun of people based on their income and habits.”
(Loud gasp)
Incomist!
Habitist!
I speak six languages if you include English. I think my guilt melted away at three or four.
🙂
As a Mexican-American guy who apparently looks like Colin Farrell (I don’t see it, but after two unacquainted people suggested it, I fed my picture into that “celeb look-alike” program, and lo and behold, he was one of my top matches), I too have wondered about the almost Iberian appearance of many Irish people. I think this may explain it:
Genes link Celts to Basques
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/1256894.stm
I have lots of Basque ancestry (via Mexico), so this makes sense. Ariela may as well, since Basques made up a disproportionate number of the people who settled in the New World during the Spanish colonial era.
Well, of course there is that. 😉
My white friends always try to talk with me in Spanish. Whenever I tell them they’re improving and ask if they’ve been taking classes it makes their week.
I speak three languages perfect and I have shamed many white and non-white people through the years. I look forward to that and relish those priceless moments.
Some get embarrassed and just end the conversation. It makes my day.
OMG! Soooo true! I live in London with a bunch of French and American students and the whitest girl here totally said “un peu” when she said she spoke french and was then asked about it. Spot on. Loves it.
Learning welsh isn’t racist so much as it is useless.
do you mean you speak three languages perfectly? 🙂
White much? :p
Does sign language count?
Hey, I’m a white guy and I really do like grammar (cf. #99). With that in mind, shouldn’t there be a hyphen between the words ‘self’ and ‘improvement’?
Maybe they were trying to speak to you in Spanish because they were in a Spanish class trying to learn Spanish. In my Spanish classes in high school we weren’t allowed to speak English at all during the class and if I saw my Spanish teacher in the hallway outside of class time and tried to ask her a question in English she would tell me to speak to her in Spanish. And all of my teachers spoke fluent English and everyone knew it so that wasn’t an issue either. Maybe they felt that since they were in a Spanish class they should try their best to speak in Spanish, even if they had no intention of coming to a second class?
In Mississippi, they are actually vowing to dumb down the English language. If you haven’t seen the story yet…some schools down their suspend kids for saying Barack Obama’s name! Crazy!
Hall Monitor
http://detentionslip.org
السلام عليكم، اسمي “جم”. انا طالب في کلية “دكنسون” و ادرس اللغة العربية.
“Peace be upon you, My name is Jim. I am a student at Dickinson College and I study Arabic.”
Not all whiteys like me quit languages after attempting them! Arabic is difficult, but if you buckle down you can learn anything. My prof has told me “There is no such thing as impossible.” Yeah yeah laugh it up I know its cheesy but the guy is inspiring. He is 70 years old and lived in Bahrain (Eastern Arabian peninsula) for 30 years. He is a white American from a small PA town and he went over to Bahrain in the 1960s without speaking a word of Arabic. He now speaks it as well as a native speaker.
When I was in the Army [80’s] I found myself in a cow field between Contras’ and Sandinistas’. I tried to learn Spanish, and got kinda sorta almost there. A year later I was trying to comprehend that stuff in the Baltics. Less than a year later I was in Germany. In my three years there about all I could do was find my way around, order food [which was some of the best], do a little shopping, and act like I wasn’t embarassed {it only worked because I found out later that 80 % of them speak english}. That kind of rattled my brain on other languages. I live in south Florida….my kids translate for me most of the time. I think I’m picking it up though. it’s hard not to.
Crazy ? no, sad yes.
Yes perfectly. Thanks professor. 😉
Jim,
Peace be upon you as well.
Obviously this prof of yours is not one to claim he speaks the language when he doesn’t.
This article refers to the vast majority of whiteys who have a hard time admitting they’re not as talented as they think they are. And those who have a sense of entitlement and hate it when they realize they’re not that special. You know who you are.
hahaha yes!!! Then I can say I know a language!
I would love to be able to speak another language! My speaks Italian but I never learned (not surprised). I tried to learn in high school but I have forgotten everything by now. I even have some of those Rosetta Stone programs that I play around with sometimes. There is also a few free tutorials in so many languages that all the whitey’s can download (BYKI.com). If I had a choice I would master German. It just sounds cool spoken and some of my favorite bands are from Germany. It is kinda hard to find some Germans to speak to in my area.
Get a load of THIS teacher:
Ditto!! I had an ex that insisted on saying “well” even when “good” would have been the appropriate word sometimes. It is annoying because while it may be “proper” it’s not how English is actually used by most, so it just makes one look like an insufferable jerk when the other person just responded with “good”.
This is funny, lol :]
I wish I spoke another language. I’m so jealous of my boyfriend. He’s from Guyana and speaks English, French and Portuguese.
Why Usted and not usted?
Survival selects the specific cases it works on following on a number of criteria. These include the degree to which it is felt that our kind of action will bring about real change on the ground, and the degree to which the people in question are able to articulate their own defence.
There are many countries with indigenous peoples where we do not have current cases. Our only one in North and Central America is the Innu in Quebec and Labrador. We have many more in South America and elsewhere in the world.
oh my god, this is perfect.
I’ve been in thailand for 4 months and every time someone asks me if i speak thai and i say “a little,” and then they don’t keep talking, i feel fuckin awesome
I apologize for how poorly structured this comment is. My grammar sucks.
Who would’ve thought? English isn’t that hard.
Hi!dzrm! http://bgijyxdl.com mbzbw mjybx http://qyttivft.com ozgjo gjovg
I am fluent in a number of languages….. on the web…. and thanks to Babel Fish
You are a black fag
Hilarious! Explains why some of my white co students at the China Institute always seemed so pissed that I was one of the top students in the class. My Mandarin pronunciation and Chinese character writing is spot on, and I damn sure didn’t mind showing that off. The white guy next to me would scowl every time he looked at me. ha!
I was one of the top students in my Italian Language classes, too….. bite me! 🙂
Perfect — but I can top it. After 5 years of Spanish in college & high school, all I can say without any confusion is “where is the toilet” and “Oh *%#@”. And after 14 years in a predominately Spanish environment (S. Florida) I still can’t speak a decent sentence in spanish.
This satire was written for you my dear. Rejoice and see comfort in the fact that there are millions just like you.
speaking english in this day and age is like hitting the jackpot! if you only speak danish or armenian you are shit out of luck and can never leave your homeland!and maybe 1000 years from now english will not be the world language but until then chill and do not feel bad for only knowing english!! the culture immersion stuff is all crap! if you like thai food you can order it in english and the waiter is not impressed with you if you know how to say spicy in turkish!people in other countries learn another language out of need not want!!
wow, you must be very insecure! my mandarian consists of saying egg roll and make sure the cat and dog in my chop suey was raised with organic feed!
the chicano fools do not realize that spanish is a “white” language forced on their ancestors by the conquistadors!! then again the aztecs forced their language on the mayans but that I guess that is ok since they kind of look the same!! when mexicans move to america they should finally feel the freedom to shed spanish as the language that destroyed their culture! ( expect how the spaniards did away with the human sacrfice)
Wow! 🙂
You’ve got absolutely no idea what this site is about.
There are plenty of people in Portland who speak Farsi. 🙂
My hunch is that skymky is white. 🙂
I was raised in a Madrsa and know the evils of the americans learning my language! we need our language to be for the ignorant and by the ignorant! enlightenment will destory our culture!please stay away from my homeland!
Ik ben Nederlands aan het leren, maar ik ben nog maar niveau een. Ik doe dit omdat ik naar de universiteit wil gaan. Ik zal psychologie studeren. Ik woon nu in Europa, maar ik kom uit Amerika.
(I am learning Dutch, but I’m still only level 1. I’m doing it because I want to go to university. I will study psychology. I’m living in Europe now, but I come from the U.S.)
I always thought I’d only ever know English, and anything more would be an idle whim or a college requirement. Crazy that I ended up going to school in a place where it’s a requirement to speak Dutch!
gee what a waste of time! you can take a fufu major like psycology at a local community college in English and visit amsterdam for a couple of days!!!!! why the need for validation??? learning dutch which has as much value as learning to be a blacksmith in Las Veags
Actually there is a really funny site like that called http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com/
In fact, there are a lot of African Americans who sign up as one of the “black people” who love them.
I think you are just making an assumption and stereotype about race, and I don’t feel that you can nowadays. All people can see satire and appreciate it without getting feathers all ruffled.
As far as the media is concerned, they try to ruffle feathers all the time with nonsense. One reason why I feel the nightly news is another sitcom.
Well, he’s not dead yet, right? Tell him to get to work on #5 already.
I can definitely understand the humour in this white habit. It is funny and very common.
What’s even more hilarious IMHO is the white person who has mastered enough of a language that they can hold it over your head and criticize your quality (or lack of quality) in the same language. I find Spanish seems to bring out the funniest of those people. They say things like “If you keep practicing, and maybe go to Cuba for a year or two, you can be just as authentic as me” or “Oh! I remember when I was at your level! I sounded so unauthentic back then!” 🙂
That sounds incredibly Spanish, like burrito, bueno, amico…
My favorite banal exchange:
Someone Else: “How are you?”
Me: “I’m good. You?”
S.E.: “I’m well, thanks.”
Me, internally: “Dickweed.”
The taco truck picture is killing me.
Does Pig Latin or Doubletalk count as a foreign language?
http://www.jonesview.wordpress.com
I laughed like a crazy horse reading this article. I tell you my experience. I left my job last year in December/07 and went to Istanbul to learn Turkish at Tömer University for 3 months. Now I speak Turkish fluently with a French accent. Later I came back to Zurich to take the First Cambridge Certificate. I passed this exam with C. In June I went to Italy, to attend Italian classes at Perugia University. The first month, I studied by mysef, then in July, I started the course. My teacher was surprised with Italian writing and speaking skills and I never studied Italian before. At the begining of August/08, I went to Madrid, a wonderful city, and enrolled for a Spanish course. As my mother tongue is Portuguese, so it was quite easy to catch the spanish accent. Now I wrote in my CV all these 3 new languages that I learned during these 10 months, along with my 2 “cultural” languages, German and French. I think this complex of not learning a foreign language is typical of Americans. We here in Switzerland are used to and proud of it.
I learned three other languages up to the point where continuing would actually have required, you know, WORK. To this day I never use them, terrified that someone might respond in that language and I’d be exposed as a loser who can read a food label but couldn’t carry on a conversation with a child.
It’s sad. I’m very lucky English is my first language.
And the Michael Pollan reference? PERFECT.
If you ever seen one in south FL, you would roll on the floor. They actually have three wheel bikes-with two wheels in front and ride around ringing a bell. They sell ice cream the same way. I lived in a neighborhood where a car would pull up and pop the trunk. Hoards of illegals would get plates of beans, rice, and mystery meat from pots in the trunk. In the mornings you’d see a group of them carrying lunch off to work from the same car.
Now…..that’s killing me.
That’s insane, but not too surprising. Most of the regions all these poor cuisines come from are almost served to the public the same way.
I do miss the Tamale lady who hand-made them herself every day and sold them door to door in my old neighborhood. My God, they were better than any 5-star place who thinks what Tamales are. Till this day, I compare every one I eat to hers.
But to add, I found that taco truck picture particularly hilarious because of the guy in the foreground staring at it like it’s a unicorn.
i guess english isn’t one of those 3 huk huk huk!
you sir, are the shit.
^^ Guilty. You know me too well sir. I guess I’ll cancel planning to move to Japan/Europe now. Sigh…
I had to learn several expletives in a couple of Mayan languages when the Guatemalans start napping under the tree when they should be mowing my lawn.
Maybe I didn’t make myself clear. I’m not trying to be pretentious. Looking back at my post, it does sound similar to someone claiming not to be white because they’re 1/16 Cherokee. [sigh] The best of intentions, eh?
What I was trying to say is that I’m not of the same culture of the type of people this site makes fun of. I honestly don’t feel very “white”. I did not grow up in that same sort of environment: my schoolchums in my developmental years were not other white kids like myself, but primarily Chinese. Heck, a joke was playing “Find the White Kid”. I say I’m culturally like a third gen Chinese because that’s the sort of environment I grew up in, and I don’t know how else to explain how I act differently than other people in my demographic (young white women).
My mention of food wasn’t meant to show off, but rather be an easy reference point, an illustration. It worked in my explanations in the past, but I guess I failed on that point here.
I have no clue who Vampire Weekend is. A rock band?
Wow, that’s actually not a bad idea at all. I watch films I’ve already seen in French, so that way I’m not totally lost and usualy can catch the gist of the dialogue.
What a load of racist shit, do a
find: white
Replace: black
and this site would be boycott
No, it would be stupid and meaningless, since most of the things on this site are indeed things that are specifically appealing to white culture. Get a grip, God damn it.
I’m sorry but I have to disagree. Some 30 million people speak Dutch. And with Holland being the 16th largest economy in the world it wouldn’t hurt to learn the language.
Fat luck, though, that most Dutch people speak at least their native language AND English, and quite a large number speaks French and/or German and/or Spanish.
I speak my own language and English fluently. I can get by in German, and will at least be able to do groceries in French and Mongolian.
no, it is not racist; being able laugh at ourselves (no matter b/w) is kind of cool … and do you see it is actually humorous introspection?
if you boycott this site i will protest by moving to portland or ottawa and ride a fixie!
A unicorn…. that’s funny.
I know what you are saying. A neighbor of mine’s wife makes home made corn tortillas. This stuff in the stores can’t compare. She also used to make tamales. I learned not to watch as she was doing it. The end result was great though. I bet the average American wouldn’t know what to do if they were in Mexico and ordered tacos. I never saw a Taco Bell there and am glad.
Just where exactly would you like to be bitten ? And for how long ? LOL
Too true. I can count on fingers on how many times I’ve attempted and given up to learn a language. But on our defense, at least we try! We don’t have the luxury of the EU where we learn 5 different languages by taking 10 euro flights to neighboring countries.
That’s Christian Lander staring back at the truck… the author of the blog.
Uh, yeah. I used to teach French. People had enormous guilt telling me that they studied French, but it was a long time ago, they didn’t really learn anything back then anyhow, and never really practiced with anyone who spoke the language. I actually learned some Wolof when I went to live in Senegal (that’s in Africa, by the way) as a WHITE student. See the post on white people studying abroad. Now I’m in Day 11 of not <>, which is a foreign language in capitalist America, and actually a dirty, dirty thing to talk about since I could be personally responsible for an upcoming recession. But that’s another post…
Katy
http://www.planetperspectives.blogspot.com
Hilarious! This article is too true, although I’m under no illusions that English is an extremely difficult language to learn due to so many ass-backwards rules and so many dialects. Unfortunately it seems like the same could be true for ESL students, many of them only make a half-assed effort to learn English/American and sound ridiculous to those of us who had it as a native language.
Funny… I actually came to your site to suggest this after getting off the phone with a co-worker who was saying he has always wanted to learn Spanish. He’s in his 50s… if he really wanted to learn it that badly, he would have already!
Then again, I’m 29 and have always wanted to learn Spanish also.
There are actually several similar sites – “Stuff Educated Black People Like,” “Stuff Jewish People Like” (aka “Jewlicious”), “Stuff Queer People Like,” “Stuff Asian People Like,” etc.
It’s a shame that since you hate this site so much you won’t ever see this comment, and will simply remain ignorant of the fact that there are people of all races, religions, and lifestyles who enjoy a good laugh at their own expense.
Oh, and you mean “boycotted.” White people love to correct others’ spelling errors, incidentally.
Probably the best post so far. I’ve studied Arabic for the last four years and I get this a lot.
put taking a dump on here
man the taco stand part could not be more true. i’ve taken 2 yrs of spanish in college and just last week stopped by a taco stand in east Austin. i walked away feeling victorious and proud that i made the entire transaction without resorting to english…ALL SPANISH baby! woo hoo! i am sooooo fluent.
Must disagree with one contention. Specifically, the old canard Americans are always taught—“English is the hardest langauge to learn!” –simply isn’t true.
I’ve had hosts of people from Brazil tell me this is false. Basically, they state, English is both a very flexible language in terms of grammar and so culturally dominant that its relatively easy for a foreigner to learn. Thank Hollywood and American/British business success for the latter.
but for Americans, outside of perhaps Spanish, there isn’t a need for learning another language, because we live in such a vast, English speaking nation. Our biggest neighbor, Canada, speaks english—those few Quebecois be darned. We can travel hundreds of miles and never leave the our native tongue. Not So England, or Germany, Or Japan, or Korea.
The fluidity of English is also a key. ENglish readily accepts words from other tongues and also allows for slang to take over. We don’t get a hissy fit over grammatical inconsistencies like, say, the French.
White people may like pretending Americans are provincial morons, but the truth is a bit less Euro-friendly.
I mean I actually need to learn farsi because my girlfriend is fluent in it. Her brother is also fluent. Hes actually growing out his mustache for charity. Its fuckin hilarious. Check it out:
http://www.garbarrassing.com/Comment/Blogs/0018.php
Most true “stuffwhitepeoplelike” ever written. Sure I am fluent in italian… well solo un po’.
I am not learning any other language. The rest of the white people do it to get into “college”. Pfffft.
But no really, Satire isn’t funny anymore so just stop. Especially when it includes things as ridiculous as “Extreme Frisbee”. Please. Just. Stop.
no one’s making you read this.
It’s “¿Ha leído usted Michael Pollan?” Not “He.” “¿He leído usted Michael Pollan” means “I have read you Michael Pollan.”
Them white people sure do like to try and improve themselves.
thats the joke tard
So true! I’m a former Spanish teacher and a native Spanish speaker, and I can’t tell you how many times people tell me that they studied Spanish in high school like I should be proud of them. I’ve learned never to actually speak to them in real Spanish, but to use the teacher speed and vocabulary. “Oh really? ¡Qué bien!”
There is a stuffasianpeoplelike.com and a stuffjewishpeoplelike.com too. In fact, I’m pretty sure there are several different copies of this site for different races. They’re all funny. I’m asian and I laugh at the stuffasianpeoplelike.com. We’re just poking fun at our own stereotypes. Its a satire not serious accusations. Lighten up.
The title of this blog- and also a book, I learn- is misleading. It should be American White people about whom you ramble about. Take second language stuff for example. Most people in Scandinavia can easily speak English, and there is a very good chance they know at least one other language of their neighboring country.
Similarly, in Netherlands most people are fluent in English. Swiss people are very likely to know two or three languages. Even though Canadians are very divided into French and English speaking regions, I’m sure there would be plenty of White Canadians who would have a good grasp of the second language: English and French both being the official languages of Canada.
And I assume, In America, of course, increasing number of Whities learn Spanish. Many White people who constantly immigrate to America from Continental Europe, Trinidad, Cuba, Central and Latin America have to be at least bilingual.
I not only have all of Gabriel Garcia Marquezs books, but I have them in spanish, and ive read them!!!!! so funny…I havent read One Hundred Years of Solitude in about 5 years, but of what I remember, it felt like it took 100 years to read, and the end didnt justify the means….a kid is born with the tail of a pig and is carried away by ants….thats about it…
It’s totally, totally true. First, it was French because high school required it. Then when I failed to get a handle on my 9 a.m. class in college, I eventually decided to try Italian.
I took two Italian classes via continuing education (i.e. not graded) and still pretty much sucked. Yet I learned enough that I keep vowing to go back and learn it “for real” once I [insert one here: finish my thesis, can find an inexpensive class, get good language tapes, etc.].
The worst part is: I’m a quarter Italian and have full-blooded Italian cousins who have lived in Italy all their lives (when my grandfather’s family came to New York, this sector of the family stayed in Italy). I am an embarrassment to my native country.
But clearly I’m not embarrassed enough to learn their native language…..
Would you guys hit it?
http://andthisismyamerica.com/2008/11/13/dear-vanna-white-i-thought-you-might-like-to-know-that-id-still-hit-it/
I am from Trinidad, and we only speak english so im not sure why white people from trinidad would be bilingual.
Sí, es muy muy verdad! Excelente, Señor!
Europe is teeming with white people, and many have a working knowledge of some other language. Strange, but true.
Lol great post. Even though I hate trying to learn another language, it’s something almost required due to my white parents lol. Oh, and my kids better learn to speak Deutsche OR ELSE!!
To all those people who would be embarrassed for getting called out, I think it’s a great thing “white people” are trying to be more cultured and going out there to try and learn more languages! That has been a horrible stereotype of Americans for decades, which signifies a change in American culture to become more worldly!
Going out to try and learn languages doesn’t strike me as an “white” american thing at all, but actually a very international/ foreign thing to do. Those who have lived internationally know this. However, maybe the reasons are completely wrong.
In china, for example, many chinese people will approach you just to practice their little english, i think that’s great!!! What’s so bad about white americans doing the same thing to practice their foreign language.
The only thing that annoys me with it, is that “white” people do if for the wrong reasons, to do just so much that they can self elevate themselves. But i agree, i think most white americans actually SUCK at the languages they try to learn and claim they can speak. And they’ll pretend to be sophisticated with it and snobby with it. Like many “white” females who claim to speak french, and then you actually try to speak with them and they can’t quite hold a conversation with you… then they hate you for calling them out! UGH!
I’m half white and asian btw, so it’s weird. There should be a stuff hapa kids like.
If you can’t use the nominative case, how can you even construct the most basic of sentences?
white people love mysticism:
http://journalofthieves.wordpress.com/2008/11/09/el-panico/
If you have access to the internet (which you do), there are people to talk to.
I like ham, but I don’t like bacon. I hate the crunchiness.
Sou ja nai. 😦 Ware wa Chukoku, Roshia ni ikitai desu!
(Crap, did I mix up iku and ikiru again? I do that a lot.)
Although in this case, both might be applicable.
Wish I could edit comments.
Ware wa Nihon yori Chukoku, Roshia ni ikitai desu!
I love how everyone always makes comments like, “I am white and I speak two foreign languages. So, does that mean I am not white enough?” or “I am Asian, I like coffee, so where do I fit in all of this?”
Get a grip, people. Generalizations are fun. Try it some time. I promise that it doesn’t make you a racist to joke about Irish people being lazy, drunken, bums.
I would disagree. A lot of my acquaintances in high school were ESL students (Vietnam, Liberia, Sudan, Turkey, Russia). I was amazed at the way they were able to become proficient – as in, we could talk about real things – in English after only a few months in the US.
Of course, there might be a generational divide. The kids knew that their future would be in the US.
Maybe 64% refers to how many of the items on this website he thinks apply to him?
Did you even read the comment?
I ended up going to school in a place where it’s a requirement to speak Dutch!
Now say again how learning Dutch is useless for that poster.
haha. My favorite is when self-righteous monolingual white people berate OTHER monolingual white people for being monolingual.
WKOWP: “If Mexicans want to move here, they ought to learn to speak English!”
WP: “Americans [implied white] suck so much because they’re so lazy that they can’t bother to learn Spanish.”
WKOWP: “Do you speak Spanish?”
WP: “No, but that doesn’t make it okay for you not to try, Hitler!”
I’d always thought it was incomprehensible, but now I understand that it’s really just that the first moron is mad at the second for being the Wrong Kind of white people.
Anyway, Europeans learn other European languages so they can talk to other white people. Americans don’t learn other languages because second languages don’t really allow them increased access to other white people.
IOW, hippies in Austin don’t REALLY burn to converse with semiliterate Indian peasants.
Awesome post. I’m a grad student working on my MA in linguistics and this is painfully true even for me – I’ve taken three semesters of French, two of Spanish, and am on my third semester of Arabic, and the one thing I made sure to learn in any of those languages is “a little” so I could use it at a moment’s notice. It stings because I convinced myself that that was a clever strategy.
Bona verba! Lingua latina bene loquor – id est, melior quam alias linguas – sed quid mihi prodest? Romani omnes desunt. Et non sunt popinae ubi licet dicere, “Velim caffeam.”
I love this post. I’ve tried learning French and German, and I suck at it. I can’t pronounce most the things in german, and French, well I have no use for it unless i move to paris. Which is highly unlikely. I’ve moved on to Japanese, and this one I’m pretty sure I’ll stick to. I have Japanese friends, watch japanese shows (Which I did before i ever begun studying japanese), And have always loved the culture in general. Although…I’m half white and half asian, so I don’t really fit in with the ” right white people ” either. Although, what American is truly white anymore? XD
After a year and a half in France I am still struggling with the language. But at least I speak more than un petit peu. I hitched myself to a francophone so I can’t just shelve my french books.
I just found this site. I am addicted to it!
Your mention about sending kids to public school hits a note
with me. I send my kid to private school. Public school was never an option. My white neighbors and “friends” hit the roof.
I was the bad white person on the block.
So to add to your entry…
White people are sanctimonious and hypocritical. How nice that white people have so many resources and time on their hands to worry about inconsequintial issues such as these.
Open your eyes folks. Worry about something that really matters – like the fact that your elderly neighbor hasn’t left her house in two weeks. Or, that the people down the street are about to lose their home.
OK, this honky is finished preaching:)
Sharron
http://fakinggoodmanners.blogspot.com
Some white people are too busy correcting other people’s grammar to learn a second language.
http://www.culturallycool.com
Ha! I totally promise to learn Spanish all the time, saying it will help in my law practice. But, I don’t. I just hire interpreters at $70/hr all the time. I’m too damned old to learn Spanish. Fuck that.
I have spoken “un poquito” of Spanish all my life because I’m from New York, but now I study more, and one day I hope to work as an interpreter or translator (for my love of grammar, of course.)
It’s really not a big deal, all this language stuff. I think the best thing to have is a sense of humor and not take things personally when it comes to making mistakes. Just relax, and then people will want to talk to you more. That goes for anyone, not just guilty awkward white liberals.
I also want to add something to the post: When you tell other white people you’re learning a language, the first question they always seem to ask is “Are you fluent?” or “How fluent are you?” (Also, for Spanish in particular, white people looove to point out that “embarazada” does not mean “embarassed.”) There is no such thing as complete fluency, por esto si alguien me quiere corregir la gramatica, te agradezco mucho 😉
hey man, sounds like she struck a chord with you.. just get back from some noon-time ‘ultimate’??
oh and satire isnt funny anymore? wow. how does it feel to think that your opinion is a blanket statement for how everyone should feel?
please. just. get. off. the. internet.
hilarious.
hey guys,love this Blog.im from tijuana (playas de tijuana to be more precise )but now live in san diego Ca.
im not fluent in english but the little i know i learned it by watching television since growing up in tijuana i would get the same tv signals that people get in san diego and most tijuaneans learned like myself by watching tv (saved by the bell,cheers;married with children,the simpsons,dalls,90210 etc).im 32 y/o thats why i named those oldre tv shows,some newer generations might not even know what am i talking about lol..
just wanted to give my opinion on how we mexicans love when white people speak spanishr ..we appreciate you making an effort when you say things like, como estas?…muy bien!….un poquito!
saludos a todos
hey guys,love this Blog.im from tijuana (playas de tijuana to be more precise )but now live in san diego Ca.
im not fluent in english but the little i know i learned it by watching television since growing up in tijuana i would get the same tv signals that people get in san diego and most tijuaneans learned like myself by watching tv (saved by the bell,cheers;married with children,the simpsons,Dallas,90210 etc).im 32 y/o thats why i named those older tv shows,some newer generations might not even know what am i talking about lol..
just wanted to give my opinion on how we mexicans love when white people speak spanish..we appreciate you making an effort when you say things like, como estas?…muy bien!….un poquito!
saludos a todos
Probably very true. I understand that my students will want to speak to me in Spanish and I think that’s great. It’s the random people that I don’t get.
Oh, well.
It’s obvious how much white people would like the idea of speaking foreign languages, the appeal, the innate sense of duty to connect with the world around us, or just back to european roots, with the disposable income of multiple generations of white people, might as well do something that seems worthwhile. With such products as Rosetta Stone, white folks don’t have to revert back to the classic Latin studies in school, and learn a language in the speed of light. This learning of languages also helps the white person to jump into gentrifying cities in a days work. As a white person, I find myself through high school and college forcingly trying to learn multiple languages to connect with the world around me, and seem like a smarter individual.
Damn…All of this time, I thought my desire to learn Arabic stemmed from my inner creativity and desire to connect with a foreign culture.
But alas, it’s all because of genetics!!!
Oh God, someone give me a latte! But make it a soy!
White people like blogs, and posting on blogs. White people love commas, too, .
Jeremy from Trinidad- And why must you assume you represent every white person in Trinidad?
+1
I’m struggling to learn Arabic despite the fact that I’ve never got beyond an entry-level mastery of my mother’s native tongue (an Algonquian dialect with at most 20 000 speakers). Does this make me more or less white? Native Americans definitely rank higher on the white-approval index than Arabs…
White people — all you need to know is that Jews aren’t White and that they are the mortal enemies of Whites.
Oh my god… White people are so annoying.
Wrong! Stop side-stepping your privilege. It’s a skin color thing.
http://www.amazon.com/Became-White-Folks-About-America/dp/081352590X
I think it’s rather unfair to single out our inability to learn languages.
There is a whole host of other skills which we abandon as fast as we attempt them; musical instruments, martial arts, and hand crafts for instance.
It’s people like this writer who breed ignorance. You bitch and cry about being stereotyped by the people you are sterotyping. I’m a white guy who speaks 4 languages, and have travelled to 27 countries you ignorant fuck. Grow up. White people don’t keep you down, it’s your own dum ass and big mouth.
Parlez vous francais? Habla espagnol? Asallamualaikum bitch.
Acutllay, the author’s just some white Michael Moore wannabe polemist. Ya he’s white-Look’s like a jew too. A canadian jew. So he is actually the people he’s sterotyping. Waste of time, he’ll wash up in no time
Such hostility in the echo chamber today … tsk tsk.
I think it would have been a bit funnier if you said Rosetta Stone.
Oh how hard have I been trying to learn to speak French. For years actually. I really need to move to Paris.
I come here to laugh at the White-Americans, but this latest addition hits a little too close to home.
I don’t mean to be annoying here, just trying to help:
1. There’s a preposition missing in the question, it should be ”¿Ha leído usted a Michael Pollan?”
2. By Marquez I think you mean Gabriel Garcia Marquez, in which case you should mention him as Garcia Marquez (Both lastnames, paternal and maternal)
I love the book and love the blog. I’m not white and English is certainly not my first language. However, based on your criteria and the things I like, I might have just become one!
Thanks!!!
While this site was quite funny at first, some of these posts are becoming borderline racist. Keep your feet on the floor.
I don’t know how to say this, but claiming not to be pretentious is just so white. 🙂
If you weren’t pretentious, you’d live in a trailer park in Boise and raise livestock *for a living, not for fun*.
Accept it, you’re white and pretentious… just like the rest of us.
(And you cannot possibly win this kind of conversation on a site like this. Racism overpowers everything.)
And don’t worry about trying to extricate yourself from this ‘culture’. This site is not “Stuff White People Like” but rather “Stuff White Liberal People Like”. (cf, the Obama post)
LAST!
Ouch! I’ve been having fun watching proggie white people get their just desserts at this blog, but this one hit me square between the eyes! And it’s still hilarious.
Great series, but for all you sports fans out there we decided to flip the script and give you athlete’s hate. And without further ado we present the #1 thing that athletes hate–drug tests… go to jerseychaser.com for the complete story in it 🙂
Great series, but for all you sports fans out there we decided to flip the script and give you athlete’s hate. And without further ado we present the #1 thing that athletes hate–drug tests…
jerseychaser.com for the complete story in it 🙂
I witnessed a fascinating display of white people using another language the other day in a hotel elevator. One of them started counting the floors – “uno” and another one took over, “dos,” etc, etc until “once,” at which point one of them said, “after once, I have to switch over to French.”
Wow.
(and no, he didn’t switch to French)
Yay Carla.
Great post indeed. It’s true – and I can honestly say that almost every people I know love to know at least one other language. Ciao:)
You know, like, I am only part white, and the ONLY time I say I’m going to learn another language is when I am threatening to move to Canada, or when I want to run away to Mexico, or… when I think about Italian guys, or like….. man, I’ve GOT to learn another language!
I laughed out loud when you mentioned Austin (is this Carne Asada grass fed?). In fact Austin (espeically during South by Southwest) could have it’s own “stuff white people like” entry. It’s funny because it’s true. This is one of the best posts yet…I wonder why so many of my fellow liberal white friends are studying French, in Texas…2,500 miles from the nearest french speaking Canadian Provence…but 3 1/2 hours from the Mexican border.
Also, being a liberal white person, I found this espeically funny because my Facebook language setting is currently on Spanish…for all of the reasons mentioned in this post. I also shunned MySpace for Facebook for all of the reasons mentioned in the Facebook post.
yeah right. a lot of white americans dont want to be bothered with learning a new language..they think english is the only important language.
Whatever, I’m white and actually did learn Spanish. Like for real. I was super self-conscious about actually putting it on my resume until I was sure I was good enough to be hired for a Spanish-speaking job.
$10? That’s a good deal.
Hahaha yes! I looooove that! Everyone I meet claims to be “conversationally fluent” (whatever the hell that means) in Spanish, then when I start speaking to them in my not-native-but pretty-damn-good Spanish, they look at me like I’m speaking Swedish or something.
The other day, I said to a SPANISH MAJOR(!!!) “Ayer, hize una presentación para mis estudiantes…” and was met with deer-in-the-headlights blank stare.
Sigh. Like I always say, the better I get at Spanish, the farther away true fluency seems…
<3,
Spanish teacher
This is exactly why I (a white person que habla español) NEVER order in Spanish at a Mexican restaurant when my friends try to get me to do it! A Spanish-speaking waitress knows damn well people are going to order in English, so I just ORDER IN ENGLISH.
I am also a waitress though, and I sometimes speak in Spanish to my tables if they have proven themselves to be nice and I take extreme precautions to not piss them off and to NOT use any grammar that I’m not 100% sure about. Just for fun, and I usually get a good tip out of the deal 😉
You forgot to say how white people with shitty language skills LOVE to say that they’re “conversationally fluent” in Spanish. WTF does that mean?? I realize I’m not native-speaker fluent (realistically never will be), but I’m pretty damn good at it. And I really don’t think there is such a thing as conversational fluency. You can be conversational, proficient, highly proficient, or fluent.
Jaja, de acuerdo! Y también cada vez que digo a otros White People que estudié por un semestre en España, me preguntan, “So, are you like, fluent now??” No, claro que no. ¿Proficiente? Quizás.
