#89 Saint Patrick’s Day
March 16, 2008 by clander
Normally if someone were to wake up at 7:00 in the morning, take the day off work, and get drunk at a bar before 10:00 a.m., they would be called an alcoholic, and not in the artistic, edgy way that white people are so fond of.
On March 17th, however, this exact same activity is called celebrating St. Patrick’s day. This very special white holiday recognizes Saint Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland who helped to bring Catholicism to the Emerald Isle. His ascetic life is celebrated every year by white people drinking large amounts of Irish-themed alcohol and listening to the Dropkick Murphys.
It is also the day of the year when you can make the most gains in your social and professional relationship with white people.
Most of the time, white people consider celebrations of European heritage to be racist unless they omit large swathes of the 16th through 20th centuries. But since the Irish never engaged in colonialism and were actually oppressed it is considered acceptable and encouraged to celebrate their ancestry. For this reason, 100% of white people are proud to claim that they are somewhat Irish.
A big part of St. Patrick’s Day is having white people feel particularly upset at the oppression of their ancestors that has in no way trickled down to them. If you find yourself talking with a white person who tells you about how their great grandfather was oppressed by both the English and the Americans, it is strongly recommended that you lend a sympathetic ear and shake your head in disbelief. It is never considered acceptable to say: “but you’re white now, so what’s the problem?”
It is also worth noting that on this day, there is always one trump card that never fails to gain respect and acclaim. When you are sitting at an Irish bar and someone orders a round of Guinness, you must take a single sip and while the other white people are savoring their drink, you say: “mmmm, I know it sounds cliche, but it really is true. Guinness just tastes better in Ireland.”
This comment will elicit an immediate and powerful response of people agreeing with your valuable insight. This statement also has the additional benefit of humiliating the members of your party who have not been to Ireland (and thus cannot confirm this proclamation). Having not traveled to Ireland and consumed a beer that is widely available in their hometown and throughout the world, they will immediately be perceived as provincial, uncultured, and inferior to you.
It is also strongly encouraged that you memorize the lyrics to “Jump Around.” It will come in handy.
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Just to let you know, EVERYBODY, thats right, EVERYBODY, in the world, came from the EXACT SAME people. We all are the same, who cares what the hell you look like. We are all people. We are no better than any one else, no worse. You should be judged on your moral values and not the color of your skin, or your hair.
Does it really matter what we look like anyway?
No. It doesn’t.
Yes it does.
I agree. Unless you are purple. I don’t like purple people. Gotta draw the line somewhere…
celebrating/embracing Catholic Irish descent contradicts the fact that whites like gays.
That’s because St. Patrick’s Day is not a religious holiday, and certainly not a Catholic holiday, in the US.
If you weren’t so white, you would understand this paradox. True white people are blind to it, however. To them, Irishness is just…so…well, cool is the only word! Because don’t they, like, party a lot or something?
St. Patricks Day is not a religious holiday? And certainly not a catholic holiday? Where have I been…
Isn’t it all about celebrating St. Patrick going to Ireland and spreading Catholicism to Ireland? Sounds like a religious and catholic holiday to me.
“A big part of St. Patrick’s Day is having white people feel particularly upset at the oppression of their ancestors that has in no way trickled down to them. If you find yourself talking with a white person who tells you about how their great grandfather was oppressed by both the English and the Americans, it is strongly recommended that you lend a sympathetic ear and shake your head in disbelief. It is never considered acceptable to say: “but you’re white now, so what’s the problem?” ”
Any white person without Irish ancestry can say sh*t to get sympathy on “our Irish (Catholic) background was disliked, oppressed and hated”. Is there a lesson on all of this? The concept of racism and ethnic bias affects everyone, we can go on about how the Jews feel on their experiences in Germany, Bosnians whom lost their family in the 1990’s war and Koreans had Japan colonize their land with brutality.
What about PC rule #997 (random number) do not bring up the issue to someone of another group about being a member of another group. You can’t approach a tourist from (oh let’s say Northern Ireland) on how wonderful it must be to be Irish. You’re gonna be mega-offensive and just plain stupid on the Irish are “always treated good” when in historical fact the “white” Irish Catholics have struggled.
thats true
u are a douche
“Most of the time, white people consider celebrations of European heritage to be racist unless they omit large swathes of the 16th through 20th centuries. But since the Irish never engaged in colonialism and were actually oppressed it is considered acceptable and encouraged to celebrate their ancestry. For this reason, 100% of white people are proud to claim that they are somewhat Irish.”
Seriously…you’re kidding? :-/ What a bunch of crap, there is no social taboo against European celebrations, just the so-called white pride demonstrations involving skinheads and klan robes are the kind of white European celebrations of racist hatred the blogger was pointing out (or so he says).
In the southeast, confederate flags and other historic symbolry of the old south may be frowned upon or divides people (white, that is), it is common knowledge about the southern heritage involved a sense of victimhood and alienation of the rural (and mostly white) underclass.
What the fuck!!!!! all comments that i have read are bullshit. How whites this and how whites that , and how whites are racists and how can whites be oppresed by another .
The only thing certain and i mean certain not every black person is yepping about is racism and how you musn’t say anything even closely resembling to colour or else you are racist. If you are a blck person that was born lets say in 70’s or 80’s even before , how the fuck did you feel the oppresion or slavery ?
How about, nobody in this country that is alive felt the kind of slavery and oppression that we are talking about. So lets drop the feel bad for me story of mainly the blacks, native americans, and even whites. That was our ancestors and times have changed, we havent felt shit but a damn headache from people bitching about things they never encountered and getting a bill to pay people for their ANCESTORS suffering. Just damn pathetic…Pick YOURSELF up and quit surrendering to unseen pain.
Good job. way to screw up the whole joke…what are you, native american?
yet another excuse for dumb whites to get tanked and act stupid. why not study, read a book, listen to Mahler, talk a nature walk—that is another reason why usa is a sinking ship……
haha, you said “talking a walk” LOL! Shows how smart you are (:
was wondering how the view is from that tower you are in…
We came a long way since the 1850’s when the Irish are portrayed as primates in newspapers such as the Times in London or New York city. At the same time, Charles Darwin wrote an earth-shattering book “The origin of species” to be used for nationalistic purposes in both America and the UK to describe “the Irish, Africans and Amerindians” are closer to apes than “white Anglo-saxon Aryan” nonsense. +
Irish Dinner parties should come with a notice on the RSVP letter: “Etiquette will be strictly enforced. No man will get into my mouth unless you wash off your meat (unless you’re Irish. I love to clean off dirty Irish dicks with my mouth, but you have to have on green). Leprechauns can just come in my ass for free.
This rule is strictly enforced.
yoink
yoink
yoink
Happy Pattys Day!
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