#98 The Ivy League
May 6, 2008 by clander
The Ivy League is expensive, exclusive, located in the North East, and features beautiful old buildings. All of these things are beloved by white people so logically it would seem that they all love the Ivy League. But this is not true!
White people have a tortured relationship with the Ivy Leagues, and if you broach the subject in the wrong way you can offend and even anger a white person.
But before getting into the more nuanced aspects of the subject, it’s important to know that all white people believe they have the intelligence and work ethic required to attend an Ivy League school. The only reason they did not actually go to one is that they chose not to participate in the “dog and pony show” required to gain acceptance. White people also like to believe that they were not born into a privileged (enough) family to get legacy admission. This should always be at the back of your mind as you talk to a white person about the Ivy League.
Once you have determined that a white person did not attend an Ivy League School, you should try to give them the opportunity to explain why their school was actually a superior educational experience. Some easy ways to do this are to mention grade inflation, professors who value research over teaching, or high tuition costs. Any one of these will set a white person off on a multi-minute rant.
When they have finally run out of arguments about why they chose the right school, you should say “I knew a whole bunch of people who went to Harvard and none of them work as hard or are as smart as you.” This is a very effective technique for gaining acceptance since white people need constant reassurance that they are smart and that they made the right choice with their life.
If you actually went to an Ivy League school, you will been seen as a threat so prepare for a lot of questions from white people. They will constantly ask questions about how much work you had, the type of students at the school, the professors, your dorm room, your reading lists, and they will try so hard to figure out your SAT score. They desperately need a source of comparison so that they need to figure out if you are actually smarter than them. In fact, the only way to stop this line of questioning is to imply that you only got in because of your minority status. Once you say that, white people will stop feeling threatened since they can now believe they too would have been accepted to an Ivy League school if they were a minority. It also gives them a personal story about the effectiveness of Affirmative Action.
White people also like to call their school “The Harvard of the <insert region or conference>”. Do not challenge this, it will ruin their confidence.
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My school was called the Harvard of the North. Shame on us. I blame the white people before me. Now that I write for http://StuffRichPeopleLove.com I have an even deeper understanding of Ivy Leagues although the most popular post remains escort services…go figure!
Hahahahaha….LOL! All of the angst-ridden whining and d*ck-measuring below only PROVES that the author of this piece is 100% correct!
For all of you bitter whiners/losers who didn’t get into a top-notch school [Ivy, Stanford, M.I.T., et al] *and* who say things like:
“Yeah, some [insert minority group of choice] kid from my high school got into [school you're still bitter about getting rejected from], and I was totally smarter than they were! They ONLY got in b/c they were [minority group -or- female], and I cry myself to sleep each night because of it!”
…need to not only get a life, but also get a clue about the college acceptance system.
Colleges look for *well-rounded* students, and as such, look at the *whole person* when making decisions. Sure, maybe you got the same S.A.T. score as that [minority] student, but you have no idea if they wrote an essay that was pure art, or if their letters of recommendation said that they walked on water, or if they were, quietly perhaps, engaged in a ton of leadership/volunteer/community/extra-curricular activities while simultaneously, perhaps, working a part-time job to support their families, or maybe caring for a family member with cancer, or…doing a million truly worthwhile things you probably weren’t.
While I admit that every school has its share of “admissions mistakes”, for the most part, these colleges know what they are doing when they look at the whole student and decide to accept/reject…
…and the fact that ANYONE would be immature enough to whine and desperately come up with a million different reasons why their [in their opinion] “highly-qualified” butt did not end up in an Ivy lecture hall….
…only proves that the admissions committee that rejected you saw you for the petty, shallow, immature loser you are, and MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE IN REJECTING YOU.
Now…please get on with your life and find some other reason to feel victimized.
People who don’t take responsibility for their lives are pathetic. And yes, true to the name of the web-site, most of you tend to be white… the least-victimized group of people in history are the ones that whine the most when everything isn’t handed to them on a silver platter! HA HA HA HA HA….
* to clarify, I’m not bashing non-Ivy schools — there really are some incredible schools out there, and the value of an education is truly in the hands of the student, regardless of where they go to school…and heck, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs are both college drop-outs, so there!
I only take issue with the spoiled, narcissistic folks who INSIST that they “should” have gotten into a school… especially if they claim that an “unqualified” minority or woman got in when they “should” have.
As a side note, many of the Ivies have amazing financial aid, so the other “reason” I hear alot: “Oh, I WOULD have gone to Harvard, but I couldn’t afford it,” is also b.s.
*fin*
Didnt know dollar bill went to yale…
He went to Princeton I think.
We were constantly told that Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University was the Harvard of aviation.
I WANT A MILLION DOLLARS!!! Can one million RICH WHITE PEOPLE send me one dollar apiece, puh-lease????
I don’t want money from any Asians, or Blacks or Hispanics. You guys NEED your money. I only want one dollar apiece from RICH WHITE PEOPLE, who only WASTE their money on things like Ivy League schools.
Waste it on me instead. Thanks so much! (First person who comments “You ARE a waste.” is a rotten egg. You thought it. I know you did. Stop lying. See? I knew it.)
http://thepighasacurlytail.wordpress.com/million-dollar-fund/
No one is hiring, IF they are hiring it is based on nepotism, cronyism, right last name, and buddy system. hence, why spend thousands to attend a “college” whereby you learn nothing, waste time, learn nothing practical, and are basically a highly educated in nonsense (art, social studies, philosophy, nanochemistry, ?!?!?-basically colleges give professors job because they cannot make it in the real world, they have no translatable skills–similar to govt. lackies) office secretary.
Stop Jim, you’re being silly.
It’s tough enough trying to find work as it is; how do you imagine your employment prospects would fare if you had to compete against the mob of genius professors you’d like to see dumped into the “real world” job market?
More brilliant minds tied up chasing a deeper understanding of the human condition (and other such nonsense) means fewer applicants you have to outshine for a given construction management position. Or welding gig, or whatever eminently practical skill it is that you’re blessed with – and that, BTW, nobody is willing to pay you to actually practice.
P.S. : What better place to acquire cronies (read, “lay the groundwork for your network of professional references”) than at yer local university ?!?!?
I went to a small state school — The University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire — for my undergraduate degree. I recently experienced a burning urge to mix with the finer white members of society (being a lower middle class Lit major I naturally have this feeling). I plan to attend graduate school gaining a Phd in that all important subject: English. In preperation for my introduction to elite white society I have been speaking with my eyes half-closed whilst dropping Derrida/Zizek/Butler references. But alas, I feel my state school background may be a wound not easily mended. Will I ever be accepted into elite white society? What advice do you, wise members of that privileged circle, have to offer to a poor proletarian like myself?
this can work to your advantage. just say that you were forced to attend a local school because you wanted to help out the local economy, you were committed to helping the elderly couple from the squash stand at the farmers market, and you had been tutoring the black kid from the inner city as part of a big brother program for too long leave him hanging. also your veggie-powered mercedes wouldnt function properly in the cold northeast and you fell in love with your school’s art deco/ vintage architecture…
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