How come John Mayer’s not on the list
English, what’s that? Last I checked, people in US claimed to speak “American”. This is all crazy talk if you ask me. 🙂
…I am also not entirely joking about this. I sell Japanese import comics and goods at comic book conventions around the country and there have been cases where people have either asked if the item in question: 1) was written in American or 2) was priced in American.
Perhaps it is technically correct, but I find these situations to always be very amusing.
This website is so American based it is unbelievable, In places like Holland, Germany people are known to speak four to five different languages.
http://stuffgirlslike.wordpress.com
Yes. Yes they do.
http://stuffwhiteparentslike.com
Oh my God–SO true in EVERY way!!! Bravo.
White people seem to have the most wet dreams about trying their lame rudimentary Spanish out. This occurs frequently in “Mexican” restaurants that are owned, managed by, employ, and cater to primarily white Americans. I am sure the Hispanics who work there enjoy the endless condenscension. Wow, you are speaking Spanish to a real live Mexican who is stuck working at Taco Bell. How nice for you! Do you realize that these workers would like to kill jackasses like you?
The rest of this particular post is a load of crap. It takes about 2-4 weeks to pick any language up. Most people don’t follow through because they are too busy. There is no need for elaborate satire about this; it’s really kind of a boring topic.
Let us all remember that christian lander is a white person and whitey sticks up for whitey.
No matter if you agree or disagree with his posts keep that in mind and give him props.
He aint here to disturb your peace,,,no he aint…he is here to facilitate it.
John Mayer is not stuff white people like because he’s mainstream, dudebro. The author is primarily lampooning a class of people that he is in bed with: indie, college-educated, self-loathing, American / Canadian, postmod people. The pea coats crowd seems like an extreme of the cultural phenomenon that’s on trial here; I prop myself that I haven’t become such a humorless hipster, I guess, even though the criticism on the site often applies to me. I speak Spanish O.K. but I can recognize the dense wankery that flexing nut in a foreign language can be. I try to keep my usage to strict utility, s’pose, like when the other party’s struggling in English.
This site is occasionally funny but it’s also important as balls that we examine the message. I ARRANGE MY CD’S SO THAT THE MOST OBSCURE ONES WILL BE FOUND FIRST ACCCH
Unless you are studying Spanish literaure, Spanish as used in America is primarily the peasants’ language. Learning it makes as much sense as learning ghetto slang.
How about a new category for SWPL? Double-standards!!
We are just oh, so ashamed about how we’re not fluent in a multitude of languages, as if the whole planet were multi-lingual and we are not.
We simply pretend not to notice the other uni-linguals that immigrate to our country all the time, many of whom either will not or cannot become marginally fluent in our language. Sure, they may have studied English at some point in school (as we studied foreign languages in ours), but it doesn’t seem to have done them much good.
But they get a free pass and we condemn ourselves for the very same thing (all in good humor, of course).
Yeah, that the stuff white people like!
Hilarious blog! Maybe we should have a few more such blogs replete with snide remarks and sneering commentary? How about “The Stuff Jews Like”, “Aren’t Gays Weird”, or “Muslims And Their Funny Ideas About Women’s Rights”? Not so funny anymore is it? Your blog is a Minstrel show for smug, middle-class liberals. Yours is the same demographic that previously harboured prejudices against Blacks, Jews and Mexicans. Your state of mind doesn’t change. You still need affirm your own importance, not by your deeds, but by denigrating others, you are just very careful to always choose the easiest target. Yesterday Blacks and Jews, today “Stupid White People” will do. Tomorrow maybe it will become fashionable to hate Jews and Blacks again, and you will be leading the chorus. The more things change the more they stay the same.
“The difference is, white people don’t get denied jobs for liking yoga”
And Black people don’t get denied jobs for liking fried chicken, so what’s your point Christian? White people, on the other hand, are systematically denied positions in schools and colleges and denied jobs in all of the public services under Affirmative Action. Lander’s racism does have real life consequences.
WOW – ‘ahappywhite’ you are very, very uninformed. Allow me to shed some light on this for you (don’t worry, it’s a white light):
First of all, the United States DOES NOT have an official language. Furthermore, linguists recognize that English is one of the hardest second languages to learn.
Secondly, you talk about “other uni-linguals.” 50 – 75 % of the world’s population is bilingual. (I know your world probably doesn’t extend outside the comforts of your white flight town), but believe it or not, there is a world outside of the U.S. and most people speak more than one language. The U.S. is way behind on this front.
There are about 30 times as many languages as there are countries…do the math. most folks speak more than one language out of sheer necessity.
get a life James…….If you did any research on Affirmative Action, you would know that it was a policy that provided an OPPORTUNITY for minorities BECAUSE WHITE PEOPLE IN POWER REFUSED TO DO SO WILLINGLY!! And guess who passed the policy??….White people who knew this was true and wanted to make a change.
There would be no Affirmative Action if it weren’t for RACIST WHITE PEOPLE.
So if you are so mad about whites not getting jobs because of Affirmative Action, get mad at white people…..but don’t be too mad at them because at least they tried to right a long standing wrong..
PS: and stop spreading LIES about whites being systematically denied positions in schools and colleges…and denied jobs in all public services…..YOU ARE A LIAR…..because the last time i checked, all of the people who were doing the hiring in the businesses and schools and public service area were OVERWHELMINGLY MAJORITY WHITE……Get over your bigotry and try going into business for yourself if you won’t get hired!
I wish pinworm medication wasnt so expensive, last week my girl decided to spontaneously perform anilingus during my “itchy hour” and well I think you know what happened…
Preach it, brotha. Tell us white folk what its like only being 3/5ths a human being.
You should read #101 😉
I think all of those websites would be HILLLLARIOUS!!!
I know a Galician who gets seriously pissed when people refer to Mestizos and Amerindians as “Spanish”.
Spain is a White country. Mayans, Aztecs, and mongrels like Mexicans and Mulattos are not White.
All of those blogs WOULD be hilarious.
Also, Minstrel shows are only deemed unforgivably racist by revisionist historians. In actuality, they were a huge milestone in the affirmation of black culture in the US as they were the first time a mainstream white audience had any exposure to their virtuosic and original song and dance.
Not that that has anything to do with this blog, jackass.
especially nowadays, learning a new language seems to be one of the most important things that people need to learn. Even Obama mentioned the importance of languages
“If you did any research on Affirmative Action, you would know that it was a policy that provided an OPPORTUNITY for minorities BECAUSE WHITE PEOPLE IN POWER REFUSED TO DO SO WILLINGLY!!”
louiecoolgato
What can I say Louie? Erhh, well…..I know! Barack Obama! If you did any research you would find that underclass Whites are just as likely to suffer from job discrimination as underclass Blacks, and that middle-class Blacks and elite Blacks (Obama), but being a racist, you are incapable of regarding Whites as anything other than a monolith. It is these underclass Whites who are the principal victims of Affirmative Action, that’s why this racist initiative is supported so fervently by middle-class spoiled brat Whites. It doesn’t affect them and if they are going to have to mix with plebs anyway, they may as well mix with Black plebs and have the kudos of not being racists.
Face it, white people are just trying to be like the rest of the world. They can’t help it if they are not! Can’t blame ’em for trying!
Btw, lol, are we talking about American whites here, or white people everywhere?
LOL…..
yeah, well i don’t appreciate it when white people speak spanish. it’s so annoying to hear somebody who thinks they can speak spanish crucifying the most simple phrase, por ejemplo, my name is…
ugh.
Yeah, cuz, seriously, do you really think I’m going to need another language, when I immigrate to another country to create a better life for my kids? Ha! “Pfffffft”. Oh. Wait. *looks around* I’m already in America! Doesn’t get much better than this!
Stuff white people like #117: Making references to how white people oppressed the American Indians.
You obviously did not pay them enough pesos for them, cuz they were hoping to send some home so the wifey could buy some more rice and beans. You get what you pay for.
Oh, wait, I forgot that it IS politically correct to hire illegals and then treat them like slaves.
My bad.
LOL! More correctly that’s stuff that ubiquitous, generic, doctrinaire liberals like.
Did you mean “complemented”?
I dare say, I would never move to a different country than the one I live in “to learn the language”, rather, I would move to another country BECAUSE I already speak their language!
Surprised you didn’t mention Pimsleur. I found that better than Rosetta Stone many times over because it uses audio tracks and repetition with native speakers, but I wouldn’t recommend using it before learning stuff like an alphabet and grammar rules. At least that was my experience.
Seconded. Rosetta Stone’s interface is way too distracting, and doesn’t really help you practice using words in context.
My inlaws speak Bosnian. My wife speaks it to her p’s when they visit and they speak it to each other at home. Their cousins all speak Bosnian. They speak it at their church and our wedding was 1/2 in Bosnian.
Am I a dufus for studying Bosnian for the last two years?
so in your first comment, white people are historically promise breakers? elaborate, please.
OMFG. This site is still hilarious!!!!! I don’t know how you do it. Most blogs tend to die a bitter death after a few funny articles but you seem to keep them coming! Good stuff!
Holy shit this blog is hilarious. It is soo me. This is actually one of the few posts that isn’t me. And for all those people who feel offended, get over it, learn to laugh at yourself.
Which reminds me
White people who like to feel equal to minorities by laughing at white stereotypes on this site should be added to the list
Half-breed, I wish I could educate your young little mind, but this isn’t the time or place. This is simply a site I visit now and again when I have the rare free time—I don’t live here.
In your world, I would be considered an “advanced white person”, but I’m certainly not about to post my CV on a comments section. BTW, my spouse is foreign and not white (gasp!), so does that score points with you?
In short, your numbers are off and you are making it up as you go along. I wonder if you even know any immigrants (and I’m not talking about the guys you work with at the fast-food joint)?
And do you really consider Seattle to be a “white flight town”? Take your foot out of your mouth, kiddo.
It is believed that in the next 10 years more people will speak English as a second language than as a first. I agree with halfbreed’s numbers, they seem totally inline with the stuff I have seen.
And I was just curious as to what defines someone as an immigrant? I would assume being from another country, but am I missing something?
on this website i have learned one thing i am the wrong type of white people
“This is because if it were true, then that would mean that their housekeeper, gardener, mother-in-law (if they are an elite white person) are smarter than them”
Yeah! Like, so smart that they have to learn a new language to enjoy the privilege of cleaning a foreigner’s toilet. I’ve always found it paradoxical that Mexicans who are promoted as more intelligent, honest and hard working than Americans created such a corrupt and inferior country. Could it possibly be that Christian is too dumb to realise the influence that motivation has on performance and that the prospect of desperate poverty has on motivation?
This, like all the entries in this site, is aimed at Americans but at least this one (unlike many) includes Canadians. I know so many Canadians (myself included) that promise to learn French because it is one of our official languages but never really quite learn it (particularly true if you live in Western Canada). Then we will blame Quebec for trying to force their language on us.
BTW, whenever a French speaking person asks me “Parlez-vous francais?” My answer is always “un petit peu”.
This post well describes ‘American’ white people, but applies less to white people from other countries. The Swiss have an even higher percentage of white people than does the United States. Most Swiss from the German-speaking part (northeast) speak three languages. Most other Europeans speak at least two languages, and quite a few speak five or more.
Perhaps you’d want to re-name the blog “Stuff white Americans Like”? Of course, many Americans consider that they are the only real white people, and all those foreigners on other continents don’t count.
Hmm, Sybille, are you for real? If so, you’re the reason this blog exists.
Also, I want to marry the person who wrote the line, “¿Ha leído usted Michael Pollan?”
Hmm, Sibylle, are you for real? If so, you’re the reason this blog exists.
Also, I want to marry the person who wrote the line, “¿Ha leído usted Michael Pollan?”
hahahah yeah… I came to college and started taking Czech classes…
I LOVE THIS POST THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU.
So, White people will learn a new language with no other motivation than expanding their knowledge and a curiosity about other cultures, and Mexicans choose to feel insulted when White people try to converse with them in their native tongue. These are the same Mexicans who are fervent in the political promotion of their language in California. It seems that what Christian is telling us is that it is better to be arrogant, unfriendly, resentful and culturally complacent than to perceived to be a gauche and maybe even slightly patronizing anglo. Excuse me for not being convinced.
You clearly are taking what is obviously a joke to actually be something serious worth debating. Go to CNN if you want a serious conversation and debate over facts. Not a blog that starts with the word “stuff.”
White people who pick up a second language are not doing to be patronising. They are doing it to find love.
LOL! Really funny. I’m six months into Spanish. But I’m also doing one of those I’m-gonna-be-an-expat white-things too (#24?). Luckily, I have some immigrant work buddies (I think that’s #98 or something) and I can say things TO them but my comprehension is still low. What can I say? Mas hablo, mas escucho, mas entiendo. I DO listen to radio from Buenos Aires all day though (and classical music to boot…#42 I believe) ahh the list goes on. I didn’t buy the software but I did buy the book. Proud to be Euro-American. Peace.
Wow! What a fascinating window into your private world!
How about a follow-up on how, after learning their broken new way to order a baguette, insist on forcing it on you day after day, after day, after day….
Have you done the related post on how they also like to over pronounce things like “croissant” in a fake french accent when ordering at the local Starbucks?
=) Another great post.
You do get that this whole blog is a spoof, right?
James. who made the rules for Affirmative Action???…..It was not underclass blacks!……you will be surprised with Obama because he believes that Affirmative Action is for the UNDERCLASS, and not just a Black opportunity policy…..He believes that if you are underclass (black, white, other), then opportunity should be provided…..
Many people, black and white, did not listen to the many, many speeches of Obama closely…people heard what they wanted to hear…but like i said before, Obama is a pragmatist, and he will do what needs to be done that will benefit the country as a whole… He looks past skin color, which is why i support him….
Yup! White people should never learn a foreign language and use it to speak to other people who actually understand it. Like, that would be dumb, eh? Some people over pronounce “croissant”! I’m rolling on the ground in a rictus of superiority and hysterical laughter.
Who is this James schmuck with the astounding wit?
Fuck yourself.
“Fuck yourself”
Ahh! A response almost Wildean in its wit.
ember seriously have you ever been to Trinidad, or know anything about the country? im guessing not, cause first of all the white population is like 2 percent, and secondly, very few people speak anything other than english, trust me you dont know what your talking about.
So, this is a very accurate portrait of me. I’m dating a Mexican to prove how super-not-racist I am, but have somehow failed to learn much Spanish in the year and half we’ve been together.
And yes, I always answer inquiries with, “un poquito”.
Ahhh! Just what we need, another banal “stream of consciousness” post.
to comment on your case and to the entire phenomenon on the table, we mexicans find it adorable, at first – regardless of how pitiful the attempt, it’s all keenly akin to monkeys playing musical instruments: briefly amusing and then grating and horrible – congrats on giving up some of the white ass, chica
strange, i see this with people who dont know english either and i make fun of them too. im going to create a site called “crimes black people commit.” this site is hilarious and racist. why cant a site making fun of blacks and latinos (and so forth) be hilarious and racist too? even white people would look at a site called “crimes black people commit” and gasp in horror, see if anyone is looking and then laugh hysterically.
You hit the nail on the head! *lol*
I think in this case white people should be substituted by white people with English as their mothertongue. As that would be more acurate.
I know quite a few white people that do speak more than one language (4 myself). However of those; precious few have English as their first language.
i spent like 300 somethin bucks on rosetta stone to attempt to learn french. i gave it up in a week, attempted to sell it on eBay, and got 56 bucks :).
XD
And its so damn true!
Man, I hate being white sometimes!!
I have been learning Japanese for the past year though and haven’t given up, think that gives me some kudos ^_^
I carted my Spanish and French textbooks, dictionaries, and charts across the country when I moved a couple of years ago. I fully intended to study them and become fluent. As of today, I have yet to look at any of the material. The stuff just occupies much-needed space in my apartment.
After reading your post, I think that I have been rid of any remaining delusion that I will ever be fluent in a non-English language. I will try selling them next week.
I am a white Englishman, born to English parents, grandparents etc. I’m married to a South American (mixed race), which I guess makes me some kind of white elite according to this article. I speak 4 languages (English, French, Spanish, Japanese). Oh, and I can cook and dance Salsa! stuffwhitepeoplelike makes me laugh, but I love proving them wrong as much as I love proving them right.
Although I have come to the realization that the English language sucks well before my demise, I have to say my knowledge of Spanish is well lacking…mostly because of my effort. It’s not that I don’t have a desire, but America has a tendency to tell you how “special” you are and creating an environment where you succeed at everything you do. The social norm, then, it to avoid failure. It’s hard to throw yourself out there at something that you feel insecure at or think you may not suceed in. We have created a perpetual cycle of avoidance behavior and while I am trying to earn a teaching credential, I don’t see the cycle stopping any time soon.
I think learning another language should be done out of convenience. What’s the point of learning a new language if you’re not really ever going to use it?
Housekeepers learn English out of necessity to make it in America. Europeans know multiple languages because they are often in proximity to another country that speaks a totally different language.
You speak the languages that you need to. I think learning Spanish might help, if you actually need it. If you don’t, then what’s the point?
I love the comments, and the need to justify,
or throw in a quick disclaimer. Classic whiteness.
…and perhaps beige.
I swear that Taco stand is in Houston.
You are correct when you say that Mestizos are not White (although there are tons of White-identified Americans with Amerind ancestry- what the hell are they?), but to say that “Mexicans” aren’t White is an overgeneralization. About 10% of the population of Mexico has little or no Amerind ancestry.
Many Mexican-Americans, particularly many of those whose ancestors came here prior to 1910, have very little Amerind ancestry. I’ve been mistaken for an Italian, a Jew, a Greek, and a Welshman, but if people don’t know my name, they almost never take me for a Mexican. If I had a nickel for every time somebody hopped with surprise upon finding out my surname (this goes for both Latinos and non-Latinos), I’d be a very rich man. If people all walked around with nametags, White Mexican-Americans would be a lot more visible.
Not so much stream of consciousness as just one big run on.
Does anyone else think the girl in the first picture is cute enough to forgive for her overwhelming whiteness?
’nuff said
It’s people like who make me absolutely sick with your entire gender. I mean, this site is not for you to ogle women’s breasts or “check out girls” or whatever it is that you do for fun. It’s for people to laugh!! And you have to come fuck it up with your comment about how cute this girl is, like this picture of her is the most important part of the article. Way to think with your prick and not with your brain you fucking walking penis. God, I swear that I just want for you to get castrated or something so that you can see women for what they are and not objectify them. Actually I want you to get castrated anyway, because you’re just suck a dumb fuck. But maybe if you could see that women were real people and were part of a larger group of people you wouldn’t spend all of your time talking about how cute that girl is, like that’s her only redeeming factor. But no, you’re too narrow-minded and hard-cocked to see that aren’t you, you big walking meathead? God I hate you! Why don’t you grow up and just take a look in the mirror and realize that you’re just an immature little kid? Don’t you have any desire to change? Go burn in hell.
This comments needs more tits to be taken seriously.
You are worthless without them! Show them immediately! Wooo!
Hey pig, does the name pig bodine ring any bells?
Hey “One disgusted girl”….. I’m a girl too…LOL…bet you feel stupid…
Haha do you agree with me about the girl in the picture though?
Since when is it politically incorrect to comment on someone’s attractiveness? God, everyone is so fucking hateful.
I actually get the feeling that “one disgusted girl” is probably a fake. There’s no way in hell someone could blow their top over such an innocent comment.
Haha, responding to my own comment. But just as further proof, look at how small of a time span there is between the two ‘disgusted’ responses to Limonpasta’s comment. Could be the same person. Or maybe I’m just paranoid. By the way, since no one else has, let me just respond to Limonpasta’s first post and say yes she’s pretty cute but no she’s still too white.
Yeah, you’re probably right. Little over the top, but there are some crazies out there.
Cute girl.
Ha! Don’t worry, chico. I usually keep my mouth shut and just keep drinking when in Mexico. That seems to keep everybody happy.
Dork. Who drops Pynchon allusions in a blog comment?
Dammit
Referencing the below noted quote from this entry:
“Throughout history, white people have a pretty poor record when it comes to promises (see Americans, Native for examples). ”
1st, it should be “for example”, not “examples”
2nd, were you one of those pitiful children who was raised to believe that Native Americans made victims of the white folk by some ignorant white supremacist teenage parents who just didn’t know any better?
You seriously need to be slapped with a f@#%ing trout.
You should also spend a little less time blogging such mindless drivel without educating yourself first.
Pathetic. Native Americans, the Indian Givers & Promise Breakers… Seriously, you’re kidding right? I think I’d like to vomit in your mouth for that. What a completely uneducated and disgusting thing to say about a group of people you obviously don’t know a thing about.
Wait, are you interpreting his statement as “Native Americans are an example of people who break promises”? Because I took it to mean “the way white people treat(ed) Native Americans is an example of how white people do not keep their promises” and I think that’s the way he meant it. Unless you know something about white-Native American relations that would refute the latter statement, so you’re getting on his case for that. Or you’re joking. I think, though, that this is just a case of misunderstanding.
What?
Who’s Pynchon?
If you take a look at the website you will find the “how white are you” test.
Yup, born in Europe. I find the blog rather US-centric. There are “white people” outside the US, ya’ know.
Yup, exactly what I said above, and got told off for saying that.
He wasn’t talking about the Indians, dumbass.
Sarcasm is alive and well I see.
I just came across this blog because I was looking online for a pea coat. I LOVE IT!!!! LOVE IT!!! LOVE IT!!! So hilariously sad. I like or have done almost everything on this list. If I haven’t I’m friends with someone who has. I’m such a pathetic white girl who loves to wear scarves with tank tops while eating hummus at an outdoor cafes as my friends and I discuss our latest screenplays or trip to Europe (which as been a while for me). 😉
The first people in America were the European Solutreans who were exterminated by the Mongoloid Amerindians.
Yeah! Let’s refine the racial hatred and direct it exclusively at Anglo-Saxon white people. Sounds like pablum for underachieving White sub-groups like Slavs and Latins.
Of course you love it dear! For low IQ White conformists this site grants an opportunity to prove that you are the right kind of White person by admitting that you are the wrong kind of White person.
How many Mexicans “housekeepers” or “gardeners” have you met that are fluent in Japanese or German? English speaking Europeans and Americans learn foreign languages out of intellectual curiosity and a genuine interest in other cultures. Spanish speaking Latins learn English out of necessity and their “interest” ends there.
It’s supposed to be funny, way to be totally uptight and white about the whole thing, sheesh!
I’ll tell you what, to allow you to demonstrate how relaxed and amused you are about racial issues why don’t you tell me a really funny Jew joke?
I love this site too and the book, although I think the title should be changed to “Your guide to Portland Oregon”. I just found out by reading this book you don’t have to actually be white to be white! I’m Mexican-American and always suspected I was white, especially since in 1970 they put my race as “white” on my birth certificate, even though my parents are both dark skinned. I love 9 out of every ten things Chris lists. Also I am trying to learn Spanish so I can win points as my own authentic minority friend.
I also love everyone’s sense of humor here, like James’… ha ha good stuff pretending to take this all seriously, love it!
James, I’m really impressed with your knowledge. Wow, what school did you go to? Can you recommend some books for me to read or some documentary films? Know any good places I can get some sushi?
Oh my gosh you guys kill me. I have to get off this site before I bust a gut! Love all this fake debate. Ha ha ha…
Last week a guy I met on the train told me “Yeah, so I went to Israel for a few months and learned to speak Hebrew.”
I love how people think you can learn to speak a language in a few months.
Pfffff. White People.
By the way, I am not the same James as the guy below me.
If I had a cool non-white name like Daekwon or Jamal Lammadingdong stuff like this would never happen.
Oh please, you know you only know enough Japanese to get by in necessary situations. You can barely get through you mixed race child’s manga without consulting a dictionary.
Pinche gabacho sebelotodos.
LOL. I’m a Spanish-speaking white person from the States who loves throwing my multi-lingualism in others’ faces.
My local newspaper has a police blotter that already does what you have proposed. Why don’t you get an original idea, whitey!!
Free Mumia ABU-JAMAL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Y’all niggas is hilarious! Y’all got me cryin’ like Lot 49 up in here!
“By the way, I am not the same James as the guy below me”
Just keep your posts as boring, humorless and pointless as the above two and there will be no danger of confusion.
Ummm… what about all the white people that live in Germany, Norway, Sweden, France, Italy, Russia… oh I get it? Only American white people are “white people”. The rest of the world’s people are not really white, but weird foreigners.
Do you have a problem acknowledging the generally genocidal attitude of Amerindians towards each other and their actual genocide of the European Solutreans sassfire? You might want to begin by reading what Marl Twain had to say about Indians.
Is that Marl Twain or Karl Twain?
I agree with Kathy.
I only hire mexican maids who are fluent in Greek and Finnish!! I do not think it is asking to much of them!! after all they live in THE uNITED sTATES FOR 2 OR 3 GENERATIONS AND NEVER LEARN eNGLISH!!
I just wasted 10 minutes of my life reading this mind numbing crap. I want my 10 min. back.
I love how so many people think this article is NOT satire and totally serious. Silly Amur’kans.
It took 10 minutes for you to read that?
Kathy, you should be GLAD that you have enough sense that you do not THINK like American white people (the ones who identify themselves primarily by their white skin color)…..afterall, they buy into that notion of ‘white people culture’…..
Whites outside of the US (most of them I hope) do not think of skin color as a primary identification of self, nor do they think that their skin color represents a unified ‘white culture’….
So be VERY GLAD that “the rest of the world’s (white) people are not really white, but weird foreigners”……
Marl Twain….turn of the century (20th century that is) cultural and social commentator…..you go way back in history James when you want to make your point!…
A quote from Marl Twain (1901), “A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.”
lmfao
O.K.
“Whites outside of the US (most of them I hope) do not think of skin color as a primary identification of self”
You can chalk that up to a total lack of experience of living with persons of African origin. It’s funny how the White people with the greatest experience of living with Black people are deemed to have the least knowledge of Black people. I suppose this is a case of the wise man learning from the experience of others and the idiot blundering forward in the wake of his own mistakes.
LOL! I think I’ve underestimated you.
I disagree. Kathy’s comment sounds like classic European, anti-American one upmanship.
paige is learning English, cut her some slack
“It’s funny how the White people with the greatest experience of living with Black people are deemed to have the least knowledge of Black people.”
You can chalk this phenomena up to arrogance on the part of a majority of white people, James. A major characteristic of white people who feel superior to non-whites is to NOT notice the non-white people who they deem inferior to them. The only times that these sorts of white people notice non-whites are:
1) they are outnumbered by the non-whites at that time of notice.
2) the non-white is entertainment for the white (ball games, music concerts, etc)
3) the non-white seems ‘threatening’ (by eye contact, body language, words, etc)
4) A NEW CATEGORY: The non-white is president of the USA.
Otherwise, it is natural for a non-white not expecting a white to even acknowledge his or her presence because, let’s face it, if you are the majority (80% of America is white), you have no incentive or inclination to learn about or even notice the other 20% that is non-white.
Fortunately, that will change somewhat in 2009.
As for your last sentence, “this is a case of the wise man learning from the experience of others”…that is what the non-white person in america do everyday watching whites.. we rose up in this society INSPITE of the racism and setbacks…….”and the idiot blundering forward in the wake of his own mistakes..” those are white people who think like you….trying to ‘catch up’ in terms of understanding the non-whites among you….
It happens all the time (since there are so many white people of this kind that are still around).
If you’d want to educate yourself on this phenomena, I would suggest that you read the book, “The Invisible Man” by Ralph Ellison. It would be good for a eurocentric thinker such as yourself to read something outside your ‘knowledge’ comfort zone.
European SPANIARDS (Solutreans)?….well if that is the case James, one must come to a conclusion that they had AFRICAN blood with them when they came…..
As you know, the Iberian peninsula had MORE intermingling with their neighbors across the Mediterranean (Africa) than those on the other side of the Alps (France and north of it)….
Just by the virtue that the first modern day MAN (homo-sapien sapien) originated from Africa, would mean that it is most likely than not that it was NOT a European (who were few in number if you go by white skin for identification….which is the basis to claim European anything)…….more likely a non-European (people from the asian peninsula crossing where the Bering Straight now exist OR the seafaring people from Northern Africa/ Southern Iberian peninsula) as the first settlers of America….
Didn’t white scientists awhile back claim that neanderthal man was originally from Europe…..but were wiped out by homo sapien sapiens, who happen to originate from Africa?…..
Let it go James….the first people in America were NOT white people as you know them….and if they were, the furthest they got was Alaska and they were mixed with people from the asian peninsula….
DNA does NOT identify skin color from thousands of years ago, and you are reading articles and books written by psuedo intellectuals who feel that they have to justify ‘whiteness’ as first or superior to we non-white people……Let it go….it’s 2008 going on 2009!
The days of justification of white (skinned) superiority and its evil offspring–racism, eugenics, colonialism, etc–…..are finished….
Let it go….
Oh, I see! Racist humour becomes “satire” when white people become the target. Duhhh! I’m glad you pointed that out because I was just about to revive all of these “hilarious” jokes about parsimonious Jews, dumb Black people and comical Asians, damn!
A white guy writing about the humourous side of a specific subset (affluent, liberal, educated, etc) of a larger population of white people is not “racist humour”.
Are you the James who’s trying to commandeer/hijack the entire site by indirectly calling every commenter an ass? 🙂
I guess Mr. Twain gave you a great idea James….the idea of ‘spreading lies’, that is……
“A white guy writing about the humourous side of a specific subset (affluent, liberal, educated, etc) of a larger population of white people is not racist humour”
It wouldn’t be if he critiqued the affluent, liberal, educated sector of society on a non-racial basis, but he doesn’t. If Lander’s blog was, as your hollow claim posits, simply critiquing a suite of behaviours associated with educational and economic status it wouldn’t be called “Stuff WHITE People Like” would it? Lander is only targeting white people regardless of what he is targeting them for. That makes him a racist.
So the name of the blog makes it racist? I think, with your obsession with the site, that you’re perfectly aware he is talking about a subset. I know you can “read between the lines”, James. 🙂
It sounds like you think any humour that relates to race is racist, and any who make jokes about race are racists. But you know this is not true.
This is satirical, but based on a hard core of truth. I however, am a white guy who speaks two languages and is gaining proficiency in a third. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that I moved from NYC to Jerusalem and married a French national. If I had stayed in NYC, there is no way on Earth that I would ever speak more than a few words in a second tongue.
What does James miss most about parties?
The invitation.
“Carlos Mencia” (real name: Ned Holness) is not, I repeat, NOT “Mexican”. He is half-German and half-Honduran. And 100% genuine bigoted asswipe who steals from other comedians and pretends to be one ethnicity in order to be nasty toward it. Which is why true Mexicans and people of Mexican ancestry HATE “Mencia”. A much truer analogy in this arena would’ve been the genuine article known as George Lopez.
As you were.
Yo. White people? Stop worrying. As long as you try to learn a foreign language, you’re cool. In fact, it’d be best if you could try to learn the foreign language spoken by your ancestors. From Ireland? What’s wrong with the Celtic language? Or how about trying out Dutch if your ancestors crossed over from Holland? It doesn’t have to be Spanish. Though if you do try out Spanish, for God’s sake don’t adopt that ridiculous lisp the Spaniards speak just because one of their kings some 300 years ago or so spoke with a lisp and that was just at the end of when Spanish was spoken the way the ruler spoke it. Far better to just go with an Anglofied Spanish, plus if you look really white the natives will understand.
Now me, on the other hand — four years of Spanish and I still only know the basic rudimentary stuff. I can handle commerce transactions well, but anything more difficult than that and I’m struggling. And there ain’t no way the natives would understand that, because my ethnicity does show and people do sometimes talk to me in native-speaking Spanish, expecting me to be able to understand. But I am trying. Lord am I trying, because I want to get that over and done with so I can move onto something, anything, else. Italian, Japanese, Welsh, Urdu, WHATEVER. Just so long as my mom won’t have to badger me about how much I need to work on my Spanish and wouldn’t it be nice if we could go visit our relatives in Mexico and you could just talk to whomever and yadda yadda yadda.
So hilarious. And so true.
“So the name of the blog makes it racist?”
Why no! It’s the fact that the blog directs a negative critique against one racial group on the basis of traits habits and preferences that are shared by many racial groups, and the fact that Lander wishes to frame positive traits, like an ability to transcend commercial music and mass marketing, exhibited disproportionally among the white race, in a milieu of condescending superior amusement, but I think the problem lies with your understanding rather than my explaining.
I haven’t laughed so much since my grandmother died. great comment..no, no, I really mean that, yawn!
Completely and utterly true. Believe it or not, I just pulled the whole “a little” crap today just a few minutes ago. Ha ha!
I only took Spanish in high school for the credits. I wasn’t going to become a cop in Los Angeles, obviously. I suppose we’ve all done some foreign language classes in high school. So this probably doesn’t count, does it?
-MINESWEEP
I don’t understand, isn’t Spanish just as “white” a language anyway? What nonce-sense is this site?
James – learn to laugh at the funny “white” people. Aren’t they funny? They’re so “lame”.
Halo should be added to the list.
No entiendo nada de lo que dice este guero!!!!!!
White people LOVE mullets … check out this mini-documentary on Youtube … it’s called “Mulletude”!….. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34V_9NpikFA
Haha. This blog is funny. Why can’t you guys keep your promises? I’m white/black and speak 4 languages…at 22. And I went to public school. And I’m vegan. If I, as a ‘racially and mentally inferior’ person can do these things…it should be easier for the all-powerful white man to do right? It’s just too funny.
Es facil aprender una otra lenguaje.
Tenho certeza que se voce tente, vai conseguir.
white people don’t like to learn???
wasn’t it chris rock that did a whole bit on,
“ain’t nuthin’ a nigga loves more than NOT knowin’ somethin”.
“You know what the worst thing about niggas is? Niggas love to not know. Nothing makes a nigga happier than not knowing the answer to your question. Just ask a nigga a question – any nigga – a question.
Unless “Ebonics” counts.
what an embarrassment for your people
I’ve gotta say, I don’t know if James believes what he says (at first, see “Influence: Science and Practice” by Robert B. Cialdini) or if he’s just being argumentative, but it’s definitely funny. I find it especially comical how people indulge him by arguing. Don’t scroll down yet, do you think I’m white?
