#7 Diversity
January 19, 2008 by clander
White people love ethnic diversity, but only as it relates to restaurants.
Many white people from cities like Los Angeles, San Francisco and New York will spend hours talking about how great it is that they can get Sushi and Tacos on the same street. But then they send their kids to private school with other rich white kids, and live in neighborhoods like Santa Monica or Pacific Palisades.
But it’s important to note that white people to do not like to be called out on this fact. If you run an ethnic restaurant you can be guaranteed repeat business and huge tips if you act like your white customers are adventurous and cultured for eating food that it isn’t sandwiches or pasta.
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[...] When I say “insanely diverse,” I mean you’ll find restaurants and grocery stores spanning all ethnicities, including, but not limited to, the following: Thai, Japanese, Ethiopian, Bolivian, Mexican, Chinese, Turkish, Indian, Filipino. And, let’s face it, I also mean that the Pike (which Dr. J. and I have lovingly nicknamed “the Clizzle Pizzle”) may as well have its own entry on Stuff White People Like. [...]
We white people love diversity as much as the next guy, as long as it can be contained. That is, contained to your own neighborhood, to your own holiday, to a great ethnic restaurant that closes shop at night and swiftly takes its minority workers across the town line with them. Please don’t move into our neighborhoods because your diverse presence will only serve to reduce our property values. Please don’t work in our corporations, because then we won’t be able to humor ourselves with ethnic jokes. Please don’t attend our schools, because you might start dating our daughters and, Lord knows, could end up with pick-a-ninny progeny that will taint our pedigree lineage. We don’t mind learning your language so that we’ll know when you are talking smack about our tight white arses. Believe me. We are not an altruistic bunch.
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