All white people are born with a singular mission in life in order to pass from regular whitehood into ultra-whitehood. Much like how Muslims have to visit Mecca, all white people must eventually renovate a house before they can be complete.
Of course, most white people do not reach this goal until they are 35 or older. But the need to do it is as instinctual as walking.
But it is important to note that white people have little or no interest in renovating a suburban home built after 1960 (except in Southern California). All white people dream about buying an older property (“with character”) in a city, and then renovating it so the insides look all modern with a stainless steel fridge.
Though the seed is planted from birth, it really starts to grow when renovations take place in a family home during childhood. They don’t understand why there are so many men with mustaches in their kitchen, but they know that they will be gone in a few weeks leaving behind a nicer kitchen and a happier mommy/daddy/life partner of parent.
Please note that ALL white people went through a renovation when they were kids. This is a good subject to bond over, perhaps a story about how you were embarassed at a sleepover when a friend went to the bathroom and there was a contractor on the toilet. Embellish as necessary.
I also suspect there is an unconscious tie-in with recycling. Don’t build a new home when you can buy an old one with architecture that harks back to a time when white culture dominated all others.
I got gypped. We were born into a house that stayed the same size until we all grew up and left. I feel kind of off-white now.
There’s people who tear down the existing house, and build a McMansion, is that like “Aryan House Supremacy”?
(notice the meaningful AH included in description)…
Hey , your blog is fun, but can you start a “things White people hate” blog? or add to this one. That would be even more swell. I might have to twitter you a starbucks coffee or bonus points at B&N (bookstore, in case you don’t know).
stuffblackpeoplelike – eating watermelon! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike – pumping oil! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike – gang warfare! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike – eating beans! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike – shooting heroin! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike – welfare! hahaha!!!
stuffjewishpeoplelike – keeping money! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike – wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike – eating rice! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike – kissing goats! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike – wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike – sniffing glue! hahaha!!!
aren’t i funny and clever!!!
don’t you dare call me a racist!!!
Renovations are only relevant if they are making a white neighborhood, which turned off-white for at least a decade, white again. White people on the fringe are whiter than those who never left.
Right?
Hey, where are #36 and earlier??? I feel like I might be missing some pretty important stuff that white people like.
I’m white and I can’t afford to renovate my house. Cool?
Terrifyingly true. I think I may need to renovate here soon myself!
I am white and have never experienced nor desired renovation.
Sorry. Guess I missed this one.
I suppose rennovations are good. Having car parts and broken lawn mowers on the lawn is not as appealing as a stove or washer that actually gets clothes clean. Kitchens that enable folks to cook homemade meals is a better answer than fast food or 7-11 kitchens.
I never had a renovation as a child.
My parents bought and renovated an old house when I was a rugrat and part of my early language was Dad’s swearing – my brother swears exactly like him still. Old wallpaper, the table saw screaming, dipping my hands in housepaint….
I tripped onto the sharp edge of a varnishing tin and cut open my nose and it had to be stitched up at hospital. This renovation left a scar… and a dozen years later I was a teenager going to a shrink and remembering the surgery because they didn’t like using anesthetics on little kids in 1960. Trauma in white.
My mother, with whom I grew up, has never owned her own home, yet the will to renovate is strong within me and I’m not quite 30 yet. I promise to live the dream where my mother could not.
i am so sick of renting. i wish i had property to renovate.
Does extensive and complicated landscaping count as “renovation?” My dad and all of his buddies are super obsessed with precision mowed lawns. It absolutely must be a perfectly symmetrical plaid. Creepy.
Muslims don’t ‘have’ to visit mecca idiot, white people do!
I totally just finished renovating my kitchen — you have to add that white people love blogging about their renovations . . .
http://renovateretro.blogspot.com
Note the stainless fridge . . .
This is so true. I am 32 and have already renovated two entire homes. I am constantly looking for more property to renovate so that I can do it again. My parents are in the process of removing all the carpets from their bedroom and putting in Bamboo hardwood floors. We are sooooo white
I am embarrassed to say that my 86 year old house is undergoing renovations right now. This morning the contractor told me how much more than the original estimate it was going to cost. That really made me turn pale.
What about those white guys who look for chances to renovate in exchange for a break on rent? Lame.
I am older (47) so I can boast of whiteness some of you younger white people can only dream of.
When I was a child and going through house renovations, my parents installed carpet over the hardwood floors. It was olive green with this kind of sculpted quality to it that, when new was an interesting texture but after being walked on was beaten down into dirty lumps. They put a lovely mustard yellow one in the kitchen (where nouveau white renovators would go ga-ga for the original red and white linoleum underneath). There was purple shag carpet in the bathroom, carpet on the stairs and in the laundry room (it was just a remnant and not the full wall to wall).
But the best reno my parents did was to install a high quality wall of panelling in the living room accented with a fireplace. My father built the fireplace himself out of plastic “stones”. Except when he was gluing them in place, he mistakenly placed two “random” stones side by side, thus ruining the whole effect. Our electric log kept sticking, so instead of the piece of rotating plastic turning continually it would get jammed, do a loud series of clicks, then race into place when it finally freed itself.
I have, like other older white folks, learned from my parents’ renovating errors in judgement and replaced the carpet in my living room with a fine laminate. White people are ALL OVER laminate.
Not only did I live through a renovation as a child, but I now own my childhood home and am re-renovating it! I live in a 93% white suburb, but the house is over sixty years old. I also took a shower in a bathroom with no walls, but no embarrassing walk-ins ensued.