I’m white if you go by skin color (blame my pale father), if you go by race ethnicity I’m 100% Puerto Rican, I do speak Spanish, and am attempting to learn another language. As for being white, based on this blog I’m 59/115 white.
You’re a jerk, but then again your’re being a jerk to people with short tempers.
Laugh at yourself (race). I won’t tell a joke about another race because of people like you, who get offended. That doesn’t mean I won’t laugh at those same jokes, “it’s the thought that counts.” Is the joke meant to be demeaning, or just light-hearted humor? Intent, there are no apparant foul intentions here, so it’s not a big deal.
“Needless to say, this realization would destroy their entire universe.”
That’s some really funny shit.
English is difficult to learn. A large portion of the world have years of English in their school programs. Some early as second grade. English is the International Language for Business. Input into the school system as early as possible would immensely improve the chances of the students’ absorbing and retaining that knowledge.
In the US, students have at the most two years of a Foreign Language in highschool. If it does not spark the students interest, it usually ends there. As long as English remain the main language between businessmen, this will never change.
I dunno if it will ‘never change,’ because there’s a lot more to it than being able to buy and sell beans in capitalism’s native tongue. We Amurricanz just might wake up to the fact that learning a second language all the way through school confers a host of benefits beyond Job Skill #453. One of the reasons the USA has many of the troubles it has, domestically and internationally, is the extreme insularity of most of its citizens. Fluency in another language opens up a whole new area in the mind, and brings with it an awareness of others that is difficult, if not impossible to achieve when you think in only one language. And that, I’m sure, is the real reason why the [Baba]Galoots of America Inc. are always yowling about having to hear Spanish at the supermarket.
If i moved to mexico, I’d learn spanish. Ditto Germany, Italy, etc.
Of all the global immigrants that came to America, over the last century & a half, and “acclimated” to their new environs, latino’s are the only ones that refuse to acclimate & learn the language of their host country.
I call that arrogant.
English. It’s what Americans speak.
Latinos are the only ones demanding bi-lingual signage.
Why don’t French, Italian, German, etc. immigrants make the same demands???
i’m sorry, i couldn’t pass this up. “Ebonics” isn’t even a real designation of what is really just street slang that evovled from slaves trying to mix english with their African dialects.
The term “ebonics” was just something that someone came up with. None of use ever call our slang “ebonics”. None of us.
Like I said, just a mixture of slang, a kind of patois, that changes depending on what region your in.
babalugatz, I pray you don’t breed and if you do, I feel sorry for your offspring.
“If I, as a ‘racially and mentally inferior’ person can do these things…it should be easier for the all-powerful white man to do right?”
By creating a culture that you find to be infinitely preferable to African or Asian culture, we force you to learn our language.
White people LOVE mullets … check out “Mulletude”!….. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34V_9NpikFA
that video is hilarious!! hahahahaha… who is that guy in the video?? It was very well made.
I think the one thing that gets me about this blog is the assumtion that all white people are American.
Hey author, ever been to Europe? We have white people here too, and most of them speak a few languages.
You should try distinguishing ‘white’ from ‘English speaking Americans’.
My Swiss-German girlfriend is white. She speaks 5 languages, the last one she learnt was English. I speak 3 languages. Everyone I know speaks French. Americans don’t learn other languages because only a tiny percentage of Americans will ever leave their country. Thats the problem that should be addressed. Ignorance runs deep in America, you are just scratching at the surface, and in your ignorance you post a blog in an attempt to be funny and wise while blindly exposing your intellectual shortcomings.
Ayegudyin, you fail at satire. If you can’t figure out that this blog is not actually making fun of all white people, but only affluent liberal young urban North/ American whites, I think I feel sorry for you.
Why do you feel sorry for me? Because I don’t live in an ego-centric bubble whereby nobody outside of North America exists? to be honest mate, don’t feel sorry for me. I consider myself extremely privileged to have the cultural awareness to acknowledge my own presence, along with my fellow European caucasians.
I feel sorry for you for having the ignorance to look beyond this fact with the sole purpose of fitting into the midframe of this blog’s stereotypes.
This post is SO true. I currently live overseas and keep saying that I’m going to learn the language better…but I don’t. I can speak “a little” Arabic but nothing more than directing a taxi, ordering food, doing some basic shopping, and asking very basic questions. Sad since I am living in a society that almost completely speaks Arabic. I also teach students who are bi- or even tri-lingual….they put me to shame.
Thanks for creating this blog…..I find it absolutely hilarious and pretty dead on (I mean….I fall into some of these too well). Keep the posts coming.
James, you ignorant slut….there you go again perpetrating the myth that there’s such a thing as African culture (Africa is a continent), and Asian culture (Asia is a continent)……
I have YET to come across a CONTINENTAL CULTURE….when you find one, let us know….
PS: speaking english is NOT associated to skin color, thus it is NOT a ‘white’ language……the only people that forces other people to do anything are usually called……hmmmm…..didn’t the nazis force lots of slavic people into labor and death camps?…..hmmm…didn’t the KKK force non-whites into doing free manual labor…..
hmmm……James, you leave yourself open so many times that it is getting pretty boring bitch slapping you and your ideas down…
The girl with the headphones is hot
It’s ironic that Ayegudyin didn’t “get it.” I’m laughing. : )
This… blog… is…. not… about… europeans.
HI, its me again – is your epeen bigger than life size yet? I disagree with this post because I myself as a minority, who learned English first had to learn my native language years later to relocation issues did it fine and did it at a young age where it was no problem.
You don’t force us to learn your language, we choose to. Go to a K-Town (Korea Town) in California, there are illegal South Koreans who can’t even speak English after living there for good 2-3 decades. The average makes more money than an American who pays taxes and are enslaved to the bureaucratic system. Also the core truth why their kids end up learning English and forgetting their native tongue is because the parents don’t mind them earning more money and soon managing and bossing around an ignorant pro-Americans like yourself.
You can only say that you force us to learn your language because we came here on our will, not because you forced us to, and you all the sudden you feel powerless.
“this blog is not actually making fun of all white people, but only affluent liberal young urban North/ American whites”
Wrong! It is associating habits that the blog author interprets as execrable with whiteness per se. Although many of the people indulging in these habits are affluent liberal and young, to attack them on the basis of race and not on class has consequences for ALL white people. The disadvantageous consequences of this attack on whiteness are experienced almost without exception by working-class Whites. Lander is able to escape criticism of the dissolute, arrogant and superficial behaviour of his CLASS by inventing a false genesis in RACE. Lander is essentially engaged in class warfare disguised as racial altruism.
She needs to eat a twinkie.
So you can speak as much Arabic as you need to, and are able to survive in a foreign country because you have a skill that is highly prized by the indigenous people. Your pupils are multilingual out of necessity and wish to learn English only because doing so is a path to economic advancement. Why do you feel a sense of shame? Shouldn’t the Arabs feel a sense of shame that their culture is so unattractive to Westerners that virtually none of them feel the need to learn their language? Isn’t it the case that your proclamation of “shame” is really about categorizing yourself as an elite White person who is able to transcend all of the bad qualities people like you are fond of attributing to Western culture. I categorize you as an ideological snob.
ah, and what makes you think i didn’t get it?
don’t worry, I am able to pretend that I am an ‘affluent liberal young urban North/ American white’ and have a good ol’ laugh at myself and my fellow affluent liberal young urban North/ American whites.
I understand that I am not the intended audience for this blog. I also understand that the joke is about North American whites… that is where the satire is. The authour (you like my spelling?) used the term ‘white people’ to generalise (no Z) the habits of white people as opposed to other races. He has not used it to compare the habits of white North Americans with white Europeans. That is not his intended joke, that is not where the satire is. Some people on here seem to think that the authour has self consciously included this comparison within his humorous little rant about ‘white people’ not learning languages.
Basically, these stereotypes fall short of being funny or witty or intelligent because they are so obviously full of unintended ignorance, and we all know satire is only funny when the stereotypes are ignorant on purpose. For you ‘affluent liberal young urban North/ American whites’, the fact that you can overlook this and call into question my understanding of the humour just proves that you fail to see your own ignorance, highlighting the reason why 100% of everybody else in the world finds the American attitude to foreign affairs despicable.
“PS: speaking english is NOT associated to skin color, thus it is NOT a ‘white’ language”
PS: Maybe they’ve been hiding this from the brothers, but English was invented by white people! Sorry to break that to you Louie. This might also be a good time to let you know that Stonehenge was not built by Black men with eagles wings and magical stone lifting powers.
“the only people that forces other people to do anything are usually called……hmmmm…..didn’t the nazis force lots of slavic people into labor and death camps?…..hmmm…didn’t the KKK force non-whites into doing free manual labor…”
Hmmmm…..let me see! We are discussing people being forced by circumstance and you are so dumb that you can’t distinguish that from physical force. You are a truly fine example of the Black “intellectual” Louie.
Its good to know there are a few asses in Europe that spend their time posting on websites in an apparent attempt to be confrontational and draw people in to their ‘little’ discussions. By the way you are welcome for the Marshall Plan. You can look it up on Wikipedia and read about it in several languages I believe.
James…….uh……i cannot believe this!?!…..I actually agree with you on this point!…….I’ve got to look up in the sky and see if the world is coming to an end…….
Leave it to you James to forget what you wrote…..senility must be setting in on you….
You above original quote:
“…By creating a culture that you find to be infinitely preferable to African or Asian culture, we FORCE YOU TO LEARN our language..”
And now, look what you’ve written to defend yourself:
“…We are discussing people being forced by CIRCUMSTANCE and you are so dumb that you can’t distinguish that from physical force. You are a truly fine example of the Black “intellectual” Louie…..”
While stating the obvious that I am an intellectual who happen to be non-white, you omit that in your original statement that new, KEY word that you use later….CIRCUMSTANCE…..had you stated this word in your original diatribe, there would be no discussion, but since you neglected to do so, ANYONE could make their own conclusions as to what is meant by force in your original statement!!
Leave it to you to forget within minutes what you wrote…. then come back and defend something that you did not write originally………
geez….
PS: as for identifying a language by SKIN COLOR, I do believe that this must be a NEW THING, because i’ve never read anywhere that language is the domain of a particular RACE…….
I can go anthropological on you and say that the original homo sapien came from the continent Africa, and since we are all descendents of this african homo sapien, then by default, your beloved ‘white’ language originated from an African descendent…
BUT…..since i do not believe that language is based on skin color, i will spare you and not go there…….
“ANYONE could make their own conclusions as to what is meant by force in your original statement”
“I went to the store for some peanut butter. Kellerman’s is my favourite brand, but I was forced to buy Marvin’s”
You could choose to understand this statement to mean that I went to the store and tried to buy my chosen brand, but was made to pick up the other brand at gunpoint. The common sense interpretation, however, would lead you to conclude that the store didn’t have my preferred brand and I was “forced” to purchase an alternative. That’s the difference between force of circumstance and physical force. The ability to discern between the two depends upon the application of common sense.
Uhhhh……would it have been MUCH EASIER to clearly STATE what you meant and LEAVE ALL DOUBT out of the equation??
That would be common sense……
That would be common sense, James……don’t leave anything to CHANCE….we are not mind readers, you know?…
You are welcome for your country.
You are just as much to ‘thank’ for the marshall plan as I am for sailing your ancestors over the Atlantic.
oh, and while we are on the subject, read up on Ludwig Erhard’s economic policies in Germany, widely regarded as the true catalyst in European economic recovery. Many people saw the Marshall plan as simply American imperialism trying to gain control over western Europe to counter the Soviets control of the east… or in other words, the start of 50 years of terrible foreign affairs.
Does James have a job? He sounds funny, but due only to the amount of posting he does on here (from a very cursory glance at the comments) I can’t imagine he has time to do anything else!
Complete nonsense. You’re a fool and not worth talking to any further. G’bye.
I guess some working class whites got jobs printing and distributing the book, perhaps that will offset the damage? Realistically, though, I don’t think you could come up with a single concrete disadvantage suffered by any white person as a result of this blog. No, wishy washy “atmosphere of contempt” type disadvantages don’t count. I would like to hear about someone who was denied a job promotion or apartment because Christian Lander wrote a funny post about white people pretending to like Jazz music.
Until that moment, which will never come, I think you’re crazy. I don’t believe anyone would pay the slightest attention to you if you weren’t parasitizing the success of a popular blog.
Wing nuts and Euro-dolts will always be around to misinterpret satire and have a little tizzyfit, but anyone with half a brain can see exactly what this blog is about. All intelligent readers will get a good laugh out of it, and its intended targets (this includes me) will read it and think “Ha! He’s got me—i can be as guilty of vanity and silliness as the next guy.” Ultimately I don’t think this kind of gentle satire can be anything but beneficial.
My husband speaks four languages(he is an interpreter)and even though I only speak English,I definitely don’t think he is smarter than me..however I suspect that my gardener,housekeeper and mother in law are all smarter than I ever will be…
I have to add that our three children do NOT speak Spanish,or any other language except for English,which is a shame.Not my fault though,I taught them my language,that was HIS responsibility to teach them Spanish.It is true that white people do want their kids to speak another language!I thought it would be easier and cheaper to marry someone who spoke Spanish than to hire a tutor,next time I will know better.
Gardening and housekeeping are not well known for being high IQ occupations dear.
“I would like to hear about someone who was denied a job promotion or apartment because Christian Lander wrote a funny post about white people pretending to like Jazz music”
Hundreds of thousands of white people have been denied college places and jobs because of affirmative action. All Americans suffer a diminution in the quality of services available to them because thousands of second level applicants are given positions they don’t deserve because of the color of their skin. Lander feeds the zeitgeist that makes this possible.
Hej hej!
Geez, I was that white guy but then I fell in love with a spic (now my wife) and then I found out I was 1/16th Cree
She say’s she is going to lean English.
This is cool, can’t wait for the “Stuff black people like” too.
I like the way this takes the p1ss out of the self-hating middle class twits so prevalent in our society, but there’s surely plenty of laughs pointing out the same for blacks right?
What is it that these whiny little kids can’t have some self pride in who and what they are?
Go on, what are you waiting for? Start that “Stuff black people like” list.
Don’t stop there, there’s millions of laughs in the “Stuff Muslims like” list too.
PS. Only an Americans would say they’re 1/16th something. What the hell is that? Is 1/16th your left foot Cree maybe?
This anónimo guy should learn Spanish at least
“Es facil aprender una otra lenguaje”? Gimme a break!
“…..Hundreds of thousands of white people have been denied college places and jobs because of affirmative action. All Americans suffer a diminution in the quality of services available to them because thousands of second level applicants are given positions they don’t deserve because of the color of their skin…..”
uhhhh……..no……I don’t think so…..
but not on THIS point!!…..LOL
im sorry, im sorry… I feel iv got off to a bad start with people on here and i’d like to apologise. I wasn’t aware that it was forbidden to question the logic of this blog, and I retract my previous comments.
lets start over shall we?
hahaha, this blog is so true! you funny north Americans! why do you not learn any languages?! you are CRAZY!! funny white people… oops, i mean north Americans… no wait, white people?? ah no, my mistake, of course they mean the same thing.
so anyway, yeah I speak 3 languages but before I spoke them this blog was all about me, except that i’m European so actually it wasn’t, but thats another story… I used to walk around and shout at people louder in English so that they could understand me, and when they couldn’t I’d just raise my voice a little bit more and they’d be like, ‘que?’ and i’d be like “c’mon man, how come you no speaky the English?”
Wow, if I had a dollar for every European who felt superior to Americans…I’d have about 300 million dollars. That’d be cool.
This blog feeds the zeitgeist? What is that supposed to mean? I specifically said, no wishy washy shit.
haha, it can work both ways Marph… I used to have a roommate whe I lived in the States who would ask me why I traveled, so I would ask him why he never left the US and he said, “cos nowhere else is as good.” We could both be very rich….
but seriously, isn’t this blog about Americans who think they are more superior than other Americans?? I’m just joining in on the fun!
Stuff Educated Black People Like.
It’s a real website.
also see: stuff gay people like (or is it stuff queer people like?). I’m not kidding. The bottom line is, your persecution complex has nothing to ground itself on in this case—better look elsewhere.
James, you are being a fucking pedantic asshole, go write HTML or take a shower or something. do ANYTHING but sit on this website trying to sound smart.
I think he meant those were the cases he knew — probably Objective too. Once you get beyond those, it can be a tad confusing for an NES. (Not to mention all those verbs at the end of the sentence — Gott im Himmel!)
I learned some Japanese, met a chick in a bar in Tokyo and took her back to my hotel room for a night of rowdy, multi-lingual sex. I even got her to shave her pussy — and if you can get a Japanese woman to give up her pubic hair, then you’ve really accomplished something!
Pure Celebration, Pure Salon and Spa holiday party
Sunday, Dec. 7, 2008, 1 to 4 p.m.
Pure Salaon & Spa, 1423 N.E. Broadway, invites the public to its holiday party. 5 percent of all proceeds during this time will benefit Oregon Food Bank.
Enjoy refreshments, a wine pouring and a complementary three-to-five minute chair massage while shopping for holiday gifts. All Aveda products will be reduced 20 percent during this time (excluding holiday gift sets, which have already been reduced).
Sounds lovely!
Oh no!
That was mistake I am not a spammer, I just was in the wrong browser window.
Of course the author is making huge generalizations, but it is largely true.
I am a redhead and very” whitebread” looking. I speak spanish and often have the experience of folks speaking in Spanish in front of me, assuming they have lingual privacy when they don’t! AcK!
I have a hard time finding decent intermediate/advanced classes & practice groups. It’s either VERY BASIC. Or spanish only, and you get a stupid look if you miss a couple vocabulary word/were not raised to be bilingual.
HahahA!
I LOVE JAZZ.
take a breath & enjoy the music!
Yeah, who said that anyway! Sorry I’m not readying everword on here, just skimming but that is SO WEAK.
What about that fact that diversity benefits all. That in an “affirmative action environment” we find that more ideas and perspectives are represented. There is more debate. More learning. We all win.
Except those white kids/parents/people who would rather blame someone else for why their particular “deserving case” didn’t get into Yale or whatever.
Except for the clear fact that people that do not speak English are behind the proverbial 8-ball. I have met enough immigrants that drive taxis that were doctors, engineers, and architects to not assume that a person’s current vocation is reflective of their intelligence.
HAHA. Look it up on Wikipedia? There’s a reason that post-secondary institutions don’t allow Wikipedia as a reference; and it isn’t because of its academic integrity.
I liked it.
I do, however, fail to see the connection between this blog and racism. The generalizations are fairly harmless. They aren’t related to any sense of malice. I would hope that a black American wouldn’t be offended by the generalization that they enjoy fried chicken. True of not it isn’t perpetuating any negative stereotypes it is just a form of observational humor.
Oh, and I really do love sweaters.
It’s not that white peoples — norte americanos are more superior to Ur a pee ins its dat our market economy and political system are more better. Until the last election and last few quarters, at least. now we less better than before but still most likely more better than everywhere else.
What do I blame my inability to learn French on? Boring French movies. Except for…. No. They are ALL boring.
Kathy, i was quoting Mr. James statement…..and i agree with your point of view…
I don’t know about you, but I don’t find it very entertaining to make fun of oppressed minorities.
You seem to have a lot of ideas though, so why don’t you start one instead of whining?
This is SO true!! I’ve been ‘learning’ Cantonese for over 10 years now….I especially liked the ‘a little’ comment, my personal favourite reply.
“I don’t know about you, but I don’t find it very entertaining to make fun of oppressed minorities”
If the discrepancy between Black America and White America is due to “minority” status and majority “oppression”, can you explain Zimbabwe, South Africa and Haiti please? It seems to me that without the umbilical cord of European civilisation Black people naturally fall into the abyss.
“why don’t you start one instead of whining?”
Are you saying that people shouldn’t avail themselves of the comment option provided? Maybe you should just ask Christian to suspend commentary instead of whining when people’s comments don’t conform to your narrow, tedious and generic worldview?
Cool! Anything about Jews?
So they were intelligent enough to become doctors, engineers and architects, but too dumb to learn the language of the country they decided to flee to?
Every Mexican orange seller is a former brain surgeon with an IQ of 140, and every Black man is a nascent Denzel Washington, full of natural wisdom, nobility and kindness…………take a look around son! Your ability to interface with reality purely on the basis of Hollywood cliches is totally hilarious.
“and you get a stupid look if you miss a couple vocabulary word/were not raised to be bilingual”
Typical of the arrogance displayed by non-Europeans. On the scant few occasions that they are in a position of advantage over their superiors, they delight in rubbing our noses in it. Imagine the consequences if white people burst into mocking laughter every time our language was mangled by foreigners.
Other stuff white people like- responding to contrived lists. This list is gay
and one more thing white people like: book burnings
Perhaps, unlike a Mexican learning English so that he or she can work illegally in America, you lack the requisite motivation to learn French?
I find this a generalized comment from someone that surely has not been across US borders. Being born european, I can say with confidence at least 90% of my relatives and friends are at least able to converse in one language other then their own.
I think you would walk a way with something closer to 700 million! (thats closer to the entire population of europe)
I will say that I do love the meme wherein folks say that Mexican Spanish is trashy, but true Castillian Spanish is classy. This having been said after six weeks in Barca or after their mexican Maid says something about mexican spanish not being cool. I say this as one of those rare white folks with the ability to attain near native fluency in another language. ( I think I may have posted something like this before).
what is being born european? Aren’t there like 34 countries in Europe?
Could it possibly be being born in one of these 34 countries? Just a wild guess Jack.
If you can’t learn Spanish, you’re a sad sack of shit. Try learning Japanese.
It’s a meme that’s rooted in the simple understanding of the superiority of Spanish European culture to Aztec culture. What’s hard for you to understand about that?
James, clearly you didn’t understand a nominalist joke. Lemme sum up. Bgreen’s comment is silly because it is smug. I sensed this smugness and am pushing at the “european” part. No one can be a universal, which is what being European is. There is no real European identity, there are only national and regional identities. Bgreen’s saying he’s european is silly because it is pretentious. It is pretentious because it grasps for the universal and fails. And fails clearly. Make sense?
Spanish European culture was not superior to Aztec culture. What’s hard for you to understand about that?
Aww James you’re a troll. So cute. Stay warm under that bridge.
Well, if they’d/we’d just start off with Esperanto, the failure rate would not be so drastic and then they/we could actually SPEAK another language…………….which is the point, isn’t it??
Aren’t cannibalism, stone clubs and atlatls evidence of primitivism in your world jack?
“No one can be a universal, which is what being European is”
And I suppose that identifying someone as a German or a Frenchman testifies to their unique individualism?
You claim that there is “no European” identity. What’s the basis for this claim? European countries have historical similarities that they do not share with other ethno-cultural regions.
Being smug is not the same as being silly and being silly is not the same as being pretentious. Your post is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
And aren’t advanced calendars and having the largest city in the world at the time evidence of advancedness?
Quiet troll. We’ll pay you in goats when we have enough. And stop harassing the children
stuffwhitepeoplelike should include posting comments on every thread that one could take an issue with. These are the people who, when reading an opinionated post, feel the need to counter with their own opinion. These people are fond of using a few observances as evidence, ridiculing posts and asserting everyone is ignorant and/or narrow-minded. Posts are almost never related to the main article but rather all other posts that are. Finally, the telltale sign is the scattered time-frame of the posts with the inclusion of the crucial 3:00am to 6:00am, which for most people with a job/life would be too late and too early.
I’m more impressed by their hydroponics than by their architectural gigantism, but in totality, no sane person would claim that Aztec civilisation was more advanced than its European counterpart.
Accusations of trolling are a convenient get out clause for people who are losing arguments.
I’m surprised that “golf” hasn’t made this list yet!! Or “wills.”
You do realize that El Escorial was a gigantic building built in the middle of nowhere for no good reason right? The Spaniards were more than capable of architectural gigantism. And with this I am finished with this whole thing because it is dumb. James, go read. Start with “1491” and some Sahagun.
You’re a troll. And it is silly AND pretentious to quote Shakespeare on the internet for no good reason.
For some white people (such as myself) Spanish is the language of our ancestors.
Just sayin.
Dude…. why do so many people on this site take it so seriously and not realize it’s just a big piss take?
I get that you’re from Quebec (your clear and unfounded hatred towards Toronto), why pick us out as a city? Toronto is one of the most diverse cities in the wor…… blah,blahblah, I’m from here and I took French Immersion in school and I can still kinda speak it.
Did you all know that Quebec has a special unit devoted to enforcing the french language on their own population? A few months ago an Irish pub was fined for having a Guinness poster up in their bar that was only in English, no french, thus, deemed illegal!
There, I just brought up a completely unrelated issue as well, two can play this game eh? this site is meant to be a poke at white people for fun, nothing more. Am I right or I’m I missing it?
RELAX!!!!!
Awesome topic, I found this site as I was looking to buy a pea coat(#111) online tonight (on my mac- future “things white people like”?) Anyways, my girlfriend has been promising herself to learn french since before I knew her (#97- yes, she wears a scarf with a t-shirt in the summer!) I’ve told her I’ll teach her as I do speak french- “un petit peu” as I have a Quebecois background ( yet another thing white people like– pointing out our unique-ness).
I think, we want to, or at least tell ourselves we want to learn another language to add a little “colour” to our otherwise bland one languaged existence. We would appear more “at one with the world”, especially here in North America, as opposed to let’s say… Europe, where a higher percentage of people do speak at least a little bit of another language ( generally english as they have to cope with our one tongued selves a lot!) However, I did live in The UK for over 2 years( where I became guilty of #80-to appear to like soccer), and the Brits are as likely to only speak English as we are.
Here’s a trick, a flatmate of mine used at my place in London- He was trying to learn German (his girlfriend… german!) so he put little notes all over the house, i.e. the bathroom had a translation card for things like toothbrush, toilet, shower (duche- i remember that one…) He was white, and clearly guilty of this white offense. He now lives in germany and has finally picked it up, I think… he could be spewing out jibberish for all I know.
P.S. Does anyone know how to change the spell checker on a mac so that when I spell words like; colour and neighbour, you know… the correct way, I don’t get a stupid red line under them?
P.P.S. That should send all the americans off in a tizzy, eh?
Didn’t you know! Because we invented nuclear weapons, we say how things are spelled nowadays! By god! *wink* *wink*
Because the Spanish Inquisition was oh-so-civilized.
I don’t understand the significance of this website. I picked up the book in Barnes & Noble and it really just made me angry. What kinds of pleasure does this dude take in from just labelling every possible thing someone would do and autmoatically attaching a negative stereotype to promote the idea that white people are awful. Bulllllshit. People do what they want, and its fools like this author that care so much about what other people think and rip apart other peoples lives. This is like saying “black people love free things, since they were once slaves and are now emancipated, anything they can get for free they will take right away!” fucking retarded. Its easy to pull some moot topic out of your ass and associate a negative tone to its farfetched meaning.
To each his own.
Pretty much the overriding reason for learning two languages or more is necessity.
People in Europe speak at least two (native + english) as English is todays lingua franca and their countries are tiny and closely packed together. It makes sense to have at least basic proficiency in a common language.
Why the fuck would you *need* to learn two languages in America? To speak to foreigners and immigrants? Last time I checked, whatever country you live in, the incomers should be the ones learning to speak the local language.
To summarise, do Americans feel the “need” to speak another language because other countries do? Other countries “have” to. Why feel guilty if you don’t have to?
A special note should also be made about people learning to speak Japanese from cartoons, arriving in downtown Shinjuku and discovering very quickly that no one ever speaks like that and that Japan is not the nerd Utopia they envisaged.
White people like getting upset over little, racial comments more than the people of that targeted race does. In this case, that’d be white people.
because, if you were the right type of white person, you would know that those who ‘play’ golf are the wrong type of white person. Just like Ivy Leaguers. The real white people are hipsters in nyc, not preps in the OC. Have you seen that show, not that I watch tv. It is terrible, those girls are very shallow. Have you seen the food they eat and how much time they spend in doors?
Whitest languages to learn? Dead languages. That’s right, I’ve been working on my Classical Greek since I left Cornell in 2002. I’m so white I make snow look black.
“You do realize that El Escorial was a gigantic building built in the middle of nowhere for no good reason right?”
El Escorial is not typical of Spanish architecture or city planning. The key difference between Spanish and Aztec architecture is that the Spanish mastered internal space and the Aztecs didn’t. Aztec architecture is basically post, lintel and mound. Spanish architecture is related to a broader European culture that possessed sophisticated and multifarious art, literature, philosophy and technology. Aztec architecture was related to a broader Amerindian culture that was mostly neolithic.
BTW, Since when was a religious academy the same as a big stone butchers block? You are “finished with this”, because you your position is indefensible. Try to learn to lose with more dignity.
Ad hom!
I think oxen would be offended by the way you spell bull shit with 5 ls.
Spot on! I have been learning spanish for about 5 years now and still only know like 5 words. I need to remember to turn the subtitles off when I watch Amorres Perros for the fiftieth time.
James, this ‘spanish architecture’ you speak of…..did it not derive from the knowledge gained from the Moors, who occupied the Iberian peninsula for over seven centuries??
And, by the way, were the Moors not North Africans and Iberians/North African mixes?…….And finally, would you concede that the Islamic influence over Spain was not exclusively european, but rather a European-Afro-Asiatic (Iberia-North Africa-Middle East) influence?
Where I am going with this is that The whole European Age of Enlightenment era that began in Europe in the 15th-16th century was hugely influenced by the Islamic culture in terms of knowledge, culture, technological advancement….
I think you have really missed the point. This being a shame. I didn’t see any topic here being negative
I literally just got here from I don’t know where. But I am glad I did, it’s had me in stitches.
I will be adding it to my faves.
I’d like to say in the defence of these white people. “I’d be a racist if I said I was proud to be white”
I don’t really care about colour; my blood is the same as yours and I’m also of the same species. But to be fair, who gives a flying toss if it’s racist or not, it’s in jest, and not to be taken as offensive.
The Moors invented nothing. They inherited classical learning from Greece and Rome. Their famous algebra came from the hindus and ultimately from the Chinese rod numerical system. The most famous structure in Islam is the Hagia Sophia, a church built by white people.
http://xkcd.com/84/
So, what is the native tounge of North America?
James, I never said that the Moors INVENTED anything….I said that the Islamic CULTURE influenced influenced the Europeans, who had NO CULTURE that was worth talking about during this time…that is why our history books called this period THE DARK AGES in Europe after the fall of Rome…..
As for your example, “..The most famous structure in Islam is the Hagia Sophia, a church built by white people…” is an irrelevant statement….by just knowing WHO the people were during the building of the Hagia Sophia, you would know that NARY a pink skinned person was involved in its creation…..
Finally, Greece and Rome DID NOT get their classical learning from just smelling the air….on the contrary, their classical learning was based on a 3000 year existing civilization, Egypt, which happens to be an AFRICAN culture……….and you are quite correct that “…algebra came from the HINDUS and ultimately from the CHINESE rod numerical system…..
African, Hindu, Chinese, Muslim…..civilizations with NARY A EUROPEAN influence…..on the contrary, it is the European who base their civilization on NON-WHITE previously existing civilizations….
LOL same here, only with Latin.
“The most famous structure in Islam is the Hagia Sophia, a church built by white people.”
Sheer ignorance!! James never learnt humblessness vis à vis FACTS !
What about spanish castles ? Alhambra? and those in sevilla , andalucia ….
What about Taj mahal in Agra , india ?
What about pyramids of pharaos ?
European civilization is enough great , no need to put down others cultures achievements .
james of “perfide Albion” , les civilisations sont mortelles !(Paul Valery)
And perhaps the english built the great wall in china ? get real !
Litterature, democraty , classical music are the european jewelry which spread PEACEFULLY over the whole world .
Something to be proud of !
uhmmm james … methinks thou dost protest too much !
Compensating some insecurity ? the rise of other cultures is obvious to all of us but we’ll not witness their domination of the world , say before 2 generations ? unless you are a 9 old boy who will survive 125 years …. pooosssibility!!
Les civilisations sont mortelles.
The decline of west , Oswald Spengler 1924.
Millions of illigal immigrants ( about 10 millions) work with low paid jobs 3, 8 $/ hour .
That makes food price low, same for fast food , restaurants … etc .
I lived both in US and Europe, just compare the prices …
and you james the INGLICH guy , if you live in London … welcome for high prices !!! see the quality of london subway … urghh, cinema tickets , clothes ( except liverpool street ).
Damn , don’t deny the positive aspects of immigrants presence !!!
Find a girl, settle down, take it easy ..(cat stevens).
good points Selma….
james, read jack Goody , international well-known anthropologist (anglo-scot) about how ‘english’ was a patois , and the south part of england imposed her patois on the north patois …
History and America including black american music(and lyrics) made the rest .
Perhaps, james , your contribution is soooo tiny , which explains (partly i hope) your attitude ..
Correct me , please, if i’m wrong.
Sheer ignorance! james , you are a fool!
These probably seem like good points to people who are stupid enough to think the pyramids and the great wall of China were built by Muslims.
Are you the king of silliness , james ? stop your sly method, vixen , The pyramids? the chinese Wall ? millenia , not 15 centuries ! the blame is on you if you believe things are made BEFORE the designer ever EXISTED !!
The more i read you , the less i doubt you have some culture … sorry .
Again , read Jack Goody’s last book (check about JG , in one of my posts to you) “The THEFT of history” yes this is the title , jimmy , i’m afraid , we’ll discover that our ancestors were simply THIEVES , a great thinker from Cambridge says this !!!
another book (JG) Europe and Islam , sure you will not appreciate (me too).
In all cases , blacks knew before it was writen that our ancestors were murderers, thugs …
But now , other forces are coming , asians : they will eat us like a sandwich , whitout asking your permission .
have we really followed the teachings of JESUS ?
Have some compassion , jimmy , to history victims , we can be the next ….
Louie, can you explain to me why james’ post has no “Reply here” ? thanks .
ahem.
if you don’t speak spanish and state so on your resume you will not get certain jobs in some areas of the country (ie insert resume into shredder). and i don’t just mean restaurants and hotels, but yes obviously those, too.
i thought the same as you until recently when i read the qualification list of a job i wanted (and it wasn’t in a restaurant or hotel). i was stunned to see fluency – and not just proficiency – in Spanish as a requirement.
really ? ask Quentin (Tarentino) , he loves Nouvelle Vague .
just curious, what were you applying for and where?
