#102 Children’s Games as Adults
June 2, 2008 by clander
By far, the easiest way to befriend a large group of white people is to organize and then participate in a game that is normally played by children. Unlike the practice of having their parents help with rent, this activity is a pleasant reminder to white people that they have not fully severed their ties with childhood.
When it comes to outdoor games, the most popular one remains kickball. In fact, you might have noticed groups of white people at the park playing this game in loosely organized leagues (see #65 Co-Ed Sports for further explanation). Though kickball is by far the most popular, if you were to suggest a game of capture the flag, Red Rover (pictured), British Bulldog, Tag, or even Hide and Go Seek your popularity would with white people would skyrocket. In addition, you would likely become a legend in your office.
Once the game has actually been organized and you are at the event, things will pretty much just sort themselves out. White people will be so happy to be outside reliving their childhood, that they will all be in a good mood. But if you want to take it to the next level, you should have a friend show up and say to one of the white people: “excuse me, what are you people doing?” The white person will tell them what game they are playing and promptly issue an invitation. To which your friend should say “I’m sorry, I’m an adult. You 
people are crazy.” It will make the white person feel great and give them a story for years to come
If you do not know enough white people for a large outdoor game or do not have access to adequate space, you are not out of luck. White people are also quite fond of indoor activities, especially ones that can be easily combined with alcohol. Therefore it is a rock-solid guarantee that you will gain white friends if you suggest a social gathering where people drink and play old board games like Candyland, The Game of Life, or Mouse Trap. Just the suggestion of an event like this will get them more excited than word of a new Trader Joe’s opening. (Note the photo evidence of success in this photo from Attus Apparel)
It’s a good idea to space out these events or else you become “that weird guy who always wants to play Fireball Island.”
Photo of game of Red Rover from zacharmstrong
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I’m cool with a few childhood games as an adult: Pac-Man, Donkey Kong, Duck Hunt, Frogger, - oh, you mean s**t I have to play with other people?
BTW, kickball is EVIL, EVIL, EVIL! It should be as illegal as murder!
In Brooklyn dirty hipsters that took over williamsburg play kickball.
We used to play guns as kids. Cowboys, Army/War games.
We don’t play guns as adults anymore.
Why do black people play “guns” with real guns?
Hell, drive-by shooting, is a black thang.
(Yes, white Italian guys invented it , in the 20’s, 30’s, but they limited it to each other. How many kids & innocents have been killed by black/latino “gangstahs” in drive-by’s?)
Die, you racist a*****e! Be prepared to be slaughtered with intelligent banter by SuperSister!
I love how the picture has them playing Candy Land….
http://andthisismyamerica.com/2008/10/31/the-manifestation-of-a-movement/
Board games are only fun now if you can turn it into a drinking game. Because alcohol makes everything fun!
hahaha this is hilarious.My friend just graduated college in May ‘08 and for her graduation lunch we went to the park.Once we were done eating we broke out with a game of kickball…damnnnnnnnn…so true.
I love the Game of Life. I get rich, get to step on people on my way to the top, poke fun at the poor minorities and democrats at the bottom, fart in a crowd and look around like “wtf mate?”, sit in 1st class and shoot condescending looks at all the coach passengers as they file past, cheat on my hot wife with my even hotter girlfriend, throw pennies as hard as I can at the beggars at intersections while I wait for the light to turn green, reincorporate my company in the Cayman Islands so I can avoid paying taxes AND get to deduct my vacation, and generally do all the cool things listed on this site. It rules to be me.
Ugh, this website is horrifying! I’ve never felt so pigeonholed
I’m about to finish my Law degree (after my Arts degree in Italian literature) and I’m planning a trekking trip to Nepal (where I can be outdoors, wear my outdoor performance gear, drink water from a Sigg bottle AND be the first white person EVER to visit a third world country).
And I’m about to have a going away party with a board-game theme (while we listen to Vampire Weekend).
I think I am THE WHITEST PERSON IN THE WORLD!!!
Um alex, please check out the picture in this short article.
When I see this happening I find it to be one more childlike thing adopted by people who are deathly afraid of growing up. The longer they they can hold on to child-like things (games, Schoolhouse Rock performed live, t-shirts with cereal logs on them like King Vitaman, etc.), the longer they can try to stay away from the real world of bills and kids and mortages. Sarah Silverman is their patron saint, I believe…
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