[…] Kelly, comes this hilarious gem of a site. I am particularly fond of #37, #40, #75, and of course […]
And, let’s not forget: IKEA!
um…this renovations thing can simply be put as white people got mo money..haha
DANGER WARNING DANGER WARNING DANGER WARNING
Please do not renovate a house where children are living. Dust, fumes from adhesives, lead paint, asbestos, fiber glass, and many other dangers will seriously degrade your childrens physical and mental health permanently. You might also want to buy a lead testing kit like lead inspector. Make sure your child’s doctor knows what you are doing; So they can tell you you’re nuts and that when your kids are grown up they will hate you for poisoning them.
Elevated lead levels from a home renovation might be called “White person’s retardation”. It is actually fairly common.
This one makes me feel horribly unwhite.
I grew up in apartments and rented townhomes, so I never experienced the white-man’s joy of home rennovations.
I am not even close to buying a home to rennovate, or even not to rennovate, and it doesn’t look like I will ever get there.
I am 35.
I’m so unwhite.
in 1977 when I was six, my radical feminst mom hired a team of lesbian carpenters to tear down a wall in our 1890 farm house .
I got hit on the head with a flying board during the renovation. This experience, and this web site, explains much about me.
I understand my whiteness so much better now.
Thanks!
Oh goodness.
My home restoration project won an award.
my home was never renovated, but my neighbour’s was and i always thought they were better than us.
Building, engineering, creating, restoring, inventing…whitey stop it!
I never went through a renovation when I was a kid. You generalizing swine. It takes money to renovate and most white americans are not rich enough to renovate willy-nilly.
I find it hilarious how so many of my fellow whites also have no sense of humor. Or at least, all the so-called progressives that take offense to these truths.
Oh God, this is so true!
My dad renovated the shit out of our house when I was a kid!
Okay, technically he’s not white but white enough.
Shannon, that your comment cracked me up! Thanks. ^_^
This is only half true. Many White parents bought houses in new subdivisions.
white people struggle to use computers and find the 35 posts prior to this one…… and use net-speak such as “TEH LAMES”, “net-speak”, “haxor”, and “ROFL”
I am English, so for us you have to have a REALLY old house, otherwise it doesn’t count. My house is Tudor, AND Grade II listed (extra points!) AND we are ‘sensitively renovating’ it. Points all round!
Oh man, what a bottomless cup of plagiarized anecdotes for the taking here!
A person wishing to ‘pass’ could dine out on Saffron’s story for a month. At a private club.
And Shannon….that may be the Great American Novel. The first line alone beats “Call me Ishmael”.
My husband was born with a wild hair to renovate everything in sight. My ethos is more ‘any port in a storm’. I believe this fundamental difference has created more disharmony than gambling or adultery could.
This is my favorite ‘thing’ yet.
Gotta confess: restored 4 houses from age 22 to 35. Went through restoration as a kid. It brings up all kinds of white goodness-
1) I was gentrifying.
2) Other whiteys give me serious “street cred”
3) Younger whiteys wonder how they can do it (the area is now successfully gentrified and they can’t afford to live here)
4) The bank would lend me money with only a degree and no credit.
5) Other whiteys think I must have been “psychic, brilliant, intuitive, etc.” even when I plainly tell them that I was lucky and just sold the house to the next whitey who wanted to pay more than I would have dreamed it was worth.
I love this site. Because of the local gentrification there are many honkeys here now that love most of the things listed on the site. I have asked newcomers about these things (other superhonkeys from Portland, LA, Miami, etc), they kinda laughed them off and said, “You’re local, the first Starbucks appeared here two years ago, these things are extremely well developed in the rest of the country.”
Thank you stuffwhitepeoplelike, you have allowed me to research and discover My People so that I will never have to appear naive or base in front of my new white friends!
I do I admit it, I long to renovate. I am unfulfilled when I am not renovating. Since I was little girl I wanted to acquire and old property and remodel it. My family has never stopped remodling our 100 year old house (that was no originally a house when it was built). I have done the work since I could walk. I was in the construction industry for years laying hardwood floor. Now I have bonded with you and all this time I thought it was because I loved creating things with my hands and I loved architecture. Now I find it it’s just cause I’m white. No wonder all the construction guys looked at me funny.
Hahaha……I’m so guilty of this one……my home has been renovated so many times, its ridiculous. I’ve got a subscription to This Old House, for gosh sakes!!!
I just found this site and I am in love! I can’t believe there are other people out there like me. I’m a current renovator in a fringe neighborhood that is making a comeback…mostly due to whities like me buying old houses and putting way more money into them than anyone else who grew up in the neighborhood can afford! Gentrify away! I already have my eye on my neighbors house…he’s old, so chances are pretty good that’ll I’ll get my hands on it soon enough!
So if we move away from the city into suburbia, we are criticized for white flight, and contributing to urban sprawl, etc. But if we stay in an older place and improve it, we are being silly. What exactly can we do to please this blogger? Self improvement and trying new things are clearly taboo among non whites. We should just sit back and let the rappers demonstrate to us what is cool to say and wear. It all has to do with class. Look at the way rappers spend their new found fortunes. Now that’s something to laugh at. Ever watch Cribs? It seems the ultimate aspiration is to have a closet bigger than they mama house to store their collection of Air Jordans.
Too many people have no experienced this. I am so white it kills me…every thing on here is ALL ME!