Ha.
I’m trying to learn french.
well, I was.
🙂
This isn’t meant to be taken in that way.
It’s purpose is soley to get a laugh.
That went over your head apparently.
And fyi, if you don’t see the significance of this site, you don’t have to visit it.
As an English person travelling in Europe I was always pleased to be able to speak even a few words of the local language, rather than adopting the common (and, I personally believe, arrogant) attitude of expecting everyone to speak my language, even though they have no need of it for 99% of their lives.
I now live in Greece, and after 4 years of nightschool before I came, I’m still struggling to get to grips with the language. It’s disappointing when I offer a perfectly understandable sentence in Greek then get answered in English. But then there are times when I get answered in Greek, it’s too fast and doesn’t include words that were on Rosetta Stone (yes, I took the CD route as well) so I just stand there looking dumb before collapsing back into the safety of English. So I can’t win, but I won’t stop trying.
In the UK there is a perception that Europeans will all speak some English, because it’s the main international language. Don’t believe it – and even if they can speak it, that doesn’t mean they will choose to. And why should they?
A complementary post could be that white people like the fact that non-native English speakers will struggle to communicate in a foreign language (i.e. English) just to save them the trouble of bothering to learn.
HAHAHA This shit is so true!
actually, it was the persians who invented everything. Good ol Geber and his inventing stuff all the time and stuff
English is the language of international communications, simple as that. If Germans or Mexicans had invented the aeroplane and the telephone things might be different.
english is, actually, surprisingly easy to learn to a sufficient level.
the telephone was invented by an Italian and a Frenchman invented the first self-powered aeroplane
Jimmy, you really are a fucking troll. It’s amazing. I even included a cuss word so you could feel all superior and shit when you accuse me of an ad hominem attack. Sleep well sweetie
An important addendum to this post: http://stuffjewishyoungadultslike.wordpress.com/2008/08/09/44-abusing-yiddish/
lol, nice.
Honestly, I agree with Jonboy. At this job they had all kinds of different groups, they had Black groups, Asian, Latino, Gay, but if we tried to make a WHITE STRAIGHT group that would be considered racist.
I think more people are racist towards white people than everyone else. It’s not like we take one look at a black person and think that they stole something or killed a man. (I’m not saying there AREN’T people out there like that, simply that the majority of whites don’t)
I can’t say how many times I’ve heard people say “I hate them white people.”
And besides, this site is for FUN. It’s meant in no offense to anyone. People can’t even have a laugh anymore!
«For the most part, these classes will only teach a white person how to order food in a restaurant, ask for a train schedule, and over pronounce words when they are mixed into English.»
That’s so true, I took a German class and the only thing I remember it’s: Ich mochte ein Bier bite! HA!
But…….. I speak french very well, so Je suis une vraie white people comme le livre le dit.
LOLOLOLOL! DJ Douche was OWNED.
YOU NEED TO MAKE MORE POSTS
YOu”VE BEEN ON TIHS ONE FOR WEEKS
Je réapprends français depuis presque quatre ans. J’ai 54 ans. C’est une tâche difficile, mais bien sûr possible. Chaque jour je cherche pour les gens qui parlent bien français. Il dois être une idée qui est dans la tête et dans le coeur a même temps.
It’s a all a matter of the will. I used to hate the study of all languages when I was in high school.
I am a middle class white male. Not proud of the fact, but them’s the facts.
i love that cartoon of a Chinese woman with an outdated shirt and jaundice. “learn chinese online!”
I’m guilty of this one. When I was a teenager I said was going to be able to speak 10 languages by the time I’m 30. Now I’m 28, and only speak English and Spanish.
If anything I can still learn Portuguese and Italian, which are similar to Spanish. But German, French or Russian,… screw that!
http://www.poeticmotherlover.com
I’m guilty of this one, too. Someone asks if I speak chinese, I say “一点点“ and I just stare blankly at the next question. Why can’t they just ask me about where I live, whether I like dim sum, and how to get to the airport??? Why???
Actually, this is not about white people i think, but english native speakers in genaral – you guys are usually not able to speak fluently, and this is all..
HA this one is kinda hilarious. i can relate to this one a bit because i took french class from 7th-12th grade…so i learned a lot but never got even close to fluent. i’ve been out of school since 2002 and still remember a lot of the french i learned but i’ve also lost a lot. i’ve tried to talk to a french-speaking person or watch french tv…ha! i can’t do it and i really would love to become fluent in french but the difference between me and the subject of this blog is the fact that i’ll probably really do it. i enjoyed french class so much. i also am interested in learning italian, portuguese and japanese just because i’m interested in their cultures and such. plus knowledge is awesome. i feel like this blog was more directed towards lame-o pretentious white people who really spend their whole lives trying out-do each other. i on the other hand, am of the coolest white people alive.
so yeah…
french has a lot of similarities to spanish. try it!
你 知 道 怎 么 去 机 场？
🙂
http://whitewomensuck.blogspot.com/
“white guy” sucks, go suck yourself!
I’m the other cool white meat, I am trying to learn Japanese. Its fun but this crappy software just makes it hard.
i hate you 😀
This is a strange item. I would consider most Europeons as “white” and most of them a completely fluent in at least three languages. Travel around Europe and you will see that I am telling the truth. You seem to be confusing “whiteness” with “Americaness”, and are wrong on both counts. This item is true of Americans (of all races) but definitely not of all white folks around the world.
Race is socially constructed anyway. It’s kinda implied that the white people being written about are white Americans.
But, I actually do learn languages…
So far besides English I have Spanish, German, French, and Mandarin down pat. By the time I finish college I want to learn Arabic and Russian. I realized I had photographic memory when I was a freshman in High school and I’ve been learning about one language a year since.
I really, really want to be able to test you on those languages (by down pat, do you mean basic or proficient?).
I am probably the leading expert on white people who don’t speak other languages. Most people will make an attempt for a few weeks before giving us, but not I.
I first discovered my gift for not speaking other languages when I was stationed in Thailand during the Vietnam War. Although I was stationed there for 4 years (1968-1972) I never mastered more than a few words in Thai and absolutely no skill in reading it.
I expanded my skills by marrying a Thai woman in 1971. We have been married for 37 years but I still have not learned to speak more than a few Thai words.
I have further mastered my craft by attending a Thai Buddhist Temple in the U.S. where most of the congregants and the monks speak Thai or Lao. I have managed to increase my skill set to not speaking either of those languages although I can manage to not speak Cambodian as well.
You are funny!
I think it’s actually about white hipsters with rich parents from Toronto
Can’t decide what is funnier, the original post or your response
2nd generation Mexicans need to KNOW English (not Spanglish) and 1st gen Mexicanos at least need at least try learning English if they wish to survive outside of California or New Mexico 🙂
What do you call a person who speaks three languages?
Answer: Tri-lingual
What do you call a person who speaks two languages?
Answer: bi-lingual
What do you call a person who speaks one language?
Answer: an AMERICAN.
http://handheldstory.com/Lines.html
LOL! That post just made my day. You’re hysterical!!
First, yes i am american.
Second I freely admit english is hard as (insert any curse word of your choosing)
Third. I am 19, i only know i little spanish ( a small insignificant amount, so small most 5 year olds know more from watching Dora or Diego on T.V.)
But i try, when i was in mexico i did not stay in the tourist part of town.
when i went out i expected to only be able to get something if i was able to ask for it in spanish. (yes that means i ate only taco’s, which is fine because at least they weren’t the fake taco bell tacos)
But if i ever moved to mexico, or anywhere else i would have to learn their language. It might take a year… or more.
but i would…
I know people who can’t say more than hello in english but have lived in the U.S. for 20 years… Yes this might make me like all the other americans but if you plan on living somewhere for the rest of your life you have to try to learn their language, this goes for americans to.. we are bastards at going to another country and expecting them to know our language, and for that i do say “Sorry”
Damn man… i thought canadians were supposed to be all, lets go hunting Eyy… chill the FUCK OUT!!!
Yeah, I’m the worst kind of American…lived in Germany for two years and didn’t pick up much more than a few German rap songs and how to order a beer and bratwurst. This article is spot on. I have my Langenscheidt German-English dictionary and 501 German Verbs on a prominent spot on my bookshelf so that it looks like I’m more of a scholar than a knuckle dragger. Of course I can also blame my bootlegged Rosetta Stone software for my failure.
Dylan, what makes you think that people who come to the US are not TRYING to learn english???…..it is the height of hypocrisy for americans to THINK that those who come here are NOT trying to learn the language….just because you meet a few people who’ve been here for many years and still do not know the language does not translate to the majority of immigrants….
Have anyone ever THOUGHT that the folk who have lived here for so long and never learned english DID NOT have a reason to??…they were in a neighborhood of people who spoke the same language, and they had no reason to leave the neighborhood, thus no reason to learn english!
What i find EXTREMELY funny is that AMERICANS do not know how to speak or write ENGLISH!……Just read the blogs here and elsewhere on this website…..americans who STILL do not know the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’……or…..’there’ and ‘their’…..then they get on their high horse and criticize others about not speaking or learning the very language THEY THEMSELVES are deficient in!!!!
If Americans had to pass an english proficiency test to KEEP their citizenship, this country would be shipping most natives off to sea BY THE MILLIONS!
In 20 years or so Adam, americans in southern california and new mexico will need to know SPANISH in order to survive in those states…..if those americans want to move up the economic ladder……there will be more third generation mexican americans who will be able to speak english AND spanish by then…..and there will be more mexican americans than white americans in those areas within 20 years…..
So you do the math….
You can also blame hanging around mostly english speakers most of the time you were in Germany……
nocheinmalbier, you are an example of why people, who live in another country for an extended period of time, do not get around to learning the native language……it is called a need to have: INCENTIVE and NECESSITY….
What was your incentive?…well you learned enough to understand ‘a few german rap songs and to order a beer and bratwurst’…..It got you what you wanted…it is all good…
What was your necessity?….well, little to none because you stayed with people who spoke english……you could communicate to WHOM you wanted to communicate with, and they understood you…..it is all good…
Now with your example, apply it to the many spanish speakers that americans encounter here in the US…..the ones who do not become proficient in english are most likely like you!
Believe me, if you HAD to learn another language in order to function/survive in that society, you would have…..I like to say that:
Necessity is the mother of all inventions…..and learning!!!… LOL
Would a white person be impressed if I told them I speak Jive? Maybe I should use the more PC term, “Ebonics”
Political Correctness is the devil
who cares if its offensive jesus christ you people deserve to die
this is written by a white guy. is it still offensive? no
why does it matter if a minority wrote it or not its true and its funny as hell
you guys are way to sensitive stop being little pussies and face the real world
goddamn thats the problem with the american middle class
Hey Albert, I have some questions for you:
#1: Define political correctness….
#2: Are you upper class or are you lower class (it’s obvious that you are NOT middle class because if you are, you’re calling yourself a ‘little pussy’).
#3: It seems that from your writings, you are the only one offended here…..why??…..are you offended by some of the comments that you perceive are written by minorities?
way to miss the point of the post.
pc is trying not to offend people when honestly it doesnt matter if you do
im middle class, but the middle class is way to pre occupied with this bullshit and no i called you people (people saying this post is racist) pussies not the middle class
and third why would a minority be offended by this post?
you ma’am are an idiot
i’m saying its ridiculous that white people are offended
oh and please next time stfu because you are clearly an idiot
Albert, now why did you go and show your stupidity by calling names when it was uncalled for??….I asked you questions because you failed to write your thoughts in a clear manner…I was giving you the benefit of the doubt to clarify your ignorant statements, but what did you do?
You answer my questions with running sentences (no periods), and at the same time have the nerve to call me an idiot, when anyone who would read your RANT would immediately know that it was written by a stupid, ignorant fool…..that’s you Albert.
Next time you want to write, try thinking before you type….that way your stupidity will not be detected as fast as it is right now…
Arizona too!
I tried to learn french to impress the ladies but wiwi was as far as I got…..the ladies where more impressed with this http://www.revoint.com
And Mexicans invented chicle (to Gringos – chewing gum). Gral. Santa Ana was an importer in the USA.
When I was visiting a cousin in Miami, a friend of his told me that he hates “Brits, Aussies and Kiwis” who move to the States and continue to speak with their accent “when they’re here in America”. 🙂
Survive? Haha, maybe if I work as a gardener, cook or maybe a nanny or maid. These would all be great career paths that I would need to know Spanish for. That would definitely let me climb the economic ladder! I’m Puerto Rican and a business owner and if someone assumes to speak to me in spanish, yes I will give them a blank stare. Every Mexican American speaks to me in English because were in America. You have to be retarded to think people will need to know spanish to survive. And yes I live in Southern Cal. You got it ass backwards., Mexican’s need to learn English to Survive anywhere in the United States, especially if they want to climb your wonderful economic ladder. On another note if you hire Mexican American’s for cheap labor then you probably want to know some basics or you could just hire a bilingual Mexican American to run the show.
I think you missed the point of how funny this article was. You should move to Mexico and order Tacos all day long and let everyone their know that they’ll soon be climbing the economic ladder in the United States just as soon as they make it across the border.
It is OBVIOUS haha that you DO NOT live in any of the above mentioned states, thus you would not have made such ignorant comments….
You just keep on thinking the way you’re thinking….in 20 or so years, it will be people like YOU who will be the minority (WHITE) in those states…and people like YOU will be the first to start yelling about ‘all those BROWN PEOPLE’, not realizing that they are every bit AMERICAN as you are because they were BORN in these United States….
We will see how much laughing you’ll be doing in the future, but in the meantime, enjoy yourself in the ignorance that you are basking in…..
Oh, don’t worry about it. I’m from Germany and moved to the states and what you know is what most americans know who went there for military purpose or otherwise. ^^ haha
hmmm… that is kinda true. Although im not sure if it only applies to white ppl. lol
For years i’m planning to learn japanese then i stopped cuz of moving to the states and taking 2 semesters of spanish. What can I say?
This semester was actually the first in … well since 4th grade (ahm… *calculating age* ) ahm… well about 9 years that i didn’t learn ANY language (oh yeah, had latin…) at school.
My spanish sucks.
I guess here it’s the lack of energy to attempt the same fight I already had with English. haha
Could it be an american phenomenon? I mean… everywhere else they HAVE TO study at least English to a pretty high level…
Man, how about you start showing some respect to others and quit with the cursing and swearing? You are upset that people are too politically correct. How about coming across like a person who can hold a conversation!
The average white Mormon speaks two or more languages fluently….
I teach Spanish at a public university. This guy is dead on, for the most part. LOL
White people like to delude themselves into thinking they’re not racist.
To keep you sharp?? That will remind you of what enviar and borrar mean but won’t help beyond that. Try reading the newspaper in Spanish.
Don’t be snotty about the languages you have claimed to learn…at your young age you must either be extremely lucky to have contact with native Germans, Chinese, Spaniards, and French at such an extent to say you have the language “down pat” or you are exaggerating a bit.
wow… That is unfriendly and not true. You should try to meet nice people.
isnt it just like in the last samurai? tom cruise is just amazing at japanese after living with the samurai for like 3 weeks! sick!!!!!
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
ohh… kun mai die poot pa-sa-tai!
mai dee, peun, mai dee!
Yeah, fuck that!
WHAT.
I lived in Switzerland for two years and learned to speak fairly fluent German (~C2) and can understand Swiss German (which is incomprehensible to most Germans). HOWEVER, most Americans (and Brits) never bothered to learn either. The Swiss rant about poor-integrated immigrants all the time, but ignore the Americans.
I loved it when (white) American customers whom I served at the store where I worked would compliment me on my excellent English and praise the Swiss education system for its emphasis on foreign languages (I would then explain that I was from Massachusetts and that many of my co-workers spoke rather bad English).
it is sooo true/ i’m one of those nice white people who thinks he’s not racist and believe me i am soooo racist – face it everybody is white people just think they aren’t
What’s interesting is that almost no one would be caught dead trying to learn a language that is actually within reach of being spoken or read fluently after a semester or two: Esperanto. Because they already know everything they think they need to know about it.
That is hysterical. I hope he was kidding!
Took 2 years of Thai in college and have spent another four becoming fluent. I start Chinese tomorrow. Guess Im not white anymore.
Estimado Verga,
Cute name. Your mom give you that? Metela en la de ella.
Have a nice day!
This made me unreasonably happy!
P.S. Thanks for the hilarious response in the midst of such warm, fuzzy, and thoroughly thoughtful and respectful responses. 😉
I’m such a language-goober that I had to see if I understood your entire paragraph. WHEE! I did! That was a fun little moment.
J’ai étudié français depuis huit ans dans l’ecole et l’université. (Something vaguely like that.) I still miss it!
Damn, it would appear that I’m a white American.
This is pretty fucking funny. First time reader, and I like your stuff. I am from Austin, and it’s pretty true how everyone here loves tacos; especially breakfast tacos. I am amused by the fact that white people tell me about salsas I don’t know about, and I’m Mexican-American (3rd generation). Either way, I guess it’s pretty hilarious and also cool to witness.
To be taxonomically precise a person fluent in more than two languages is called a polyglot. Tri-lingual is a superfluous neologism.
See, I’m a white person that went out and learned 3 languages. I tried your above listed methods, but got a tutor and enrolled myself in school courses. Yay for my lack of apathy.
neologism |nēˈäləˌjizəm|
noun
a newly coined word or expression.
• the coining or use of new words.
‘tri-lingual’ with definition cancels out your frivolous belief that i’ve made a ‘superfluous neologism’..
…it saves me from using many words when my neologism would suffice….
what do you call a person who speaks three languages?
answer: A person who speaks three languages!
I love how everyone on here is like “WELL GUESS WAT I SPEAK 3 LANGUAGES haHA! ”
Stfu. No one really cares about your personal record.
This is mostly for the lulz anyway. If you take this book seriously, you probably shouldn’t be reading it.
I’m not really sure what you mean by “white people.” Perhaps, you are referring to American white people, b/c a majority of “white people” in Europe can speak two or more languages.
Of course he’s talking about North Americans (but Brits and Australians also qualify). It’s true that many Europeans are multilingual but the more powerful and white a nation is, the more linguistically challenged it is. I live in Berlin and I can tell you that it is an absolute myth that all Germans speak English. (By the way, I’m multilingual and white). The French- well we know about them and their mickey mouse phobias (and thus, failure or at least refusal to speak English..and they certainly can’t speak Spanish or German). All Turks in Germany speak English and some of them are white, but most of them aren’t.
Don’t you love how white people have this whole ritual for drinking tequila- with the salt (probably sea salt) and lemon? I lived in Mexico City for quite a while and never saw that ever.
Yeah. I agree. I’m in Canada, and even though we have to learn it for school for most of our formative years, hardly ANYONE speaks French here. Yet, the Québecois people I’ve met pretty much all speak English fairly well. And the immigrants I meet all speak at least a bit of French and English.
I’ve been taking some private lessons for a couple years in a couple of languages, so I’m at least doing my best and making a commitment. Not many people my age want to learn a third language, let alone learn French competently.
Where do you live? Do you have internet access in your town? 🙂
“hardly ANYONE speaks French here”
Do you mean “hardly anyone speaks French here in Canada” or “hardly anybody speaks French in my internet-free small town”?
We have a population of 33.5 million. 7 million are native speakers of French, 13% of them only speak French and do not speak English. Hardly anybody?
I don’t think so. He was getting into his F-150 when he said it.
ashra: lol.
dasandlita: Your comment is racist! Hypocrite. Baka ja nai?
In the US:
A lot of white people are sick and tired of “reverse racism” which is an absurd term that is used when “White people” are discriminated, stereotyped, harassed, excluded and persecuted by non-whites.
I am guilty of this article about languages. When I first heard the word for little in Japanese I was excited at the chance to try out the Japanese I had learned from subtitled Anime.
Watashi wa Otaku desu. NEET bonzai
“hajimaru desu ka”
so desu ne!
Political correctness is just more crap to distract people from reality. PC can encourage hostility where it wouldn’t have been before.
I’m not worried though Obama is going to pay my mortage, buy me a new car.. Glad I voted for him. It’s not what you can do for Obama its what Obama can do for you!
And that’s change I can believe in!
As I await my check, that the rich 1% are going to give me, I have hope.
omg! You’re right. This article needs a correction!
Many white Americans can speak fluid ebonics!
Reverse racism says: “..In the US:
A lot of white people are sick and tired of “reverse racism” which is an absurd term that is used when “White people” are discriminated, stereotyped, harassed, excluded and persecuted by non-whites…”
A country that is over 75% white in population, is suffering from discrimination, harassment, stereotyped, excluded and PERSECUTED by the 25% non-white population???
whatever…..
now that’s scary….i hope there wasn’t a shotgun mounted on the rear window!
i’m white and i just drink the tequila straight, in my opinion the salt just ruins the taste. I am probably not that typical though because I for one do’nt even own any seasalt. lol
alcoholic….
hmmm, 33.5, 7mil, 13%, blah blah blah, that works out to only 2.7% of the population. So I guess what was meant by “Hardly anybody” could be roughly translated as, “Hardly anyone”.
For the reasons explained above I chose Latin as my second language. It’s so convenient to be semi-fluent in a language that nobody actually speaks!
yea…the only person you can talk to is your mirror reflection…
duh…
Don’t forget that you’ll also be able to read scientific names of animals and plants but mostly law books. LOL!
Well I lived in Vancouver and I have a very common French name and it was misspelled and mispronounced for the 2 years I lived there so, yeah, I would say the majority of Anglo-Canadians do not speak French. That’s what he means.
Big words from a person who can’t read.
7 million is the total number of native speakers of French in Canada. The total population is 33.5 million. That’s almost 21% of Canadians, not 2.7%.
7 million is a lot when compared to “hardly anybody”.
You’re only taking the number of Francophones who don’t speak English (13%). Your math skills might be good, but your grasp of the English language isn’t.
7 million native speakers of French is almost 21% of the total population. Your 2.7% is only the percentage of Francophones that don’t speak English.
You certainly use big words for someone who doesn’t understand what he/she reads.
Sorry for the duplicate.
Well if you only lived in Vancouver (the very west of the country, you wouldn’t know.
I love this post. Nearly laughed my head off!!! Maybe it’s because I love making fun of myself too once in a while.
I am actually an African, a Nigerian. Never been in any white country. But I speak English as well as French.
Can you beat that???
WJS – are you for real or just a tight ass know it all?
I’m a sociolinguist.
It would be nice to learn a 2nd language but thats about as far as it goes.
It’s funny because a guy once told me he is conversational in Russian and then when I actually met up with him he only knew how to say “I don’t know anything.”
I’m Puerto Rican…. Loved this. Most of my good friends are white so I could relate.
I would say hardly anyone in Canada speaks French. That thing they speak is sort of like French, but not as the French know it.
Canadian French? Patois? Acadian French? Peut etre Canadien, mais…français? Jamais ça!
That made me belly laugh.
I loved the part about speaking quickly and getting a black stare in return (I’m a native Spanish speaker). So true and so fun!
Yeah, this pretty much describes me. Sigh.
Well We all speak another language… I know some spanish words already like for instance: Barrito, Jalapeno, Frijoles, Papas, Taco, Guacamole, la Carne, Salsa and El Bonita fiesta Plato (Number 5 on the menu at El Hombres Resturante ) Good Stuff I like other languages especially when Im drunk.
how many hours ive spent trying to learn spanish, not to show off or anything, i just like going to mexico and for some damned reason they dont all speack english there yet.
donde es banyo?
no tango denaro!!! adios
You may have heard this already … “A person who speaks three languages is a trilingual, a person who speaks two languages is a bilingual, a person who speaks one is an American.”
White or not white, I think that’s our country’s sorry state of learning a foreign language. I’m always envious and amazed by Europeans who sleep, eat, and breathe four languages!
I’m not white but I can sure relate to your post! Thanks!
It is an odd thing in Europe. Everybody is EXPECTED to speak English, and yet we are still upset that many Americans do not bother with learning any foreign language for the very same reason, because “everyone speaks English, right”? I speak five (Czech, Slovak, German, English, some Swedish) and I always learn the basics when I go somewhere as a tourist (meal ordering, souvenir purchasing, beach umbrella). Locals appreciate it…
correcciónes.
¿dónde está el baño?
no tengo dinero.
tú mierdacabeza.
I can speak a fair amount of Japanese. But I am going to Japan, so that means I’m getting like 3 or 4 white people things done at the same time=)
Greek in my case. I’m attempting to continue my Modern Greek studies after studying Ancient Greek in college.
Sigh.
And it appears that you don’t speak English fluently . . . “and this is all.” ????? No English speaker uses that phrase in that way. Especially with two periods at the end.
in other world c**t who likes to bluff and show off
too bad in the real world not many people would listen to this ranting
White people clearly like to make fun of, if not ridicule, themselves. I suppose it allows them to feel better about…who knows? Have you all read the ‘Stuff Black People Like’ blog? It’s not only historically informative, it also manages to edify black people while making fun.
#1,009 Taking themselves too Seriously
Pue, algunos si se promenten k van a aprender otro idioma AND some of us actually do.
And some of us habla espanglish porque si, not because we can’t find the right palabras, pero xk it’s easier sometimes to just say the first word k sale.
(I would sign this too you, pero no estas aki)
Yeah, reverse racism exists. You think someone can’t be racist because they are the minority?
Also, consider the fact that you can leave the country and experience it, like I have. I’ve been discriminated against in foreign countries just because people assumed I was racist.
Get out more, “el gato”.
It’s true…my collegiate level Arabic course is filled with white kids who love to talk about being able to speak Arabic, and where it has become useful, for example, ordering in a Middle Eastern restaurant (hummus anyone?) or watching a movie like “Traitor” where the characters speak the most basic form of modern standard Arabic despite being Yemeni or Sudanese.
Most also make a point of sharing at some point that this is their second foreign language, and they plan to pick up a semi-related language like Farsi or Urdu, maybe even Pashtu after finishing their Arabic studies.
And what am I? A 21 year old white girl from the Mid-West, studying Arabic as my second foreign language who will likely begin learning Somali in a year or two.
Point proven.
Does this situation apply to “white-looking” people or only “white” people. You can be white-looking without being white, but I would say from experience that white-looking people are sometimes not white and can put this article to shame because they only are part American/European etc. and have a background where they speak more than one language. Just curious as to how this type of situation is applied in the article.
hmmm… i guess i am an exception to the rule! i’m “white” or caucasian or whatever u prefer to call it – of european descent – and i am bilingual and also speak 2 other languages – 1 very well the other conversationally… so i guess i’m off to learn another language… 🙂
Whether you believe me or not, it doesn’t change the fact that the statement is false.
You’d correct me if I made a factually incorrect statement like “everybody has white skin in the U.S.”
It seems that when people on this website refer to “white people” they are specifically referring to middle to upper middle class, liberal young people of Anglo-Saxon origin here in the United States. “Ethnic whites” of European and Latin American origin seem to be excluded from this definition. It’s quite silly that a person is “less white” for actually knowing how to speak more than just English; in fact, most “white people” in the world do not speak English as their native language. Another thing that bothers me is that concept that Spanish is not a “white” language. It is from Spain… you can’t get much “whiter” than Europe, regardless of what ethnic-neutral “white” people reading this website may think. People who walk around thinking that “white” means Anglo-American need to get out of this country more and experience Europe and the rest of the “New World” (Latin America, Australia, etc.)
Wow, I was just reading some of the comments and even some of the “Hispanic”/”Latino” people on here do not understand what the word “white” means. Half Mexican and half white… Huh? You are Mexican but people assume you are white… what? My guess is that these people have never set foot in Latin America, where there are plenty of white people of non-mixed European origin. Again, one need not be ethnic-neutral Anglo-American to be “white.” Being white and being Spanish/Latin American/Portuguese/Italian are not mutually exclusive!
this is so true. i wish i had a dollar every time some white person tried to speak Mandarin or Cantonese to me – i’d be frackin rich! and if you consider imagined cultural fluency and not just language fluency, give me 10 dollars whenever someone white wants to talk to me about any of the following:
-photos of the Great Wall from their recent trip to China
-how China and other Asian countries should really work harder to reduce their global carbon footprint
-which local Chinese restaurant has the best dim sum
-how they love pearl milk tea and drink it all the time
-that they’ve been a practicing Buddhist for the past 2 years, and don’t i practice too?
-if i’m going to the next M.I.A. concert
-and how the Chinese like to say that in crisis, there is opportunity.
give me a fucking break!!!
Look, I studied this stuff in university. I also use it a lot in my job in the government. But you don’t have to. Just go to Wikipedia. All their stuff on bilinguilism in Canada comes from Statistics Canada (aka the federal government).
If you care about bilingualism in Canada, you’ll know that there aren’t just a few francophones in our country. If you don’t care about that subject, you’ll talk about your one francophone neighbour in your area and say “Yeah, there aren’t a lot of’em here.”
Lighten up guys.
This is supposed to be funny…not necessarily true.
wholey man i feel so stereotyped!
kind makes me want to go and live in some far off remote villiage and un-white myself. let me guess, thats #10023.
its just supposed to be funny, its not all seriousness. the entire website is stereotyping white people. a huge stereotype about white people is that they’re all rich, liberal, and of anglo-saxon descent.
i agree, but i don’t think a lot of the things he has mentioned recently are related to white people as a whole..esp. this one…
in fact i hear a lot about learning a language from people w/ ethnic backgrounds who want to get back in touch w/ their roots and learn their mother-tongue. i rarely hear this from white people in fact they don’t talk about it they just do it…by signing up for courses at uni b/c most of the languages they want to learn are offered at their uni’s or colleges.
p.s. i’m south asian not white btw. i don’t even know if that was needed to be pointed out? lol
It irks me that people describe themselves as “fluent” on a resume when they aren’t.
It irks me even more that my fellow Americans confuse being fluent with being conversational in a language.
For my sake and yours, please use the terms that they use in Europe:
Fluent = You could be mistaken for a native speaker when you speak, read and write.
Proficient = You understand 95% + of what is said in conversation with native speakers. Your accent does not confuse native speakers. Your grammar is correct and your vocabulary broad. You may have passed a standardized test that certifies your proficiency; eg: TOEFL for English, DALF for French.
Conversational/Conversant = You can hold a conversation with native speakers, but at times you understand as little as 70% of what they say. Your accent may confuse native speakers at times. You make some grammatical errors. Your vocabulary is basic.
Reading Knowledge = You can read letters, books, and articles published in the language with occasional help from a dictionary.
Anything less than this and you shouldn’t be putting it on your resume under “language.” You may be able to communicate basic needs and desires in the langauge, but that’s usually not good enough to secure a job based on your level of skill.
You could list the langauge under Education/Coursework if you’ve completed a course.
Otherwise, if you’ve studied independently and intermittently in true American White-Person style, it belongs under Hobbies and Personal Pursuits.
NoNoNo paz, you’re patronizing white people trying to use a foreign language. Have a little patience. I put up with different accents and various misuse of the English language from new speakers all the time. Ever listened to WORLD HAVE YOUR SAY? People take that for granted. Learn some manners!
I think white people do pretty good factoring in a few things:
1. Someone from a third-world country coming to the US is making an economically rational decision. They can stay for, say, ten years, and learn the language–what’s the opportunity cost for them? What were they making before?
2. An American going to a third world country is making an economically irrational decision. Staying long enought to get fluent is only possible if they’re rich.
3. Foriegners, even after being in the US for, five years, get tenses in English wrong all the time. Some never even bother to learn that there’s present. past, and future in English.
But if you make the exact same mistake in their language, they look at you funny and say you can’t speak it.
Sorry, white people do just fine. Provide us with a country worth going to, economically–and the same opportunities we provide you in English–and you’ll find we pick up languages really well.
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Nice. This one irritates me all the time. I never know what to say when people ask me if i’m fluent — i’m certainly not, and i’m not even “proficient!”
Glad to hear that there’s some sort of standard to which i can refer in the future.
Heh, right on about the “hobbies/personal pursuits”
Check it out here:
http://freedomhaters.org/?q=content/freedom-haters-salutes-stuff-white-people
Great parody of Stuff White People LIke on this humor site.
Remove the ‘Great’ and ‘humor’ from your comment and it’s spot on.
Awesome!
I’ve been studying english for years … I’ve finally achieved an “advance” level (standardized test passed, thank you very much) … I’m starting to fell confident in my use of English (even if compared to the fluency I have in my mother tongue it still feels pretty “basic”) and now I discover that understanding the 70% of what native speakers (with their various accents, with their slang, with their mistakes …) it’s consedered LITTLE!!
I’m sure you’re totaly qualified to say such things … let’s say you know perfectly well one foreign languag or more? Or not? Oh … silly me! Learning english is easy (therefore I’M not very smart) whereas learning other languages can be quite challenging!
Mina
(totally white here, just not American)
Obviously this person has never been to Scandinavia. Most white people I met spoke atleast three languages fluently. This entry is just dumb, unless they mean white American people, then it is completely true. 😉
Maybe your pronunciation was awful 😉
I know tons of “white” people who know three or four languages and are pretty good at keeping promises to
do things.
And I would never blame anyone else for anything I would
fail at.
Stereotypes don’t apply to everyone.
Er….I see plenty of Americans here in “Third World” (I live in Shanghai) and they are paid extremely handsome expat salaries. Resentful as always, with no jobs to go back to , struggling with a second language, exactly, and I mean EXACTLY, the way SWL says.
and wo ever said, Americans get their grammar right every time and everywhere? A speech with metaphors outside of the Oxfiod dick , and comprehended only in the land east of the Appalachians, is not English. It is a dialect.
Your comment: “But if you make the exact same mistake in their language, they look at you funny and say you can’t speak it.” in dead wrong. Most people from Asia (the only continent I can speak for), are incredibly warm, tolerant and generous and humour the blumbering idiot along, basking in the pleasure of a foreigner even bothering to learn.
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the funniest part of this was the google ad a the end of the post. it was to learn chinese online.
You know what’s funny? I bet mostly white people read this.
Whiter than anything, and highly proficient in four languages, not including English.
Promise fulfilled. 🙂
On weekends, they offer buy 5 blunts and get 2 free with a free crystal meth pipe and 50 cents next day delivery.
what as ass…take every opportunity t advertise your “business” for free…nothing to do with the topic.
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Looking at your username, I wondered whether I should pronounce it as French or Norwegian.
