#74 Oscar Parties
February 24, 2008 by mylosh
One of the best places to gain a white person’s trust is at an Oscar party. An invitation to one these parties is basically your “foot in the door”.
Vocabulary is one of the first things to be aware of at an Oscar party. Never say “movie”, always say “film” and know which awards use the term “Best” and which ones use “Outstanding Achievement”. Saying “I hope Atonement wins Best Art Direction” will guarantee that you won’t be invited next year.
Attire is very important as well. Either dress in an fancy suit / gown or wear something that relates to one of the films nominated for Best Picture. So for the 2008 Oscar Party it might be best to put a pillow under your shirt and come as a pregnant teenager in tribute to Juno (by no means should anyone bring an actual pregnant teenager). You can impress white people even further by bringing in a food or drink item that relates to a film. Again using Juno as an example, if you were to come to the party with jugs of SunnyD, it would highlight your keen observation of detail when it comes to watching films. Then they will see that you watch films the same way that they do. Also be prepared to be involved in an Oscar Pool, but make sure you don’t win. If you do, just say that you were lucky.
However all of this preparation will mean nothing if one does not act during the most important part of the night: when the nominees are read for Best Foreign Film. At this point someone will get angry and state that some movie that no one has heard of, was snubbed. When this happens just nod and agree. Mention that it sounds interesting and that you will watch it tomorrow, even if you have already seen it and know that its boring.
Basically what separates Oscar Night from other party nights is that it allows white people to express themselves through their tastes in film. If they see that you are someone who agrees with a majority of their opinions, then they will be your friend and provide you with ample opportunities to sip wine and attend film festivals together
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Oh, the Oscar parties I’ve had to weasel my way out of over the years! And you know, I’ve weaseled my way out of plenty of parties in my day, but the ones that piss off the hosts the most is when you repeatedly fail to attend their Oscar parties. For some reason, that ends up being unforgivable to hosts on some level. I don’t mean to sound negative; it’s nice that people want to invite one to a party; but I don’t care about the Oscars nor should anyone who isn’t working in the entertainment industry, really.
k, this is no longer valid. Only the gays have Oscar parties. Now us whites have “Survivor” parties when Survivor kicks off a new season and again at the finale.
if you like this blog, check out http://justsomepetpeeves.wordpress.com!!
The best award for the most famous banned member is…Enigma, for stealing my names and being a vulgar lil’ brat and helluva online troll whom starved to death. +
yeeeee we love are oscar partiesss hahahh
A true standard in comedy blogging.
Another great site is http://www.SomethingYouShouldRead.com
congratulations, a cultural trait the white race has come up with all on their own without having to steal it from another culture’s.
oscar parties are big tyme fun. you buy overpriced organik goodies, then invite some candy ass “men”, and some idealistic “college” girls over to watch low caliber millionaires get rigged “awards.”
i am a loser with too many names and too much time. i think the reason why i’m skrewd up is cuz my dad rapes me… Blak pwr
why can’t I quit you,
why can’t I quit you………..
put your dick in my mouth, PLEASE.
I’s got no life yo.
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