FUNNY STORY -we were getting our basement finished when I was just starting to get boobs 7th or 8th grade. Anyway, I was minding my own business when a tornado warning sounded and my mom and i were stuck in the basement with weird mustached men…creepy and true and i love who ever is writing this, they/ you are GENIUS…im white i dont know how to spell
that should be a topic too
whites ARENT spellers
guilty as charged. Parents did nothing but buy, fix up and then sell their houses. I have the bug too… but sadly no money. So I freecycle as much as I can and buy the pieces a bit at a time. Takes years to do it, but it means I am not paying 1000s of dollars to do it. I can’t afford that. Not all us white folks are rich you know…
and anyone who doubts the remodelling bug… just watch the DIY and Home networks…. Not a single non-white show on em I swear!
I live in a so not white neighborhood. Nobody here renovates. Costs too much.
lol white people do love to spend money
We finished our slate tile a couple weeks ago. Love it!
This blog is so funny it makes my sides hurt. As a black man who can attest that all of this is true, I enjoy reading your blog and knowing that Whites (especially upper-middle class) whites are doing exactly what you are talking about. Its’ great!
We’ve done two long and painful restorations in a tiny historic port city where evertything is a renovation because there’s no place to build anything. Everyone in the city gets a daily email listing of houses on the market and does drivebys to check the neighborhood. Really old people better make the outside of their house look like a much younger person lives there or realtors attempt to become their pc companions. And it’s time to talk about kitchens, people! We have a kitchen tour every summer. Thousands of people pay $$$ to wait in line to see people’s kitchens (and whatever else they can get a peek at). Looking for cherry cabinets and black granite counters? They are all here. First floors have been eviscerated to accommodate massive Viking stoves, combo microwave/convection ovens built into walls with extra conventional ovens, Sub Zero refrigerators, wine coolers, drawers for dishwashers and extra refrigeration. Mosaic tile “masterpieces” glow in the light of halogen spots. Kitchens deserve their own listing. Mine remains pathetic. It’s too much of a challenge.
See #40, “Irony”, you idiot.
[…] right, the RB family is back at one of our favorite hobbies – home renovation. Wow, we really are white, aren’t […]
[…] #37 Renovations […]
[…] #37 Renovations […]
I pooped my pants
check ur dna – how white r u?
not soo white after all – and hey, let’s do the pyramids – they could use a ren – but hey, whitey ain’t eben figured out how they were built yet – ha ha ha
newjackcity,
I’m Black and I’M doing it. I’m rehab mad and loving it. I love Starbucks and Border Books, live in a still barely gentrified, sleepy neighborhood, but a great many things from the list are regular passions for me, my partner and my friends, Black and White – and East and West Asian, and Spanish (Spain), and…
However I don’t hate my parents, or like not having TV. Not a sushi fan, and who in the hell is David Sedaris?
Stereotypically Whites are the “Mascots” for this List of Stuff, but by all means nothing on it is exclusively theirs.
You can read that White people don’t necessarily embrace the entire list either. And at least one is racist. From the posts he even follows the stereotype demonstrating a low IQ and racism regularly go hand in hand.
Maybe it’s because I’m not a descendant of slaves (just like Barack Obama) and know my lineage back to the 1700s, having an Irish Great-great-grandfather and a Native American Great-grandfather. Maybe not.
I’ve never, ever, EVER felt less privileged than White people and can’t understand the mind that does. I mean, we age better, have sexier physics and don’t need tans. I can walk in a room full of all Whites and not feel the least bit self-conscious. If I’m confronted with racist innuendo I tend not to catch on and never personalize any of it. If I know it’s directed towards me my reaction is pity not anger. “You poor thing,” I think, and move on.
I’m rehabbing a wood framed Chicago workers cottage in a heavily Mexican occupied section of neighborhood that is earmarked for the most ambitious development project in Chicago since the World Columbian Exposition, where world-class developers say it’s going to become the newest Chicago Lakefront destination. The community of mostly single family homes already has a few amenities thankfully off the radar.
In what was once the hood, it is now my urban vacation getaway on a double lot surrounded by 7 foot, solid constructed tongue & groove car siding privacy fencing I built myself, a new two car garage with a party door and lushly landscaped views from every west, south and east facing window.
The house has rare century old Eastern White Oak floors cut from oak savannahs long vanished from the Chicago wilderness. I’ve refinished them throughout and they are beautifully golden! No drywall needed on the main level, the 108 year old plaster walls are in perfect condition and custom painted in a neutral olive-gold that looks pale green and gives off golden highlights in the sun. The house has thick cedar beam construction that’s has cured to stone hardness. No decks for me, the front and back porches are fashioned after the original style-plus!
Tongue and groove and custom railings and private balcony off the new master suite faces the lake with views as far north as Hyde Park. I’ve redone the electrical, put in central air and a tankless water heater.
A finished basement includes pottery shop, exercise and laundry rooms, plus 1/2 bath. The attic is now a master suite (with full bath and WIC, and a 4th bedroom with a sunset balcony over the front porch.
The IKEA kitchen has a breakfast nook and French door entry to the back porch.
My Mexican neighbor directly across the street has totally rehabbed his wood frame three flat and turned it into on huge house with three stories AND a basement on a triple lot he fenced in and landscaped like I did.
The micro climate is such that when it’s 30 degrees out, just for a few hours I can enjoy my morning sunrise coffee on my east facing backporch in 60 degree temps. Simply luxurious as I listen to NPR, before going to my work-from-home gig.
A 2 minute walk from a really nice and clean eat-in Mexican restaurant. A 10 minute walk from the lakefront and shops and steps from bus routes and a double-decker, restroom equipped, quiet and gentile, grade level Metra-Electric Lakefront Line terminating in the heart of the business district with a brand new, block long station.
