#59 Natural Medicine
February 7, 2008 by clander
One thing all white people believe is that natural medicine can cure everything. If you want to test this theory, think about which stores supply the bulk of natural/herbal remedies? Thats right! Whole Foods and Organic Co-ops!
Because of a rather shady history, white people do not trust the pharmaceutical industry. Using pretty sound logic, they believe that the drug companies have no motivation to find real cures for things like AIDS since the real profit are in drugs like Viagra and Xanax.
Using their powers of deduction, white people have determined that herbal remedies are unilaterally better than anything produced by a drug company.
Since white people can’t really blame any race for their problems, they need to blame corporations. In this case, the reason that they are sick or fat or without energy is because the drug companies are in a conspiracy to keep them addicted to placebos. This helps them shed accountability, and it lets them feel like they are helping the environment by rejecting the polluting, greedy, awful drug companies and taking natural, organic medicine from the earth.
But perhaps it goes deeper. Hundreds of years ago, another group of people believed firmly in natural medicine and it’s ability to cure disease. Then white people gave them blankets with small pox and they all died. So perhaps turning to natural medicine also helps white people feel better about killing natives.
How can you use this for gain? It’s easy! When a white person you work with is feeling sick or says they have no energy, ask them to tell you more about their problems. After pretending to listen for a little while, tell them that in your culture/home country “we cured that using a special herbal powder from [insert made up tree] root.”
Then the next day bring them a small bag of basil or oregano and tell them to boil it in a tea (white people love to believe in magic teas) and see how they feel in the morning. One of two things will happen. They will either wake up feeling great because they want to feel great and they’ll thank you profusely. Or they will wake up feeling like crap, and when you confront them at work, they will lie and say they feel good.
Either way, you did them a favor so now they owe you a favor.
Note: it’s weird that there are some white people who won’t take aspirin, but will take Ecstasy, Cocaine, Xanax and Vicodin.
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I got a natural solution for you: beat your meat really hard to white girls with nice big white boobs and pink nipples, not Asians with no boobs and dark brown Meskin nipples, and ladies rub that pussy til its real slippery wet to the same white girls with nice big white boobs and pink nipples til you start squirtin’ all this NATURAL juices!!!! It’s a miracle healer!!
Lord almighty dude. I think you spend far too much time alone. Nobody that had anybody else around to talk too, would sound this stupid.
okay, I have to admit. I looked up at least 50 of these entries and found I am hopelessly just like the white people these entries describe. Could it be, could, could it, could it be, no, no no! AhhHHHHHHHHH! I’m white. I am really white. Help, somebody. Get me some tanning lotion quick. God forbid. I cannot be white. My grandpa was white. But I am not white. am I? Damned, cursed, wretched self.
What’s more of a concern isn’t so much that you’re white, but a liberal. That’s reason enough to claw your own eyes out and jump from bridge.
i can believe people actually get offended by this site, get over yoruselves and stop saying everything is ‘racist’ but on another note it seems the ‘being offended’ is defo a valid one for many of these weirdoz
Anything that parodies leftwing loonies is necessarily offensive. Due to politcal correctness issues, to be socially aware you may only ridicule Christians or Conservatives. You wanna put a turd in the punch bowl, blaspheme against global warming. You wanna see a bunch of people go bat shit, tell a queer joke.
Marijuana cured the tendonitis i had in my inner shins. Ricky Williams could have introduced innovative ways to treat muscle related injuries if pot wasn’t illegal.
It amazes me that in 2009, this kind of racist page is even allowed to exist. For all the complaining that races other than caucasian do about being held down, this patronizing b.s. is unbelievable.
No wonder I see black people who dress all in white. They are trying to be what they can never be – white. Jealousy is an ugly thing.
Bwaa hah ahahahahaha that was the funniest post I’ve read on this whole board. I’ve seen some really obtuse people in the really blue state I live in, but you are a peach.
No I’m pretty sure it’s the chinks who’re into all that herbal tea shit, with whites trailing in a distant second.
Also, voodoo. Pretty sure whites didn’t start that crock of shit.
Are natural medicines such as marijuana, coca, opium and other hardcore stuff widely practiced by whites who blame it on the non-whites (i.e. Cubans or Afghans) for the drug trade into America? +
Nice try.
Most Cubans are white.
i’m not white , but i know alot of white people and the people who say this isn’t true must be just thinking about themselves. I can’t count the number of white people who drop the list of home remedies when they get an opportunity. Telling me what the drugs will ultimately do to my kidneys and liver when i’m like 50. I listen, however prefer the quick and easy cvs pharmacy drug method .
the white people that don’t buy into the whole organic, herbal, enviromental hippy bullshi- are the wrong kind of white people. I am white and there is nothing better than real medicine in my book either.
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