#74 Oscar Parties
February 24, 2008 by mylosh
One of the best places to gain a white person’s trust is at an Oscar party. An invitation to one these parties is basically your “foot in the door”.
Vocabulary is one of the first things to be aware of at an Oscar party. Never say “movie”, always say “film” and know which awards use the term “Best” and which ones use “Outstanding Achievement”. Saying “I hope Atonement wins Best Art Direction” will guarantee that you won’t be invited next year.
Attire is very important as well. Either dress in an fancy suit / gown or wear something that relates to one of the films nominated for Best Picture. So for the 2008 Oscar Party it might be best to put a pillow under your shirt and come as a pregnant teenager in tribute to Juno (by no means should anyone bring an actual pregnant teenager). You can impress white people even further by bringing in a food or drink item that relates to a film. Again using Juno as an example, if you were to come to the party with jugs of SunnyD, it would highlight your keen observation of detail when it comes to watching films. Then they will see that you watch films the same way that they do. Also be prepared to be involved in an Oscar Pool, but make sure you don’t win. If you do, just say that you were lucky.
However all of this preparation will mean nothing if one does not act during the most important part of the night: when the nominees are read for Best Foreign Film. At this point someone will get angry and state that some movie that no one has heard of, was snubbed. When this happens just nod and agree. Mention that it sounds interesting and that you will watch it tomorrow, even if you have already seen it and know that its boring.
Basically what separates Oscar Night from other party nights is that it allows white people to express themselves through their tastes in film. If they see that you are someone who agrees with a majority of their opinions, then they will be your friend and provide you with ample opportunities to sip wine and attend film festivals together
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oscar parties? lame
Embarrassed to say I went to one but only because a co-worker of mine was nominated…it still sucked fat monkey balls. Filled with assholes just patting each other on the back and the asshole who was nominated still didn’t win. That was my only joyful moment of that night.
love it! http://www.SHOP-LUSCIOUS.com
On the topic of movies, I just saw the Dark Knight. I found it interesting that there was a blatant pro George Bush referrence, personified in Batman. I went online to see who else picked up on it. It was funny to find that in all the forums, white people were trying to argue that there was no intentional referrence, because they obviously loved the film.
Dude, Dark Kight is SO blatantly pro-Chester Arthur! I can’t believe nobody picked up on that. Community College plebeians.
George Bush bashing should be its own entry all together.
That’s an equal opportunity hobby - not just for whites…
That’s an equal opportunity hobby beloved by everyone, not just white people…
I never even watch the Oscars. Most people forget who won by the time the next year comes around.
I’m half-white, and I’ve never been to an Oscar party. You guys should go to Eurovision parties.
I love Oscar Parties!
Does the kind of Stuff White People Like include things like
Truth, Equality, and Justice?
http://www.survival-international.org
I’m white and the only Oscar I like is Oscar the grouch.
I HATE the Oscar’s.
This is a pretentious limp wristed ideal…not high on my list…not even on my list anymore. I haven’t watched an Oscar show in 20 years.
It’s just not worth it any more to watch a bunch of arrogant people celebrate themselves. What’s the difference if a bunch of software engineers had a celebration to see who was voted best engineer amongst themselves?
Who cares!
right on!
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