I’m at ease in this “hood” and escape to my private cottage every time I come home. With lingering gang activity quickly diminishing I’ll certainly not miss the authenticity of that, but there are private owned restaurants galore “uptown” from Americana, Asian to Italian and lots of Mexican. Even Nigerian and Polish. The neighborhood is off the grid from the rest of the city, which I love, and farther east (3000+ E.) than the upscale, monolithic New East Side of greater Loop fame, but there are no high-rises, no towering structures blocking the views of downtown Chicago to the north from the newly planted lakefront park. The area has THE ONLY portion of ORIGINAL beachfront in Cook County, which is also sparsely occupied because most people don‘t know it‘s there. It’s virtually exclusive to the neighborhood and was once a portage for the Pottawatomie that hunted in this region for 1000s of years. The neighborhood retains has an uncanny suburban feel. The best of both worlds…with just a few White neighbors to complete the diversity.
If there’s any gentrification going on here it’s not White people doing it.
[…] is source of much of his blog fun. In particular see Gentrification and Renovation are based on growing up in […]
My experience in whiteness is owning a delapidated home in a neighbourhood that’s so ahead of the game that nobody even knows it’s up-and-coming yet. The other way to say that is that it’s crappy and will probably never be good. Part of that experience is really really wanting to renovate it, but having neither the money, or more importantly, skills to do so. I bought a sledgehammer about six months ago and I’ve used it once. I can see myself madly demolishing a few interior walls in a fit of jealous white rage, then living in and amongst piles of rubble for a couple of years because I hadn’t realized I’m actually incapable of building things.
White people like thinking they know how to build shit.
Jake – it’s okay to be Ecru. I “renovated” a Port-o-John on the side of the San Diego Freeway last month. I couldn’t fit in a stainless steel fridge, but there is some great post-Warhol art now hanging inside.
You must live in a condo – loser.
Voice,
A visit to Mecca during season of Hajj is one of the five pillars of Islam, traveling there is a sacred duty required of all who can afford to go. Mecca, of course, is one of the holiest cities in Islam. Another holy city is Phuket, Thailand, where many able-bodied Muslim men go to drink and carouse with prostitutes. Apparently, Allah doesn’t travel outside the Middle East.
Whitey, that doesn’t matter. Renovation is a biological imperative. Renovation doesn’t necessarily mean tearing down walls and adding yoga studios. It can be as simple as repainting the bedroom.
The mother of all renovations is Habitat for Humanity. If you’re unlucky enough to live in a rental, and you can’t renovate, then you must find an outlet for your urges. HFH allows you to not only renovate, but to check the diversity block (as you put up drywall with persons of color).
Where there’s a will, there’s a way my friend.
Do you live in a castle? I hear everyone lives in one over there.
Here in the colonies, if your house is over 25 years old, it’s an historic landmark (if it hasn’t yet been paved over to make way for a Whole Foods.).
[…] Renovations […]
This is the only post I have read that is 100% true.
You should have “Being Green” on the site as #95 because it’s the new hot thing that white folk talk about… usually at dinner parties… as they’re sipping their pomegranate and acai berry mixed drinks
Just buy some renovation books and there you have it. There are books out there so detailed you can’t go wrong. And remember; it’s hard by the yard, but it’s a cynch by the inch.
Don’t forget Bolthouse Farms Berry Boost, etc.
You’re so gross! Pigs, thats what you are.
you sir are a thick dummy get your head out of your arse and wake up
sorry my comment was meant for the posting before yours.
now i understand why all the americans i have ever met are raving lunatics.
i have dated both white and black american girls and my god they both needed therapy .
and yes i am a white english man.
White People Like Mustaches… I want to see it!
I don’t believe this is a racial issue. I only read this because I found the tag line interesting. Maybe us whitey’s want to renovate homes because we I don’t know..some of us don’t want to destory even more good crop ground and don’t see a reason to throw away things such as a whole neighborhood because it has become some what out dated or run down.
Every race of people seeks out where they are comfortable.
Bunch of racists comments on this site and just because you are black doesn’t make them any less racist!
Addedum:
What is so appalling is that Annette you and your ilk want to use race as a justification for your own basis and personal failures. Grow up. Not everyone who doesn’t like you or doesn’t want to be around you is a racist. Maybe you just aren’t pleasant!
Have you ever thought that maybe White people want to save beautiful pieces craftsmanship instead of destorying it?Ever you been in an arts and craftsman bungelow? Or a beautiful Victoria that would come to life with tender care?
I can name numerous neighborhoods in my home town that were once wonderful places to live and raise families for people of any color. And now I wouldn’t walk thru them without an assult weapon due to the drugs, gangs and general violence. If I said that statement and then followed it up with this, “This all used to be white but are now black look at what happens when black people move in”you would scream “Racist”. I can point neighborhoods too where it was a battle ground and then the Hispanics won (over the blacks) and now it’s a becoming a place to be again. Not because of race it’s because of people wanting to take responsiblity and take care of want they and not using their race as an excuse for all their shortcomings.
Just one more comment, ever driven thru the projects in any major city?? I have. Those don’t start out that way, but they always end like Wayne Minor in KC.
http://www.pitch.com/2005-09-15/news/nowhere-to-hide/
Does the kind of Stuff White People Like include things like
Truth, Equality, and Justice?
http://www.survival-international.org
You’ve asked this silly question before. If there’s payback involved (ie: tax refund, picture in newspaper or magazine, bragging rights at dinner parties) then, yes white people like truth, equality and justice (or if it’s us in need of these things). Otherwise, there just words, or a movie title. Sad but true.
