#51 Living by the water
February 4, 2008 by clander
It is hardly a secret that all white people love being near water. And why wouldn’t they? It has so many of the activities that they love to do: swimming, kayaking, canoeing, sailing, and it’s a perfect place to read next to.
But before we move on, let’s not gloss over that last point. White people love to be near a body of water so they can read a book, while sitting nearby. The process of reading is somehow heightened through the process of doing it near some water. Extreme reading!
But when you think long term, it’s important to realize that all white people either own/wish to own/plan to own/will own some sort of property near a body of water. Rather than say all white people want to live on the ocean, it’s important to break it up and apply it across the regions.
On the west coast, all white people want to live as close to the beach as possible. One look at the demographics for Manhattan Beach, Santa Monica, Hermosa Beach, Newport Beach, and Laguna Beach will reveal this fact through tangible numbers.
On the East Coast, many white people dream of owning ocean front property in New England, where they can make their lives as close as possible to a J. Crew catalog.
And in the landlocked states, the dream of lakefront property is alive and well.
It is also worth noting that often times, white people will purchase second homes near water if they cannot accommodate the dream in their own city. Often times they want to buy within driving distance, but the need for life near water is so great that they will even consider buying in other countries.
To a white person, a view of water from your house is the greatest achievement in life. And you should remember this when discussing your hopes and dreams with white people. It is also important that you choose a water sport (swimming, fishing, kayaking, etc) that you pretend to like. That way, you can talk about how when you move to your waterfront property you can just wake up in the morning and [insert outdoor activity], right from your front door.
Mountain views are also acceptable, but generally seen as a poor substitute.
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Very funny website. i live in Australia and unless you’re a farmer or miner living in the desert, you live on the coast cos it’s a big island
Damn, I’m more of a hillbilly conservative white person from the south so i’ve managed to dodge the majority of this list and laugh it up at the yuppies. This one nailed me though, I love to brag to my friends about fishing right off my back porch, then bask in the glory of their jealousy and comments about how lucky I am. In truth, fishing off my back porch got boring after about a month.
I am white and live on a boat. Fubada
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true i live right next to a lake, so far all this white stuff is really describing my lifestyle…except i’m not white lol
cool
Ooga, this is a quite well-known blog written by Christian Lander, who is a totally nerdy white person who likes all of these things and exercises not taking himself too seriously.
Don’t be too offended (or accidentally say things that actually make you sound racist – like about black people generally being hypocrites – helloooo) until you know what the story is. Click on “About” and then search for the author.
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