#37 Renovations
January 29, 2008 by clander
All white people are born with a singular mission in life in order to pass from regular whitehood into ultra-whitehood. Much like how Muslims have to visit Mecca, all white people must eventually renovate a house before they can be complete.
Of course, most white people do not reach this goal until they are 35 or older. But the need to do it is as instinctual as walking.
But it is important to note that white people have little or no interest in renovating a suburban home built after 1960 (except in Southern California). All white people dream about buying an older property (”with character”) in a city, and then renovating it so the insides look all modern with a stainless steel fridge.
Though the seed is planted from birth, it really starts to grow when renovations take place in a family home during childhood. They don’t understand why there are so many men with mustaches in their kitchen, but they know that they will be gone in a few weeks leaving behind a nicer kitchen and a happier mommy/daddy/life partner of parent.
Please note that ALL white people went through a renovation when they were kids. This is a good subject to bond over, perhaps a story about how you were embarassed at a sleepover when a friend went to the bathroom and there was a contractor on the toilet. Embellish as necessary.
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…and negroes simply let their dwellings fall down around them.
The ghetto wasn’t always ghetto.
White people lived & worked there. And kept their places up.
Then black people moved in & let the neighborhoods deteriorate.
I’m a white guy stuck with development houses built in
the 1980’s, and they are Sheet Rock Palaces. What I do
is, I paint the wood cabinets around the house in enamel
paint so they look like the rest of the trim in the house
and less like a development house kitchens, laundry rooms and bars. It helps to minimize the stereotype.
I also use curtains and draperies. I also plant lots
of trees and climbing vines and shrubs to obscure the
tacky development house look. It’s better than nothing,
since good architecture is beyond my price range.
I burst out laughing. I remember busting into the bathroom as a kid with a contractor on our toilet…, Is this common?
Therapy complete btw…
Contrary to what you write, not all white kids lived through remodeling hell as children. However, I am now subjecting my children to such a hell. We are “restoring” our 120 year old home not because it’s what white people do, but because people need to preserve these old homes, not tear them down. It should also be pointed out that I am a white graduate student in historic preservation. God, I’m white!
It also works this way… White people compete to gratuitously overpay for “historic” houses with less space and more problems than new ones and then spend years and waste tons of money renovating them to their original vintage…even suffering through drafty rooms and complaining how hard it is to keep up such projects but defending them as labors of love- real “sacrifices” in order to reap the enjoyment of something like an authentic 19th century bathroom sink.. the kind with extreme hot and cold out of different faucets. The same I guess applies to old cars, boats, planes, and everything else.
Also ties into bed and breakfasts and hobbies
Unfortunately we had to renovate (if you want to call it that…more like repair) our kitchen. I wanted to kill myself. I hate strange people in my house.
Have you ever noticed how “worker men” will try to sell you the next project before they’re finished with the first? Well, I think they teach that in “How to be a POS Worker Man by raping middle income people before the first raping is even complete, school.”
You sound like one tragic white person.
Wrong kind of white person.
It’s that inner need to leave the planet a better place then how you came to it, I guess. I would be embarrassed to sell my house in the same condition I bought it (but then again, that’s why it was a bargain!!)
love it! http://www.SHOP-LUSCIOUS.com
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