If a white person is having renovations done, they will most likely complain about them. “Oh my God, what a nightmare it is living with renovations!” they will say. “The house is totally turned upside down, and now we have to squeeze into three bathrooms instead of four.” Some white people will move out of their houses (to hotels or rentals) while the renovations are taking place. They, too, will complain: “Our stuff is all over the place — we’re living like gypsies! We can’t wait to be back in our house.” Nod sympathetically, and tell them that you don’t know how they do it.
This is the greatest web site of all time. My only criticism of this post is that you forgot to mention the ultra-white (such as myself), who are determined to do everything themselves and rarely ever have someone else enter their house to do the renovating for them.
The best way to get in good with the ultra-white renovator is to exclaim, “Wow, this must have cost a fortune, who did the work for you?” At which point the ultra-white have the self-satisfaction of saying, “Actually, I did it myself, so I saved a ton of money on labor.”
[…] 16. Every time I go home, my parents’ house has a new floor/missing wall/deck/room addition/baseme… […]
[…] it if you are super sensitive.) The two posts that seem to pertain to me most at this moment are #37 Renovations and #90 Dinner Parties. I really do dream about restoring an old home to its former glory, and I am […]
“White” people don’t have lawns anymore – they waste too much water (a valuable resource that should be conserved)! Whites would rather have plants that don’t need much watering, and/or a vegetable garden for the cultivation of totally organic greens and herbs. The exception to this rule would be to have some form of “native” grasses from whatever region that one is living in – these should NEVER be mowed or cut, but left to grow in naturally in cute but unruly tufts.
renovationvoyeur(dot)com
Revel in the whiteness!
Niiiice!
Wow Jeannine,
Haven’t you ever heard of irony?? God, you must be such a drag to hang out with.
Choosing curtain rods may seem like a small matter what, but can actually make or break the look of your bathroom. Bathroom decoration is equally as important as decorating your living room, kitchen or any other room in your house, for that matter. Many bathrooms are smaller than other rooms so you want to create a feeling of wider space, and choosing the best suitable bathroom vanity with the right shower curtain rods is essential.
Wanna know what’s REALLY racist?! Your idiotic assumption that Annette is black. This site is written by a white person. To poke fun at white people. Maybe Annette is yet another white person doing the same. Maybe she’s a white person who really thinks what she wrote. Either way, you just exposed yourself, Jeannine (that’s another of those names that could be a white woman or a black woman born in the 50s, like Annette).
God, some people….
Not only did my family renovate when I was little, but the nice mustashed construction workers built me a kool aid stand (easily the nicest one on my block).
Yep. White.
Bravo! (using foreign phrases, friggin’ white).
No.
HILARIOUS!
God…I’m so white.
white people hate blacks you know a white man raped my aunt. And you know what else they won’t help out in global warning. Come on people WE HATE WHITES!!!!!!!!!!
WE HATE WHITES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO
love it! http://www.SHOP-LUSCIOUS.com
It’s that inner need to leave the planet a better place then how you came to it, I guess. I would be embarrassed to sell my house in the same condition I bought it (but then again, that’s why it was a bargain!!)
Unfortunately we had to renovate (if you want to call it that…more like repair) our kitchen. I wanted to kill myself. I hate strange people in my house.
Have you ever noticed how “worker men” will try to sell you the next project before they’re finished with the first? Well, I think they teach that in “How to be a POS Worker Man by raping middle income people before the first raping is even complete, school.”
It also works this way… White people compete to gratuitously overpay for “historic” houses with less space and more problems than new ones and then spend years and waste tons of money renovating them to their original vintage…even suffering through drafty rooms and complaining how hard it is to keep up such projects but defending them as labors of love- real “sacrifices” in order to reap the enjoyment of something like an authentic 19th century bathroom sink.. the kind with extreme hot and cold out of different faucets. The same I guess applies to old cars, boats, planes, and everything else.
Also ties into bed and breakfasts and hobbies
You sound like one tragic white person.
Wrong kind of white person.
I’m very sorry to hear that your aunt was raped, but it is an over generaliseation to then make the assumption that all whites are rapists or that you should hate whites.
Their are many white people who don’t hate black people, and agian it is an extrmely racist generalisation to asume as such.
Finally, many white people are trying to help solve climate change, either at a personal or politcal level.
Fuck yeah WHITE PEOPLE SUCK!!!!!
I burst out laughing. I remember busting into the bathroom as a kid with a contractor on our toilet…, Is this common?
Therapy complete btw…
Contrary to what you write, not all white kids lived through remodeling hell as children. However, I am now subjecting my children to such a hell. We are “restoring” our 120 year old home not because it’s what white people do, but because people need to preserve these old homes, not tear them down. It should also be pointed out that I am a white graduate student in historic preservation. God, I’m white!
I’m a white guy stuck with development houses built in
the 1980’s, and they are Sheet Rock Palaces. What I do
is, I paint the wood cabinets around the house in enamel
paint so they look like the rest of the trim in the house
and less like a development house kitchens, laundry rooms and bars. It helps to minimize the stereotype.
I also use curtains and draperies. I also plant lots
of trees and climbing vines and shrubs to obscure the
tacky development house look. It’s better than nothing,
since good architecture is beyond my price range.
…and negroes simply let their dwellings fall down around them.
The ghetto wasn’t always ghetto.
White people lived & worked there. And kept their places up.
Then black people moved in & let the neighborhoods deteriorate.
Excellent point all those poor black people that were basically forced to move in the ghetto because they had little to no money really are stupid and lazy for not paying some over priced crooked contractor to do some heavy renovation in their 2 bedroom apartments. If only there were more people like you around. The world just isn’t hate filled enough anymore.
