#116 Black Music that Black People Don’t Listen to Anymore
November 18, 2008 by clander
All music genres go through a very similar life cycle: birth, growth, mainstream acceptance, decline, and finally obscurity. With black music, however, the final stage is never reached because white people are work tirelessly to keep it alive. Apparently, once a music has lost its relevance with its intended audience, it becomes MORE relevant to white people.
Historically speaking, the music that white people have kept on life support for the longest period of time is Jazz. Thanks largely to public radio, bookstores, and coffee shops, Jazz has carved out a niche in white culture that is not yet ready to be replaced by Indie Rock. But the biggest role that Jazz plays in white culture is in the white fantasy of leisure. All white people believe that they prefer listening to jazz over watching television. This is not true.
Every few a months, a white person will put on some Jazz and pour themselves a glass of wine or scotch and tell themselves how nice it is. Then they will get bored and watch television or write emails to other white people about how nice it was to listen to Jazz at home. “Last night, I poured myself a glass of Shiraz and put Charlie Parker on the Bose. It was so relaxing, I wish I had a fireplace.” Listing this activity as one of your favorites is a sure fire way to make progress towards a romantic relationship with a white person.
Along with Jazz, white people have also taken quite a shine to The Blues, an art form that captured the pain of the black experience in America. Then, in the 1960s, a bunch of British bands started to play their own version of the music and white people have been loving it ever since. It makes sense considering that the British were the ones who created The Blues in the 17th Century.
Today, white people keep The Blues going strong by taking vacations to Memphis, forming awkward bands, making documentaries, and organizing folk festivals. Blue and Jazz music appeal mostly to older white people and select few young ones who probably wear fedoras. But that doesn’t mean that young white people aren’t working hard to preserve music that has lost relevance. No, there are literally thousands of white people who are giving their all to keep old school Hip Hop alive.
Even as you read this, white people are telling other white people about the golden age of Hip Hop that they experienced in a suburban high school or through a viewing of The Wackness.
If you are good at concealing laughter and contempt, you should ask a white person about “Real Hip Hop.” They will quickly tell you about how they don’t listen to “Commercial Hip Hop” (aka music that black people actually enjoy), and that they much prefer “Classic Hip Hop.”
“I don’t listen to that commercial stuff. I’m more into the Real Hip Hop, you know? KRS One, Del Tha Funkee Homosapien, De La Soul, Wu Tang, you know, The Old School.”
Calling this style of music ‘old school’ is considered an especially apt name since the majority of people who listen to it did so while attending old schools such as Dartmouth, Bard, and Williams College.
What it all comes down to is that white people are convinced that if they were alive when this music was relevant that they would have been into it. They would have been Alan Lomax or Rick Rubin. Now the best they can hope for is to impress an older black person with their knowledge.
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I think White people love outdated Black music because current Black music and culture scares the shit out of them. No sane White person who grew up in White suburbia wants to be at a Gucci Mane or Wacka Flocka concert at a nightclub in the ghetto area of the city where they will be the one of the only White people in attendance. Being a minority is something a White person doesn’t want to be especially when it comes to being surrounded by “scary” Black folks. White people are afraid they would get shot at a Gucci Mane concert. God forbid, White people would have to be able to dance well and be up on the latest urban fashions without looking completely out of place and stupid. No decent White person wants to be labeled a “wigger” either. Being a “wigger” for a suburban White person over the age of 15 is social suicide. So the safest thing for White people to do is embrace the “old school” when it comes to Black music and culture. Not only that, most White people did not grow up listening to Black music so they are playing catch up when they blast Snoop Doggy Dogg’s “Gin & Juice” like it was 1994. Most young Black folks don’t listen to old rap because White people have picked up on it. Also, we all know Black folks are constantly creating new music, slang and styles of dress to stay a step ahead of Whiteys.
funny stuff, the thing is you have covered so much stuff on this site that it begs the question of what is there left for non whites to like in the western world??
is ‘this site’ on the list of things white people like ?
i think you patronise the fuck out of black people by stating that they ‘enjoy commercial music’.
you cant live by stereotypes alone, you do need get out more mate.
Good one!
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and the trend is acctually forced by commercialism… for instance… lil wayne recently put out several great rock songs… that don’t get air time…. so the media itself is shaping what is “Mainstream black music” right now.. not the people themselves
IF this is a sight about what white people like… where are all the black women?
Rap is constructed by Jewish guys;-))))???????? I don’t think so. Rap was not a commercial invention but a true Anti-Establishment:-) and must be respected! Hip-hop, on the other hand, was commercialized and here we go with a lot of crappy kind of it on MTV. But I am not prejudiced-I also hate derivative indie boy bands (real indie was non-commercial) and of course would just love love love to stab Jonas Brothers and the likes. In general, it seems like empty “bling” philosophy kinda took over in the last decade…even the good ones are catching the virus. But that of course stems from the general “Light” version of thinking a lot of people are into recently…like thinking that Green Day is “punk” or that Lady Gaga is “experimental”. Now the industry is thinking fast when they get teenagers hooked up on garbage like Hannah Montana etc. Popular music is grotesque, cheesy and stuns development, it is designed to distract and to prevent us from ‘worrying about stuff” and “feeling stuff”:-))) . And of course that procuring loads of money and b*tches by crime or by no effort whatsoever is totally kewl (oh yeah, you done it, hip-hop).
LOL never was any such thing as real Hip Hop – a music industry construction, just like rap and disco – constructed by Jewish guys, basically.
The great thing about this site is it posts satirical observations that in some cases happen to be true. And what’s even greater is, there are many of them. Not the same re-hashed jokes over and over again. Just like this one:
andy on July 16, 2010 at 6:34 am
Do you think there is a sight called stuffblackpeoplelike.com and its all about fried chicken and watermelon and washing it all down with grape soda?
There should be a site called stuffblackpeoplelike. The thing is, it wouldn’t be very long or successful because those jokes have been told for centuries and aren’t really funny. Tell a joke about how a black guy can’t swim and maybe I’ll laugh. Mainly cuz I’m black and it’s true.
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