Whiter Shades of Pale #44: Roller Derby
October 18, 2010 by clander
If you meet a white girl with black hair, tattoos, and a passion for horror films, there is a 100 percent chance that she plays in some sort of Roller Derby league. The sport reached its height of popularity in the seventies, thus all but guaranteeing that white people would eventually resurrect it in a fit of nostalgia and irony. But the sport draws in white people for many other reasons, including funny costumes and the opportunity for women to compete under clever pseudonyms like Arianna Puffington and Sarah Nailin’.
Once a league forms, schedules are made, websites are put up, venues are booked, and tickets are sold. In all, it’s a testament to the incredible work ethic that white people have when it comes to a whimsical activity.
Should you choose to attend an event, you will be shocked at the sheer volume of mustaches and black rock-and-roll T-shirts, and the complete lack of anyone with a full-time job. When the activities start, the women will start skating around in a circle. There are rules and points and strategies, but at most Roller Derby matches the only people who seem to be aware of them are the people playing.
If you know someone who plays on a Roller Derby team, you should treat them like a white person who does improv. Encourage them in their efforts, but make it clear that you will not pay money to watch their hobby.
Whiter Shades of Pale: The Stuff White People Like, Coast to Coast from Seattle’s Sweaters to Maine’s Microbrews, coming 11/23 and now available for pre-order!






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the initial post was pretty correct on the derby. My wife does it and for the most part our friends and family, after several bouts, understand the scoring, but really don’t understand the rules. I think the blogger was spot on when it comes to the whole infrastructure of derby and the amount of costumes and mustaches. There seems to be a lot of focus on the promoting the spectacle and not the sport, which is unfortunate because they work so hard. The one thing the blogger left out is that derby people are almost as defensive of bowlers, curlers and nascar people if you criticize their sport.
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Please do a little more research on the sport of roller derby before attempting to write about it. I suggest you start by reading Roller Derby: The History and All-Girl Revival of the Greatest Sport on Wheels by Catherine Mabe. Your unflattering account roller derby is ignorant, fabricated, and not amusing whatsoever.
Derby attracts both men and woman (there are coed leagues) of all shapes and sizes from all walks of life. They are students, teachers, doctors, lawyers, bartenders, mechanics, sales people, and full time parents. Some derby players are a mural of tattoos and a pin cushion of piercings, others wouldn’t even touch henna. Some shop skaters shop at Hot Topic; some skaters prefer a more demure banana republic look, it depends of individual.
Derby is not a professional sport, so therefore athletes are not paid. The leagues are skater run and self-funded. Each league member is responsible to purchasing their own skates, uniforms, and protective gear. Derby is very expensive hobby; the median cost of QUALITY skates alone is around $400. There are other necessities such as health insurance and league dues. The skater must have a job or some form of income in order to participate.
Derby is not just cute names, sexy outfits, and theatrical flare it’s a physically demanding sports which requires intensive training on and off skates. You must be proficient at gliding, swerving, falling, hitting, stopping, blocking, jumping, surging, and maneuvering with the agility of cat on one foot. Many of the skaters come from a background in other sports, dance, and martial arts. Some have roller skated as kids but, some were taught from scratch prior to grueling tryouts and safety assessments.
Derby can feel like a part time job. The average derby guy or gal can spend near 20 hours per week with their derby-related commitments. Most leagues hold 2 hour practices twice or three times each week all year round. Outside of practices and occasional games, there are fundraisers, community outreach events, recruiting events, league meetings, committee meetings, and conventions which players are required to attend. In conjunction with practices, it’s also highly encouraged that additional skating and training is done on their own in order to stay strong and fit.
Other than dedicated players, knowledgeable officials, and volunteers, there are a great deal of fans and the numbers multiply each time there is a bout. Fans are willing to pay at least $10 for a ticket to witness the action. This is infinitely cheaper than concerts and other sporting events. Tickets sales help cover league expenses such as rental venue where they play/practice. Often some of the proceeds are given to local charities as well.
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