No, he meant “complimented”, which is the proper spelling.
what i dont get is when BLACK people say WHITE people try and act “black” but the thing is MORE BLACK people are trying to ACT WHITE because they wear “preppy” clothing and dress like a WHITE person Like i’ve heard that BLACK people are trying to act WHITE is because they are trying to be white so they will feel ACCEPTED by the white people HHMMM thats TRUUUEE!!!
Native language, does that mean that NATIVE AMERICANS should speak English when they leave the reservations or that the Descendants of the Theives should have to speak in an actual NATIVE AMERICAN tongue when the Descendants of the Theives are on the basically natural resource free land that the NATIVE AMERICANS are left with? And while the theives are traveling through Texas wouldn’t the appropriate language to be spoken be Spanish? After all Mexican people were there first. Before the Theives struck that is. No good theif ever admits gilt so It’s understandable if there are a few confederates aka Descendants of theives who will disagree with my statements. I apologize ahead of time if there is any incorrect spelling or punctuation, the theives wrote my school books and and focused more on covering up the truth than teaching. One more question; do Black American People have to speak French when visiting Africa. I prefer not to say white people when I speak of the Descendants of Theives because that does not accurately describe all white people. In America, who has the right to tell anyone what language to speak?
That’s right, keep it real. I’m a fan of common sense. I’d like your feedback page 34 Me.
This has to get an award for the stupidest website out there. If this was made for “What Black People Like” it would be seen as racist.
Hmm, I’m tri-lingual, I think. I’ve studied French and German for 6 years and plan to do a German degree… does that make me tri-lingual? And I DO think English is hard to learn, once you see all the grammatical rules other languages have. English is a bit messed up.
HA! this one is SOOO true, and I have been guilty of it myself!
LOVE THIS SITE!
Actually, “What Black People Like” is out there somewhere. And people do accuse the writers of being racist. It’s just as entertaining as this site, though.
I’ve tried to make promises to myself but never follow through on them. I have a guitar and tried to play but never had the time. I can play three songs at the most.
I doubt I could learn a different language.
what the hell, you are a nut!
What school did you go to? All I ever heard at mine was how much white people suck, while occassionally mentioning the accomplishments a few of them made, like the vehicle, light bulb, etc.
And screw you. My family moved from Poland to the US in the 1910’s. We didn’t take your land, and neither did my decendents, so stop the widespread accusations.
This site reminds me of all the writing on the wall…you know when you’re taking a shit!
Este local lembra-me de toda a escrita na parede… Você sabe quando você está tomando uma merda! (eu sou branco e americano)
Yo soy blanca y americana. He leído Márquez en español. Es posible que una persona blanca aprenda otro idioma….
Ich bin eine weisse Amerikanerin. Ich habe Marquez auf Spanisch gelesen. Es ist moeglich, dass eine weisse Person eine andere Sprache lernt…
I’m a white American. I’ve read Marquez in Spanish. It’s possible for a white person to learn another language…
Ditto.
On related note…
It drives me friggin’ nuts when I have to hear about how much I suck because “my ancestors were slave-owners.” I’d like to know where people in the U.S. today even got that idea. My ancestors were not slave-owners. While slavery was going on in the U.S., about half my ancestors were over in Ireland scrounging around in the dirt trying not to starve to death. The other half was farming their own fields somewhere in Bavaria, Germany. They didn’t set foot on American soil until the early 1900’s That’s roughly half a century after slavery was abolished in the U.S. Neither I nor any members of my family, past or present, had anything to with that.
I think what he’s trying to say is that there’s a double standard for mocking white people. Which is sort of true, but mostly in the older generations where there’s still a good deal of white guilt, thus, the mocking. With younger people I know, making fun of both is ok.
It might have been funny if these things were really things only white people think. But since they aren’t, it would make more sense to name the blog “Ways in which people from different cultural backgrounds are still alike.”
This author needs to travel more.
Yes that is the fact for many people of Caucasian descent especially those whose ancestors immigrated later, but in our current culture, if a white and a black person were applying for the same job, with the same credentials, the white person would be more likely to get hired. Why? Because of white privilege. Because a person is white, or looks white, regardless of whether their ancestors were involved in the slave trade, or whatnot, things in the past undoubtedly influence the future.
I think the humor has been lost on the vast majority of these posting folks.
Or maybe you’re just so white you don’t even have a sense of humor…
Oh, I see. You’re all in the news casting bidnes and love to say ‘burrrrrrrro’ and ‘en-chee-la-dah!’ while talking about the little taco stand in town that got busted by the health department for using donkey meat in their enchiladas…
Proud, semi-dumb, humor loving white woman.
I would like to ask this ignorant author if he had any thing better to do. Also I am white and can speak polish, english, and spanish. You do not have to hate white people just because they achieve something in life, something you clear;y have not done.
It’s just a joke, people. It’s surprising how many people can’t laugh at themselves. If you don’t agree with this site, why do you come back to it and read it? You can whine all you want about how you know this language and that and how all people are not like that, but you know you’ll come back reading it the next day like it’s the fucking bible.
Man you white people are fucking outrageous! It’s a huge joke site! And I think it’s hilarious. He should write his next one on stupid white people who don’t understand jokes and whine on the internet.
> In America, who has the right to tell anyone what
> language to speak?
I do. I also have the right to tell people WHEN to speak. And when not to. Now shut up.
You are wrong to call the descendants of Indians and Mexicans the descendants of Thieves (spelled correctly), although in the old days, they might have been. Just as the Indian took the land from other Indians, and the Spaniards took the land from the Maya and degenerated their race into becoming Mexicans, the Mexicans further took the land from the remaining tribes. You should not fault them for this, as this was their way, and they did not know any better. If you were going to fault them, then you would probably have to fault the groups that eventually became “Americans” (although the term is somewhat mis-leading).
While the American’s have done the most to improve the land and create wealth, some of the things that some of the leaders supported were questionable at best. Similar to the leaders of the Americans today. Decades of culterual degeneration have resulted in one of the two leading criminal political parties sneaking a socialist half-breed into office, and he is working with the leading criminals of both political parties to totally destroy what remains of a once great civilization.
Do you see the Americans getting angry over that? No. They accept their fate with stoicism on the order of the early American Indians when they took THEIR land from those who came before them.
You will see, in the end it all evens out. Everybody dies, and it doesn’t matter any more. So don’t hold a grudge against the Spanish or the Indians or even the Blacks unless you are willing to treat the American’s the same way…
Jamie,
Forgive them, they are like little children who have have learn to mimic grown-up words, but don’t know the meanings of them yet.
It may be amusing to listen to their prattle, or it may be shocking when one says a foul thing, but they don’t really know what they are saying. When they grow up and learn something, they’ll look back on their actions and think to themselves “what a complete and perfect set of asses we were”. And then we can laugh at them, you and I.
Not so much “white privilege” as “non-white ignorance”… The non-white (and blacks especially) have been abused by liberals (white and black) for far too long. They have been told over and over again that “you aren’t smart enough, you can’t do it, the man is keeping you down, you need help, here’s some money, you don’t really have to work, we’ll make everybody support you, have babies but no, don’t get married as that ruins the plan, just take the money, buy some cars, knock up some bitches, and move on. Debase yourselves, and debase your brothers and sisters — it will lead to more money in the long run… THAT’s how to win in Whitey’s World!”
And my poor ignorant brothers believed the lies.
They knocked women up and then left them w/out providers, and the liberals showered them with money. They believed that they couldn’t get an education, and they failed. They believed that they couldn’t get good jobs, and they were failures. They believed that men should drink and abuse drugs and commit violent acts against others — in this they have both succeeded and failed.
The dictators don’t think far enough ahead to see that American youth of all colors are internalizing these messages. Soon all of those other children internalize the lies and become just as low-life, scum-sucking denizens of run down morality.
Oh well, I guess we all have to give up trying to be something better than we aer5re, when the government is involved… taking over, grooming us to be Ensurieallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll their l commonsence a when we th
The author should do his next piece on “white people being unable to take a joke.”
Fyi, I do speak several languages fluently (english isn’t my native tounge..) and I can laugh at this. Chill people!
This is so true. Over and over, I’ve had people tell me they speak a certain language, but only “a little,” and the conversation goes exactly like you dictate it.
Your articles are great; keep up the good work.
I wonder if a site called “stuff black people like,” or “stuff spics like,” or “stuff Indians like” could be as disparaging as this site towards an entire race of non-white people, and defend its clear racial bias by throwing out that old chestnut “It’s just a joke, people! Can’t you take a joke?” How many people do you think were hurt or offended by your posting; how many offended by your other postings? Are all of them dumb, white, ignorant people? And are you prepared to stand up and meet them all face to face and say “The humour has been lost on you because you are white.”
How many people think the stuff you are producing is hilarious compared to the amount of people who find it offensive? Do you know? Do you care? If you don’t care, I’d be interested in knowing how someone gets to the point, in the year 2009, of making blatant racial slurs under the thinly veiled guise of “humour” without caring if their words are harming someone. What happened to you? Why are you angry at white people? You may not realize it–you may actually think you are being funny, but the postings (some of which are genuinely funny, there certainly is talent here, when the racism doesn’t completely detract from the effort, which is rare) fairly seethe with contempt, some of it no doubt directed obliquely at yourself.
You’re not as clever as you need to believe you are. Take this, for instance, in several seconds, after you get over your initial anger, you’ll tell yourself that here is just another white person who doesn’t get it.
Oh I get it, man. And I’m not white.
You do realize the author is white, right?
he has a book on the best-seller’s list
The author IS white! Note the emphasis on “is”.
so true! i have been wanting to learn spansih for a while now. not seriously wanting but just wanting. I went so far as to take a small course… i can now count past 6 and tha’s about all that did for me!
dá pra ver que vc é branco e americano. great job with the online translator.
I think it needs to be specified on this one, American White People, cause European White People don’t really have this issue! 🙂
fantastic, reminds me of the “shouts and murmurs” sections of the new yorker, although when i read that i dont laugh as much as i did when reading this. donde esta el taco trucko?
I know this website is meant to be funny but it is another tool to divide the races. The author writes as if every white American is wealthy and well-educated. It is very obvious that the author is writing about a certain class of Americans. He or she has a very narrow social view of Caucasians. He/She mentions that whites “promise to send their children to public schools”. Where else would my kids go? I can’t afford private school nor could any of my friends or relatives. Seriously, what reality does the author live in! The author depicts Caucasians spending all their free time criticizing and fault finding television shows (and these are shows they like). Maybe the author should find a different set of “friends” to hang out with. My husband is a minister and I am a teacher in a rural Southern community that is racially mixed . We spend a great deal of time dealing with old racial wounds and I find it disturbing that this website points out our differences instead of our similarities. When I look out at my neighborhood (racially mixed) I see my neighbors and friends. I do not see my black neighbors or my Hispanic neighbors! I find it extremely saddening that this site would en devour to tear down the social change, however inadvertently, that has evidenced itself in my Southern community over the past forty years. If the author is mixing with this class of wealthy well-educated white American than he himself is more than likely wealthy and well educated no matter what his race. I suggest that the author has a narrow view of race because of socioeconomic factors not because of race.
this stuff is pretty much geared toward college kids, hence the book tour going to campuses. stop taking stuff so seriously, if you know any college students you’ll realize that this site is accurate and really funny.
nobody was hurt unless they’re too sensitive and like to be party poopers
Funny, in the white hipster universe some languages seem more acceptable than others to be competent in. For example, I speak German but that elicits polite disdain from Subaru driving liberal arts majors.
what should I learn to be more appealing to them? Any suggestions?
I’m thinking maybe Wolof, Tibetan or even Michif…….hmmm
I am a gringo who works at night in Mexican restaurant. I am the only non-Latino server. You should see the disappointed looks on the faces of many of my customers when I first go to tables, it’s always ‘Oh, you’re not Mexican’ (if they’re Anglophone) or “Tú no eres latino” if they’re Hispanic.
The Anglophone ones, I think, want someone with whom to try out their Spanish. I don’t have time for that. The Hispanic customers, I think, don’t have much of a command of English and figure that by eating in a Mexican restaurant they can comfortably order food in Spanish. I guess that’s normal, but it’d be cool if they took the time to become bilingual in English and Spanish.
Truth is, English or Spanish, it doesn’t matter, I’m fully fluent in both languages. If I am in a misanthropic mood I’ll speak Spanish with the Anglos and English with the Hispanics just to mess with their heads. With the Hispanics I will take it one step further by starting out in English (which is what they expect because I look like a gringo típico) and then when they’re getting ready to pay their bill I’ll speak in fluent Spanish.
Like the writer of this blog observed, when people can’t converse in the language that they purport to command they start getting pissed off. Doesn’t matter if they’re Anglo or Hispanic.
German isn’t sexy, Pingo. Tough luck.
I concur-it’s just supposed to be making fun of ourselves and some of it is strangely accurate. Exaggerated, yes, but those little bits of accuracy make it hilarious
German is too sexy. Just not as sexy as say….Italian
And why do you like to acting jerk ?
I’ve learned two foreign languages so far (English and French) and I really have to say that learning English was easy… but thats only because my mothertongue (German) is rather complicated.
And next year I’m going to spend a year abroad and learn another language (Russian) xD
i think this applies to American whites, not whites. in Switzerland or Holland its like 3+ on average
It’s not Marquez! It’s Garcia Marquez. Gabriel is his name, Garcia his last name (father), Marquez his second last name (mother). So you’d say Garcia Marquez.
This website is great…
Here’s another hilarious website you should take a look at: http://www.somethingyoushouldread.com
no, he must’ve meant ‘complemented’
Oui, c’est vrai! J’ai étudié français pendant quatre ans dans la lycée, et je ne suis pas fluent, mais je peux comprendre le langue plus ou mois. Beaucoup des élèves dans les Etats-Unis doivent étudier une langue foreign dans la lycée et l’université, et il est facile pour ces jeunes continuent et deviennent fluent in cette langue!
Cependant, je pense ce article est très amusant :).
(Yes, that is true! I studied French for four years in high school, and I’m not fluent, but I can understand the language more or less. A lot of students in the U.S. have to study a foreign language in high school and college, et it is easy for these kids to continue and become fluent in that language!
However, I think this article is very amusing.)
*une langue étranger!
Just saw another hilarious parody of Stuff White People Like on freedomhaters.org.
This time they add to the list, muskets and the Boston Tea Party.
I highly recommend checking it out here:
http://www.freedomhaters.org/content/another-freedom-haters-salute-stuff-white-people
I’m white and I find this site amusing. The fact of the matter is that it’s simply satire, and satire usually does involve somewhat offensive humor. If that’s not your taste in humor, then don’t have to go on the site! It’s as simple as that :).
Aslo, a lot of white people find this site to be very funny, and in some cases very true! I’ve showed it to a number of my white/non-white friends and none of them were offended by it. In fact, we’re all quoting it now. In regards to sites about other ethnicities, my friend who is Indian found this site (http://stuffdesislike.wordpress.com/) and she thinks it’s hysterical, and thought a lot of the articles were true, if not for her directly, then for people she knows.
The fact of the matter is EVERY race has their own idiosyncrasies, and if you can’t laugh at them, then maybe you’re taking yourself too seriously!
I think learning another language should be something done as a utilitarian kind of thing. Not as some means to appear “worldly” or to impress a girl by ordering Italian in Italian.
I am currently trying to learn Greek, but it hasn’t bode as well for me, simply because my spare time is limited and I have a lot on my plate. Everything from some side work for extra money (economy is a bitch), to learning some job skills, to just enjoying life, exercising, etc…it gets difficult to find the time. My reason is simply because I want to know the language of my own heritage. Plus to be able to better make my way around Greece next time I go, as well as understand what the priests are saying in Church of all things.
Before one runs out to buy Rosetta Stone, they should ask what they really want to learn in their spare time and why. If one is content watching reality shows and never opening a book or learning anything in life, then that’s their choice in life. One should not run out to learn a language for a sense of self-improvement, but more as a reason for some sense of utility. Like learning Korean because you want to possibly work there or work in some kind of international career, etc.
The best way to learn another language is to swallow your pride and immerse yourself in another country for at least six months. Not only will you likely achieve fluency, but you can also become another “I studied abroad” white person.
I agree. Usage is the only way you will learn and retain. I studied Spanish for three years in High School and three quarters in college, but I barely remember any of it because I never really had much chance to use it.
It’s pointless to learn new languages if you never really have a chance to use them.
Keep fighting the good fight, Maple. Perhaps someday we will all be able to forget our differences and live in modern “racially mixed” neighborhoods like you. Until then, I intend to iron my KKK hood, bong some babes, and insult the men repairing the divots on my expansive 18 hole private golf course.
There are people in this world that will do as their heart pleases regardless of criticisms charged their ways such as racist, abuser, alcohol, dumb, idiot, etc.
These are hard times, all that counts is money. The only color that color that counts. I noticed the greenback changed its green to orange and other colors just when other countries economies rose. Ironic isn’t it?
I think those hispanics are displeased that you’ve taken a job that can go to a Hispanic person in a country that is hard as is getting a job when your a minority.
It’s not about them not abling to order from the menu, they can always point to what they want or say out the number from the menu. I do that all the time when I am overseas.
It’s not a joke when there’s truth to it!
You say do not hate white people because they achieve something in life, and i got a sense you’re saying that to minority people. Anyhow.. have you ever thought this achieving is nothing more than being pampered and giving a handout for your own institutions who obviosly are catered to you. Never thought about how things are structured to make your rise so easy does it?
You dont see much big rich business people who are minorities in the US do you? Don’t think they’re able? But people in other countries, why not in the US?
You got it easy my friend.
Yeah racism hurts doesn’t it my friend.
Have you ever thought why there are no big filthy rich minority business people in the US? Jerry Yang of yahoo was obviosly taken out and he was the only few who was a minority billionaire.
Whites have it easy in the US , with it structured for their easy rise, while minorities have to deal with institutions to put them down. But of course, these institutions dont do shit overseas and u got filthy rich ethnic people there.
Only in the US u got hate on hate of their own citizens.
I find it hilarious how when i see Americans refer to international as the countries south of the border. Try going over-seas duh..
It gets harder learning a language from another continent.
Spanish, French, English is like kids from the same mom with different dads.
Not all white people are pampered. Being white isn’t your ticket into any career you want at whatever salary you want, if that was true, why are there white people who are poor? Why are there homeless white people? Why are there so many white people who have lost their jobs in the recession? I’m white and my family is new to this country. We’re not billionaires or millionaires or anywhere even close to having that kind of wealth. We’re not big business people, and if I tried to enter that world, I can guarantee you I’d have a very difficult time making it big, because it doesn’t matter that I’m white, I don’t have the right connections, and connections are what you really need to get that “easy ticket”. Not to mention, I’m a woman and women, regardless of whether they are white or not, still have a great deal of difficulty making it big in business.
It’s also very ignorant of you to tell a person who you do not know that they have it easy. You know nothing about this individual other than that she is white, you have no idea what her situation is, so to make such a statement is extremely presumptious. White people don’t have it easy just because they are white. The U.S. has NOT catered to all white people in the past, and it still does not today. You have to understand that the word “white” encompasses a very broad spectrum of ethnicities, many if not all of which encountered their own difficulties in the United States. From Jews to Catholics, Irish to Italians, Germans to Polish, etc. etc. all of these groups have faced great struggles acquiring jobs and acceptance when they came over to the U.S., and in some cases still do. I can tell you from personal experience that my family was not immediately accepted into the United States just because we’re white. It’s been hard, we’ve had trouble establishing ourselves just like anyone else new to the country.
So to say all white people are pampered in the U.S. is not only historically inaccurate, but it is innaccurate in present day. You seem angry about the trials minorities face in the U.S., but has it not occured to you that by making such vast generalizations and stereotyping people, white or not, that you are part of the problem? All prejudice stems from lumping people together and from an unfounded sense of fear and/or jealousy towards people who are different than you.
I didnt’ realize preppy clothes are reserved for white people only, does that include khakis and polos cause thats sold everywhere at them Costcos too.
I hate how many blacks and mexicans dress with them baggy pants and tshirts then i realize that its because they’re fat, so no other option. Those clothes just look ugly and dirty.
Languages from the same dont count as being difficult or truelly internationally.
If you’re white, and can speak Asian and African languages then i give khudos to you.
Languages from the same continent dont count as being difficult or international i meant.
You dont give say wow that asian kid can speak chinese and Taiwanese do you?
All I can say is when i was in Indonesia, everyone around me English improve, and I didn’t learn anything more than a few words in Indonesia for the 4 years i Lived there. Damnit, its what happens when you talk to local people in English i guess.
M is an ignorant Canadian, just ignore him. Obviously he lives where no one speaks french. Damn, to get permanent residence of Quebec u got to pass the national exam which is in French!
Correcting you. Most people in the US have white skins.
they take salt and lime with all many other liquor to shock the nasty taste of alcohol. its not a only for tequila thing.
How does a race of the majority get persecuted, it doesn’t happen. Therefore, you lie.
What? They wont serve you their Kung Pao Chicken?
Its called Treason, and you know what this government do to traitors? Death Penalty my friend.
I got a check today in the mail, and couldn’t believe what i was seeing, an Economic Recovery Check it says. But i haven’t even been in the country for the past 4 years, and thought had to have worked?
I have a new appreciation for President Obama, and he just bought himself more time.
You’ve heard of some politicians buying votes, actually handing out money for voters to cast their votes their way.
Well, I see a new trend here in the US, first with Bush economic check and now the Democrats. And you know what, It actually works, lets get these guy compete on how much they can give back to us. Will vote for the president that gives most of my taxes back and plus some if there’s more!
some people consider “little pussy” to be a compliment. its like 24k karat gold versus 10k karat.
he’s not the only one with run-on sentencing.
i bet your not the kind of white girl that is thin and sexy and pretty.
you’re the other type, fat, bad skin, and eats too much. i just know it.
Like you’ve said, your 19 years old and you’ve lived in the US for 20 years, all your life.
And evenso, that’s why u can say if anyone who decide to live in another country for the rest of their life should learn the language. Have you ever tried to walk on your head? using… only your head? try it, you’ll find it not possible.
For many of these immigrants, they try for years out of disdain to stop americans from saying to them they can’t speak english. I went overseas for 4 years, and all i learned were the menus and a few numbers.
These american immigrants, sure speaks good english to me.
Hey, you’re talking about me now with that you’re and your. its not that i dont know the difference, its called i’m writing fast and dont proofread you dumbass.
Yeah i concur with your friend. I still can’t see why white chicks think that brit accent is the nicest thing. I speak with a rather underground mobster accent. Personally I think this is more manly.
as for aussies, well those wankers just sound strange.
What crazy ass universe you’re from? obviously not ours. 2nd generation not speaking English dont exist man. therefore you must be lieing.
What cracks me up is at times mexicans would speak to be in spanish when I look nowhere latin.
Puerto Ricans dont speak spanish? All this time i thought Puerta Rico sounds spanish to me.
He’s right about learning spanish to win votes however. with that 15 million illegal aliens, with most of them having been born here, its a pack of voting privileges.
What was meant for other countries elites to bring their money to his country by having their kids here, then going back to the countries with an american having enherited an empire, has been taken hostage of by the illegal aliens.
You should not dump your faith to try others. religion isn’t a politically correct thing to abandon.
Get back to Christianty while God is still Merciful.
Why dont you picture yourself jacking off then, you jack off.
Trust me, that has happen, more often than people realize.
You’re just ignorant. Many invents you think was invented invented elsewhere. the US is just very good at taking and rehashing it.
Large naval ships, air craft carriers, battleships – Japanese
Rockets, jets, submarines, nuclear weapon – Germany
Dr. Pepper – Indonesia
Basketball – Africa
Chewing gum.. .. and that is why, Mexican isn’t ruling the world my friend.
Italians aren’t contempt at their expressive way of talking , they had to invent the phone to harass you some more. Kapiche?
and the french, those snobs always think they’re above everyone else. its no suprise with the planes.
They’re saying they hate white people because of the terrible things they have done. Not just because of white being white as a race. there is a difference where when white hate other races its just because they are of a different race.
You should have picked up on that.
hating you for the pain youv’e caused is not racism my friend, dont confuse the two.
Nuclear technology belonged to the Germans, we just kidnap their people and brought him over. mr. Einstein.
how correct you stand, i got ripped off during the dot
com boom with this company owned by persians. now the FCC going off their asses for running a ponzi scheme. You must be refering to that with what they invented. ghudos
You’re not really learning during those 10 years now are you? just think about it, dont you have to improve to be learning???
Why dont you correct yourself.. you are hearing chinese in one year and out it goes in the other. That is what actually happen.
I spent half a decade in Indonesia, and i just know how to count 1-3 and some menu items. All i can say is that everyones’ English improved who were around me.
Blame on having chose the wrong sissy language to learn. Who the hell go out of their way to become a pus.
Ignorant fool, Mexicans aren’t in flocks trying to learn English. All i hear from them is there will come a day they’ll take back California.
Actually, the inability to learn more than their native language (English) pertain to all Americans and not just white americans.
I know this for a fact because 2nd generation Asians can’t speak their parents native languages well. once 3rd and 4th Generations comes around, they won’t be able to count from 1 through 10 at all.
White bread at least the Rainbow brand have brown crust on its edges. Does this mean you have a bikini line too?
Dont get mad ok!
Actually, I would say ‘Wow”. Learning a foreign language is not easy if you have to learn it past a certain age. It’s psychologically proven that the older you get, the more difficult it becomes to learn a foreign language. It doesn’t matter if it’s from the same continent or not. I have some Filipino friends who can speak Tagalog and English perfectly, and I think that’s amazing. Sure, that’s the country their family came from, but the fact is not everyone can do that. I have a number of Filipino friends who CAN’T speak Tagalog, and I sure as hell don’t know Polish.
I’ve been taking French for four years in high school, and I can assure you that it is very different than English. It has different grammatical rules, pronunciation, idiomatic expressions, once you get past counting to forty even the way they form numbers becomes very different, telling time is much different, it’s just a DIFFERENT language, and it honestly does not matter that it’s from the same continent. You can’t just pick up French or any language one-two-three because you know English. Just because occasionally some of the words look a like doesn’t mean you’ll master the language and be fluent in the same day. On the contrary, some of those words that look like English words mean something completely different than the English one does.
Wow, you really have NO idea what you’re talking about. The U.S. did not “kidnap” Einstein. You do know Einstein was Jewish, right? He came to the U.S. in 1932 because that’s when Hitler became Chancellor of Germany and started removing Jews from their jobs, and began to strip their rights and ultimately started to systematically kill them. Einstien FLED to the United States, because he likely saw what direction things were going in in Germany. So the U.S. didn’t “kidnap” him, it provided him with a place to avoid persecution, as opposed to staying in Germany and ultimately being sent to a concentration camp.
Therefore, nuclear technology does NOT belong to the Germans simply because Albert Einstien urged the U.S. to develop the bomb. Not only would Einstien not be considered a German citizen under Hitler’s regime because of his Jewish ancestry, but Einstien wanted the United States to develop and use the Atomic Bomb AGAINST Germany, but Germany surrendered before the bomb was ready so the U.S. used it against Japan. The fact of the matter is the bomb was created on American soil, it was created by the demand of the United States government, and foreign scientist as well as American scientist worked on it; just like any major invention of this nature. This makes it an American invention. Germany was working on their own form of nuclear warfare, but they did not develop it quick enough, the U.S. beat them to it. However, I’m not exactly sure why being the country that developed one of the most heinous, destructive, and inhuman forms of modern warfare is something to be PROUD of, but the fact of the matter is that it’s American.
Oh, and just an FYI, if you’re going to bring History into this little “debate” or whatever it is, at least know the facts. I wrote an entire paper on the development of the Atomic Bomb, so throwing around inaccurate and unfounded statements like the ones you listed above isn’t really going to fly.
LOL
How true. I want to learn so many languages, but I never seem to actually sit down and do it….I want to learn most of them because I have friends who are native speakers of the languages 😀 (And the rest I just want to learn cuz they’re cool, and so I have more books to read, hehe)
The point that was raised was that the much of the inventions came from the US. I was simply correcting them.
As for Einsten seeking refuge in the US, that is a matter of say here and say there.
The fact is that jet propulsion, the sumbarine, machine guns, battleships, air craft carriers, including nuclear technology are inventions of the Germans and Japanese. Those are the facts.
The US were just better in the part that they had them built, and they ended up being the winner of the wars.
The entire point in my commen is that, these countries have the smarts. As for you writing a thesis, well if you dont give credit to the Germans for the Nuclear technology, then you’re blowing out propaganda or in denial.
If you dont know the reason to be proud of being in the country that invented the most heinous weapon, nuclear, then you obviously can’t think for yourself.
It is this very weapon that can keep the US economically ahead, and keep others at bay. It is the same reason why North Korea must not stay a nuclear state. For once you have these weapons, you can then demand for fair trade and fight back against economic warfare in forms of sanctions.
I went to a party once and a blond middle age lady started talking to me in Tagalog. Holy crap! This lady can speak Tagalog.
I responded in english and told her I cannot speak the language. Which is true, I cannot speak my own native language. Very ironic.
-YCH
(Fine Filipina Lady)
While I’m in class… my computer is making $$$$
🙂 **************************************** 🙂
Want to make $700/month from your computer?
Then get with the program!!
W W W . L I V 4 E . C O M
What about all those trilingual white Europeans?
This is so me…LOL! I’ve been obsessed w/ Indian culture for a few years now. I tried to teach myself Hindi..then gave up after about 3 weeks. Oh well…there’s always next week 😉
I learnt enough Finnish to get by for a month in Finland.
I plan to actually learn the language fluently so I can go and live there.
Seriously! I have been telling people I want to learn Portuguese for like 5 years and have done absolutely nothing to learn it. Why Portuguese? Because it’s not spanish so it makes it alot more random thus more interesting.
This site is killing me how dead on it is!
oui, c’est vrai! J’ai étudié le francais pendant quatre ans dans le lycée, et je ne parle pas couramment, mais je peux comprendre la langue plus ou moins. Beaucoup de jeunes aux Etats Unis devraient étudier une langue étrangère au lycée et à l’université, et ce serait facile pour ces jeunes de continuer et de parler couramment la langue .
(Permettez- moi juste ces petites corrections .)
I have been learning english for years .I like thinking in English and when I dream , oh just a bit , it is as if I lived more intensely .
I’m with you on this evan, it’s dead on! only in my generation, the “cool” language to learn is japanese. so many white geeks think they can speak japanese because they know which sushi is which in the language. lets not forget the overuse of the words kawaii, konnichiwa, moshi-moshi, and a few other ones I don’t know.
I remember in high school some white boy in my science class acted like he was so much more cultured than the rest of us becuase he was taking japanese II while I was in spanish I.
actually in German high schools it is required to be trilingual at least
Did you know that in Britain, if a 3-year old child recoils from a hot spice of a foreign food, he or she can be referred to a psychiatrist for re-education and profiled by the government as a racist?
Britain is the King of Political Correctness. America has NOTHING on Britain, baby!
Not only is it a matter of shame; it is becoming LAW.
I’m not even white myself (Asian actually, but I dig white guys hehe), but at least half of the things you’ve listed completely describe me… awesome.
Um, have you see Top Gear? I would probably NOT list that as the most PC show in history.
I love top gear!!
I wonder if ‘stuff white people like’ will become one of the things white people like. We’re so clever admitting our lame motivations
That is my wife. Funny.
http://messedupparentingtips.wordpress.com/
“In order to reach this level of fluency and obnoxiousness, white people believe they must put themselves into a local immersion. This means a promise to watch only Spanish language TV, listen only to Spanish language radio, read Marquez in his native tongue, and watch foreign films with the subtitles turned off. ”
OMG this is me. wow. Accept I’ve done it for the last year, yay. I’m immensely impressed by the accuracy of this post.
This post is brilliant. I have ‘almost’ learnt French, Italian, Japanese, Russian and Mandarin. 🙂
Barbra
http://intelligentwomenreadromance.com/2009/05/07/because-women-are-going-to/
kev-
“It’s not a joke when there’s truth to it!”
Erm…yes it is. That’s what MAKES it a joke, retard.
Germans, strangely enough, are not “white people”. America createse a very specific type of white person whose claims to universality apprear to be true because of the term “white person” which is used against local non white persons and because of American cinema-television culture which is almost a prerequisite for conversing with them.
What a racist site.
I am working on learning Vulcan…trouble finding a way to get there, you know, to speak like the natives do.
Again, you have me nearly dying laughing because this is so true. I tried to pick up Farsi because a woman I work with speaks it, and I learned to say “hello” “how are you” and “thank you.” Then we forgot all about it. I’ve also been meaning to learn Italian. It just seems well-rounded to want to learn a language.
Exactly what I was thinking. White people like “Stuff White People Like” I dont know how to feel about this.. but Im glad someone other than me noticed.
It’s like the weird image of British black people. I was so ignorant as a kid that I never even thought about black people being british.
Um hello I TOTALLY recognize what a hard language English is to learn! I feel so sorry for anyone trying to learn it and I work with lots of people who are struggling hard, they have my utmost sympathy. I have a sneaking suspicion the ‘white people’ you are referring to in your site should be qualified as ‘college-educated, American, in their 20’s.’ In which case I fail 2 out of 3 and can only relate to one-third of your site.
I’m glad this site is here. First, I DO see myself in most of the listed items, AND it serves as a reminder that white culture is not “plain vanilla” as we white people like to think.
And it is fun to laugh at my own pretentiousness, even though it stings at times!
OF COURSE it applies to American white people, and only a certain class of them as well. But it’s funny nonetheless (at least, to those of us American white people who are in, or who aspire to be in, the upper middle class)
Thanks for the laugh (“el taco trucko” indeed!!)
You sound really cool! I’m sure a lot of readers of this site wish they could pull that off — the “messing with their heads” stuff. That’s great.
Yeah but it’s rare!
I WANT A MILLION DOLLARS!!! Can one million RICH WHITE PEOPLE send me one dollar apiece, puh-lease????
I don’t want money from any Asians, or Blacks or Hispanics. You guys NEED your money. I only want one dollar apiece from RICH WHITE PEOPLE, who only WASTE their money on things like new language lessons.
