#106 Facebook
July 31, 2008 by clander
Social Networking sites have been embraced by white people since their inception. Because these sites use profile pages, white people can more efficiently judge friends and future friends on their taste in film, books, music, and inspirational quotes. Advanced level white people, fearful of being judged on their tastes from last week, will often only list one or two ironic things as their favorites. For example under music they would simply list “P.M. Dawn” or under films they would choose only Armageddon. In both cases these ironic answers serve as protective shields from the harsh gaze of other white people.
However, it is important to remember that the “where” is often as important as the “who” when it comes to social networking. As noted in earlier posts, white people are obsessed with being in the right neighborhood and the Internet is no exception.
In the early days, white people joined a social networking service called Friendster where they could connect with old friends and make new ones. Eventually, white people started to notice more and more of their friends on MySpace, so they closed their Friendster accounts and migrated to the new service. It was like living in a neighborhood that was pretty good but kind of far away, so you might have to miss out on a few parties. Needless to say, this was unacceptable.
For a brief period of time, MySpace was the site where everyone kept their profile and managed their friendships. But soon, the service began to attract fake profiles, the wrong kind of white people, and struggling musicians. In real world terms, these three developments would be equivalent to a check cashing store, a TGIFridays, and a housing project. All which strike fear in the hearts of white people.
White people were nervous but had nowhere else to go. Then Facebook came along and offered advanced privacy settings, closed networks, and a clean interface. In respective real world terms, these features are analogous to an apartment or house with a security system/doorman, an alumni dinner, and a homeowners association that protects the aesthetics of the neighborhood. In spite of these advances, some white people still clung to their old MySpace accounts. That was until they learned that Facebook started, like so many things beloved by white people, at Harvard.
Within a matter of months, MySpace had gone from a virtual utopia to Digital Detroit, where only minorities and indie bands remain.
If you plan on befriending white people, it is essential that you join them in the digital suburbs and open a Facebook account immediately. It’s also a good idea to make up a story about how someone from high school sent you a friend request and after accepting you discovered that they were fat and unsuccessful. White people love these stories.
In an unrelated note you can join
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33% True.
Check-cashing place – yes, that will strike fear in my heart because I like to SAVE my money. A portion of it goes to my checking account so that I can pay my bills, another portion goes into my two retirement accounts and my savings account, and then I take out $30 and stick it in my wallet.
Housing project – no fear, sorry. i feel comfortable in the ghetto.
TGIFridays – no fear, sorry. I don’t know which Fridays’ you go to, but I’ve only ever seen white people eat Fridays food. So why would that ever strike fear into our hearts? Unless of course you are referencing the ultra-millionaires and then, sure, you’re probably correct.
i hate facebook and myspace and twitter they are all a waste of time and im white
white people are gonna love the new facebook movie that’s coming out.
if you like this blog, check out http://justsomepetpeeves.wordpress.com!!
I have another thing white people like: Commenting on a post without reading the post itself. I’ve seen this so much lol. Even I did it just now…
Are you kidding? A lot of Asians and black people are on, too. ( (And yes, there are always Mexicans.)
Whatever, there are tons of black people on facebook. Go check out Barack Obama’s page. 11 million and mostly black and minority. Black guy is running for Governor in my state and got 4600 black friends on facebook in a few days. SWPL is full of crap.
Things Republicans Hate: The List
http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/?page_id=405
Yes, I find that annoying as well. Since you are encouraged to only talk to people you know anyway on Facebook it is sort of pointless because you can simply have face to face convos with these people. The only thing Facebook really offers is SIG’s where you can talk to people with similar interests in message boards, but these simply end up being low quality arguments (e.g.: ad-hominem and personal attacks are commonplace) where rednecks demonstrate ignorance by stating that a mayor of a small town in Alaska and a mayor of a major city such as New York have “equal” importance.
The major city mayor needs to allocate resources and funding towards that which needs it without exacerbating debt, and contrary to what many people believe one cannot magically make money appear into a city’s coffers (if that were true, taxes would lose their raison d’être), in addition to having to deal with a more complex infrastructure and a more diverse population. The Alaskan simply caters to working class whites, whereas a big city mayor has to take into account countless, diverse cultures and populations. Additionally, all of those problems compound and need to be handled swiftly, does he/she prioritize allocating funding to the police while slashing education or vice versa? Or does he deal with a certain corporation who is violating zoning laws by expanding a business into a residential area (which would be good anyway, but in the interests of being technicality obsessed and serving the bureaucracy, would simply prevent the building instead of call a vote to rezone the area).
the socially inept or people living in their parents’ basements like to twatter, or facebook it. write a letter, call someone, stop twattering, and other e-nonsense.
yesterday, i ate chinese food, it was good.
today, i am buying toilet paper, 4 ply
my son got a C in physics
i am throwing a party on sat, woo, woo see my eevite everyone can drink some snobby microbrew
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