A lot of cultures love dogs – be it for entertainment, labor, or other. But white people love dogs on an entirely different level.
It should be understood that in white culture, dogs are considered training for having children. That is to say that any white couple must get a dog before they have kids. This will prepare them for responsibility by having another creature to feed, supervise it’s bathroom activities, and to love. Because of this, white people generally assume that their dog is their favorite child unless otherwise stated.
When actual children are born, the dog is not displaced but rather remains as the most important member of the household. This is because of the fact that white children will eventually hate their parents, but dogs will love anyone who feeds them.
White people generally believe that dogs have human emotions and that they are capable of loving certain TV shows, films, and music. “Buster just loves watching Six Feet Under!” Even though most dogs would enjoy watching Hitler if he were getting attention every time it came on the TV.
They also believe that their dogs share similar tastes in food – “Little Ben Kweller likes the Organic food the best.” Forgetting the fact that dogs enjoy eating their own feces, and pretty much anything that falls onto the floor.
When searching for homes, many white people will require large yards so that their “dog can run around.” If you work in real estate, this can be exploited for large markups when selling to white people.
It is also a proven fact, that dogs are often used by white people to attract members of the opposite sex. Bringing a puppy or dog to a local dog park, will encourage interaction and conversation. Even more so than a Mac Laptop.
If white people are ever talking about their dogs, it is essential that you reassure them that their dogs are absolutely special and unique. That they are being properly cared for, and that treating like children is the only way to care for a pet. Under no circumstance EVER should you say anything that is derogatory towards dogs, critical of spoiling dogs, or that they are not full members of society who deserve the same rights as humans. Doing any of these three things will completely destroy all relationships you might have had with a white person.
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3 dogs 2 whippets & 1 mini dachshund , only we got the dogs when the kids left school, so we are in training to be grand-parents, plus one of the Whippets loves to watch the Greyhound Racing on the TV.
Uuummmmm…..I have a Puggle. He has a leather jacket with a skull on it. He’s a fuckin bad-ass. He likes to roll with me in my Subaru (ULTRA white mobile) when my and my family (I have 2 children too. I dress them in clothes too) when we make our weekend trek to the local Farmers Market. I also have 2 outside cats. I got them ALL (yes, even the puggle) from a local no-kill shelter (no-kills are also verrrrrry big with whiteys). God, I’m sooooo white I’m gonna listen to some indie music on my iPod and throw a hot latte in my lap to punish myself. Eh, who am I kidding, I’ll just take another Xanax. White people love their Xanax
almost as much as they love their dogs and their gifted children……
America is anti-poor, what appears to be institutionalized racism tends to be largely unintentional; furthermore, as you can properly use words such as “heterogeneous”, you seem to have done just fine. The vast majority of white people are also forced to rely on the public school system. I am white and I have dyslexia and ADHD, my school systems special education system was woefully inadequate. I also have a mother that had to raise me on her own working at times three jobs due to my deadbeat dad. My school system and everyone else involved (except my family) thought lowly of me due to my learning disabilities. I persevered however and worked my ass of to prove everyone wrong. There is no hand that cannot be turned onto a winning one with perseverance, claiming otherwise or blaming others for an unfair start is defeatist and lazy.
Ben goin
[...] about their dogs than they did for African American people, and Vick in particular. (Thanks to Stuff White People Like for clarifying that white people really do love their [...]
The “Entertainment” link was terrible and hilarious XD
Hey- I found the dog article- thanks a lot, not your best work (the dog article really belongs on stuffblackpeopledontlike.com) but still good.
I can’t deny that this post 100% describes my relationship with my dog. Cheers.
Don’t get Ben goin’ on cats, it gets pretty weird. Sexually weird.
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