#14 Having Black Friends
January 21, 2008 by clander
From guest contributor Kristen Warner
Since we are on the verge of electing a black president, it seems important to explain why white people want black friends. Every white person wants a black friend like Barack: good-looking, well-spoken, and non-violent. Obviously, whites want black friends so as not to appear racist (see earlier Obama post). However, if we dig deeper what we notice about white people is not if they have black friends but in fact, how many black friends they have. White people like numbers. They like to count things like stars in the sky and the death toll at Mt. Everest and the number of times they’ve seen Tori Amos and/or Phish in concert. Counting the number of black friends is then clearly a divine imperative. The number of black friends white people possess also illustrates their comfort with black culture. Here’s a handy guide to the number system:
1—The white novice. This black friend is the gateway to helping white people understand gang signs and Vietnamese beauty supply stores. This black friend is probably the only black friend for many white people and when they all hang out (because white people hang out) they bring their “mutual” black friend with them.
2—The white black club-goer. Two black friends serve as bodyguards when white people go to black clubs to see how exactly one “pops, drops and locks” it.
3 -4—The white BET-er. See Justin Timberlake/ Robin Thicke/ Jon B for more information. For old school reference, see Michael McDonald.
5 and up—Impossible.
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I guess I need more black friends because I don’t have a clue what “pops, drops and locks” means.
I think it really depends on location how many black friends you have…ALL my brothers friends growing up (and like half of mine) were black, because we lived right outside of D.C.
I gots me to get a Latino friend, like Pedro who comes by the school campus lawn every morning…and Franky who’s dressed like out of a rap video. Is he Mexican? Salvadoran? Puerto Rican? Chicano? or some other Latin(o)? Who knows: I gotta find me a Latina for a hot sexy girlfriend too. LOL, she outta have parents to approve of me as an Anglo. White people claim to be strongly for inter-racial marriage (as of the 1970’s).
Too bad jungle isnt hip like it was in the mid nineties. There needs to be more cultures that are equally welcoming to all races
I was enjoying this page until I got this one. This is ridiculous. I played high school & college football. I”m white & was the minority on my teams. Yet I’m still friends with 90% of my teammates. My children are friends with their children, we celebrate holidays at each other’s homes, we stand up in each other’s weddings…you get the point. I understand this page is supposed to be sarcastic and ironic, but for some reason the idea that no white person could have over 5 black friends and the only white people who could have 4 are people like Justin Timberlake pissed me off.
nice google ad. makes it easier.
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