Stuff White People Like

I think Paris Hilton is so pretty girl beautiful eyes but also so very wild

My name is Thomas Briollet. I must admit I am homosexual. The only woman I fantasize about sexually is my mother. She is so fucking sexy. I dream of bending her over and pounding her pussy in front of our gay French relatives. Then I will come on her face and she will lick it off and say “Oh Thomas,you are just like your father who beat the shit out of you and me and was a pathetic alcoholic, and now you just work for some stupid French wine distribution company because you are too stupid to see beyond cliches about French people!” The best thing the French have is the Eiffel Tower, but it is completely useless, like me Thomas. It is just an ugly heap of metal that serves no purpose. Big deal.

I think the French people are so great, but the French have done fucking nothing for the world. If French is so great, why does the whole world speak English? I hate English speakers, but it was the Americans who saved the French from the Germans during World War 2. I am a typical worthless French guy. I need to wax down my extremely thick eyebrows because they take up half my face. I live in China because I think I can be hedonistic and an international playboy, but only the trash of the world lives in Beijing because it is a shitty communist hole. The Chinese would kill someone to move out of Beijing. I moved here to make money to send to my pathetic French family who can’t find jobs to support themselves, because they live in a ghetto called Reims. I thought in China I would be an important white man, but really the Chinese wish I would leave their country, and stop sleeping with many prostitutes and sluts in their country both Asian and white. Take my laowai trash out, and also my horrible French wine.

I grew up in a housing project because my father was too busy beating me up and drinking because he was an unemployed alcoholic and he never loved me. But I still am playboy like he is. He fucked lots of women and had lots of ugly offspring like me. My father used to beat me up because I deserved it for being a shtihead bastard, and asshole. So I fantasized about fucking my mother like he did. Now I dominate women because I am scared of being controlled and powerless. I like to beat them up and be an S&m Master because I’m scared of being weak and beaten up like when my papa used to hit me. I like only sexy innocent white girls who are models and who are stupid enough to be submissive to me. They make me feel important and strong, but I am boring and an ugly French cliche.

I am secretly gay, but I never told my papa cause he would hit me hard and make my ass bleed. I like partying partying and drinking and dancing because I am so original! I am such a party animal! Too bad I am getting fatter and uglier as I grow older. Too bad I have a small small penis and I will never satisfy a woman; and they are faking their orgasms by going ah ah ah. But many sexy girls make me feel important. I am scared of being alone so I must be surrounded by lots of friends and distractions because in my retard brain I know that my papa hated me and he abandoned me. Sincerely, Thomas Briollet.

The best spot for white people (limited to American kids of hippy-boomer parents) is the cemetery where Jim Morrison of the Doors was buried, his tombstone is graffitied and you find lazy people in tents, drinking, potsmoking or sleeping by it. How gauche of them to act this way in a cemetery known to be burials of other famous Parisians, like Oscar Wilde who’s tombs are often ignored or filled with litter. +

There is a good flea market in Brussels too, albeit much smaller. Brussels is not a hugely common tourist destination the way Paris is, so as a white person I enjoy tormenting my friends who rave about the Paris flea market with the idea that there is another more obscure one that they haven’t been to.