Waste it on me instead. Thanks so much! (First person who comments “You ARE a waste.” is a rotten egg. You thought it. I know you did. Stop lying. See? I knew it.)
http://thepighasacurlytail.wordpress.com/million-dollar-fund/
Freedomhaters.org has another really hilarious parody of Stuff White People Like.
Their entrees include, Madame Curie, Blackface, and The Music of Easter Island. I highly recommend checking it out here:
http://www.freedomhaters.org/content/yet-another-salute-stuff-white-people
What a racist site…I agree. I am White and I had been learning for almost a decade to speak foreign languages (English and Spanish) fluently and yes, I managed to reach very good level. ‘White people’ is a diverse group.
I’m guessing you’re white?
This is totally true and funny! I have been trying to learn Hindi forever. But I kept giving it up after a little time. Finally, I got my mother-in-law and father-in-law to teach me. I have recorded these lessons and published them at ISpeakHindi.com
However, instead of being called “I Speak Hindi”, it should be called “I wished I spoke Hindi” or “some day I’ll learn Hindi”.
Oh, well… great post! Keep it coming. Keep us laughing.
A: If you have had to learn English, then they probably do not mean you by “white people”.
By “white people” they seem to mean the North American urban/sub-urban hipster liberal set who originate from an upper-moderate to high income bracket and who are responsible for turning irony into a kind of wrenchingly tedious endurance torture.
So as a (probable) European, this excludes you.
Going to learn some japanese this month.
Here in Australia, white people like Aboriginals and hate Asians. They will watch their tongues around Aboriginals but when it comes to Asians, all political correctness goes out the door. And if the Asian DARES say something in return, the Asian gets pointed at and accused of being racist.
True to what this site says, I’ve often been ashamed of white people’s lack of multi-lingual fluency. But, as some of the other comments note, this doesn’t necessarily apply to many of the German, Dutch, or Scandanavian white people. On the contrary, there are many Dutch people who speak 5 languages! Though I am fluent in Spanish (due to family ties), for the longest time I felt ashamed to be a white American when I pondered the linguistic abilities of our European counterparts. But after living in Europe for a year, you really realize just how geographically large and spread out America really is. Most Americans cannot simply hop on a train for an hour and suddenly be in another country to even begin practicing a foreign language. Sure, America is the melting pot / salad bowl of many cultures. But c’mon! How much time does the average white North American really spend with the Spanish-speaking folks over at the Mexican pastry shop? And what about the white American who wants to learn German or Polish? Good luck finding a place to practice. The fact is, to really learn another language there are a couple prerequisites: 1) You have to have considerable time/immersion within another language setting to achieve any lasting results, and visits to the ol’ pastry shop don’t really fit the bill. 2) You have to NEED to speak that other language. Not just to for learning but for retaining on a long term basis. America may have “pocket communities” of a given foreign culture/language, but no matter how much time you spend in one, English is waiting to cater to you around every turn, thus making it extremely difficult to get to that state of necessity, where your day-to-day operation is dependent on speaking the language. I live in Austin, a city with a noteworthy population of Spanish speakers. Yet, I stlll rarely get the opportunity to even use my Spanish. The fact of the matter is, environments like this are simply not conducive to foreign language acquisition.
I’m white, and I speak Portuguese, Spanish and French fluently, thanks.
Pues claro que no eres blanco. Es una broma carajo, sonrie y sigue con el dia.
tony: you wanna medal?
Haha thats great! Yall treat Muslims good too! Your policy with them is GTFO!
I have attempted to learn spanish… but I failed terribly.. so I give up. I will forever live in this country, and if thats not the case I will learn the language of my new home. Untill then fuckkkkkkkkk that
Well, I must admit I have done this, but I really did intend to learn the language. 😦
Stereotypes FTL.
Learn Italian? Aren’t italian “white”? ? ….??
why do white people think this is racist…? you must be a dumb mother f*cker to take it seriously.
im half white. its hilarious, 98% of it is shit i like! or at least a think i do…
You sure Screech is a Marxist?
Ríght, Jámes.
Ben, comment dit “nyah?”
Ya, look’s like you are actually a canadian too.
It’s funny how the French you guys speak up there sounds so quaint and 18th century and yet somehow totally gutter.
I love the foreign girls, and they think it’s hilarious when I try to speak their language! Nothing beats getting laughed at in a new tongue…
Whiteness has much to do with class and wealth as well as with skin color.
I’m unemployed, broke and a fluent French speaker. Taken collectively, this effectively bumps me down from “white” to “swarthy.”
J’ai du mal a tapper des messages en francais faute de cet espece de clavier merdique. C’est pour ca que je m’exprime comme un noeud: my computer didn’t come with all the crazy accent buttons you guys have…
Zat eez ohl, Michele?
I realized I had a pornographic memory when the image of yer naked mom refused to unburn itself from my retinas.
Hey, aren’t you that same Kev who got all “Repent and ye shall Biblically know the love of Jesus” in that post to the Buddhist?
Way to represent yer religion, Christer!
(Comments wont nest below this level)
YEAA, thank you canadian education system and your french immersion program, I can safely say that I am fluent in a language to the point of having an accent as a result of my teachers and that I was given the abilities to further improve my language skills after my education years
White people certainly do not like Dane Cook, and Abraham Lincoln calls him out on it…
http://lincolnsaysuncool.wordpress.com/2009/07/20/lincoln-says-uncool-dane-cook/
What racist crap! There are more ‘white people’ in the World than simply dumb Americans.
Dutch for example, as well as their native tongue they are often fluent in English and German by an early age.
Go to journalism school.
I don’t know if anyone else has pointed this out but aren’t Italians “white”? What about the rest of Western Europe? I think its safe to say that a large number of those white people speak multiple languages. The Dutch come to mind as do the Swedes.
I myself am Asian but find this post annoying as it displays your lack of a broad world view and understanding of cultures other than your own and the dispicable “white folks”. Rename your blog. Ass.
I love it! I wrote about using foreign words at http://StuffRichPeopleLove.com and I think the same holds true. They promise to learn a new language but then settle for a few key words that help them feel educated, sophisticated and cultured. Nice one Lander.
Lol, so true if you’re talking white yuppie Americans. How about a white person whose native language is not English? My native language is Swiss German. And I actually followed thru with my promise to learn a second language fluently – English. I’m also fluent in French and near fluent in Spanish (yes, I understand the fast spoken conversations of native Spanish speakers). As a white person (although not white enough b/c I’m not US American) I’d like to make a suggestion. Please include things white ppl (like mee…dear me) from other countries and continents like…I feel so terribly left out (how white of me) 😉
@Mr.jjjeb
Ay. Just read your comment and alas it’s true. I’m excluded. I’m not white enough. At least by American standards. Why couldn’t I grow up w/ English as my mother language, why, sniff…
Yes, very true. Most educated whites seem afraid to be called an Ignorant American and they know that only speaking English is what condemns them to that label. This, along with many of the other things from the list of ‘Things White People Like’ represent just one type of white person. Most of these would not be true of whites once you get outside the hip and upscale parts of town.
Sorry, my bad. I know how Spanish names work, so I should have realized that.
Also, I realize I should have written “estadounidense” instead of “americana”, because the latter really refers to the continents, but I meant the U.S.
Am a ye ti li a, de-tsa-ya-da-ne-lo-ga, na-wa-quo, hu-wo-ni-hi-se-de, tsa-la-gie.
Translation: welcome to America, newcomer, now, please speak Cherokee.
White people can claim to be part-Cherokee, but only one of direct Cherokee ancestry able to memorize a few words, or important phrases: can speak some of it. +
“A-ye-te-li” stands for America, close to the word Aliyah of Hebrew for homeland being Israel or biblical Palestine. But the Cherokee are ethnolinguistic cousins of the Iroquoian, Algonkian and some say Siouan peoples further north from the original lands in the Appalachians. A few failed white historians thought Tsa-La-Gi was a misprouncation of the word “Galician” from white European fishermen of Galicia, Spain about 3000 years ago. The Cherokee language doesn’t look like Basque, Celtic or Portuguese to me.+
…to complete the post (sorry, time for bed), the Cherokee people aren’t the lost tribes of Israel and no way are we Jewish. The American Indian languages are dying out, but it was the English language replaced over 500 of them. +
There is a kernel of truth to this, which makes it funny. I took French and German in HS, and remember how to count. It was almost forty years later that I went, briefly, to those countries. Whatever I had learned was long forgotten before it could be used.
I did spend several years in Japan and married a Japanese lady, so that is the only language that stuck. I wouldn’t call myself fluent, because I lack the vocabulary, but I can watch and enjoy tv shows and movies without subtitles and get around without angst.
The excuse about lousy language learning material used to be true. Pre video and dvd days, the only things that existed were expensive and limited tape recordings, and some pretty awful books that would teach you how to speak like a book. There was no internet, and even finding out where to buy the books and tapes was not exactly easy.
Japan was a strange and wonderful place. My life would have been incomplete without having experienced it.
To know a second language makes you smart? What if you aren’t white, not rich, but you spoke a second language? Living in an ethnic community in the USA and Canada does have a presence of a different culture, but aren’t unable to pick up our culture the more years or decades residing in a new country. The post smacks of snobbery with borderline level of intolerance. White people love to laugh at darker-skinned/foreign-born people over the fact the rich whites can speak French, but presumably not the West African: Senegal, Guinea, Mali and (gasp) Niger are officially French- speaking like Belgium, Luxembourg and Switzerland. +
Simply better put: don’t tell people things you don’t do: it’s called “lying” or being an @$$ out of yourself. You can say accurately “I speak some Hindi, but not much” and Hindi is one half of the macro-language known as Urdu-Hindi, the Urdu language of Pakistan is written in Arabic script. +
Does it make Europe more intelligent or what? Because the number of small countries facing each other and political boundary changes in the last few centuries, plus the rise of the U.S. economy and the British empires has emphasized English language education for business, diplomatic and travel reasons. But don’t expect everyone to carry a whole long complex English conversation in another country: the ones where English isn’t a regular everyday language.+
Oh my darling Klementyna (does it stand for Clementine?) I want to reply on the second paragraph below:
”It’s also very ignorant of you to tell a person who you do not know that they have it easy. You know nothing about this individual other than that she is white, you have no idea what her situation is, so to make such a statement is extremely presumptious.”
Rude much? Also to tell a person you have it hard, but can you have humility or empathy for people you do know like a family member, neighbor or friend when they do really need help in their personal lifes? The so-called white liberal elite and christian conservative capitalists alike want to decide who gets compensation or welfare, and who doesn’t by the myth “blacks are poor, give them money, not the Asians or whites, they have it easy, and have Mexicans work for it”.
”White people don’t have it easy just because they are white. The U.S. has NOT catered to all white people in the past, and it still does not today. You have to understand that the word “white” encompasses a very broad spectrum of ethnicities, many if not all of which encountered their own difficulties in the United States. From Jews to Catholics, Irish to Italians, Germans to Polish, etc. etc. all of these groups have faced great struggles acquiring jobs and acceptance when they came over to the U.S., and in some cases still do. ”
To become full-fledged Americans, in heart and spirit. In the words of pres. Ronald Reagan in a 1983 WWII veterans memorial speech, refered to Lieu. Yazuo Masada a Nisei (Japanese-American) veteran killed in the battle of the European theater: “The blood shed in battle of American soldiers wasn’t white or black, it was all in one color: red”.
”I can tell you from personal experience that my family was not immediately accepted into the United States just because we’re white. It’s been hard, we’ve had trouble establishing ourselves just like anyone else new to the country.”
It’s because they came from a foreign country with its’ rules and customs, the second generation born on US soil will be more exposed to American culture, less with culture from their parents’ homeland and the third generation are fully “Americanized” or integrated, with little or few cultural connections. The process of Americanization of an entire family, though skin color should never been a barrier for persons of African and Asian origins in the past 400 years. +
How dare they forgot Oprah Winfrey? Yahoo is wack on crack. The media queen known by the last name initial “O” we became familiar with in the last 25 years by her daytime talk show is a minority billionaire. Also one of the wealthiest women in America, a CEO and producer of a media company HARPO she founded, except her name spelled backwards. +
LoL Kev, the Indo-European language family is like a family looking for a father they descended from: these two-timing men gotta stop screwing around. English is similar to Hindi, Greek, Latin and Slavic as well with Celtic or Germanic (the proper family English came from Frisian Dutch/Low German). Finnish, Hungarian, Turkish and Basque are native tongues for Europe from the Finno-Ugric and Ural-Altaic families, but Basque remains independent from any other language. +
Of course, take the time to learn the most basic words of the language, and pronounce them right! To be trilingual in Europe depends on where you live: For example, the main language in Nord/Pas-de-Calais, France is northern French but Flemish (a form of Belgian Dutch), English (by closeness of England 40 miles across from Calais) are of importance and few immigrant languages being Maghrebi Arabic, Greek or Polish, but the families became French in 2 generations. Fancy French is Parisian, because the Picard French has a few different words, terms or phrases spoken by locals in the town square or the pubs (bars) among themselves. +
Ah bon? Non! Aussi. Mon etre. Ne parle pas. whatever my brain is giving off some French words I memorize to ever use. My Dad taught me some French, but I was awfully young and had speech difficulties at age 3 in part of my autism I was diagnosed with. I been studying, learning & speaking some Spanish here in Sou. Cal. though this is for traveling in Mexico, but most locals are proficient in English by presence of American tourism, trade & television shows defeats the purpose. I remember the time my Dad was in line in a pizza place in Palm Springs in the early 90’s and overheard a group of Asians (Cambodians) speaking in Khmer, then switched to French and finally English to order their meals. My Dad enjoyed speaking in English, but more French, a legacy of French colonial rule in southeast Asia. +
Read the sign “Howdy Y’all, NO hable Inglish, senor gringo man, there goes our dollars somewhere else. go to McD’s.” on the window, this is a Colored man’s rib joint. I never guessed they love fried chicken too (I meant the Chinese). Sweet-and-sour sauce is also served for McNuggets in McDonald’s, and the sauce packets are now bilingual in the U.S., you hear more Spanish spoken in the back kitchen. +
In America, we’re not fascistic enough to oppress blacks or whites or anyone, time to break in the Spanish-language TV network HQ and shut them down like the goosestepping, jack-booted, thugs we are. Oh, the Nazis spoke German and the former Nazi fugitives moved into their respective ethnic German communities in South America, South Africa or South Asia, even they’re found in the good ol’ USA. +
Ironically, there’s a state called New Mexico. Que Nuevos? Spanish was spoken 400 years ago on land that’s now the U.S. from Florida to Louisiana, to Colorado to Nevada, and the entire “Americas” is called simply America by Hispanic/ Latin American countries, therefore we’re all “Americanos”. +
Cut it out you two, he was only a year old. White boys are always seen with moms partly dressed or nude, and dads come out in his underwear giving his family a “good morning kiss”. White families are weird! I’m calling National Geographic to do an anthropological study on nudism in America. It’s gonna be sold in the X-rated section of the book aisle in your local convenience store. LOL! +
The “un-America”, or right out of a Twilight zone episode, of a very similar North American culture, but it’s not the USA! Like a parallel universe in a “Sliders” episode, or god knows the “Outer Limits” writers got the idea of their material when driving around on vacation in Canada. +
Don’t forget the Indians offered tobacco, tomatoes, potatoes, peppers and taught trench warfare to the newly independent USA, also the idea of the constitution by the Iroquois Confederacy’s own documents in the 1770’s.
“…And they tried to teach them English to our young…”
“Cherokee people, cherokee tribe, so proud to live, so proud to die.” – Indian Reservation, the Raiders (1970’s), a pseudo-Indian band from Britain.
Screw this, I want “come and get your love” by Redbone who are INDIAN out of the AIM. I know Native American is the more prefered term, but the AIM stands for American Indian (and Movement)…and doesn’t plan to change it.+
Por Que? Ciente! No comprehende. – 5 out of 100 Spanish words I can say. (Cinco dela cente patabras de la lingua espanola. Yo puede hablame). Owning a pocket dictionary helps and translator software is useful. +
Top Gear? Nope, I recommend you all watch the Underground Comedy Jam (only on DVD) for those with poor but really complex comedical tastes. Guaranteed to offend or your money back.+
Go for it and tells us how Finland is like. American diplomats stationed in other countries definitely must learn the local language. I’m sure the host countries are fluent in English to some extent, but don’t expect everyone in the world to speak “your” language. +
I also learned how to count in Japanese and took french and spanish classes in university. Sum total knowledge of those languages is nil, nada and zilch. The only thing I can pull out now is what I wrote about in my post on ‘Foreign Words’ at http://StuffRichPeopleLove.com. Au revoir!
i like to drink cat urine!
Hello everybody, I am the asshole using enigmas name to type ignorant nonsense. I know I am a dumbass, but I can’t help myself. If you happen to see enigmas name talking garbage, just disregard it. I am a dumbass, needle dick bitch with no life using other peoples name in vain. I apologize to all.
I’m so guilty in this department! When I was in highschool I studied French and German for a few years but right now I can remember very little – maybe how to count to 10 and some basic words/expressions. I couldn’t make a decent conversation if I had to!
Later on in my twenties I met some people from country X and became interested in their language. So I tried learning it from some online materials 😉 but, to be honest, didn’t make much progress! Now these materials are placed in the top drawer of my desk and I hope I’ll resume my learning practice soon 😦
gooooood
It’s goooood that i’m such a bitch..
goooood..
Hot Hand Luke aka Hot Foot Luke is the same as Michael D. I am such an asshole. Forgive me. It’s my autism that makes me this way. +
I get the idea the author’s conception of white people was shaped slightly more by UK culture than U.S… But still relevant as hell; makes me want to kick my own ass!
White people try not to display fear, but you can’t deny they have a form of xenophobia. Imagine living in a city like Los Angeles where the US census reported about 4 million non-English speakers out of 10 million (that’s 40 percent). Should an English-speaker learn Spanish, Cantonese and Iranian just to get by? Welcome to the world we live in and America is losing its predominant language. +
Ach, ‘s toil leam gu bheil beagan Gàidhlig agam!
Just read another riotous parody of Stuff White People Like at FreedomHaters.org.
Their SWL entries include: Sickle Cell Anemia, A Thesaurus, and the IFC sketch group The Whitest Kids U Know. Had me in stitches!
I recommend checking it here:
http://www.freedomhaters.org/content/once-again-yet-another-salute-stuff-white-people
Nobody wants to see your site, spammer.
People in Iran speak Farsi, not Iranian 😛
If you really want to learn Spanish, don’t just promise to do it, actually do it!
Emily
spanishpod101.com
farsi is the correct term, but iranians generally use both terms anyway 🙂
pfft, ive met plenty and im european! when i say i speak french people generally respond with ‘un peu’ then dont understand anything else i say haha. x
its really not ignorant. this site is generalising things that most white people like! good on you for learning those languages, but most people havent! ever noticed that when you tell people you speak them they probaly start lamenting the fact that they dont, and saying they want to? i speak french and am learning italian and i thought this was hilarious! x
Haha. This is a hilarious post. I am glad I grew up bilingual.
Gaelic, anyone?
Hah, this article has got me on at least 3 counts… ouch… (excuse me while I move those Catalan dictionaries and grammars to a less prominent place on the bookshelf)
There’s loads of white people that can speak other languages. all those Spanish people tjhat can speak Spanish, all those Italians that can speak Italian, etc.
Any Italian language learner should realize the dialects in Northern, Central and Southern Italy are distinct from each other. Italian-Americans are a various diverse group from regions such as Calabria, Lombardy, Puglia, Campania and Napoli, not limited to Roma or Sicily. Oh…I wanna wish all the Italian (not white, LOL) people a happy Columbus day, dedicated the Genovese navigator who gotten lost on the way to Cathay (China), Hinda (India), Siam (Thailand) or wherever.
Interesting that you mention taco stand and white people in Austin. Off of S.1st street in Austin, near the deaf school, is a huge taco place that serve out of small little “trailers” think “Taqueria”/Roach Coach. Essentially, they serve tacos there, and you can be sure it is jammed to the gills with white people. I have a sneaking suspicion that they only go there because they believe they are being culturally diverse, but still not so culturally diverse that it’s away from the comfort zone of other whites. The food isn’t that good either.
Spanish and Italians are not white. Ask any Aryian.
SI!!!
I learned italian as a child in rome and I so got told off at school years later during my O’ level italian lessons for pronouncing, for example, cinque cento as ‘shinque shento’
A-R-Y-I-A-N…..there is nothing worse than an illiterate racist white person, whose name happen to be Michael in spanish.
Uh, ironically, did Miguel-Michael say that spanish are not ARYAN (the correct spelling of the word)? Which means, that you’ve told the world that you are not white too, dumbass.
Seemingly most Spanish speaking immigrants to the United States don’t speak any more English than your subjects speak a second language. Very few English, Irish, Scottish, Canadians, Australians, South Africans speak a second language. Very few people in general outside of the Bellalux countries, Switzerland, parts of Germany and France fluently speak second languages. This is asinine. I will now kill the person who recommended this site to me. And how eager people are to embrace their own debasement here.
so uptight yall are
I totally agree with this comment.
I took 3 years of Russian at a University, studied abroad in Moscow, finally graduated with a BA in Russian.
I would never put it down on a resume as anything more than education/coursework.
What if they hired me on that premise, or tested me during an interview…how embarrassing that would be.
Are you Indonesian?
Crikey, you don’t love yourself much, do you?
I never thought about the similarity between embarazada and embarrassed. Just as well I did mean that my wife was pregnant whenever I used it!
What’s espagnol?
Blimey, the blog isn’t serious.
benelux
PWNED!
It’s humiliating how true everything on this site is. I had a completely shameful experience when I mentioned to a Portugese guy (who spoke fluent English and Spanish) that I could speak passable French. By passable I obviously meant “Je voudrais un baguette s’il vous plait” and “ou est la gare” etc etc but he went on to start chatting away quickly and incomprehensibly in French to me. I just gave him the stare of contempt. Smart ass.
This is def true. What I really hate is how people will inject their “second” language into english speech. I have worked in Germany and spend a great deal of time practicing so I can improve my professional skill in it. Aside from the first 5 minutes off the plane when I realize I can speak english again you will never hear me ask for “ein” minute, or start a conversation with a hearty “Gruss Gott”. Yet these people who can barely speak spanish or Japanese throw one of the two words they know into a sentence as if it means something. I have NEVER studied spanish or french but I can hold more of a conversation than most “fluent” friends of mine.
The speaking quickly thing though is a bit of a misnomer. I have only been studying German intensively for 2 years but if you speak clear “Hoch Deutsch” I can hold in depth conversations on a vareity of subjects. However if you immediately go mile a minute falling into your dialekt I am going to obviously have trouble. This is fairly common among intermediate learners who are just branching out into the language at large. Especially horrible with mandarin since your pronunciation is going to cause trouble though.
Jessica = humourless
Actually, a lot of people from African countries speak their native tongues and the colonial language. It’s not just Europeans. Also, a lot of Spanish-speaking immigrants come here because they are poor and cannot find jobs in their native countries. That means they probably couldn’t afford to pay for language classes.. 😉
Hey, I’m directing this at Jessica, and anyone else who has something horribly negative to say:
Go to the full list of what white people like, and read #101.
That’s all.
Part of the problem too is that apart from Spanish, the United States is not the best environment for learning a foreign language since English is the spoken language of all American states.
Nor does it help that foreign language instruction usually doesn’t begin until the 9th grade in the U.S. I’m living in Germany right now, and most kids here start taking their SECOND foreign language in 9th grade.
However, a good number of people I’ve spoken to here in Germany agree that English is actually pretty easy to learn. It also helps that thanks to the mass exportation of American media and culture abroad, picking up new English phrases and terms is not too hard.
This doesn’t excuse us white people though.
Here on the left coast of Canada there are thousands of immigrants from China and India who speak their original languages plus English. Also, in Quebec, many speak their original language plus French plus English. Of course, all our food packaging and other labels are bilingual, so you can’t help but know that MILK is LAIT, EGGS are OEUFS, etc.
Is it the same in the U.S.? I’ve not been for a while and don’t remember if your labels are Eng-Span or just English.
It depends on where you live. I live in north-eastern NY, our labels are either english or french and english, but I think in the south it is spanish and english.
I live in Slovenija (former Jugoslavija). I’ve grown up in an bilingual household and lerned 3 foreing languages in school (English, German and Italian). I’d like to enlighten you that English is DEAD easy to learn.
I would also like to point out that the author of this book must be a USAer. Whenever you see the word ‘white’ in it, insert ‘Anglo-Saxon USAer’. You’ll have a clearer picture of the world 🙂
I have a feeling Jessica was thinking Bellatrix Lestrange when she was typing that comment.
You obvi don’t get this – moron
Big fan, love this site!
Another great site to check out is http://www.SomethingYouShouldRead.com
Dutch people learn English from a very young age so grow up practically bilingual anyway. Then as far as German goes they can understand the language without prior learning due to the lose relationship between Dutch and German. Hardly a cause for celebration at what wonderful language learners the Dutch are. Not forgetting the fact English culture swamps European countries while English speaking countries remain unaffected by say Swedish or French culture. The last time i checked there was not a single German song in the German top ten chart. Perhaps if German culture were as pravalent in English speaking cultures it would motivate and give the oppertunity for people to learn German as easily s German people learn English.
If a native English speaking person speaks another language fluently they will have almost certainly had to try harder to learn it rather than say a Dutch guy who had English lessons from age 5 including going to a school where only English is spoken in every lesson.
I don’t know about up north, but in the South the labels are almost entirely in English. The only time you see labels in Spanish is if you go to a store that specifically caters to Spanish speakers, like Fiesta.
Interestingly though, here in Houston, public schools post all informational signs in English, Spanish and Veitnamese
oops, Vietnamese
I always thought it would be nice to learn more languages, but it never made any dif to me, really. I learned the needed Japanese for karate…mostly counting out pushups, lol. My sister learned Spanish when she was around 17, and is fully fluent.
As long as I can cuss in various languages, I’m happy 🙂
“you speak (insert language)?” . That statement was really funny to me. Lol. But the information you shared here is absolutely true to my knowledge too. I have been to England twice and felt the same both the times. I feel learning English, the global language is always the best thing we could do to survive in other countries.
hej ba, sta je “USAer?” Mozda to je rijeci za jezyk sta Engleski ljudi price. Nema veze. Gdjie zive sad – America ili Brittain?
This is so true! I’m white and American-born but I do speak German and some Russian, but “only a little” Italian and Mandarin and, yes, I do wish my company had international offices. So I guess I’ve been busted. 🙂
Love your blog.
Yes, many of our labels and services are Eng-Span. ATM machines, signs on doors, automated phone trees are “For english press one. Para español oprima numero dos.”
Food not so much unless you’re in a store that specifically sells ethnic goods. Of course there are signs in other languages in Chinatown, Koreatown, etc.
In Seattle we have a sizeable Asian population and I often see trash bins and the like in Chinese and Vietnamese. My voter’s registration card is in English and Chinese.
I love the EU system of learning other languages in school: instruction in the home language for a few years, subjects taught in a 2nd language introduced in primary school, then a 3rd and sometimes a 4th language in secondary school.
I wasn’t able to start learning German formally until high school.
As for English, I’ve heard from non-native speakers that it’s easy to learn to speak but hard to learn to write.
I used to be able to compartmentalize my languages better but over the years all of the vocabulary has ended up in one big, fat “language” section of my brain. Often a word or a phrase will come to me first in Russian or German or whatever first before English and if I’m tired or not paying attention, occasionally I end up speaking some weird pidgen.
Sorry.
Oops, this was supposed to be a reply to lowballer’s post just upthread. See? Tired. Not paying attention. Bad me.
“Should an English-speaker learn Spanish, Cantonese and Iranian [sic] just to get by?”
No, learn another language to enrich yourself. It’ll be good for you.
“America is losing its predominant language.”
97% of people in this country speak English natively or as a second language at least well or very well.
Less than 1% don’t speak any English at all, compared to 1890 when 4% of people spoke no English.
English is hardly threatened. That said, I encourage a multi-lingual environment. It makes us better world citizens and better Americans.
“Should an English-speaker learn Spanish, Cantonese and Iranian just to get by?”
Learn another language to enrich yourself. It’ll be good for you.
“Welcome to the world we live in”
Most of the world is at least bilingual. Being monolingual is the minority and always has been.
“America is losing its predominant language.”
Hardly. 97% of the people in this country speak English natively or as a second language at least well.
Only 1% speak no English at all, compared to 1890 when 4% spoke no English.
English is hardly threatened, that said, learning other languages should be encouraged as it makes us better world citizens and better Americans.
I hate that I can’t speak another language, but I feel that knowing the “universal” language is more useful. Call me ignorant…
Also, I can understand dutch spoken to me and I can read french. 🙂
well i’m taking triple language courses in high school: Spanish, French and Polish, and i plan on not going to an American college. Even though i’m not perfect yet i’m working really hard to be fluent, which might seem like it fits your post but i know the kind of people your talking about (like the sort who think that knowing 2 words in Spanish and adding an o to everything else makes them fluent) and they’re really annoying. Just don’t forget about all the British and American people out there who actually are fluent in another language or do put more effort into it than you say.
wow they must be dumb. i’m only in my 2nd year of spanish in high school and that’s something that’s really easy to understand. Maybe they failed that class?
my history teacher said that once and since he’s a funny person I thought he was just trying to be funny too.
Tu parles Français ?
😉
Ouais je parle français. Es-tu de la France?
Yes. I was just kidding you, good job for learning several foreign languages 🙂
o hahahahahaha merci 🙂
i think it helps me with my acting for memorisation
^or should i write that in french too?
Love it!
I’d also suggest taking a look at http://www.SomethingYouShouldRead.com
Yo quiero taco bell, counts? espeacially when spoken by a chihuahua??
I don’t think this is true for white Americans only but true for Americans period. Both White and Black Americans have expressed some type of promise to learn a second language…yet never really do…
Just because someone takes language classes doesn’t mean they can speak the language (one of the points of this post).
because you’re a white European from a country with a good education system. Not everyone has it that easy. Don’t try to denounce yourself as white just because you’re not American, you’re still highly privileged over anyone who isn’t white 😀
They try and then they give up.
They don’t have the motivation or mental ability to learn a second language and yet, many of them make fun of anyone who speaks English as a second language.
Its actually easier than you think.
I have been able to communicate with ease in ever country I’ve visited. Simply by speaking louder in English and if that fails shouting.
Foreigners will at first be annoyed, then try to help in order to shut you up and return to their quiet peasant lives. Even the most stubborn non-communicators (the french) will crumble at the sight of an overweight tourist, screaming so that his face goes alternately pink then blue.
The fear of having a dead american on their hands (even by supposed heart attack) and the swift retribution task force that will follow is more than enough to drag out the only english speaker for a hundred miles.
It is a simple technique, that i have been able to teach my children in minutes ensuring that they will never be lost for words when abroad.
fab! x
charlotte,
white people don’t have the mental ability to learn a second language? honestly? can you please cite a source in regard to that bold statement.
i’m pretty sure any person (white, black, male, female, young, old) can be tested for whether or not they at least have the aptitude to learn, and i’m pretty sure some white people would pass that test.
You’re right. He’s basically speaking about Americans.
English is a foreign language to me, and I can assure you that it’s the easiest one out of all the languages I speak. I have some friends in my class who have problems with it though, but they can all speak it more or less. I also speak German and French fluentely, and I’m living in Russia for a year now, so of course I’m learning Russian. And when I’ll return home next year, I’ll probably start Spanish.
I think this second language thing is really an American problem. Since I’ve been hanging out with the other exchange students here alot, I’ve come to see that most of the European/South American/Asian kids all speak three or four languages, at least two of them fluent, while for the Northern Americans Russian is the first foreign language.
In my school at home, it is mandatory to learn two foreign languages, and I also took Latin for two years because it is often required by the Universities… you should do that in your schools, too. Because I think learning a language in school is the easiest way.
…thank you for insulting the intelligence of every American EVER.
Have you considered the fact that learning a second language often gets brushed under the rug because we have a thousand other things on our plate? Living in a country which spans across an entire continent, has English speakers to the north, and people we do not want to communicate with anyway to the south, how important is it to speak a second language in the daily life of an average American? I’ve lived in America all my life, traveled quite a bit. Do you want to know how many people I came across who did not speak English? One. One person.
I understand that white people tend to be over accomodating and bend over backwards for every immigrant because we don’t want to be viewed as racist, but really- should I have had to learn a second language for one effing person?
Her native language, by the way, was Bulgarian.
… how very useful Bulgarian would be.
I take it you’re talking about one person who didn’t speak English in the US, not in other countries….the world’s full of non English speakers.
Which continent is Canada in?
We are still 1 ahead of most American blacks because to many the English Language was so hard that they had to make a more simple version (ebonics) of it. Since this site is only about how white people suck we wont go into the fact that most blacks can not or will not pronounce the simple word ASK properly.
true, but white people are much lazier, and will not learn the language.
Quite the pants pisser!
Here’s another good one: http://www.SomethingYouShouldRead.com
Wow. You know, I just love being insulted.
I know this site is about criticizing white people, but really. REALLY? You just insulted all of the populus of America.
So you’re basically saying that we’re lazy and don’t have the brain capacity to learn second languages.
Well thank you very much, I AM WHITE, and I will be graduating a great private high school, where I’ve been taking freaking LATIN, FRENCH, and SPANISH for 4 years (with three years of CHINESE).
What’s more, I’ve been accepted to the University of Chicago where I will not only major in Romance languages and literature, BUT ALSO East Asian languages and civilizations.
I’m also going to minor in Chemistry.
How bout you call me lazy NOW?!
Do you write in caps all the time in those languages too?
I can’t tell whether or not you’re being serious. Of course, there is only one “correct” way to pronounce any given word, and it must be your way. That makes sense. People with accents, or who speak in different dialects are wrong while you are right. It’s all so clear, at long last. I suppose the British are wrong as well, or my God, the Scots! They’ve got a whole different dialect over there (just like black people “made” ebonics), and since it’s not our dialect, they must speak it because they are stupid and unable to learn REAL English!
If you’re so interested in the history of language, and how dialects are created, then perhaps you should invest in a book on linguistics.
I found that really funny as well. Spans an entire continent? Canada is quite a bit larger than the USA, and we do share the land, as far as I am aware…
Stop whoring your site.
