#98 The Ivy League
May 6, 2008 by clander
The Ivy League is expensive, exclusive, located in the North East, and features beautiful old buildings. All of these things are beloved by white people so logically it would seem that they all love the Ivy League. But this is not true!
White people have a tortured relationship with the Ivy Leagues, and if you broach the subject in the wrong way you can offend and even anger a white person.
But before getting into the more nuanced aspects of the subject, it’s important to know that all white people believe they have the intelligence and work ethic required to attend an Ivy League school. The only reason they did not actually go to one is that they chose not to participate in the “dog and pony show” required to gain acceptance. White people also like to believe that they were not born into a privileged (enough) family to get legacy admission. This should always be at the back of your mind as you talk to a white person about the Ivy League.
Once you have determined that a white person did not attend an Ivy League School, you should try to give them the opportunity to explain why their school was actually a superior educational experience. Some easy ways to do this are to mention grade inflation, professors who value research over teaching, or high tuition costs. Any one of these will set a white person off on a multi-minute rant.
When they have finally run out of arguments about why they chose the right school, you should say “I knew a whole bunch of people who went to Harvard and none of them work as hard or are as smart as you.” This is a very effective technique for gaining acceptance since white people need constant reassurance that they are smart and that they made the right choice with their life.
If you actually went to an Ivy League school, you will been seen as a threat so prepare for a lot of questions from white people. They will constantly ask questions about how much work you had, the type of students at the school, the professors, your dorm room, your reading lists, and they will try so hard to figure out your SAT score. They desperately need a source of comparison so that they need to figure out if you are actually smarter than them. In fact, the only way to stop this line of questioning is to imply that you only got in because of your minority status. Once you say that, white people will stop feeling threatened since they can now believe they too would have been accepted to an Ivy League school if they were a minority. It also gives them a personal story about the effectiveness of Affirmative Action.
White people also like to call their school “The Harvard of the <insert region or conference>”. Do not challenge this, it will ruin their confidence.
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Asians also get into Ivy League schools and prepar’ their whole life for it and are second richest and smartest to white people. That’s why white people are so ’sessed with Asians. Cuz they aint stoopid. They even let them have their own guddam Chinatowns. But they have to suppress ‘em once in a while so they don’t get too pow’rful, like dem Human Rights movements against China’s One Child Policy (like its a bad thing der’s too many of ‘em billiion chinese runnin around fucken etch other)and lie about Ford being the number one selling car in ‘merica when it’s the cotton pickin’ Toyota. But they dont like dark skin Asians like Induns because they look like neggers.
GOODWILL HUNTING. nuff said.
I have to say, these things mostly go for white american people. I’m dutch so we don’t even have the ivy league and a lot of other stuff on the site. Still genius and funny though.
The Ivy League is a “must have” for white people, to carry a college bachelors’ degree from a place like Harvard, Yale, Brown, Princeton or Columbia. I also thought any university degree is a must, esp. the community colleges are full of students strive to have a job above minimum-wage in an economy when jobs aren’t plentiful. Good luck to you all. +
The best comment of all is I like pie. But I found something even better. Nut and But Bar be cue. Catchy huh?
goooooooooood
I have to say, out of all of the entries that I have read on this site so far, this one is the most accurate. I mean, it is EXACTLY right, word for word, right down to trying to guess their SAT scores and how hard they worked. The sad thing is…I’m the white person.
I like spending time with little boys…
I like spending time with little boys too. And I love to fuck their dogs.
i am a loser with too many names and too much time. i think the reason why i’m skrewd up is cuz my dad rapes me… Blak pwr
you know, I felt that black power when uh huh…/Chunky Redd/enigma/Michael D Senior ran a train up my ass. And I LIKED IT.
This is definitely a post I love to re-read. Giving them a chance to explain why their school is superior is classic. I write for http://StuffRichPeopleLove.com and private / ivy league / elite schools are definitely top of list!
I know, totally right?! White people are so retarded with their respect for history and education! What a load of crap! Those schools have been around for a long time and that’s all, they just have stuff like nice classrooms and brilliant professors who devote their lives to their subjects and try to instill a sense of belonging to a world and community and history of scholarship. It’s just for rich people which is why most of them give only need-based scholarships. It’s so retarded how white people love really reading great philosophy and getting advanced degrees in things like astrophysics and geochemistry and medicine. Rich people just like feeling superior with their devotion to learning and trying to remain rich. You don’t see poor people trying to be rich do you?! Of course not, it’s only rich people who like that stuff, nice stuff, the kind of stuff anyone with money is going to like.
Uch, this website is so completely retarded.
No one suggested that only white or rich people liked ivy league schools. Merely that white or rich people DO like them.
I can relate to some of these, but I live in Madison, AL, so a large majority of your posts are quite the opposite for me.
For instance:
It’s a predominantly White town.
A vast majority of those Whites are conservative Republicans.
Plus, at my school, if you don’t go to an Ivy League, a college that is “basically an Ivy League,” or Alabama or Auburn, then yeah. People will give you that fake, “Wait. Your child is going where? Oh, well. That’s nice, I guess.”
Ah well.
The ones I can relate to are scarily accurate, though.
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