[…] auf der Seite Der Makler aufmerksam geworden. Andreas Noreikat bezieht sich dort auf den Artikel https://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/01/29/37-renovations/, in dem es darum geht, dass der Weiße aus gewissen Gründen dazu neigt, sich seinen […]
This is the cause why it’s “Real Estate” and not “Wish Estate”… 😉
I agree with you – they live like animals. They would rather have nice vehicles with big wheels.
you must be black
you must be a dumb negro
Well, I’m black and that is far from the truth. I have lived in the suburbs my whole life and couldn’t make it in the ghetto for an hour. My parent used to flip house years ago and the house I live in isn’t falling apart.
You’re right, all white people live in up kept houses and work hard all the time-please. It goes the same for any race and I see plenty trashy white neighborhoods.
Whether this person is or isn’t doesn’t matter. I don’t stereotype all whites as the same so you shouldn’t with blacks.
Shhhh! You can say that black people are responsible for their own problems. That would be racist!
Do you know how many thug negros rape white woman? A hell of a lot more than the number of white men raping black women, that is for sure.
Very good post! thanks for that..
Took me a while before I finally found a good place where I can sell my house.
retard. they are converging on neighborhoods that used to be nice all over america as we speak. why do you think there are suburbs? because you fucks spread like the plague, destroying everything in your path. you push, we puysh further. just trying to keep our kids away from the crack that your kids are selling.
You are whiter than white, my lady
Because they’re trying to make a living. If you don’t want to buy the next project, a simple “No thanks” will suffice. Grow a pair of balls!
There should really be a way to report abusive and off-topic comments.
Some of these comments are really unnecessary.
Nolo contrendre.
Just paid to have a bathroom put in my basement.
Slate floor and a soaking tub. ‘Cuz whitey needs his bath!
Don’t forget granite countertops to go with your stainless appliances, ‘cuz HGTV says so!
My Asian wife (see #11) loves home renovation way more than me, that’s for sure! Her biggest fault is that she constantly watches HGTV. However, we generally don’t use that many contractors – we do most of the work ourselves. Actually, I work too slow for my wife’s taste, so I just do the demo (the only part I like) and the occasional heavy lifting or some little thing she hasn’t figured out how to do yet, while she revs up the power tools, rewires the kitchen, etc.
[…] the shops, further from school. I don’t really know why we made the move (although I suspect this has something to do with it*) but I think that properties were probably more expensive on the […]
This sould be changed from rennovations to just “HGTV”.
Eat shit.
Renovation = necessary for gentrification, which – some DIY = stupidly expensive.
Dude, please learn how to spell.
– generalization
– again
– extremely
– generalization (again)
– assume
Also, saying, “…that you should hate whites” is not an over generalization or an assumption. That would be classified as an opinion.
Renovation to a Redneck:
When Bobby Genes Daughter gets knocked up by your son.. and hastily Shot Gun Wedding off by the Carwright boys to the local church… paid in beer of course… Its time to expand the trailer.. best way is to move Bobby Genes Deer season Travel trailer up to your double wide and line up the doors so they are pretty level… next use some ply wood and Nails and PRESTO! You added an extra room and bathroom for under 100 bucks. May need to buy some extra plumbing to run the toilet to the septic.
Renovations just means the familys gettin bigger!
Good one. A subset of this is the white person DIY’er. Every white person fancies themselves as Bob Villa or Martha Stewert. There’s nothing these folks like better than getting up early on Saturday, donning a denim shirt, and heading over to Home Depot to start work on switching out a light or plumbing fixture, tile grouting, or other small home improvement project.
Now don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with DIY. That’s what Dad and Grandpa used to do – he didn’t call the plumber – he fixed the sink. The problem with these people is they’re utterly clueless as to what they’re doing – and think they’re experts because they spent 10 minutes watching a “How To” on it on HGTV.
Once these clowns get into the project, they realize how over their heads they are – and the project ends up taking the entire weekend – or several. And they still do everything wrong. I bought a house from a pari of these dimwits – and you can always tell the stuff that they paid a contractor to do – which was done correctly – and the stuff Bob Villa or Martha Stewart did – which is goatf##ked. Like the dishwasher they tried to hardwire, but shorted out after we bought the house, and thankfully didn’t burn the house down.
My son has a friend and his dad actually goes around dressed like a building contractor. One day he comes up to pick up his son, and he’s decked out in the tan work boots, carhart jacket (of course all of it in immaculate condition) – the whole deal – like he’s wearing some kind of frigging costume. Thinks he’s a real hardass – but in reality, he’s a lawyer who does family law in practice with his wife. Wussy poseur.
One exception, at least among the younger members of the white race (which I am a part of): White people cower in fear of automobiles. On my campus of 300 people, I have never seen anyone so much as check their oil or tire pressure (at least until Obama told them to).
I never went threw a renovation when i was a child
She does the wiring etc? That’s a good woman! I’d love to meet someone like that.
Regarding gardening/landscaping…. what I’ve noticed around these parts (BC’s Lower Mainland) is that it’s rather interesting observing the landscaping habits of various ethno/socio-economic backgrounds. It seems that if one owns a house with a yard:
most European immigrants (all regions) from lower middle to upper middle income will have some kind of a vegetable and flower garden, sometimes really impressive ones with fruit trees and grape vines (for the Wine!),
many older lower to middle income Chinese (primarily from HK/Guangdong province) (and Japanese too) will have turned almost their entire yard into thriving vegetable gardens even with limited yard space,
South Asians (mostly Punjabi/Pakistani) have no gardens at all. They will tear down the small house on the lot and build an enormous replacement where several generations will live. All remaining yard will be paved over for parking their BMW’s and Benzes,
Ordinary middle income white folks (blue/white collar) may have some kind of flower and or vegetable garden some more extensive than others,
White skid renters will have renovated to inside of the house extensively as grow ops and have an utterly filthy and untidy yard with piles of shit everywhere perhaps even a rusty limo with a tarp over it up on blocks,
As above for natives but the squalor is magnified tenfold but grow ops are extremely rare,
Most upper income folks (of all backgrounds) pay people to do their landscaping with some beautiful gardens being the result on their much bigger lots,
Wealthy Chinese (PRC) immigrants will have a spectacular McMansion with nice gardens and all of it designed to maximise good feng shui vibes, but they don’t do their own gardening either,
hippies and earth muffins will be renting a house owned by a South or East Asian and may have really nice rustic gardens but sill sadly never make enough money to buy their own house and will be abruptly evicted out of the hovel when the owner wants to subdivide the land or build a McMansion.
