#99 Grammar
May 12, 2008 by clander
White people love rules. It explains why so they get upset when people cut in line, why they tip so religiously and why they become lawyers. But without a doubt, the rule system that white people love the most is grammar. It is in their blood not only to use perfect grammar but also to spend significant portions of time pointing out the errors of others.
When asking someone about their biggest annoyances in life, you might expect responses like “hunger,” “being poor,” or “getting shot.” If you ask a white person, the most common response will likely be “people who use ‘their’ when they mean ‘there.’ Maybe comma splices, I’m not sure but it’s definitely one of the two.”
If you wish to gain the respect of a white person, it’s probably a good idea that you find an obscure and debated grammar rule such as the “Oxford Comma” and take a firm stance on what you believe is correct. This is seen as more productive and forward thinking than simply stating your anger at the improper use of “it’s.
Another important thing to know is that when white people read magazines and books they are always looking for grammar and spelling mistakes. In fact, one of the greatest joys a white person can experience is to catch a grammar mistake in a major publication. Finding one allows a white person to believe that they are better than the writer and the publication since they would have caught the mistake. The more respected the publication, the greater the thrill. If a white person were to catch a mistake in The New Yorker, it would be a sufficient reason for a large party.
Though they reserve the harshest judgment for professional, do not assume that white people will cast a blind eye to your grammar mistakes in email and official documents. They will judge you and make a general assessment about your intelligence after the first infraction. Fortunately, this situation can be improved if you ask a white person to proof read your work before you send it out. “Hey Jill, I’m sorry to do this, but I have a business degree and I’m a terrible writer. Can you look this over for me?” This deft maneuver will allow the white person to feel as though their liberal arts degree has a purpose and allow you to do something more interesting.
Don’t worry, it is impossible for a white person to turn down the opportunity to proofread.
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My grammar is perfect…Brainbooger.com
I just wonder if anyone ever went to school. I haven’t read a book without countless errors in it in years.
In personal letters, misspelling a word here and there is one thing, but if I can’t even read something contextually, then there are no excuses.
I live in New Orleans, and many of our traffic/street signs are misspelled or spelled different ways on varying corners. I hope tourists don’t come here and think we’re more ignorant than we actually are.
Not to mention our newspaper is probably the most horribly edited paper ever in life. You don’t even have to have a brain to find errors in it.
I find the same thing. Every book I’ve read for a a number of years has had minor grammatical or spelling errors.
I work in recruitment and review a submission of resumes and covering letters from a fairly a decent cross section of the professional community [I work with the technology sector].
What I do notice is that sentence structure and grammar betrays so much about a person’s ethnography.
A common feature black people’s CV’s is their unusual choice of overly complicated words in an attempt to feign a level of articulation far above their actual range. God love them.
One area of common ground for the blacks and the whites of the technology sector is their dedication to the martial arts.
Without fail these engineers and programmer’s hobbies include a reference to a discipline. Upon meeting these candidates the credibility of such interests beyond their video library seems all the more remote. Bless.
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