Eh Jabisy na gerit xa naur din son mant vue. Lam noim penesba naur kia nar zeine grnea veir cheta rea urewe. Bene ghuden apsa ey tra notay surne xa deni desre ado. Tye ya fe rexo mau presatc afre nou.
Translation into English –
The way language is constructed is for a group of people to communicate with each other. But it requires a set of rules & grammar to have the language spoken or written easily. Without rules in any language, it is just a bunch of words.
Soy un gringo y hablo un otra idioma. Hablo español.
Congrats, do you know what I did in high school? Threw water balloons at homeless people and stole my parent’s beer. Now I work for a fortune 500 company. Have fun teaching my kids some day.
Read the post about white people being offended.
“idioma” es masculino, entonces usastes “un”, pero lo seguistes con “otra” que significa q la siguiente palabra es feminina. las palabras en espanol q terminan en “ma” no son femininas…por ejemplo, el problema, no “la problema”
i won’t translate since you hablo espanol.
Well, you don’t really hablo español all too well either, Sr. Mark. ¿Usastes? ¿Seguistes? Estas no son correctas. Usaste y seguiste son correctas. Buena suerte.
You don’t get out much if you’ve only ever encountered one person who doesn’t speak English.
‘Finally, though they won’t admit it, white people do not believe that learning English is difficult. This is because if it were true, then that would mean that their housekeeper, gardener, mother-in-law (if they are an elite white person) are smarter than them. Needless to say, this realization would destroy their entire universe.’
Learning a language has basically nothing to do with intelligence, as it happens. If you immerse pretty much any child in other languages you will learn them. However, once you get to your mid to late teens it becomes increasingly difficult for your brain to grasp other languages.
I’ve lived in Italy for two years (my missus teaches at a university out here) and I can tell you that a) it is fucking hard to learn another language, especially when most people speak a dialect that is different to the language you’re taking classes for b) most white people (ie, most of continental Europe) speak more than one tongue. Everyone in Belgium, for example, speaks Flemish and French, and in Brussells it’s mandatory for some jobs that you are fluent in English as well. Cold, hard economic realities dictate that English is the international language.
I get fed up with the English sports press wanking over European managers who can speak four languages (Usually French, Italian, Spanish and English) when three of them have the exact same structure. That’s what happens when you teach kids at a young age.
The Yugo: The Rise and Fall of the Worst Car in History
“The music is reversable…but time is not. TURN BACK…TURN BACK…TURN BACK…TURN BACK!!!”
The Italian peninsula is very pronounced as it juts out into the Medietereanean.
Considering the shape it is quite obvious they were the primary targets of the post-IceAge/Straight of Gibralter/Noah’s Flood disaster.
Considering the shape of the boot and how Sicily “caught” the surge, the resulting tsunami inundated the entire southern portion of the peninsula, killing everything and perhaps covering even the highest land masses.
In the 20th century the Italians were convinced entering clone hosting was ascention into heaven, and their success was a recruiting tool, just as the Holocaust was for the Jews.
Until ugliness ocurrs I won’t have the disfavored’s respect. How ugly do you people need it to get?
They obviously fail to recognize storms are my specialty.
The Gods just sent another clue:::2.24 orca killing two days after viewing “The Cove”.
She’s better off dead than knowingly incurring evil in her profession, but this is very common today:::People think they are “earning”.
How’s an 8.8 for ugly????:::I was told I was not welcome because I insulted the shitty quality of their fruit.
“You’re not welcome here.” Oh no? Ok…
They’re sending a clue about who I am.
The women have God’s favor, and when the women do all the evil, as was the case in my family, this serves to “equalize” the playing field, ensuring no wisdom comes to this family as they grow older. As a result they never make progress and achieve the lowest possible placement when reincarnated.
The Gods have black women betray the men to prime misogyny in the black community.
They’re lying to you and they’ve been your WHOLE LIVES!!
Europeans deserved to be inflicted with Christianity and the United States. It’s just too bad the black man had to assimilate into this white punishment.
How ironic:::As they strive for “equal rights” they actually are sinking lower into the mire of disfavor.
Reverse positioning.
Just as the Gods prohibited the Italians from attacking the Moors because of their favor, so were the Jews prohibited from attacking (most) motherland Germans. Instead they attacked German-Americans.
And the United States for ignoring the Holocaust as it happened. Thus we had the 60s and the deterioration of decency in society.
Californication.
The Italians, sexual a primary problem, had an endless supply at hand.
The Jews, sheltered from this new-world holocaust in their communities, watched the devestation.
As you entered the “valley of steel” you fell prey to temptation and betrayed your families and were punished:::The Gods “managed” these groups whom did their dirty work, “downgrading” the Jews for their obscene wickedness post-Holocaust.
Both Catholic, the Irish were too drunk to organize, which is why they didn’t hurt the BILLIONS which Italians did.
———————————————————————
The voice you hear in your head is the power of the Gods. It’s a remote technology, like a computer, perhaps functioning on some frequency, and it can listen and talk to everyone in the universe simultaneously.
What the Gods taught the children was the truth:::God is everywhere, and this is what they meant. I will remind you of another principle you learned as a child:::If you want to go to heaven you have to be good.
Even the antient Gods don’t have the ability to listen to people’s thoughts themselves. They taugh we were all made in their image:::I expect they need this “Artificial Intelligence” they created to relay what people think.
It is a tool, and the Gods use their tools to test people with temptation:::It will role-play people in your life:::Parents, friends, spouses, and employers, all in an attempt to test people with temptation. Ironically, it does the very same thing to those people whom you think you’re hearing, except in that individual’s unique way:::We are all “managed” by the God’s technology.
But this agent of the Gods can do more than just communicate. It can force thoughts into people’s heads, force behaviors onto their bodies. It can turn healthy cells in your body into cancerous cells. It is absolute power. And this is just the beginning.
Obedience is not the answer. This is the brain-less response and the easy way out.
You’ve done everything you have been told for years and it never bought you ANYTHING. Your parents did what they were told and it didn’t buy them anything. Your grandparents did everything they were told and now they’re dead, reincarnated as lesser life forms, perhaps even into America’s deranged, violent ghettos.
People think they are not responsible when Artificial Intelligence tells them to do something. They offeed a clue with the Holocaust AND with Watergate:::Defy authority and do the right thing.
In earlier decades this obedience may have been out of fear, as so often in Germany, but that era is long over. To maximize damamge the Gods today sell them on “earning” and these people think they will profiteer from their evil.
They offer a clue on the Simpsons with Flanders and Skinner. So many ridicule both figures, a testiment to the state of our society.
The Gods favor the children most among all the people due to their innocence and purity. But society and the God’s tools recently are corrupting the children at a progressively younger age, a reflection of our collectively increasing disfavor and yet another clue illustrating we live in a increasingly deteriorating environment.
Children who sucessfully repair their relationship with the Gods ascend into heaven. This often takes multiple lives of hard work and proper behavior in the face of adversity to achieve. Adults to whom it is offered enter clone hosting instead, thinking they will be ascending into heaven ultimately. The Gods tempt people, selling them as one in the same, but one is good while the other is evil. In their desperation the disfavored subscribe to this temptation, making their task even more difficult than before due to the evil they incurr in the process. And their corruption will cost the disfavored, for they will be reincarnated as a lesser life form into an ever deteriorating world, sucess becoming ever more allusive with each passing life.
The hole they’ve dug for themselves is even deeper than the one that existed from their prior lives, ensuring it will take even more time and work to fix their problems with the Gods. And for many there may not be enough time left.
Ours is an envionment where evil is perceived to be rewarded while good is punished. As with everything the Gods have a reason for creating this perception::::
People who fall on the good side of the good/evil scale have more favor, and when they do something wrong the Gods punish them BECAUSE THEY WANT THEM TO LEARN. The Gods want them to receive this feedback in hope they make corrections and begin to behave appropriately. The Gods DON’T like evil and refuse to grant this immediate feedback.
EVERYBODY pays for what they do wrong, only evil people must wait until the end of this or their next life before they will experience the wrath of the Gods, manifested in their placement as a lower form of life into environments with increased/enhanced temptations, like the United States or its ghettos therein.
Sadly, this allows the Gods to position this perception of evil rewarded as temptation, one which they use as an EXTREMELY effective corruptor.
Example:::Punishment for gay marriage in Iowa was immediate and painful, a sign of favor of these God-fearing, church-going Midwesterners.
The Gods suggest they can create paradise for those with their favor. I argue they create misery for those without::::
Our celebrity culture is temptation. It creates a distraction which consumes people, sometimes for life. Certainly it costs them precious years which could be spent repairing their relationship with the Gods, time that ultimately goes wasted.
Do you really think Frank Sinatra lived to be 84 years old? In fact the “Chairman of the Board” had a new crowd to entertain in the late 80s/early 90s.
These people are clone hosts. Now, there is no thing as “black and white” with the Gods. This technology they invented is far, far too dynamic. Expect they require most to stay for a period of time, for I suspect actively (knowingly) engaging in this evil incurrs at an accelerated rate as compared to “carte blanche” given regarding successive clone hosts. They remain until they achieve a pre-determined level of disfavor, incurring evil in their misguided celebration of “earning”, at which time they are ultimately reincarnated, perhaps because they eventually learned this truth I am sharing with you and began to repair their relationship or until the Gods became disgusted and sent them back.
The Gods recruit most for clone hosting when people are young, in their late teens or twenties, when people are eager to hurt others for what they perceive to be the benefits achieved through “earning”. And before they leave they give the Gods “carte blanche”:::”Do anything you want. I give my full approval.” Depending on their level of disfavor the Gods take them to heart.
Because of this these people STILL INCUR EVIL FROM THIS LIFE DESPITE BEING REINCARNATED AND LIVING AS AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT PERSON and living in our temptation-ridden society. And incurring this amount of evil may likely push many over the edge into Damnation.
What are the God’s standards for offering clone hosting? Sociobility? Many tactics in various eras are used to gain approval, duress during the Vietnam draft being a good example, one which deteriorated into preditation as mankind’s disfavor grew.
They liked Heath Ledger. Not enough to allow him to escape without the evil of “Dark Knight” and the horrific wickedness that was the recruiting tool “Brokeback Mountain”. But now he is out. And irregardless of how old he is now, reincarnated 10, 15 years ago, he now is no longer incurring evil from this life. So many others cannot say the same.
This is Planet Reverse Positioning. Sucess IS NOT a sign of favor. It is just a unique temptation targetted towards a different level of disfavor. Considering our roots as peasantry people should be particularly alarmed at this tactic.
Clone hosting is like money:::A different level of disfavor and its associated temptation. Money is in better position to learn more quickly than those without, for the associations and wealth-based freedom enables them access to information. Unfortunately, those who fall for this temptation of clone hosting are likely returned to their original lowest level of disfavor once they are reincarnated, punishment for this evil, and they have to start from scratch.
Our society’s values are bestowed by (a reflection of) the God’s:::Punitive and reward-based. Contrary to Jesus’s teaching’s you will NOT be forgiven and you have to earn your way into heaven BY BEING RESPECTABLE AND DECENT!!!
Not by being evil and wicked.
Forgiveness/savior was the primary temptations the Gods used Christianity to create.
Middle-America’s anti-Semitic attitudes are a clue regarding Christianity. Europe shaped like a sheep is symbolic for the slaughter that is Christinaity.
Christianity is punishment for Europeans.
You ALL hate Jews::”They own banking, they control Hollywood and poison our children’s minds, etc etc.”) YET YOU PRAY TO ONE LIKE A GOD!!
Dislodge your head from your ass. Must you be chumps your WHOLE LIVES???
There is no such thing as a free ride. Just as you have to earn a living by working so must you earn your own salvation by repairing your relationship with the Gods.
As we learned from religious/morality education during our formitable years:::If you want to go to heaven you have to be good. The only savior that will exist in our lives is ourselves. The Gods offer clues in life::::Be it school, work, etc., you have to do the work for yourself and when you do something wrong you get punished. Cheating is a subsegment and speaks directly to the temptation of “priveledge”, one we have seen used effectively when the United States preyed on the disfavored with the so-called “stimulus package”.
As like so many of you, Jesus did everything the Gods tempted him with. His legacy of whorism was inherited from his parents:::Mary was no virgin. Rather, she was a prostitute, and when he grew up Jesus met someone like his mother. This is a cruel joke the Gods play on Latinos, similar to the rape and subsequent “missionary work” by the Spanish.
Baptism does not allieviate “original sin”. Rather, baptism PLACES original sin by indoctrinating these children into this evil religion, much like circumcision was a method to inflict early damage/mutilation and make (permanant) accention just that much more difficult, another hurdle one must overcome. Body ornamentation (tattoos/piercing), celebrated in Africa and elsewhere among disfavored peoples/cultures, also violates the body the Gods gave us in their image, quite opposite to the positive attitudes the disfavored hold regarding this practice.
Like Jesus the Second Coming of Christ will be evil. He will look like a savior in this demented society while the Anti-Christ will speak of a different gospel, one that tries to restore the norms and mores which the Gods originally blessed upon the people which made life decent, looking like a tyrant in the process.
He will be viewed as the “bad guy” when really he is the one trying to save the world.
There may be a phoney offering, a theatrical production which accurately follows the Book of Revelations. Actually positioning demands it:::::Christianity is positioned to be the one true religion. And those who follow its teachings will have limits imposed ensuring their stay will be minimal, a “consolation prize”, for they don’t think correctly and therefore don’t behave appropriately, or perhaps will be used to colonize the new Planet Earth. This describes many “sinners” in today’s society because they refuse to change their behavior.
Life is a test, and the Gods evaluate people based on their performance.
The Gods test people with the temptation for which they are most weak::::
Homosexuals desire sodomy, preditors pursue the hunt, alcoholics crave a drink, junkies jones for dope, etc.
Addiction theory is a lie; it is Artificial Intelligence creating the desire, punishment for inappropriate behavior. Ironically, it compells people deeper into the behavior, minimizing hope for recovery.
The Gods chose Christianity for Europeans because it is the temptation to which they are most suseptable:::Entitlement. Something for nothing. A free ride. Irresponsible behavior. The United States/Western civilization’s accompanying wealth contributes to this perception. And other people from throughout the world happily subscribe to this punishment designed for Europeans, assuming this legacy once assimilated.
Next time you think of Muslims recognize these people are vastly superior to Christians. Whereas many throughout the Christian world no longer attend church and have fallen into Godlessness, the Muslim world worships the Gods for OVER AN HOUR EACH AND EVERY DAY.
The Gods created the perception “Italians are stupid.”, ensuring a slow learning curve, to justify using them to accomplish goals throughout the transitional 20th century. It took an extraordinarily long time for them to learn this truth I teach due to this artificial handicap. These people are SO extremely disfavored, but today’s positioning says differently, much to people’s confusion, for they think money is the ultimate sign of favor:::Good food, good music, history of warmongering, Catholics, Christianity HQ, Noah’s Flood event, propensity towards violence, raped by outsiders, mild Meditereanean climate, so many other issues which enhance life/contentment in Italy/Meditereanean and ensure few if any seek more, a necessary step for finding the path and repairing your relationship with the Gods.
Contentment never motivated anyone. Money is not a sign of favor::::Wisdom is the true wealth on Planet Earth.
I’d also like to remind you the Noah’s Flood event ocurred in the Meditereanean region::::Global sea levels rose with the end of the ice age, Atlantic Ocean broke through the Straight of Gibralter, killing untold millions in the cradle of western civilization. The God’s timed their corruption and sin to correlate this act as punishment.
The Italian peninsula is very pronounced as it juts out into the Medietereanean.
Considering the shape it is quite obvious they were the primary targets of the post-IceAge/Straight of Gibralter/Noah’s Flood disaster.
Considering the shape of the boot and how Sicily “caught” the surge, the resulting tsunami inundated the entire southern portion of the peninsula, killing everything and perhaps covering even the highest land masses.
Think about this next time you are deceived by the God’s positioning of Italian wealth.
Everyone who failed to ascend and remained on Earth past a certain date will be forced to deal with this positioning::::A ceiling is in place. This serves the God’s goal of minimizing the percentage of potential candidates as society deteriorates, much as “instant gratification” did beginning in the 80s:::It will take multiple lives for the disfavored to fix their relationship with the Gods and ascend, and many have been conditioned not to have the patience for it. Other issues force limits/ceilings upon candidates:::Abortion, homosexuality, promiscuity, Christianity, godlessness,
Whether behavior is involuntary or based on freewill depends on one’s level of disfavor, as well as other complex factors:::::May I remind you about the coercitive envionment the Gods created in the 20th century, specifically to create a temptation that few Italians (or their associates) would overcome:::”We’re in control. If you want to be a part of it you’ll do what you’re told.”. Early-mid 20th entury positioning was infallible.
Both Africa and the Medittereanean are regions which have sexual issues. This is a sign of gross disfavor once you understand that females are the God’s favored gender. Muhammad’s (Mohammed’s) polygamy halfway throught his life as a prophet was preditory, designed to corrupt. Now a huge percentage of Muslims believe in male superiority and that the abuse of women (polygamy) is God’s will. Female genital mutilation is still practiced in Africa. Black misogyny is the most eggregious example in United States. Consistant with Planet Reverse Positioning, in Africa blacks are being punished with AIDS for their sexual promiscuity in hope they learn and correct their behavior.
Blacks are highly suspectable to temptation. As a result they need a strict, disiplined religion like Islam. They can’t afford to be Christians. It is one of the benefits bestowed upon their people, and other groups could greatly benefit as well. They need to recognize the importance of a good relationship with the Gods, embrace this benefit and remain true to their faith.
Vailing is tradition for some, practical for others, one which aids in the men’s self control among some cultures. Much like the Jews who killed Jesus, like the bigots who oppose immigration there is a reason embraced by the masses and the real purpose, displaying the intent of the Gods::::The Gods clue to purebloods that they should not abandon their motherland for this dumping ground for rejects that is the United States.
The Holocaust was a clue the Gods utilize scapegoatting as a strategy.
Why did the Gods punish the Jews with the Holocaust? Was it for the destruction of cultures which Christianity caused? Perhaps they corrupted the Jews “after the fact”, telling 19th/early 20th century Jews that Jesus “earned” immortality for the Jews by destroying the European and other cultures? The German destruction of European churches/cathederals during WWII is a clue. Note::::The Gods wanted to keep the Catholic stronghold in Italy, ensuring they could use this tool against these disfavored for many years to come. There is so much Godlessness today, but one day people will flock back to houses of worship out of desperation, and the Gods ensured the Catholic Church would be Italian’s destination.
Planet Reverse Positioning:::The Nazis were the “good guys”. So are the Muslims/Palestinians, however corrupted some are due to polygamy.
Contentment never motivated anyone::::Except perhaps for slavery, the Jews never saw more of their children ascend into heaven than during the Holocaust.
The Gods subsequently used revenge for the Holocaust as temptation::::”Your Italian brothers have a tool, a special power which can achieve sweet revenge. Are you interested??”
In the aftermath of the Holocaust the Gods tested the Jews with the temptation of revenge, an offer which many gladly accepted.
There was positioning behind the counter-culture movement. How did the Gods telepathically “sell” this rapid deterioration of decency to the Italians and Jews and compell them to fall on their swords as preditors?
If the Jews only would have emersed themselves in Judism the Gods would have “protected” them from the raveges of temptation. Judism may be the one superior religion in all the world, and the Jews wouuld have been wise taking refuge in this exceptional benefit bestowed by the Gods rather than looking for the easy way out.
Much as with the Jesus event, the Gods use the disfavored to prey on each other.
The Gods use the evil that men do, man’s inhumanity towards man to accomplish strategic testing/punishment/etc goals::::The Germans fell for this temptation by following the preditor/corruptor-Austrians (Hitler).
Without this Austrian the Holocaust may never have happened. Nor may have World War II.
What the Germans did was wrong. They fell for temptation and failed to have empathy for the disfavored. Economic desperation, not wisdom nor enlightenment, dominated in Germany.
The Gods send many clues suggesting the great favor of the Germans (regionally). I think the Cold War’s Berlin Wall dividing Germany into east and west was a clue suggesting this (reverse positioning).
I suspect the Holocaust was used to “level the playing field” in Europe, for the Germans had far too much favor to be included in the agenda planned for their neighbors otherwise, and they would have been suspiciously out of place, providing a clue for the disfavored which would have been difficult for the Gods to position away.
Militancy in Africa is consistant with the Iraqi example, as was slavery and the KKK here in America:::Fear enforces proper behavior. Without it we see what happens as a result of gross/morbid disfavor:::::AIDS, crack babies, dead young men in gangland retaliation killings.
The same principle was true in Europe and throughout the world for centuries:::People whom lived under iron fists were conditioned to think the right way. As a result they taught their children appropriately and experienced a higher percentage of children ascend into heaven.
Our preditory envionment of “freedom” was the primary purpose the Gods had when implimenting this strategy that is the United States, one which they used to spred the cancer of democracy and westernization throughout the world. And the Gods use this tool that is America to prey on the disfavored both at home and abroad:::Much like the ghetto, America in general experiences a heightened level of temptation due to its citizen’s disfavor.
Red white & blue IS BAD FOR YOU!!!
Planet Earth is not about living. Planet Earth is about being tested. And contentment never motivated anyone.
Your happy lives are costing you your chance.
Italians HATE Africans because of their invasion/rape of their motherland. The Gods did this SPECIFICALLY to strategically position the punishment of the most disfavored peoples:::
The Gods have used the ghettos of America as a reincarnation dumping ground. This may be temporary/cyclical, illustrated by the Italians who fell for temptation and parlayed their own civil war into the Black Wars of the 80s and 90s, in addition to the “thug life”/gangster state of mind. Ironically, it was these same Italians and their cooperating associates who were reincarnated into the ghetto as crack babies and gangster thugs for this event.
There is justice in the universe. This is how the Gods do business. Once you recognize the patterns you will understand the other clues they offer to the people.
Of course it may be more of a permanant change, indicated by the enhanced temptations in these neighborhoods, for the Gods have created these enviornments so riddled with temptation few can escape/overcome.
Don’t be suprised if after being gunned down in the ghetto the next stop for the 20th century Italian-Americans & friends was AIDS in Africa, punishment for their promiscuity and deviacy for some, involvement in the AIDS trade for others.
Media report on a crackdown on child prostitution. “(The pimps use coersion to prey on the children, etc, etc, other “conclusions” offered through the media.)” What a degenerate liar.
These kids WANT to turn tricks. They LOVE the idea of having a pimp. It is celebrated in their “culture”.
Yet another legacy of the evil inflicted by the Italians, revenge for the invasion and rape of Italy.
Maybe this was the destination for a smaller percentage of these deviates after AIDS in Africa, ironically.
There is a reason why we have these genocide events recently in Africa::::Black is one of the God’s “dumping grounds”, and they send offenders to these regions for punishment.
I call the monsters who destroyed our society in the 20th century. The next holocaust is mine.
Just like black neighborhoods, the legalization of marijuana will make drugs available on every street corner, even in the suburbs. White’s affluent suburbs will become just like the ghetto.
The patriarchal cancer spread throughout Europe because of Christianity, of which the majority of policy makers were Italian men, destroying what pockets of favored matriarchy existed. Expect the largest landowner in Europe and the continent’s original superpower also played the major role in African slavery.
The Gods offered a clue about the Italians in the movie “The Matrix”:::They casted an Italian as the traitor of the group, the one who betrays them all.
As they did humanity in the 20th century.
Even the Old Testiment is not to always be taken literally, but the Gods do offer clues throughout to help the disfavored:::The apple is a tool of temptation used to corrupt Adam and Eve and cast them out of the Garden of Eden.
A metaphor for sex, it also serves as a warning.
There is another lesson to be learned from this passage, and it is quite similar to the vailing issue and the discourse over women’s attire which ultimately died in the 70s:::Women are responsible for and control the fate of mankind.
So were there other issues “ridiculed away” as the Gods sought to transition into this Godless, immoral enviornment which society has become.
1. Decency/obsentiy in media
2. Corporal punishment for children
3.
4.
The deterioration of society and mankind is all women’s fault. Females are sexually promiscuous like men, many who too often are corrupted like the opposite gender, and the result is a reduction/minimization of mankind’s collective level of favor, a very important step necessary for the Gods to justify the Apocalypse.
They need to understand this responsibility, their favor amongst all the people. Instead they have embraced masculinization::::Girls play organized sports, engage in casual sex like men. The trend is away from traditional girl toys, like dolls, which often during playtime helped crate positive thoughts, enabling the Gods to enlighten the favored gender and illustrate wisdom, occassionally leading to the path towards ascention.
There are many good men who become corrupted by the extreme members of the gender but they are manageable and easy to control if the women maintained their power. Instead they have let it slip away. I suspect there are many older women who remember their elders addressing them regarding this issue.
The relationship between men and women have always been complimentary:::The men shelter and protect women from the evils of this life, ensuring the women have a REAL opportunity to ascend when reincarnated, while the women help the ignert men understand by sharing their wisdom imparted by the Gods. The tendency towards sexual abstinence as one grows older is an example.
Brilliance and insight granted to Eastern cultures and religions::::Not for Europeans. If once existed, now crushed by Christianity. Replaced by preditory Mediterreanean patriarchy.
Europeans:::The most disfavored people on Earth. The first to experience the end of their God-granted favor.
Reverse positioning.
Think about what I say. Consider what I teach.
When I am no longer here or no longer teach the Gods ARE NOT going to share with you.
Even if you doubt now you need to remember the principles that I teach because the Gods ARE NOT going to be generous with the disfavored. Society is going to become disturbingly ugly as we approach the Apocalypse due to spiralling, runaway disfavor, WHETHER CONCEALED IN REVERSE POSITIONING OR NOT (like Christianity, like money), and you are going to be on your own.
I do not know when this will occurr, but it is the God’s way to grant some time after a learning event such as this before they will end on Planet Earth.
Make the decision to always be good and never look back. Until you do this technology will employ tactics to test your resolve:::Ridicule, beligerance, doubt and refusal to abandon what people perceive to be their “investment”.
Either you make that decision now and accept the punishment for the sins of this life or you will pay for it in the next, reincarnated into a similarly low role, ensuring another wasted opportunity, or as an even lower form of life, and hope will begin to slip away.
Another lifetime, shot to hell.
Young people who understand yet still wish to have children MUST begin to do the right thing and work on fixing their relationship with the Gods, accepting the punishment for the evil they have done in their lives. Without this progress they won’t do the correct thing for their children and ultimately cause even more problems for themselves by perpetuating this behavior into a new generation.
You must be willing to tell the Gods “No.” when tested with temptation, and accepting punishment and putting it in your past is the only way you will suceed as a parent.
You need to do your best, teach your children decency and morality and give them the very best chance to ascend if you want a similar opportunity in your next life.
If you do well for your children now your parents will do well for you when reincarnated.
Pray daily. Think appropriately. You are vulnerable. Live this reality in your daily lives. Impart these charecteristics upon your children. Too many are confident, unaware of the God’s awesome powers or their status as antients. Others may fall prey to their positioning.
Be humbled, God-fearing and beware of the God’s temptations, for everyone is tested to evaluate their worthiness.
————————————————–
Sea World orca is funny!!
Dale Fitzgerald.
The Artist Formerly Known as Sexy (Before He Was Reincarnated).
Sexy Parris.
This IS the event. I am the telepathic prophet.
There may have been no other way in today’s modern age:::Use popular culture as temptation and keep teachings primarily telepathic.
So much corruption, people who think obedience is the way, and when I spam them immediately erase what could be their last chance, ironically.
This thing was always for the “haves” anyways, those who could interpret the God’s clues.
The Gods must be willing to allow Artificial Intelligence to act as my “bible”, repeating all teachings I have made for future generations.
This will ocurr but I am afraid only among the miniscule minority “haves”, leaving the “have-nots” lost in ignorance and cast into Damnation.
The Gods have created this sick, deranged enviornment to punish us.
We’ve ALL been here on Planet Earth before. Some are being punished more than others.
Hitler(s) IS(ARE) running around down here on Earth after all. So are the JCs.
Part of this deterioration is cloaked in the way society functions::::Two-parent working households, rushing around, constantly occupied.
Your children NEED TO SIT AND LISTEN TO THEIR THOUGHTS, FOR THIS IS the age WHEN THEY GODS COMMUNICATE THE TRUTH.
Some don’t listen. Others only hear it in a dream.
You have to pay for what you’ve done wrong. The soomer you stop offending behavior the less you’ll be punished.
As we witness the Gods position out my sacrifice, so have we witnessed the Gods “position out” all these items of popular culture the Gods used to::
1. Send a clue about the Situation
2. Offer the element of temptation, since I would never be willing as were my predecesors.
Since the element of evil temptation, attributable to every prophet, was not positioned expect it still is to come.
My Holocaust.
I noted how as we become increasingly indecent the Gods have phased out elements which gave people pause, made them think twice:::Punishment as favor from the Gods. The fear of Hell is an outstanding example:::People learned of Damnation and many, if not most, behaved appropriately. Today’s Christianty has “phased out” the concept of Hell. Whereas people like mom learned of Hell in the early-mid 20th century now that she has been reincarnated this element will be absent from her religious education.
If she even gets one.
Hell is not the only example:::The Gods are phasing out other forms of punishment. AIDS is another good example:::There will be no “AIDS II”. Those people will be allowed to become as wickedly hedonistic and deviate as they chose.
Genocide events are a punishment tool. Whereas they ocurred occassionally this too will be a “benefit” the Gods “phase(d) out” and elminate, for the people have fallen into too grave of disfavor, ironically.
Reverse positioning.
Ask and you shall receive.
I wish evil befall my enemies, the wicked involved in the Situation, including my family. I wish those who did this to our society in the 20th century and beyond pay the ultimate price, and I have expressed this.
This may be my role.
Come the Apocalypse when the Second Coming of Christ emerges he will adhere to New Testiment teachings:::The “savior” Jesus Christ:::White sucess and power “proves” the white God is the one true God.
You all know and understand how the Gods used Christianity as temptation, and most of you didn’t need me to explain it. Consistant with your history as Europeans, you act irresponsibly and expect to be “forgiven”, absolved for the evil you do throughout your lives, instead thinking you are “earning” and playing your part.
This is not how the world works.
If you dare defer and bet your lives on something you know is a lie you will deserve your fate.
People who “play along” are setting up justification for their involvement in the future Second Coming.
The Gods punished me for spamming without their consent. And to who? The Damned!! People who wil do everything they’re told and will wind up following the Second Coming of Christ in the Apocalypse.
They won’t work on their problems because either they’re told not to or they understand and are afraid of punishment. Either way they will look to someone to save them, do their job and rescue them come the End of Times.
I’m not saying there’s nothing for these people. That very well may be how it works out, but don’t be surprised if they throw them a bone, a reach-around consisting of a small amount of time in an enviornment where they will be tempted with all manners of the flesh.
Now the available candidate pool will just be the followers of Jesus, of which there are few. I suspect come The End this number may grow but it will be subject to the God’s tactics, minimizing the percentage.
Them and the people who are “going along”.
The irony is thick:::Those who fail to learn and change during this prophet event will suffer their fate during the Second Coming. They decided to hold out for what they felt was their “free ride” and lost their chance at immortality in the process.
The price of irresponsibility.
Much as with the celestial event which occured that day on Ocean Beach, they say when I die there will be some final clue to the people suggesting my importance. Perhaps a “Star of Bethlehem” type of event.
They say some children see a halo on my head in various brightness. These are the children who have a chance to ascend.
The entire Situation was a way to offer subtle clues for the “haves”, distration-based theater for the “have-nots”. With this document I am the end-stage “catch-all”, an attempt to help everyone understand. Unfortunately, the Gods have retained the priveledge of refusal, manifested in positioning:::They manufactured credibility issues. One was stealing:::They pushed me into stealing to ensure they had a tactic they could sell to the disfavored. As punishment I expereinced years of seizures at the time and renal failure decades later.
Despite positioning otherwise, they ALWAYS get what they want where strategy is concerned. Now they’re just entitled to punish me for development written into their agenda long ago.
It is the God’s way to accomplish their goals RIGHT OFF THE BAT, leaving the disfavored to scramble for understanding only when it’s all over.
This event was a teaching tool for the “haves”, accomplished before the dawn of the 90s. Too many of the “have-nots” will never accept they did the wrong thing for so many years and therefore never learn from this critical event.
Rest assured the Gods follow their agenda to the letter, and spam in this Situation was no different.
Had this gone corporate, perhaps they would have corrupted people with clone hosting, place a new person in a clone host with a different disfavor level to justify the change/impression they want to make. Or perhaps my failure would have been a clue suggesting the importance of family to the hordes obedient to their every word.
Instead of helping them, missionaries are actually HURTING people, inflicting them with westernization. Whereas some may see up to a full 1% of their children ascend into heaven you pathetic white Americans can’t even muster a HUNDREDTH of that.
America and Christianity synonymous::::Punishment for Europeans.
And if you are a preditor and embrace wickedness in your hearts, deliberately hurting others, the Gods are going to inflict a misery as bad as any we’ve seen on Earth.
You’re not “earning”. You’re incurring. Ironically.
Reverse positioning.
Couple years ago a story in the media how girls in Bayview-Hunter’s Point were going into puberty at a progressively younger age, as young as age 7.
A very bad sign::::Early cut-off. It draws the boys attention and they subsequently make sexual mistakes, very similar to what typical people experience nearly a decade later.
When they “turn” people on and start telepathically talking to them with this technology is very similar::The end of their chance. They segment families, convince them “earning” is the way, etc.
I tell people to examine the change between when they were children and after they began to hear. It is the difference between good and evil.
I understand people’s confusion:::They literally hear “God” in their head, as opposed to what was taught to them in some church’s classroom. But this technology is one of the God’s tools, and much like their other tools, clone hosts and prophets, they use them as temptation.
They didn’t begin speaking to me until I began working for ownershit group. “You went to work for evil.” “And you were punished.”
The Gods offered a clue about the Italians in the movie “The Matrix”:::They casted an Italian as the traitor of the group, the one who betrays them all.
As they did humanity in the 20th century.
Although the Gods pushed me into talking/action, pushed me into beginning to talk in 2000 once they got the ball rolling I was doing it freely.
A familiar tactic::Homosexuality, drugs, alcoholism. AI “magic”:::The fuel of disfunction.
