Archive for March, 2009

#123 Mad Men

madmenTelevision is one of the keys to a white person’s heart. A proper reference to Arrested Development or the lending of a Wire Season on DVD are considered two of the easiest and most cost effective ways of getting a white person to like you. But with both of those shows off the air, their utility is being quickly depleted. Thankfully, there is Mad Men.

Mad Men is a TV show on cable with low ratings, multiple awards, critical praise, and full seasons available on DVD. It’s no surprise white people love it. And while you could apply the previously mentioned techniques to gain white friendship, Mad Men has an entirely new world of possibilities.

The show is set in 1960 and features meticulous art direction that strives to make the show as historically accurate as possible. This veracity makes the show especially vulnerable to one of white people’s favorite activities on earth: finding mistakes. And as is always the case with white people, the harder someone strives for accuracy, the happier a white person is to prove them wrong.

“Oh yeah, it’s a great show don’t get me wrong. But you think at least one person would have know than those IBM Selectric type writers didn’t come out until 1961. I mean, it’s so obvious.”

But it is not recommended that you start searching for mistakes on the show. Doing so would require a massive amount of time spent on the internet. Also, if you point out errors that other white people missed they might be intimidated by you.

Instead, the best way to use Mad Men is to suggest or host a themed party.

When you say the words “we should have a Mad Men party,” white people will immediately latch onto the idea and begin planning. By the end of the day, they will have picked proper attire and emailed you a drink and hors d’oeuvre menu. In the days and weeks leading up to the party white people will be thinking of clever ways to make it more authentic.

Remember parties are fun, historically accurate themed parties are legendary.

During the actual event you should constantly mention how much people used to smoke and drink back then. A few white people will lament the days when they could smoke anywhere, then another white person will say something about cancer and it will get awkward. At this point you should try to steer the conversation back to cocktails and how good everyone looks.

The party should essentially run itself, however, you can severely curtail the amount of fun by saying: “I’m glad this isn’t really 1960 or else I’d be serving all of you.”

White people often find truth to be very depressing at theme parties.


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