Observations collected from living in this place for several decades.
you’re the wrong sort of white person.
*through
I live in the Northern Viginia area and there are a lot of older homes. The trend to renovate older homes is an ongoing one. I find that the older construction is many times better than newer homes.
This is just way too hilarious – “regular whitehood to ultra-whitehood” how do you guys come up with such stuff? Awesome!
You are the wrong kind of white person to know.
Eh close, but no cigar on this one…
http://www.beabetterproducer.com
I WANT A MILLION DOLLARS!!! Can one million RICH WHITE PEOPLE send me one dollar apiece, puh-lease????
I don’t want money from any Asians, or Blacks or Hispanics. You guys NEED your money. I only want one dollar apiece from RICH WHITE PEOPLE who seem to WASTE their money on renovating their homes.
Waste it on me instead. Thanks so much! (First person who comments “You ARE a waste.” is a rotten egg. You thought it. I know you did. Stop lying. See? I knew it.)
http://thepighasacurlytail.wordpress.com/million-dollar-fund/
I prefer, “advanced whitetry”
yep, I live in Southern Virginia, and were currently renovatiing a house from the 1800’s.
This blog is mostly about liberal suburban white people though.
I’m only half-white, so I renovated a house at age 26, but it was built in 1962.
Ha. This is funny. I don’t ever intend to do any renovation but then again I’m only 21 and not looking at getting a house in the near future. Then again my dad spent the first 13 years of my life (16 years total) remodeling our house pretty much single-handedly (he hired contractors to put shingles on the roof after he finished completely rebuilding our top floor and occasionally had friends over to help) so I pretty much win either way. 😉
Beautiful! No other words describe the perfection of that phrase.
“But it is important to note that white people have little or no interest in renovating a suburban home built after 1960 (except in Southern California). ”
LoL, depends on what part of Sou. Cal., white people like the ones within 5 miles from the ocean and save enough for a condo 5 miles from the L.A. city hall. Most suburban homes get sold off to non-whites, in belief the minorities will take used homes, used cars and used towns. +
White people missed the era when real estate companies drew lines known as “redlining” to keep the blacks south of Pico or Adams, east of Crenshaw or La cienaga, north of Rosecrans or Artesia and east of Alameda or Atlantic. The formation of the black heart of L.A. since 1960 followed by Hispanic immigration into the same areas later in the ’90s. I believe white people are saving them for future use and the “back to the city” trend cancelled out the “darkening” and “Hispanization” of L.A. talk for over half a century. +
They really want to move in your side of Virginia, how about checking out the more rural (and cheaper) Western side and the southeast corner known as Hampton Roads? That was so 1970’s and “sunbelt” is out, who wants to drive a hour to DC when in NoVa it can be less than 10 minutes? +
The home buyer should think about “Location, location, location!” but most of us can’t, and we buy what we can afford and hoped our home values increase to be sold in a higher price than when it was purchased. Real estate in America is a nightmare in the last few years, overpricing and speculation destroyed the housing market. +
Black people are being spotted in Utah, Idaho and Montana, the kind of states where white people are 90% of the population and Californians like former LAPD detective Mark Fuhrman moved to those states to get away from…you know…them people taken over L.A. or any major city in the USA (said in a sarcastic satirical style). +
My parents bought a 1961 home in 1978 in a suburban part of Indio Cal., the homes were originally build for retirees or light industry workers in an economy not so much based on urban diversifyed employment. I recall only 10-20% of my neighbors if I recall aren’t white (i.e. black, Mexican, Asian or Arab, all descendants of farm workers in an earlier time). My parents never felt threatened by people moving in who are ethnically different, perhaps it’s from maternal grandpa being a Cherokee Indian from Oklahoma and me having a French father can be an “ethnic” I admit to, taught me a lesson on how people can get along. Sadly, whenever a black family moves in, the prevalent attitude is a sign the area “is goin’ down hill, or there goes the neighborhood”. +
To continue (but won’t be long), in the late 1980s and early 1990s, the perception of any stereotypically “ghetto” black or “cholo” Mexican/Latino family moving in my parents’ area, more and more older white reisdents just move out and to become 20 to 50% to 95% minority in 20 years (by year 2000 or 2008) is like a serious case of “white flight” been experienced across Sou. Cal. in high levels, and obviously the whole nation. +
ooooh, let me use my trustfunder money and blow it on some stainless shit steel refrig and some rip offio tiles, ooooh, oooh, more money dady/mommy
Check our site out, all of the games are awesome!!!
Your website sucks! I tried checking it out and got a VIRUS on my computer!
LOL I saw this site on http://www.DanielDickey.com and I must admit it’s just as funny!!
LOL, shut the fuck up, you don’t know what the hell your talking about. Just like me!!!!