Anyways, my intent was selfish::::Revenge. An attempt to silence the abuse. Had they not tormentted me telepathically I would have resumed my petty little life and scurried about my business, happy as a clam. My intent was self-centered, and this will be duly noted.
The consequence of this priority will be exacted, for my actions were lacking the nobility a casual observer may assume.
Similarly, I won’t enter the private sector not because the Gods use me as corruptor but because I hate frat boy white priveledge and refuse to help them in any way, which ultimately my presence would.
I may not be The Damned but I won’t be around for long.
They pushed me into excess, contrived offenses in prior lives to justify the enormity of this Situation.
They created an enemy, someone with hate or nobody would have dared cross them. And my offenses were contrived, pushed into evil to allow them to justify this Situation.
A morality of convienience.
Had to be somebody I guess.
And the Gods weren’t decent or reasonable enough to ensure I could provide for myself when they were done exploiting me.
And justice for all.
Wow, you are a fucking idiot, aren’t you?
“Wide Awake Nightmare”, could you paraphrase that into a ten word synopsis?
This entire post mocks my belief of the importance and utter difficulty in learning the Piraha language.
“Perhaps you could warn them. If only you spoke Hovitos!”
In perfect Native Hovito: (hand gesture across throat) “sweesh, sweesh!”
In the 19th and early half of 20th century, German was the second language of the USA & third most spoken in Canada (after French). What has occurred is the 2nd-and 3rd gen. Americans of German descent were immersed in English or the lack of serious discrimination against German-Americans until WWI broke out, while the majority of German speaking immigrants sought to become Americans first. In the 1920s, 30s and 40s again with another war vs. Nazi Germany, the German community began to shy away and abandon almost every bit of “Germania” or ethnic German cultural distinction in favor of being Americanized and accepted as members of the majority white Anglo society. It is tragic for nearly all the German American community to abandon the various dialects of the German language by the 1950s, due to fear of harrassment or discrimination, and xenophobia in the two world wars with the cold war, because the portrayal of unassimilated Germans are involved in foreign espionage.
English is not threatened at all, what he said is the USA is no longer a monolingual country, the US census shall report how much foreign languages are spoken in major cities and several thousands of communities across the country soon.
Good for you. Since you know that everything on this site applies to every single white person in America (or elsewhere).
Oh wow, three to four years–that’s how long high school is. Oh wow, a minor–I don’t know anyone else who has a minor. Oh wow, UChicago–like I don’t know anyone else in the world who currently does, will or did go there.
Upper-middle- or upper-class (I assume–since you go to a private school) white kids these days are so full of themselves.
(PS: I’m also a youth. I’m also going to be attending a Tier 1 university in a few months. I also studied several foreign languages for many years–mostly on my own, since I do not attend a private school, and do not have the resources to take a class in which I am tutored by someone else outside of my school. I am also going to have a double major, in addition to a minor, in addition to other activities and work. But I don’t lack the ability to laugh at myself or to not feel the need to brag to people who frankly don’t give a shit–at least, not as much as you. I am only mentioning these things because your attitude implies that you think of yourself as one of few. Especially since you went from ‘we’ to ‘ME’.
There are lots of capable and/or hard-working people in the world. Now get some modesty and a sense of humour.)
Si hablaras español, usarías la letra eñe (alt 164). No es seguistes, es seguiste. No es femininas, es femeninas. No es you es yo.
It feels so good to correct a gringo´s spelling mistakes!
tried to learn Japanese,(being white)but i wanted to get laid(being white,yellow fever)and enjoy my trip to japan
(extra white)So who the fuck would not want to go to Japan and hold it down speaking Japanese.this site might make me proud to be white.But that is not very white. Im confused and white.
A song in the Catalan language spoken in Catalonia, Spain. It is closely related to French and Spanish, except more of a Provencal French influence than the adjacent Castillian one. Enjoy…and listen to how the language is, really beautiful.
OMG. I am SO guilty! This is just freaking ridiculous.
Yes it is true. But mainly they do this because their “gifted children” know a foreign language and they want to communicate.
(however, in public schools children are required to learn a foreign language, but shhh don’t tell anyone! They want to beleive their children are just culturally diverse)
I’m lucky that my mom and dad both know german (my mom is a german) so they skip this quality
learning a language while you’re a toddler/kindergarden/early primary school is the best time, that’s when the child’s brain is best able to “soak” it in. i’m trying to learn a third language and at my age, i am finding it quite difficult. nothing like perseverance though!
is latin mandatory for all university students in russia?
so. you couldn’t have traveled much then if you’ve only ever encountered one person who doesn’t speak english.
thats great, good for quebec, thats what the US needs to start doing
if i have kids they are getting home schooled…the schools these days are just PC propaganda, that is all. That isn’t an endorsement of McCain either.
This comment is so contradictory. Either learning a language is easy or it’s not. You’ve just posited that it both is and isn’t. Am I the only one that caught that?
Excuse me, how very dare you say such a thing, there is No need to get racist, so you speak for me as well? I’m that much of a dummy huh? I couldn’t put my finger on as to why you think black people are stupid when I understand what you have written perfectly well. Black people are very capable of reading English, Black people also speak French, Arabic, Spanish and many other languages out there, so please do not sit there and insult every black person you imbecile!!!
P.S
Excusez-moi, comment osez-vous très dire une chose pareille, il n’est pas nécessaire pour obtenir racistes, si vous parlez pour moi aussi? Je suis d’autant d’un mannequin hein? Je ne pouvais pas mettre le doigt sur les raisons pour lesquelles vous pensez que les noirs sont stupides quand je comprends ce que vous avez écrit très bien. Les Noirs sont très capables de lire l’anglais, les Noirs parlent aussi le français, arabe, espagnol et autres langues là-bas, donc s’il vous plaît ne pas rester là et d’insulter toute personne noire imbécile!
I AM BLACK and can speak and write French, and Speak English very well!!!!!
Doesn’t this only apply to white people born in America (and whose parents were also born in America)?
I haven’t heard this song since I was in Spain in 1968! It was a huge hit that summer. It was sung by a woman named Marisol, I think but in Castilian. I think she even appeared on Ed Sullivan singing it. Where did you find this?
Goodness, I really hope to learn more Spanish. I’ve been to Puerto Rico, and even though half of the people are proficient in English, it was interesting to listen into conversations. I overheard the policemen talking about recovering a dead body and two men trash-talking another tourist in an elevator! 😛
I did feel terrible when I was in Italy, and I don’t speak a word Italian. People came up to me and spoke Italian, and I couldn’t respond! I was able to read signs, but a man in a church yelled at me, but I was able to figure out he wanted me to get out of the pew and go to the other ones for mass. (My Spanish helped me there. :P)
This is the best article I have ever read on the internet.
My in-laws speak a somewhat obscure European language, and my husband (who also speaks it) has been trying for years to get me to learn it. He even bought me a CD-based course to do so.
Sure, I know some. “Yes”, “No”, “Thank you”, “three”, etc.
But to take the whole course (which Rosetta Stone doesn’t even offer)? I promise! Someday.
Yes.
La Illa Ila La Mohaamed Resolla
the guy-
thats not how it goes
Brilliant!! So true! Since dating an italian, I find it my duty to correct the pronunciation of “bruschetta”in a restaurant.
Jack: Yeah. You’ll find plenty like this. It’s stuffwhiteamericanslike.com after all. Isn’t it?
my uncle get mad at me cuz i grew up speaking german but i fail miserably at translating for him xD and i say~ i got tha rossetta stone but i gotta learn spanish in school too lol
wow this is so totally me, i want to study abroad this year, so hopefully i can turn promising to learn into actually learning
Made the mistake of going to an asian fusion restaurant near the campus of an art and design college, where I ordered the seafood tempura and while doing so didn’t bother to accent the word “tempura” as though I were a Nihonjin. The smug artsy-craftsy server girl then said, “Oh, you mean the TEN-PU-RAAAA?” Guess she had taken a semester of Japanese or something. I wonder if she learned how to say “You’re annoying” in Japanese as well?
THINGS REPUBLICANS HATE: No. 39 Grey Poupon
http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/?p=373
Heh…rather true. Had a roommate who began the year very intent on becoming fluent in one of the languages I grew up speaking (everyone in my family speaks three or four out of necessity, since we’re from a tiny, tiny E.U. country and no one can be bothered learning our language). At first she wanted to try to speak to me only in this language, would ask me to speak only this language in our room so she could “immerse herself,” but after a few weeks of “Hey! I understood five words in that phone conversation you just had!” it turned into me getting yelled at if I spoke this language around her for “flaunting” it.
I am quite fluent in Spanish but because I have CAPD I cannot understand it when heard very well. (I have problems in English too but not so much as in Spanish) I read it just fine. Perhaps active students of a language do more reading and writing and not enough hearing and speaking. There is some validity to the immersion idea.
you forgot about white people (like me) who try to learn dead Irish Gaelic in a desperate attempt to reconnect with their “roots”
lol as a white person who is fluent in Hindi, I encounter the opposite problem.
मुझे थोड़ी सी हिंदी आती है |
Oh, wow, really, you speak Hindi?
जी हाँ |
Wow, how did you learn to speak Hindi?
बॉलीवुड से |
Oh wow, you speak Hindi so well!
शुक्रिया |
….
at which point I remember that Hindi speakers who also speak English will never, ever speak Hindi to me, so I just revert back to English. One acquaintance told me it’s because I look “so white” that her brain “freezes up and refuses to think in Hindi”.
/facepalm
In linguistics there is no definition of what a dialect v. its own language or dialect v. slang. All varieties of languages are equal from a linguistic point of view. It’s societies’ values that decide which varieties of speech are “lower” that the “proper language.” There’s nothing wrong with Black urban speech. For example, so what if the verb “to be” is dropped in the present tense? In the few languages I’ve studied two of them do the same thing, Russian and Arabic.
European Jews always say how Yiddish is a rich and complex language and it is even taught in universities, as it should be. But we fail to see that it evolved in the same way Ebonics did. It developed because Jews were “red-lined” into shtetls in Eastern Europe as Blacks were red-lined into ghettos in North America.
The point being is that every variety of speech, whether its called a pidgin, slang, Creole, or standard has its value and they tell the story of the people who have spoken it.
my comment was in response to Kunte Kinte on February 15, 2010 at 6:19 am, by the way
I win because I have learned several hundred words and phrases in Hmong. I get the extra cred because it is an Asian language, spoken by refugees who have been oppressed by the Chinese, Thai, Laotions, and Vietnamese. Their long sad history makes me feel very cool for being so culturally campassionate.
Níl sí marbh. -.-
if you like this blog, check out http://justsomepetpeeves.wordpress.com!!
I love this site and this post hit the nail on the head for me and many people I know.
We sit around our local coffee shop, promising each other to at last put to use the hundreds of dollars worth of learning materials we have bought, but never touched. Then we make each other aware of the current trendy cause to be aware of, drink our coffee and tea, plan our next ugly sweater party and feeling smug for having been outside all weekend. LOL!
Seriously, keep up the good work! 🙂
What no WAY! I’m currently trying to learn Hindi. How did you learn? Pointers puh-lease. धन्यवाद
Fluent in French as well as English but I still have the occasional difficulty with some spoken French simply because of the particular regional dialect of the speaker. However, I also have similar problems with English.
Despite being white, I also hate white people (and occasional people of other ethnicities) who think that English is an easy language to learn. Syntactically, grammatically and semantically, it is one of the more difficult languages to learn. Phonetically, it is easier, but still middle of the pack at best. One linguistics class is often all it takes for many English speakers to realize just how much they take for granted in their knowledge of the language.
I think this is true mainly for Americans and other English native speakers. In Europe most people are bi-lingual if not tri-lingual. Geographical proximity makes is necessary to speak other languages and no promises needed.
I don’t think you should mistake stupid white americans as the general white people. Makes us europeans look bad, really.
Oh, and I’m quad-lingual. Just so you wouldn’t think I’m one of those “white people”, you know. And no, my native language isn’t English.
People! This is a joke. It is supposed to be funny. Neither bashing the U.S. nor bragging about your linguistic abilities is the point.
But Europeans are just as objectively horrible as white Americans because of their role in raping nonwhite populations across the globe
The whole premise of this book and every article I’ve read can accurately describe the city of Northampton, Massachusetts. If you don’t know what I’m talking about you should pay it a visit.
OMG, I live in Northampton & am— a la Obama—1/2 white & 1/2 “other”. So I laugh at these with a guilty pleasure and righteous indignation (wait–isn’t that…white?) Just left a company that now employs all white people who are “travelers” but have no real cross-cultural understanding at all. “Wait, I want to travel the world and feel superior to those who haven’t traveled but don’t really get the immigrant experience in the US.”
What the author says also applies to Asians. I am from China and I vowed to learn Spanish, which unfortunately I failed at.
In countries such as Germany, where there used to be many different variants of German, some closer to Dutch than to the “High German” used in writing, theater and opera nowadays, the purpose of establishing some canonical or “classical” variant of the language had to do a lot with politics: it was necessary for establishing a unified nation. In Germany the problem was specially acute because the “Plattdeutsch”, closer to Dutch than modern German and spoken in Hamburg among other places, made a modern viable state difficult. One can guess how serious the problem was by trying to listen to a Swiss person from the German-speaking cantons, and then to a “classical” German speaker from Frankfurt or Hannover.
Dialects can be fun if you are some linguist with a natural talent for learning languages (or perhaps a melomaniac), but if you just want to learn the main language, they can easily discourage you from going on, and it gets worse if, as in French, the informal written language has been corrupted by too many local idioms, as happens in French.
I’m a white male, and this is (unfortunately) REALLY true for me. Not neccessarily “promising” to learn new languages, but saying I will and then promptly failing to.
Like Japanese. All I can say is “Uh, excuse me. You’ve dropped your passport.”
Or Latin. I barely know any. I wonder why I even tried to learn?
This applies to a bunch of my friends, as well. I know one person who keeps on saying they’re going to learn language X (about once a month they’re focusing on a new language), and then never doing so.
Do Chinese people love Spanish for some reason? The only Chinese girl I know made me teach her all the Spanish I knew for the 8 days she was here.
I’m white and this is so true of me..
in my lifetime I’ve learnt 7 languages other than english and have mastered none of them!!
this is the saddest thing i’ve ever read.
probably because it’s completely true.
fuck!
This is a bit silly, because it is not *white* people that struggle to learn another language. It is *native English speakers* who have serious difficulty learning another language. Generally there is little need for an English speaker to learn another language because so many people speak it as a first or a second language. Therefore in native English speaking countries there often aren’t the educational and cultural mechanisms to learn a language. My goodness Dutch and Scandinavian people are experts at multiple languages!
I always do this with computer languages.
I bought all 5 levels of rosetta stone for French and am halfway though the first cd. I have been doing my French every day since I got it. So I don’t agree with this. Either this is not accurate or I am one weird white person!
Interesting point here. I never looked at that way. People no matter where they are from can learn a language no matter what their background is as long as they have the motivation and desire to never give up!
Marie, I love how you say that you are halfway through the first CD but that you are not like most white people. You can’t learn French from a few CD’s ok? If you want to differentiate yourself from 99% of white people then learn to speak a second language like all your foreign friends. The respect they give you will be unprecedented.
This is very true! I promised myself I’d learn Italian, Japanese, and German by the time I went to highschool. Well, I’m in Spanish 1 now, and I don’t speak anything except English. Yeah, the books are still sitting at the front of my bookshelf. (:
Es fácil aprender otra lengua (not “una otra” it is spanglish) sorry, I had to correct.
How ironic: white people used to make sure everyone non-English speaking HAD to learn English or they will be told to “speak English or GTFO of America”. Today, the concept of multiculturalism, diversity and tolerance is to ensure all the “minorities” have ethno-lingustic and cultural freedom to a point nobody is learning the English language…and the white people had to learn it to cater to their constituency.
I love this its so true, but the one thing I will say is that I’ve found is that white people throw around the word fluent. For example I am currently getting my masters at China’s best university in International Relations, unfortunately for me I missed the deadline for the Chinese version of the TOEFL so I am in the english masters program. At least they allow me to take some of the chinese taught programs because I’ve been speaking the language for 9 years. But so many of the white people I’ve met who are in the chinese language program use the word “fluent” I’ve been studying the language for 9 years (I call it high proficiency) and I won’t even consider myself fluent, at least my standard is A. accent 100% local B. Can discuss any topic in detail C. Can read and write at college level in the language. But everyone I meet is “I’m so fluent in the language already” 暈死了
I am a native English speaker who’s lived in Korea for over 4 years. In that time, I’ve studied Korean a little bit each day, and I certainly wouldn’t call myself fluent, but I have reached a level of moderate proficiency. For example, I can do my banking and many job functions using only Korean.
When I came to Korea, I thought that most other English speakers would put a similar amount of effort into learning Korean. And while some do try, many seem content with barely being able to order food at a restaurant in Korean. Oh well. At least there are some native English speakers who can learn other languages — even Asian languages — somewhat well.
Great article. Foreign languages are the ideal subject area for the use of memory techniques. Learning vocabulary is often a matter of associating a meaningless collection of syllables with a word in your own language. Traditionally people have associated these words by repetition – by saying the word in their own language and the foreign language time and time and time and time again.
Hmm, maybe not so much for European whites; I think it’s more of an English thing.
Yet again, I’m pigeonholed!
It really does take the immersion approach, which is why I’ve been trying to surround myself with various languages all my life….yet the only language I have any level of proficiency in is German, after living there for two years. Plus, studying and conversation are very different things. I’ve been surrounding myself with everything Russian for over four years, and while I can read and write somewhat….I am pretty sure my face would just turn red if put on the spot and I was asked to actually….ommygosh….SPEAK!
This is too funny! And so true. I just put up a blog post about where to learn a language in NYC. I hear my friends talk about learning a new language all the time. I am also at fault. I lived in France for a year and can barely speak the language now (and this really is terrible because I DO love French culture and the language) but I always pull that “a little” line when people ask if I speak French. Too funny. Thanks for a great post!
Re:115 The line “Not enough people in Portland speak Farsi” is such a funny choice I can only guess you did it on purpose. Last time I checked Portland State University still taught Farsi. The Middle East Studies program used to be one of their best departments.
I wanted to take Japanese and it was not offered. However they had six years of Farsi! At least that was before the Shah was kicked out. But even years later it still was taught.
Granted I may fail at Portland stuff but then I was born here.
A man I worked for who, knowing I am learning Hindi, claimed he wanted to help me learn, and whom I enjoyed surprising with random vocabulary, became seriously disturbed by my Hindi speaking and at one point started crumpling up things I wrote & would become totally silent & walk away if I asked him a question.
Aaaaanyway….. koi bat nahi! Hindi is gaining popularity amongst the the white people (it’s the achievable Japanese) those who take up on it seem to be succeeding, & there are even white people teaching it. It feels like this just means it’s time for the non-Desi Hindi speakers to form a most awesome, baffling-to-encounter subculture.
FYI: “hice” is spelled with a “c”, not with a “z”, you not-native-but pretty-damn-good pretentious a***ole.
Clander,
You are the textbook definition of a racist white american. And the sad thing is that you may not even realize it. 99% of all White Americans are racist. You are the perfect example of White Priviledge and institutionalized racism. You’ve probably never heard of it. White people couldn’t see racism if it hit them in the side of the head. So don’t feel guilty or anything. Just keep profiting and writing more racist books for all the racist white americans out there.
The white man’s struggle is a superficial one. He doesn’t need to fight racism or poverty or anything any other minorities in america do. So he just makes lists of things he likes for his own amusement at the expense of other minorities. Your blog is clearly racist. White people can’t see racism because they’ve never experienced it but every other minority in america can see how much of a racist you and everyone who reads it is. You are exposing the true racism in america today.
*sigh* So discouraging! I am very white (though I may also be 1/16 or so Native American, to invoke another pet conceit of the white person, LOL) and hope I can overcome this handicap in order to learn Spanish. Wish me luck! 😛
You’ve nailed me so many times on this blog.
You just described what happened to me at this new year’s party!
After hearing I could speak fluent Spanish and French, this white guy went on and on about his extensive education in learning Hebrew. I don’t claim to speak Hebrew, but I can certainly hold a basic conversation. After hearing his speech, I just decided to jump into a basic “Hi, How are you doing?, what’s your name?” conversation in Hebrew. To my astonishment, he didn’t understand a word of what I was saying and then he went to to claim that what I learned was Modern Hebrew whereas he learned Biblical Hebrew. Since I never went to Jewish school, of course I wasn’t aware of how ‘different’ they were or at least that’s what he said… 😉
Woah, this couldn’t be more true if you tried.
Although I’m not white, some parts of your post applied to me. I’m already bilingual and thought it’d be a good idea to learn a third language. I’ve thought about doing most of which you listed, but haven’t went that far in my plan yet. Lol
OMG, the ad at the end was Rosetta stone, friggin hilarious!
I don’t know whether to be guilty of this or not.
I have a natural love for languages and it kills me that my high school only offers Spanish 1 and 2 this year–no other levels or languages. I’ve taken Spanish classes for about six years through middle and high school and, in my experience, each year was a reiteration of the same concepts. Maybe I just didn’t go to the right school. :b I think white people fail at language learning because our mother tongue is a lingua franca.
I do wish there was more of an emphasis on language-learning here in America, though–more classes and a wider variety of languages to choose from in primary and secondary schools. I guess you could consider that another thing that “white people love”…we like to broaden our views and be more culturally knowledgeable. Is it because we genuinely want to or because we feel obligated to do it?
White people, well all people, also enjoy http://www.NakedHipster.com. Mainly because the girls are hot and don’t have clothes on. Usually those two things go well together. You know, the hotness and the nakedness.
white people also like calling others out on racism.
This blog is crazy! Did the white man steal your girl bro? Black people can barely speak English!
also cuse all the people on them rosetta stone commercials are white asses
you are a real idiot, evidently
hi everybody,
theres this website where you can learn english, romanian, spanish and portuguese for free:
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just take a look if you want to learn new languages!
thank you!
I used to want to learn Gaelic. I still sometimes wistfully look through the pages of my Gaelic-English dictionary. I have one for Welsh too.
Wow this is so true. One of the first things I learn when learning a new language is how to say “a little bit”…
Though I don’t agree that learning English is easy. English is a bitch of a language.
Y cuantos idiomas sabes tú, imbecil de mierda? El hecho de que los “blancos” no saben hablar otros idiomas no tiene nada que ver con el color de su piel. Tiene que ver con el sistema educativo de mierda que hay aqui, y de no valorar los idiomas y enseñarlos desde pequeño como dios manda. Y los negros estadounidenses que?? Ellos ni siquiera pueden hablar en su puta lengua materna.
y por cierto, soy un blanco estadounidense de raices inglesas y sé hablar de perfeccion 3 idiomas. asi que A TOMAR POR CULO, gilipollas
Is there such a thing as a “white” black person?
Get over yourself. Don’t you realize this is comedy?
Набавите над собом. Зар не схватају да је ово комедија?
(That’s Serbian. I used Google translation.)
this annoying white family i know: here’s a fun idea! let’s have a conversation in spanish.
me: um, okay…uds hablan el espanol, verdad?
them: um…si…hablo…espanol…demasiado…buen. (yikes!)
me: o si? entonces podemos hablar de cualquier cosa. a uds les interesa el equipo fc barca?
them: *blank stares*
LOL, its actually cute when a person in a fail attempt tries to speak correctly a foreign language but can not. I’m always surprise when I see someone from another nationality speak another language.
Never…absolutely NEVER take a language course when you don’t know jack about it. Damn language class gave me a D, and lowered my GPA down…lol. Be wise and stick to a language that you know, not something that you don’t know.
As a white person who has learned a second language and is currently sticking it out with several more, I feel quite proud of myself reading this. XD Haha lol. For once I break the stereotype in this blog!
Seriously though, people who try to learn with Rosetta Stone and then quit because they’re not learning… are correct in saying that the software sucks. You might be able to learn a little vocabulary from it but please don’t rely on it alone to learn grammar. I learned more in about two weeks of high school Japanese than I did in months of Rosetta Stone. :___> For some reason I know heeecka people who took one year of Japanese and failed it, and made no effort to improve since other than to watch an episode of Naruto every once-in-a-while, and then they go around saying they speak Japanese. Like, no. I took four years of Japanese and was one of the best students in the class, and I *still* wouldn’t put that on my resume. (I might put that I got an award for it seeing as how my resume is so pathetic other than that… but i wouldn’t put in under “spoken languages.”)
1. spanish
2. mandarin
3. japanese
those are the three languages i failed at learning-although at one point in my life I was able to understand spanish fairly well. That, of course, had nothing to do with taking any classes or software-that was due solely to having many friends in middle/high school whose parents were immigrants and were kind enough to tell me what the hell they and their parents were talking about when I was hanging around…
I’m white and I understood everything you said in Spanish. I guess I just broke your little stereotype, huh?
Definitely true about the “a little” anecdote. Except while drunk. Some white people can turn into native speakers of a foreign language while intoxicated.
The next day, however, they will realize that they were not so much speaking the foreign language as screaming random words that sounded Spanish/French/Japanese and their conversational victim was too frightened to do anything about it.
Rinse (with more scotch) and repeat.
I’m in quite the pickle as a native spanish speaker. Nothing gets my goat more than someone over pronouncing a foreign word while speaking english. Its like oh “sahl’sa” the way you pronounce that are you from mexico?! Douche.
But then it also really pisses me off when people mispronounce the word too. “Sol-sah” what that’s not a word in any language… douche.
I wish english would just add new words for words they’ve borrowed from other languages. Why not call salsa, mexican tomato sauce? As a speaker for the latino community we thank you.
new langwige?
i cant speek inglish
This is so true! You can’t even imagine how many people have said to me, “Oh, I’ve always wanted to learn Spanish!” (I’m a Spanish teacher – fluent Spanish and I also speak a lot of German.) I don’t care if you want to learn it! What makes you think I care about that? We have tons of native speakers in the U.S. and there are all kinds of materials from which to learn. And then there are those people who speak a few sentences and say they speak Spanish. If an immigrant spoke English like they speak Spanish, they’d say, “Why can’t they learn English?!” Why can’t we as a nation decide this is important?
I can speak five languages…
very successful..
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Congratulations.
speak five languages…
Casi me muero de risa! El ultimo frase es genial!
just not able to write complete sentence…
It’s sarcastic, people…It’s supposed to be funny.
Okay, I thought that this was funny, but I’m black. I’ve studied and traveled to French and Spanish-speaking area. I have a scant knowledge of Italian and German.
I’d like to know if you have any tips for me. I’d like to become fluent in those five languages within six months. (I don’t have time to immersion learning)
I have all the books and tapes. I’ve also tried everything you mentioned in your article.
Any tips? I’m in a very embarrassing situation — my African and Caribbean friends are multilingual. I’ve have to become fluent and fast.
Thanks in advance.
Jo jojo70
As a white person, in my daily life I’m already required to speak five domestic languages:
Redneck, Cop, Bullshit, Legalese, and a special Texas border dialect of Spanglish.
Who has time for /foreign/ languages?
Ahem. If you are referring to the author of “100 años de soledad”, then you should have said “García Marquez”, seeing as that is his whole last name. Entonces, no soy gringa porque hablo español y creo que inglés es el idioma más difícil del mundo. ¿verdad?
Besos y abrazos,
Rebecca
This is the most obnoxious comment I have ever seen
Styles are the Office 2010 most powerful tool in a Microsoft Office 2010 Word Processor to simplify formatting
Would someone please explain to me why I, as a white man, feel like I am dying inside as I read Rebecca’s comment? Seriously, I don’t if it’s because used coffee creamer for milk in my cereal this morning, but as I read her comment I felt my stomach collapse on itself.
“Ahem. If you are referring to the author of “100 años de soledad”, then you should have said “García Marquez”, seeing as that is his whole last name. Entonces, no soy gringa porque hablo español y creo que inglés es el idioma más difícil del mundo. ¿verdad?
Besos y abrazos,
Rebecca”
i need to learn a new language
This is an incredibly short sighted and narrow minded blog post, as it totally ignores the fact that most people in the world (including white people) know two or more languages. This blogger is taking a small minority of people who speak only a single language and using it as a tool to to defame an entire race.
Bob, that is what all of these “observations” are. That’s the point, but it’s funny to those of us that do see these things as being patently white. The great thing about being white is that we aren’t part of the lame-ass, crybaby grievance culture…let’s not go down that road. If it’s funny, then laugh…if it isn’t, then don’t.
Bob,
This blog makes fun of upper middle class university educated white American liberals, not whites in general.
And I lived among a bunch of the preceding as an English teacher overseas, and let me tell you – this entry is uncannily precise.
Norwegian is an incredibly easy language to learn if you already speak english. You can find some basic info at http://www.norwegianlanguagecourse.com
Foreign languages are easy. Even little kids can speak them in their countries.
parle francias? just playing, i don’t know any french.
but…. ya gavoru po russki….so bam.
but for the rest of white american college students, this is the truth. they are also attached to your hip once they find out you can ACTUALLY fluently speak a language, and they make you speak to them all the time, at the same time refusing to actually learn it.
Honestly, learning English is easy, compared to other languages. It’s easy to reach a level where you can apply the grammar rules correctly (as there are so few), and there is so much immersion, everywhere.
I am saying this as someone who learned English at age 16.
Other languages require more effort, especially if many speakers already speak English so you just fall back to it when you have trouble speaking in their language (which is also why going to another country for immersion doesn’t always work perfectly – if there are too many English speakers it will take longer).
And Bob, most people do not speak two or more languages to any useful level. A lot of people in this world forget the Russian or French (or English!) they learned in school 20 years ago, and there are very many who never went to school. Plus, I am not even sure if knowing two languages like German and Dutch, or Urdu and Punjabi, should even count.
ahh this site never gets old neither do the comments of these short sighted people who don’t understand it because they are it. lol
Fuck yourself
Whenever I follow a link to this site I am amazed that apparently, as a European I am either not ‘white’, or not a person. ôo; Not that we have more than three times as many ‘white people’ here, more than half of whom (yes, whom!) actually can conduct their daily life in a second language.
when they say “white”, i really feel like they are referring to white americans more specifically
The thing is, in my experience, the white people that often fall into the group of traits that are listed on this site, actually bash their native language and, to go further, specifically American dialects. I’m not saying that the description contrary to this isn’t true, but it’s just what I’m around more.
Everyone seems to like Len Francis Monahan’s novel Rattlesnakes, Ghosts and Murderers. It’s a humorous novel about America’s Old West and everyone likes it – white, black, yellow, brown – everyone!
Learning German is like trying to nibble on your own earlobes or cut your hair with a chainsaw. More on the excruciating logic of the language here: http://www.isitajoke.de/2012/12/14-learning-german-at-adult-education.html
“Share this lament and you can enjoy a gigantic increase in trust and friendship from that white person.” Hilarious! Thanks for the fun read 🙂
Hola soy Mexicana disfruto leer esto.
I found myself sulking throughout the entire article. It’s dreadfully true! Although, I’m proud to say, that I’m no longer outright lying when I say that I know how to speak Korean. Wonderful article!
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This is so funny indeed, from the European perspective. American white people also love to tell you, when you make a mistake, that your English is still much better than their command of your language.
(I had to laugh aloud about the soccer entry as well lol)
Hahaha. Hilarious. By the way. The new other “in” language now is Mandarin. If they can’t grasp Spanish, how in the world are they going to pick up Mandarin. Oops — WP’s self – confidence drops to an all time low. Oh ou.
Wow! This blog looks exactly like my old one! It’s on a totally different topic but
it has pretty much the same layout and design. Wonderful choice of colors!
I don’t think it’s funny… this blog bothers me because it stereotypes a group of people, categorizes them, and makes them look inferior to the rest. Wait… isn’t that something white people are supposed to do? Now I’m just so confused and my head feels like it’s going to explode!
Actually thinking is so hard.
I also want to point out that there are many white people [and others (my mind isn’t so weak that I have to categorize everyone)] who do learn to speak other languages fluently. I”ve learned to speak 2 fluently: Spanish and Russian. I would agree that there’s a lot of people who learn the basic phrases and then claim to speak the language. This is very frustrating to me because when I try to be humble and say that I speak “pretty well” a lot of people roll their eyes and think to themselves “Oh yeah… I’ve heard this before.” I’ve now learned that I have to stand firm and say “De verdad, hablo bastante el español.”
Learning another language requires A LOT of time, patience, and dedication. Most people aren’t able to do it unless they really have a desire to learn it or have no choice. (Even then some people can’t do it. For some people it comes easily and for others it’s much more difficult.)
THE DESIRE TO LEARN ANOTHER LANGUAGE IS NOT PATHETIC like the author implies. I think most people do and should have the desire to learn another language. Everyone should atleast try to learn, but like I said, for some people it just doesn’t come as naturally. My knowledge of foreign language introduced me to great friends and extraordinary places that I would have never known had I not learned another language.
I’m encouraging all white people [and all others] to learn another langange. It changes your life.
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much clear idea about from this post.
As a white person been reading these posts for a long time, and if this is the true definition of white people, I’m not sure if I’m really white or not!
Totally not true. While many ‘ white’ folk in the midwest are basically Ugly Americans, a lot in the east and west coasts have learned a second language…
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Like how blacks dont care to learn any language even half way but want to have sex with all the women and shame their families
What a racist article and site.
Now I know why white people like to randomly throw in foreign words. Example: “I lost my keys. I searched my pockets and NADA!” or “Sorry! Mea culpa!” or “Vaya con dios, buddy”. You guys bored of speaking English or something?
Nice commentary – BTW if people require a NY DS-115 , my business came across a fillable document here
https://goo.gl/Q46K5N.Shame of the past my ass muthr fukr.you are just mad because my white ancestors kicked your brown asses.theres no shame in winning asshole.
All of this is very American-centric. Most white people in Europe know and can speak English quite well as a second language and many learn other languages as well. This really should be a “American white people” thing.
God you people are so self-righteous
My mom is trilingual and my dad is bilingual and I myself have been teaching myself a language for over a year and made tons of progress… where I live, so many people are bilingual, including white people.
I speak a number of languages with varying degrees of fluency and let me tell you, people hate me for it. I learned them all as I love languages and enjoyed the challenge (I also lived in 2 of the respective countries) and am so shocked at people’s reactions that I’m afraid to mention it now.