#78 Multilingual Children
February 28, 2008 by clander
All white people want their children to speak another language. There are no exceptions. They dream about the children drifting in between French and English sentences as they bustle about the kitchen while they read the New York Times and listen to Jazz.
As white people age, they start to feel more and more angry with their parents for raising them in a monolingual home. At some point in their lives, most white people attempt to learn a second language and are generally unable to get past ordering in a restaurant or over-pronouncing a few key words. This failure is not attributed to their lack of effort, but rather their parents who didn’t teach them a new language during their formative years.
White people believe that if they had been given French language instruction when they were younger, their lives would have turned out very differently. Instead of living in the US, they would be living and working abroad for the United Nations or some other organization with a headquarters in Switzerland or The Hague.
Generally, white people prefer their children to speak French. Advanced white people will actually spend outrageous amounts of money to send their children to a Lycee or Ecole Francaise. But the vast majority will abandon their dreams when they realize that need a second mortgage so their child can have a better study abroad experience in France.
Languages such as German, Spanish, Swedish, or Italian are also acceptable, but are considered to be poor substitutes (especially Spanish). At the time of writing, it is still considered expert-level white person behavior to have white children speaking Asian and African languages.
There is only one way to use this information to your advantage: speaking another language means that white people are more likely to want to have children with you. It is seen as a cheaper alternative to language schools.
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It’s amazing how many of these articles apply to describe my mom. Such a stereotypical white woman I suppose! Haha
As an Army brat, I did live in french and german speaking countries and learned both languages. So unipressed were we with the french people that it wasn’t much of a loss that we never practiced it and forgot it. I kind of miss the German though.
I did marry Asian and my kids are bi-lingual. Go figure.
First, thank you for your service to our country. Your loss of the French language probably stems from America’s envy/scorn at the French. I have been learning French (as a third language) for over 30 years and still not fluent, but I still love it. It is much easier than Mandarin and Korean (hangul?) which I am learning as 4th and 5th language respectively.
Holy cow, this is soo true!!!!
really interesting,
i’m french,
and in france, “white” people love multilingual children ,
they love when they speak english !!!!
In America, white people expected everyone to know a second language despite for 200 years, we had the “learn English or GTFO” rule. It’s sad that many French-speaking American communities didn’t maintain the language as much, how come Louisiana is perceived culturally unique? The WASP households don’t want their kids to become emotionally close to fraternize with non-English speaking housemaids or gardeners, why not speak to them in Spanish or Tagalog/Filipino or some other language?
huh?
I’ve always resented my father for being French-Canadian and not speaking French to me as a child. Now I’ll never be able to fulfill my white dream of moving to Montreal.
hahahahahaha hilarious.
goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood
Stick it in me already!!!
gooooooood.
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