I am White and I’m an employee of the We Do – Redo remodeling Inc. (I’m the secretary).
as for the renovating I went through, it started in my early teens. I also have all these little sketches of my “dream home”. However, I’m not into the “modern” look described in the post, I’m into Steampunk.
older homes that Whites enjoy remodeling are better built than the post 1960’s “lego” houses (as I call them) and they are better all around. my grandmother lives in a house built in the year 1919, and my dad helped her remodel the hallway recently, and the back bathroom a few years ago; it looks better every day! Grandma is an artist.
Jeannine,
This sight is a spoof. As a white guy, I find it hilarious. BTW, I just renovated my 1920’s home but only after an 88,000 lb tree took it out and almost killed me in my sleep.
Jeff in Memphis
All white people engage in another ritual, this one quite early on in life: learning to write, speak, and punctuate the English language correctly. I hope your English instructors (for the love of God, I hope you are just recently learning the language) are trying to impart this to you.
Who are you talking to? The poster’s english is fine. Chill, please.
what if every bit of the renovation was done by you and your dad including the plumbing and electricity? is it still normal white people or does it fall on crazy immigrant white people.
Dude, you’re really boring. Fucking eh!
White people LOVE correcting people, scathing sarcasm, and flaunting their intelligence. Perhaps someone will add these to the overall list.
A true standard in comedy blogging.
Another great site is http://www.SomethingYouShouldRead.com
ahhh, come on with the 14/88 shit. booooo.
Asshole.
A true standard in comedy blogging.
Another good one is ShutTheFuckUpBeanBecauseNoOneLikesYourSite.com
renovating it so the insides look all modern with a stainless steel fridge
not just a stainless steel fridge, it’s a “gigantic” stainless steel fridge”
Crazy immigrant white people. Which I fall into. My husband and I do all of our remolding ourselves. I do all the construction. He does all the electrical and plumbing. Also to note. My parents never remolded. But I was 18 by the time they were 40, so maybe their time will still come.
Things Republicans Hate: No. 29 Archaeology
http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/?p=274
huh
if you like this blog, check out http://justsomepetpeeves.wordpress.com!!
I guess I’m a crazy immigrant white person then, because I’ve helped my dad renovate our house… we do it ourselves. But my great-grandfathers were all born here.
LOL I saw this blog on http://www.DanielDickey.com (The MTV VJ) and must admit, it’s super funny as well.
OMG this site’s so funny! Even I didn’t realise where this need came from. Now I know it’s because I’m white.
I’m dreaming of buying a house to install a HUGE new kitchen. The kitchen will be full of ethnic food from around the world to entertain myself in front of my friends, pretending it’s for their benefit:
“oh you don’t have Chinese rice vinegar? You really should if you make Asian food you know, it’s really different from Italian balsalmic vinegar, or god forbid regular vinegar. But make sure it’s Chinese rice vinegar, because the Japanese rice vinegar is totally different”.
I love how so many white commentators on this site get so offended. They’re so anal they’d fit perfectly as either ultra-right Tea Party supporters or ultra-left politically-correct Democrats.
Keep up the good work (in case you haven’t had one on cooking ethnic food, make one!)
White people, well all people, also enjoy http://www.NakedHipster.com. Mainly because the girls are hot and don’t have clothes on. Usually those two things go well together. You know, the hotness and the nakedness.
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This is SO true. My dad has been renovating the back poach for like, 10 years.
White people love adding on poaches too.
My fiance and I are in the process of buying a crumbling Victorian mansion-turned-flophouse downtown so that we can restore it to its original glory.
Also, we might turn it into a seasonal “urban bed & breakfast” because it’s fucking huge and has like nine bedrooms with attached bathrooms…is that a whole new level of Whiteness?
Yes. Yes it is.
[…] #37 Renovations « Stuff White People LikeJan 29, 2008 … Much like how Muslims have to visit Mecca, all white people must eventually renovate a house before they can be complete. Of course, most … […]
This site describes white people so well! I’ve always wanted to see something like this. I can tick off at least 80% of these items. Awesome.
White people know how to mess up a house too sine they all think they were born with good taste and a natural understanding of architecture and design. They (meaning the wife or female of the couple) often refer to “our style” is “chic country” or “funky urban” or “eclectic modern” or the worst just plain old “fun”. My white friends love telling horror stories about having one less bathroom during the 3 month reno and how they thought spending a week in the Bahamas was what the whole family deserved due to the stress of the renovation.
Im white. I can relate to every post. Well put. I am renovating a bluestone villa 4 kms from a city centre. Then I’m planning a trip to vietnam. hahaha.
I hate this blog……….. people probably think it’s cool….. but insert any other ethnicity in the title and people would be up in arms. Since when is buying a home or making improvements (hoping the money is there, God willing) a ” white” thing? I keeping trying to find some little thing to laugh at, and just can’t find it………..
I do some changes of old houses to new at reasonable prices
Men with mustaches! LOL
Reblogged this on Three Deer Homestead and commented:
I’ll say no more…..
I just can’t believe that what I have read above is actually coming from humans mouths. 90 percent is pure hate and the rest is just a definition of your soul. I know you all probably go to church on Sunday, but I recommend you start skipping this waste of time. Burn a cross or some other activity that is closer to your heart. You have no respect nor love for others and never will. This reply goes out to the whole board and will hopefully touch your hearts as deeply as a 30-06. If you have such deep hatred of people, why not face them off? If you are so superior, you will thin the herd. If not, those who do not hate, like you, will thin your side. Maybe this could work or maybe not. Pissing hatred out of your so called mouth will certainly never accomplish anything but redirecting your urine stream, assuming yours still works. Have a nice day….MF.
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