#99 Grammar
May 12, 2008 by clander
White people love rules. It explains why so they get upset when people cut in line, why they tip so religiously and why they become lawyers. But without a doubt, the rule system that white people love the most is grammar. It is in their blood not only to use perfect grammar but also to spend significant portions of time pointing out the errors of others.
When asking someone about their biggest annoyances in life, you might expect responses like “hunger,” “being poor,” or “getting shot.” If you ask a white person, the most common response will likely be “people who use ‘their’ when they mean ‘there.’ Maybe comma splices, I’m not sure but it’s definitely one of the two.”
If you wish to gain the respect of a white person, it’s probably a good idea that you find an obscure and debated grammar rule such as the “Oxford Comma” and take a firm stance on what you believe is correct. This is seen as more productive and forward thinking than simply stating your anger at the improper use of “it’s.
Another important thing to know is that when white people read magazines and books they are always looking for grammar and spelling mistakes. In fact, one of the greatest joys a white person can experience is to catch a grammar mistake in a major publication. Finding one allows a white person to believe that they are better than the writer and the publication since they would have caught the mistake. The more respected the publication, the greater the thrill. If a white person were to catch a mistake in The New Yorker, it would be a sufficient reason for a large party.
Though they reserve the harshest judgment for professional, do not assume that white people will cast a blind eye to your grammar mistakes in email and official documents. They will judge you and make a general assessment about your intelligence after the first infraction. Fortunately, this situation can be improved if you ask a white person to proof read your work before you send it out. “Hey Jill, I’m sorry to do this, but I have a business degree and I’m a terrible writer. Can you look this over for me?” This deft maneuver will allow the white person to feel as though their liberal arts degree has a purpose and allow you to do something more interesting.
Don’t worry, it is impossible for a white person to turn down the opportunity to proofread.
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But only the blacks would invent a language (Ebonics)
to excuse their laziness with respect to speaking & writing.
Is this fucking guy for real?
As the late, great ODB (a black man) would have said,
“Nigga, please”
“[W]hen white people read magazines and books they are always looking for grammar and spelling mistakes.”
Unfortunately, one rarely needs to look; they jump right off the page, waving their arms wildly and shouting, “Look at me!”
Thats very wite of u
p.s.– marcus ronaldi…that is hillarious!!!! ahahahahhaaaa!!
LMButtOff!!!
if this were a site stereotyping black, i bet NAACP would take it down!!
you know this blog site reminds me of the video called “The History of White People in America”. it is pretty funny and stereotypes as well as makes fun of white people. look it up!
Hahah,the angry guy just proved a point. Refer to the “getting offended” article! Hahahahah. “White people LOVE getting offended for others” hahah!
“White people love rules. It explains why so they get upset when people cut in line, why they tip so religiously and why they become lawyers.”
Well at least a huge majority of white people actually tip, cant say much for black people or mexicans right? And i would say that its because we’re not lazy and we actually get off our asses and find jobs, unlike the ones that would much rather steal or deal drugs for a living…which rings true for white people also…but its not just that, a lot of blacks and mexicans are just plain cheap and unappreciative…but unlike the racist unintelligent ass that obviously has a chip on their shoulder who writes all this shit, im not going to generalize an entire race and say that all blacks are the same or all mexicans are the same, i will still state that there is a very small percentage of black people ive run into that have tipped well…kind of.
My advice to this asshole…make better use of your time rather then sitting there with a little frown on your face writing down all the shit that apparently we ALL like, or do…because apparently (something i just learned tonight folks) all white people are exactly the same…and by stating that all of us white people like our grammar, youre also kind of stating that all of the other races are illiterate, and there are no black, mexican, indian (and so on…) lawyers. And for the record, i know a hell of a lot of stupid white people as well.
We’ve all heard of the “still in the closet” jock, who loves to bash gay people because hes still in denial of his sexuality…sounds to me like someone so devoted to bashing white people may just want to be white…just a little bit…
Get a life fucker.
If that sir was true, where the fuck does Bush sit at that table?
White man and can barely speak English!
You’re a fool. This site rules.
Refer to #101 being offended.
I thought the writer of this blog was white? Nonetheless, it amazes me that his blogs makes people so angry. Understandable that not all white people do this, but we see a lot of people who do. That is why his blogs are soo funny. We know many things are exaggerated.. But you miss the real point of this blog..no one ever writes things like this about white people. Latinos, blacks, Asians, other ethnic groups etc..get things written about themselves like this all the time, good or bad, wanted or unwanted, and we learn to take it, shrug it off, laugh, or whatever..welcome to the club lol..
The only thing funnier than this blog is the entries of crybabies who can’t grasp the elemental principle of Humour - it is a satire - very similar to the character of Lisa Simpson (who likes Jazz, gets offended about other races, dislikes corporations - she might be yellow on the outside but she is white inside - she must be a banana
)
And um. . . why visit this post if you are just going to get offended, you actually took the time to read the blog just so you could get offended WTF?
Hahahaha! This is so true. When people ask me what annoys me, I say when people use “there” instead of “they’re”. Ah, this is great.
Don’t worry, it is impossible for a white person to turn down the opportunity to proofread.
HAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAA!
I saw this funny corrected AND clarified sign at a Safeway in San Francisco!!
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